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whydidUlie

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boyfriend HIV positive Posted: 02-03-08 12:02pm


Last night I found out that my boyfriend was hiv+. He has known for almost two months. I also found out that he has been having anal intercourse with men. He did not tell me about any of this, but I found out because he left his email up on my computer. All of a sudden I saw replies he has been receiving from gay men on craigslist. Of course at that point, I delved further into his emails. I found out that not only is he hiv+, but is also bisexual and has had male-on-male sexual relations since we have been together. We have had unprotected vaginal intercourse. I also found out that he has been using crack cocaine. I do not know if he shoots up. I couldn't see any track marks on his arms. I am so scared and will be getting an hiv test as soon a the health department opens tomorrow morning. He denied all of this right up until the second I showed him hard proof (copies of his found emails that I forwarded to my own email address). His only reply was "You found me out". We had unprotected vaginal intercourse one time before he found out he was hiv+. He said at that point, he figured I had it too! We have since had unprotected vaginal intercourse about 20-25 times since he found out he was hiv+. As I said earlier, I just found out last night! I'm a hot mess right about now. If anyone has any information on what they believe my % is of being hiv+, please enlighten me. Either way, I will be getting tested in the morning. I'll probably be insane, crazy by the time it rolls around. Also, how long can I expect to get test results back? I don't know how I will stop myself from going out of my mind before the results come in! As of last night, we are no longer together. The other problem I have is this: He has also been signing up for mad, crazy dating web sites, seeking women and men. Apparently he has had sexual encounters with a few of them. How and who do I notify that he is still out there putting others at risk by having sex with them and not telling them of his + status? This is making me sick to my stomach as I write this. I would never wish this on another person and I would like to prevent others whom he may be sleeping with from contracting this disease. I believe this is a felony in Missouri where we reside to non-disclose this information if you are having sexual relations with someone. At this point, he is knowingly and willfully infecting everyone he sleeps with. As soon as my test results are in, I'm following up with the police department. My sis-in-law has already been in contact with them for me, as I was too distraught to do anything but cry. Any words of advice to get through this frightening time? I will come back and post my test results when I get them back. It may be a few days if I find out I'm hiv+ because I will more than likely be in the middle of a nervous breakdown. Thank you in advance to any and all replies. ~~Scared in misery~~

PRIVATE88

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Posted: 02-04-08 11:14am


There is probably nothing that i can tell you that will comfort you right now...i to am going through the same situation.....but i dont know if getting a test right now will result in accurate reading for me, as it only happened 3 months ago,....i to am going off of my head. I will stay around to offer any help i can if you like, i dont know much but i can be somone to talk to if you like.....because i know what its like not having ANYBODY to talk to....I tried talking to my brother about it, but all he said was "NAH YOU DONT HAVE THAT" which is not helpful right now.

whydidUlie

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Posted: 02-05-08 14:03pm


I feel your pain private88. It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. I'm still numb and in disbelief at this point. I went yesterday to get tested and won't know my results until Feb 19. I may be in a mental ward by the time 2 weeks roll around. I'll post my results, good or bad, when I get them back. The waiting game is almost as bad as knowing I might be infected with hiv. Good luck to you in your situation. My family and friends have been outstanding in their support for me during my time of need. I didn't know if they would be and was afraid to tell them. I have to say, all the bad things I thought that they would say, never came to pass. Thank god! I don't think I could have dealt with those closest to me not being supportive of me. I already filed charges against the SOB who did this to me. Either way, it's a felony in my state regardless of if I ultimately end up being hiv+ in the end. He's going to reap what he sows. I check this board frequently since recently finding it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here and scared like you. Good luck to you in your time of despair. I believe we need all the luck we can possibly take at this point. ~~starting to feel the rage very strongly~~

PRIVATE88

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Posted: 02-05-08 14:30pm


Listen i hope, and ill pray that the results are negative for for you..... Thats like myself, im VERY fearful......the one who has made me beleive that i have it is in and out of the hospital, even today she was at the doctors.....WHICH IS NOT GOOD ON MY NERVES. Im wondering, how long if you never EVER took treatment could you expect to live? before HIV turns into AIDS? and they were not homosexual. My mom knows 2 men personally that have died from aids, and beleive me we live in a small town.....less then 2000. IM VERY FEARFUL.....I but my fear turns to RAGE......which i cannot easily control, and im REALLY hoping that i can have ONE MORE CHANCE......i realise i was sinning and into alot of bad for awhile,.....i just want ANOTHER CHANCE. Im hear for you, thanks for responding.

