can anorexia for years be cured ? Posted: 02-04-08 15:27pm
I´ve been living with anorexia for so
long. I will be 40 on July...I can control
my weight so easily that everybody think I
m ok, maybe a little of a freak, but
healthy....Am I really? ok I mean...even
when all I think about is that loosing a
little more of weight won t be that
dangerous and nobody would notice. Can
somebody really be free of this condition
and live happily and eat enjoying your
food and not caring about your weight?
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detsi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 29 Location: uk
there is hope Posted: 02-05-08 10:47am
Hi Callisto, I am 47 and have had an
eating disorder since my teens! I am
currently having counselling and am doing
well. I have cut my laxatives down to just
2 day of which I am really proud. I am
starting to feel hungry for food for the
right reasons and feel I am definately
heading in the right direction.
However, I do not expect to ever be cured
completely. I feel I will always be weight
conscious. My aim is do be healthy, eat
when I am physically hungry and enjoy it.
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callisto107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 10
thank u Posted: 02-05-08 16:15pm
I detsi. Thank u for ur words...I hope I
would feel hungry again and enjoy food
without feeling lost and helpless. I have
been loosing a little more weight lately
and I have those strange mixed feeling of
happiness and fear at the same time and I
am trying to fight it. I practice
kick-boxing, I have a blue belt and I just
love it. But I have to keep a fair weight
to keep going with it and that helps
´cause I don´t want to give up something
that I love so much. Enjoying eating? that
sounds so weird..its been so long.
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detsi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 29 Location: uk
Posted: 02-06-08 09:20am
Yes it does sound wierd I know. I'm
looking forward to it happening though.
What is your main fear?
I have spent years not eating meals and
picking at food here and there instead.
This week I have decided not to pick at
anything and follow a motto I read :"Do
not eat on 2 feet". This has really helped
me to stop nibbling and so far all is
going well. I have actually been feeling
hungry and wanting to eat. I am also on
anti depressants which I am told are to
reduce anxiety. It's early days but I am
heading in the right direction at last.
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callisto107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 10
fear Posted: 02-06-08 12:50pm
My main fear is to never stop loving
seeing my body getting skinner. You never
forget completly that sensation of joy
when u lose some weight. It feels like a
great sense of power and since I m never
hungry, it doesn' t even feels like
sacrifice. I've never took an anti
depressant...actually I ve stop my
therapy. But I really feel I can beat
this, if I don't I won't die from it, I
will try to control it somehow. but I must
confess that most of the times I really
don't want it to go away. That is maybe
what scares me the most: not having the
power to stop loving it. Has ever been
like this for u?
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detsi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 29 Location: uk
Posted: 02-06-08 13:15pm
I still love seeing my ribs and spine and
wonder if that feeling will ever go away.
I have hated it for years but not had the
will power to do anything about it. Why
have you stopped your therapy?
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callisto107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 10
hi Posted: 02-06-08 15:12pm
I work out a lot, with my kick-boxin, so I
focus on my muscles and my veins...as long
as I can see it, I m fine. During the
therapy sessions we discover that my
father used to throw up a lot. He was a
fine cook a love to eat, but I remember
him throwing up almost every time he ate.
But with my therapist we used to focus a
lot on my relation with my husband, and I
felt that I could play them both my
husband and my therapist and that we were
going nowhere. So one day I just stopped
going. Nobody ever question it so I just
did it my way. The training helps so I
figure I won´t need any therapy. Anyway I
wasn´t being very straight about my
thoughs. I wasn´t always telling the
truth, so what´s the point. Right? What
hes been your lowest weight?
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detsi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 29 Location: uk
Posted: 02-08-08 11:41am
Sorry we are not allowed to discuss weight
on this forum.
Whenever I use the words "I am fine" it
means really I am not ok at all but I want
to keep it to myself.
I hope that you are able to get the help
ypu need and get better soon. Take care.
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callisto107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 10
Posted: 02-08-08 12:34pm
Thank u for ur help...But something
happened lately.
thank u again. Hope You will be fine for
real and for ever. but I m giving up.
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detsi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 29 Location: uk
Posted: 02-09-08 08:26am
Hey please don't give up you're worth too
much and deserve to be happy. Pm me if you
want.
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callisto107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 10
Posted: 02-10-08 09:11am
Its just that I´ ve been so tired lately
so empty. Somehow it looks easier this
way. People that are supposed to help u
are just a reminder that u are sick and
makes u feel that what ever u do or say it
s just a ´cause u have a problem. Some
people never let u get well again, it s
like everything about u is wrong .
Sometimes I feel really great and happy
but out of nowhere here comes the person
that u think loves u and slaps u in your
face with reality: u have a problem. So
let it be it.
What´s Pm?
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detsi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 29 Location: uk
Posted: 02-10-08 11:36am
Pm is a private message. What's the
background to your problem? Can you
pinpoint what started it. Why do you think
everyone's against you? Would like to be
able to help you if I can.
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callisto107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 10
Posted: 02-11-08 12:13pm
I only know that my father used to eat a
lot. He was a fine cook but he always
ended up throwing up. I remember him
throwing up a lot, but I also tend to
forget things. I really don´t know when I
started. I used to eat normally and always
wishing to be thinner. There was a time
when I was also a little overweight. But I
really don´t know when it all started,
its seems like forever. A couple of years
ago I had a marriage crisis and it all got
worse. It´s not like I think everyone is
against me. My husband, sometimes it seems
like he does not want me to get better. It
like: do u like this shirt or the other?
and he goes: I like the second better, the
first one makes u look thinner and u
can´t afford that, u know, ´cause u have
a problem...
its just an example...he can be very
cruel. thank u for trying to help me. its
not easy ´cause I tend to hide so nobody
would know that I´m not that ok..
Hmm I do not beleive you can actually like
be cured, you just recover and learn to
deal with it, I dont think it ever goes
away, i had anorexia and bulimia for 5 yrs
and now i eat fine and everything but I am
not ok with what my body looks like i hate
it. I will never be as skinny as i was
before I had my kids and i hate it,
sometimes i find myself falling back into
those patterns but then i stop myself from
getting wrapped in. I think talking to a
psychologist etc is good to do for as long
as you need. My theory is that there is
still that distorted body image there,
people have told me oh wow u look like
youve lost weight and i cant tell, or
maybe i still think i look fatter then i
really am . I dont know, Some of you are
far older then I am so kudos to you! I am
only 23. But I think if i never had
children i prob would have never recovered
or be in recovery so to speak.
Id just like to say thanks for not posting
weights on here i saw someone point that
out, you are free to PM it to other
members just not put out here on the
public forum where those that may be
struggling can read them. It can trigger
them , they look at weights and numbers
and in turn make it there new goal.
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detsi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 29 Location: uk
Posted: 02-12-08 10:35am
Tinkin , I totally agree with your first
statement. I am well on the road to
recovery and feel so much better, but I
never expect to be cured. However if I can
be healthy and in control I will be more
than pleased with myself. I think this is
a realistic outlook.
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callisto107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 10
Posted: 02-12-08 11:19am
i know I´ll never be cured. I´m learning
how to live with it. The biggest challenge
for me is that I m not really afraid of
dying. I focus on trying not to ´cause I
do have children and they deserve to have
a mother. I struggle to look healthy and
happy all the time so that my kids can
grow up free from it. I think they are
doing great and that´s something that
keeps me going. But most of the times I m
very tired in my mind and anorexia is just
too strong. I used to cut myself when I
was younger and now I kick-box my way into
life..that is almost the same.
