Long story about heartache Posted: 02-05-08 21:16pm
There is friendship that is taking too
high a toll on my life. My friend is 33
years older than I am, and he lives 200
miles away. I am 27, and a woman. This man
is my example in very many things. I don't
think I'm really in love with him, but I
do love him, as a very dear friend.
Because of the age difference (and to a
lesser extent the distance), a
relationship is out of the question. But
we see each other occasionally, and we
e-mail a lot, usually every day.
Now the problem. I am too focused on these
e-mails. I spend too much time thinking
about them. If he doesn't write for two
days -- which is exceptional -- I'm
starting to think that I've said something
wrong. If he sends a cold message -- which
does happen -- it really hurts.
What complicates matters is that there are
things I can't speak to him about, because
he is so much older. I can't tell him that
I really miss him; I can't tell him how
much I care about his messages. Trying to
pursue a relationship is simply not an
option.
How do I stop this? I don't want to obsess
about these messages so much. I don't want
to stop communicating with him. But I
don't want this heartache either.
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Galaxy
Supporter
Joined: 15 Mar 2006 Posts: 514 Location: U.K,
Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-07-08 18:26pm
Welcome to cyber-romance!
Well, why can't you tell him how much the
relationship means to you? He is 60 years
old, and not likely to run away like a
scared schoolkid.
200 miles is nothing, by the way - and
there are planes, trains and cars aren't
there? The two of you should get together
more often. These days, 60 is not old so
who says a relationship is out of the
question?
You are too negative. 'Not an option',
you say? Yeah, right - just get on with
it and good luck!
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Address7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 02-07-08 23:14pm
Aw, thank you!
You know, I've been thinking on and off
that maybe it would be possible, but
realistically I don't think it is. This
has been going on for a while, and I've
decided that I'd be better off if I just
accepted that it's not possible to ever
start a relationship with him. Keeping up
hopes is just too painful.
I agree with you that 200 miles is not so
bad, but the age difference makes things
complicated. I'm not against relationships
with large age differences as a matter of
principle or anything, and I agree that 60
isn't very old, but on the other hand, he
is almost retiring, while I still have 40
years to work, etc.
And practically: suppose he were
interested, he would never be able to tell
me, because it would be awkward for him to
confess this to someone so much younger.
He is a decent man who would probably be
ashamed. The other way around I can't tell
him either, because it is just ridiculous.
Why would he ever be interested in someone
my age?!
It makes it hard. I can't tell him I miss
him; I can't hug him. Bah.
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Galaxy
Supporter
Joined: 15 Mar 2006 Posts: 514 Location: U.K,
Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-08-08 12:26pm
Hmm, then you may live to regret it. Take
it from an old-timer with a very long
memory!
Remember the old adage about the only
things you regret in life ... and stop
being so ageist, by the way! Most
unbecoming!
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Address7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 02-08-08 13:43pm
Well, the only things in life . . . but if
I try to do anything about this, I'll lose
a friendship. That's not really worth it
either!
This isn't a new thing, it's been going on
like this for more than a year now. That's
why I have decided that I should get over
it now.