Muthoni

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Whatever is is. Posted: 02-05-08 19:53pm


I sympathize with your situation and as a person living with AIDS for more than 15 years, believe me it depends on how you think. If you just contracted the virus, you have about 7-10 years of good health. You keep going to school and work and all those other fun stuff. There will be no need to keep worrying. You will go crazy if you keep worrying. You might need medication right away or you may not require treatment until later. Please take heart. It might seem like the end of the world but it is not. Other than mental torture, you will not see any other strange symptoms. So it is all in the mind. When I was told I had AIDS which is the last stage of the illness, there was no medication for me in Kenya. 3 years I lived there without medication and in those three years I worked in a medical school. I educated myself about the illness and got myself a scholarship to come to an AIDS conference in Canada in 1996. It was an AIDS conference. With my AIDS, I stayed another five years without medication. I was sick as a dog but I had no idea. In 1998, I started medication. If I had known how sick I was, I could have died. It is all in the mind. In 10 years of treatment, I am now undectable as far as the virus is concerned. I thank the Universe. All the best - mwa.

Galaxy

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Posted: 02-05-08 20:07pm


I am horrified by your experience, whydidUlie, and like every other person who has read your post - and PRIVATE88's - I will hope for a good outcome for you. As they probably told you at the clinic, the likelihood of being + is by no means certain. I hope they lock up your ex for a very long time and I am glad you came across those emails! Now, make sure you keep the hard copies in a very safe place! Good luck.

whydidUlie

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Posted: 02-05-08 23:30pm


Thank you everyone for the kind words. I really do appreciate them. I'm still so numb, shock and in disbelief about this whole situation. My rage is at an all time high as I type this. I just want to slowly torture him and stick razor blades in his eyeballs! And may other things that are too sadistic to put into words! I have two little boys whom are 7 and 11. I'm their only living parent as their father passed away from liver disease 2 1/2 years ago. I HAVE to be there for my kids. That SOB knew this too! It enrages me that he could do this to me and my boys. At this point, he had better hope they put him in prison because my friends and family want a piece of him like there's no tomorrow. PRIVATE88: I'm going to PM you me email addy if you want to talk. I feel you about the whole rage issue. My blood is boiling and it had better not be replicating. I'm praying for that ONE CHANCE that I will not be positive (and that you won't be positive either . I have no idea what would happen if you didn't take meds ever or what your estimated time to live would be. My nerves are completely shot at the moment. Muthoni: It's good to hear that you are dealing well with being hiv+. You must have someone watching over you to not be on meds that long and doing as good as you are. Thank you for sharing your experience. It gives me hope that even if I am hiv+, that I can have a decent life, at least for awhile. Shonster: Horrified is an understatement at this point. I couldn't actually believe someone would do this to another human being. When the SOB finally admitted the truth to me, he was just so expressionless, almost sociopathic in nature. I hope they lock him up and throw away the key for the rest of his natural-born life. He makes me ill just thinking about what his intentions were for me. He said that he knew that I would be getting very ill and would have to go to the doctor to find out what's going on. He figured I'd find out that I was hiv+ andget a little pissed off. Then he said that I'd come home and tell him, THEN he would admit his hiv+ status to me. After all that, he said I'd have to stay with him at that point, when I became hiv+. Then he could have me all to himself forever. I'm getting ready to vomit as I'm typing this out. I can't fathom why anyone would think that was an ok thing to do to someone. I booted him out the door that night and never looked back! The health dept. has all of the emails and are currently trying to figure out who these people are in the emails. They have to contact each and everyone of them to get them in there to be tested. The police will have their very own copies as soon as the people working on my case call me back. I have the hard copies of all of it, as do my two best friends, in case anything happens to mine. Coming across those emails was a blessing in disguise. He would have continued the charade with me until I became ill and infected. This is taking a very bad emotional, mental and physical toll on me. All I keep saying is WHY,WHY,WHY! ~~Full of rage and anger~

o0Heather

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Posted: 02-05-08 23:36pm


Im soooo sorry What a violation of trust. I wanted to ask does anyone know is this a crime punishable by law? Seems like it should be if not. I would really blow this guy out of the water to save a few of his possible future/current partners from what your going through. Again Im sorry. Edited I didnt see you were already talking about this.

midwest

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yo Posted: 02-05-08 23:48pm


Im sorry to hear about your problem. I will put you in my prayers. All I can say , is try not to get too worried, stress can be very harmful if not worse. That is good your pressing charges, because that was wrong & illegal of that SOB to do that. God Bless you.

