alright i will i just need to find a way
to let them know...its inevitable that
they are going to be mad...even after
telling them what r they going to do??
though i am for sure going to tell them...
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 02-04-08 00:35am
we cant tell you what they are going to
do. we arent them so we dont know
be truthful
TELL THEM NOW
dont hide it because thers no point in
stalling to tell them when they will know
eventually.
you dont have to commit to being the
fatrher of this baby. you dont have to. if
she wants to keep it then she can. if she
doesnt then she doesnt have to. and you
have no say so in either of those choices
however you WILL (if she keeps it) have to
pay child support
funny thing is the way the law systems are
you could get away with not paying it...
not saying thats the right thing to do. im
just telling you the honest truth
however you need to tell your parents.
then they can help you more than any of us
can. they will be able to help you through
this even though they will be mad at
first.
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donesu
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Feb 2008 Posts: 12
Posted: 02-04-08 01:01am
what im hoping they wont do is make me be
involved with her and the baby... i'll
stop stalling trust me...i wanted to tell
them since i found out but i just couldnt
bring my self out of depression to do
it...but all of you helpped me a great
deal
its not like im against child support its
just i have my whole life ahead of me
thats all...child support takes from my
college expenses and overall life now
haha....ouch
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-04-08 01:21am
Well, I was assuming, and maybe I
shouldn't have, that they would take your
side in this and try to protect you from
being forced into this situation, i.e.
child support/relationship with ex, etc.
What I am hoping is that a parent on your
side could talk to the ex's family and
make sure they realize if the pregnancy is
continued, their daughter will be an
unwed, single mother, because you have no
intention of being in a relationship with
her.
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prettygirlygirl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 213
Posted: 02-06-08 16:33pm
futureshock
wrote:
Your father should go over to their house
and make it clear to them that you were
not irresponsible, that you did everything
you could to prevent this from happening,
that she, the ex, refused the condoms, and
that you have no intention of ruining your
entire life because she chooses to have a
baby. CHOOSES. It is a
CHOICE.
But donesu was indeed irresponsible. He
absolutely did not do everything in his
power to prevent this from happening, in
fact, he did nothing. By consenting to
have sex without condoms he accepted the
additional risk.
Futureshock, what would you say to a 15
year old girl who came on here announcing
her unwanted pregnancy because her
boyfriend just doesn't like condoms? Would
you tell her that it wasn't her fault, she
wasn't irresponsible and she did all she
could by suggesting they use condoms in
the first place?
Donesu, I'm sorry but I don't think you
are without fault here. You know that sex
can lead to pregnancy. You know that two
methods of birth control are better than
one. You failed to take the burden of
birth control into your own hands and now
you're dealing with an unwanted pregnancy.
That sucks.
Not using condoms was a mutual decision.
You're every bit as much at fault as she
is. You need to man up and deal with it.
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-06-08 20:14pm
You're right, they were both
irresponsible, but not nearly so as our
people who do not use any method at all.
This girl does not have to have a baby
right now. If she wants one, fine, go for
it. There is nothing this guy can do
about that, which is as it should be.
However, I don't think it is fair to ruin
his life because of a choice she is
making. If she wants a child she should
not force him to pay child support against
his will for the majority of his working
life.
If there were already a child here, it
would be a completely different story.
But there isn't. If there is a child 7
or 8 months from now, it will be because
one person chose to have him or her.
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prettygirlygirl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 213
Posted: 02-06-08 20:50pm
futureshock
wrote:
You're right, they were both
irresponsible, but not nearly so as our
people who do not use any method at all.
I absolutely agree. The pill is hardly
risky and a very good method of birth
control. There were just some posts
(certainly NOT just yours, it actually
seemed to be the common view point) that
were making his ex out to be some evil
girl who forced him into condomless sex in
order to cheat him out of 20% of his
paycheque for the next 18 years and that
he didn't need to accept any personal
responsibilty for the situation. I just
wanted to point out that it does take two
to tango, and he most certainly did tango
futureshock
wrote:
This girl does not have to
have a baby right now. If she wants one,
fine, go for it. There is nothing this
guy can do about that, which is as it
should be. However, I don't think it is
fair to ruin his life because of a choice
she is making. If she wants a child she
should not force him to pay child support
against his will for the majority of his
working life.
That girl doesn't have to have the baby,
but there are a million and one reasons
for a girl not to have an abortion (and a
million and one reasons to have one), it's
such a personal decision and he really
could have found out her perspective on
abortion before he started having sex with
her. He did know that there was a chance a
pregnancy could result from their
relationship and I can hardly feel bad for
him when he never even bothered to figure
out what she would do if a pregnancy did
result.