whydidUlie

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Posted: 02-06-08 00:03am


Thanks for the support. I need all of the support I can get right now. Yes, it is illegal in many states. you can find that information at this link. http://www.statehealthfacts.org/compar etable.jsp?ind=569&cat=11 Yes, he has already been blown out of the water. I've already filed charges with my local law enforcement. He isn't going to get off of this without suffering the consequences. I hope he rots in prison. I'm actually more calm than I was on saturday and sunday. I'm trying not to think to hard about this. I'm a very impatient person by nature and this is not helping matters at all. I'm trying really hard to stay calm. ~~I'm going crazy~~

homerx

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Posted: 02-06-08 15:01pm


Take deep breaths and try to free your mind. I am so sorry this happened to you and I say sue his butt off! that just isn't right. Good luck, you will be OK.

whydidUlie

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UPDATE .... Posted: 02-09-08 00:36am


He went to the police station tonight and confessed to everything that he has done to me!!! He is now incarcerated and all of the information will be going to the Prosecuting Attorney in the morning. I hope to god he does not get out on bail. As it stands now, he is going to be charged with a class B felony. Hopefully it doesn't move to a class A felony because that would mean that I would be hiv+. I find out my test results on Feb. 19. I'm going to go to sleep and will update as I find out more information. Thank you for everyone that is concerned about me. I appreciate it, as I am still going crazy not knowing what my test results are. ~~glad the SOB is in jail~~

Galaxy

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Posted: 02-09-08 06:10am


Glad to know the b*****d has some sort of conscience after all. Appreciate your updating us as I have been thinking about you.

homerx

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Posted: 02-09-08 11:02am

shonster wrote:

Glad to know the b*****d has some sort of conscience after all. Appreciate your updating us as I have been thinking about you.

Me 2. I think you will be ok and your test will come back negative. Confused

whydidUlie

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He has hit the newspaper in my area ... Posted: 02-12-08 16:57pm


I woke up this morning to this article in our local paper. It would have been nice to know ahead of time. Here's a link to the article: http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/new s/stories.nsf/stcharles/story/10727246A978 757E862573ED005AE7F6?OpenDocument

Galaxy

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Posted: 02-12-08 17:12pm


Well, that was to be expected and you might as well prepare yourself for this to go even bigger. I think it is a real 'human interest' story not just because of the awful situation that you are in, but because deep down, many of us are afraid that this could so easily happen to us, or to one we know and love. I am glad they published the likely sentence even before it has gone to trial because it just might deter someone else from trying the same scurrilous tactic.

Rosie H

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Posted: 02-12-08 17:24pm


I am glad that some justice will be served to him...I hope you are doing ok. My prayers are with you.....there is still hope for a great life.....

homerx

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Re: He has hit the newspaper in my area ...
Posted: 02-12-08 18:33pm

whydidUlie wrote:

I woke up this morning to this article in our local paper. It would have been nice to know ahead of time. Here's a link to the article:

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/new s/stories.nsf/stcharles/story/10727246A978 757E862573ED005AE7F6?OpenDocument

OH MAN!

What a creep...if there is any justice in this world he will never see the light of day.

Galaxy

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Posted: 02-12-08 18:53pm


On a lighter note, I see you are forecast for snow in St Charles County - are you really having snow? Lucky St Charles County! I love snow and we haven't had any here this year, or last year ... I shall probably pack my sled back in the cellar soon

whydidUlie

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The news station was at my house tonight ... Posted: 02-12-08 21:08pm


For the love of god, I thought that since this involved medical records (namely HIPPA) that the media would not know my name. I had one of our local news stations at my house tonight. They said that it's public information. I did decide to grant one interview only because I want whomever else he did this to step up, get tested and report him. They are not going to put my name or my picture up when they air the story tonight at 10 pm. It was hard enough to go to the police and tell them my story. Seeing the story in print made it even harder for me. This is still so new and unbelievable to me to even come to grips about what happened. I have had every range of emotions possible for a human being to have. Right now, I'm feeling so angry, ashamed that it happened to me and lots of rage. I hope that in this case there is justice. Creep does not even begin to describe what this man is! He makes me so ill that he could even to this to another person. How can someone to this to somebody? I can't even begin to fathom the why's of this situation. Thank you everyone for being there for me. You have no idea what it means to me. Shonster: It's not snowing out right now, but it did yesterday. My kids had a snow day today. It may have snowed a few flurries earlier today. I don't think that "lucky" is quite right for the snow forecast though ...lol! I'm so sick of snow and the cold weather we've been having.