It sounds like since she was on the pill
she doesn't want this anymore than he
does. If she does have this baby maybe
it's because she is religiously or morally
opposed to abortion. Why should she have
to go it alone so he doesn't have to "ruin
his life" by having to send a small
portion of his paycheque to a person he
helped create?
futureshock
wrote:
If there were already a
child here, it would be a completely
different story. But there isn't. If
there is a child 7 or 8 months from now,
it will be because one person chose to
have him or
her.
But both of them knew that there was a
chance this could happen. He could have
easily been better prepared by just asking
her what she would do about a possible
pregnancy. He could have insisted on the
condoms for extra protection. He could
have decided against having sex because
sex does occasionally lead to pregnancy
which can generally lead to parenthood.
I'm not saying the situation doesn't suck
(probably for both of them) but he really
did jump head first into the shallow end
of the pool with his eyes closed didn't
he?
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-06-08 22:17pm
Yes, I think he did a stupid thing by
having sex in the first place. And If the
girl is religious and for some reason
can't do anything about her situation,
well that is tragic and also a different
situation, and I would be a lot more
sympathetic to your point of view in that
case.
However, if there really is no other
reason other than she just plain wants a
baby, is that fair to this guy?
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prettygirlygirl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 213
Posted: 02-06-08 23:59pm
Because she just plain wants a baby? No,
that's absolutely not fair. If she has
just used him as a sperm donor than she
should accept all responsibility for the
child and (if all things were fair) he
should get off scott free.
However, if this pregnancy is the result
of a relationship where both parties were
actively trying to avoid conception (and
failed... obviously) and she chooses not
to have an abortion (for whatever reason,
it doesn't necessarily have to be
religious) then the situation is
everyone's problem. Not just hers to deal
with alone because he would have preferred
the abortion.
Finally, the only thing that I find
"tragic" about this whole thing is that he
did so little (well, nothing really) to
protect himself from a situation he
desperately didn't want. And that now a
child may be brought into the situation as
a direct result of his failure to mitigate
against any risk.
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-07-08 07:59am
prettygirlygirl
wrote:
Finally, the only thing that I find
"tragic" about this whole thing is that he
did so little (well, nothing really) to
protect himself from a situation he
desperately didn't want. And that now a
child may be brought into the situation as
a direct result of his failure to mitigate
against any
risk.
I agree with the rest of your post, but I
think this last part is way over the top.
How many people do you think would
consider it irresponsible or a failure to
mitigate against any risk to have sex with
a partner who was on the birth control
pill?
How many people do you think consider the
use of the pill to be a failure to
mitigate against any risk? That is
basically saying the pill is useless.
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prettygirlygirl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 213
Posted: 02-07-08 18:50pm
futureshock
wrote:
prettygirlygirl
wrote:
Finally, the only thing that I find
"tragic" about this whole thing is that he
did so little (well, nothing really) to
protect himself from a situation he
desperately didn't want. And that now a
child may be brought into the situation as
a direct result of his failure to mitigate
against any
risk.
I agree with the rest of your post, but I
think this last part is way over the top.
.
On second read I think it's over the top
too, and quite inarticulate.
Let me try to clarify.
As I said earlier, the pill is an
excellent form of birth control when taken
correctly. In fact, it is so effective
that the overwhelming majority of
pregnancies that occur on the pull have
got to be user error. What I meant to when
I said he did nothing to mitigate against
the risk of unwanted pregnancy, I should
have said that he did very little to
protect himself. He could have found out
her stance on abortion and his likelihood
of becomming a parent should an accidental
pregnancy occurred. Had he known from the
beggining that she was against he could
have:
a) Made sure she WAS definitely taking the
pills every single day at the exact same
time (either by making sure he saw her
take them or called her daily to remind
her... accidents happen to everyone, I'm
sure she forgot on occasion).
b) Worn the freaking condoms!
c) Found a new girlfriend.
Birth control is the responsibility of
both people who don't want to be parents.
It sounds like he left it entirely up to
her and he got burned.
Honestly, I don't think I would have had
any reaction to this post had it not been
for his attitude toward the (potential)
baby. I'm not talking about the "Oh, crap!
I didn't want this" attitude (those were
my thoughts when I found out about my own
pregnancy, it's normal!) but rather the "I
didn't wan't it, I don't need this right
now, I'm not going to take responsibility
for it" that he's got... made worse by the
fact that people are AGREEING with him!
He could have taken more control in the
beginning. He failed, and now the
situation is totally out of his hands.
He's just as much at fault for it as she
is and the I have a hard time feeling any
sort of sympathy for such an entitled,
immature, irresponsible attitude.
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-07-08 21:59pm
Thanks for the clarification.
btw, I am not sure she is against
abortion. She is actively considering it
right now, from what I read in this
thread.
