Relationships and Marriage Forum - asking boyfriend about future


asking boyfriend about future

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ladyT02

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asking boyfriend about future Posted: 02-08-08 00:30am


Ever since our relationship has been getting more serious I'm tempted to ask. but I'm scared cause he shows me a different side. I found some old poetry he had written to an ex 4 years ago when he was in the military on a poetry website we both go to. He talked about a future, taking her as a wife, she was prego at the time and even tho it wasn't his he said he would have given her child the world and would be there for her. I kno this is years ago, but I'm curious to know if he sees a future like that with me. Because the side he shows me is different. He says he hates kids and doesn't want any or even get married till he's 30. He never even remotely has talked about the future. Except once when he said if we ever had kids he wouldn't change any diapers. We even had a scare once where I thought I was prego and we were waiting on the test results. And he asked me if I was if I was seriously going to keep it. Just by his reaction he gave me the impretion that he would either ask me to abort or wouldn't be there. Sometimes it feels like I mite be wasteing my time in a guy which mite not even consider a future with me. And I hate feeling like that cause I really do love him and I see future with him...but he mite not. I want to casually bring it up, just say "hey babe do you ever think about the future?" has anybody done this before with your boyfriends? Any advice?

ladyT02

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Galaxy

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Posted: 02-10-08 02:30am


It sounds like you want different things in life and yes, I would have that talk with him because you would be as well to find out now if you are wasting your time. On the other hand, it could just be that he needs a little time before committing to you. He has also been in the military and sometimes that can change a person's outlook. Finally, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on what he wrote on a site when he was a boy. He has matured since then and he may have a better idea of what HE wants and you have to respect that. Have that talk. But make sure to let him know that you want him for more than his baby-making potential!

ladyT02

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Posted: 02-10-08 03:16am


that sounds like a good idea. I.ll find the right time to bring it up. I hadn't seen it that way but your right, he does talk about wanting to establish himself, his career, get rid of the massive debt he's in, before he does anything I mentioned above(kids, family, marriage) That's how I think too I want to have a clean slate before I even think of a family, or even marriage. I read all the other girls write about how their boyfriends talk about a future with them. I guess I just got a little bumbed that my boyfriend doesn't do that. Maybe that's what made me think he mite not want one with me. But I could be wrong

nightangel73

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Posted: 02-10-08 09:49am


It will be wrong to ask him about future. When a woman ask this to a guy it pushes the wedding date back for long time. It is because when you say this it makes the guy wonder that all you want him for is for marriage and babies and not really love him. This guy has been clear he doesn't want to get married until he is 30. That's all you need to know. He is not interested in marriage for the moment and no talk will change that. The only thing you can do as a woman is be nice and patiently wait until he propose one day. That's it. And if you don't believe me read the book "Why men marry health forum$" by Cheryl Argov. It will tell you exactly this. Actually I recommend you read this book you will love it. Quite frankly I don't know understand how you even like this guy that has told you he hates kids. That to me that is a total turnoff. And if he is not saying the thruth then worse because if he is lies then what trust you can have in a man like that. My husband from the first day I met him he always told me how much he loves children. And that to me was a huge plus. Good luck!

ladyT02

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Posted: 02-10-08 12:48pm


I'm not a big fan of kids either, not every woman has that i-want-babies instinct in her and I'm one of them lol I just wanted to kno why he was so willing 4 years ago to take care of one that wasn't even his. But like shonster said I shouldn't even bother about something he said as a boy, the military did change him because now he knows what he really wants. I wouldn't think it wrong asking him nicely, he's my partner and communication has been a big part of our relationship so I'm very open with him. I never talk about marriage, or kids to him cause we both want to wait a couple of years. I'm not trying to change his mind or anything. Its been 16minths that we.ve been together and 6 that were actually living together and its only popped up once. I'm not obsessing over it I'm just curious to kno what he thinks. My mom waited 10yrs before she asked my dad if he saw a future with her. Not marriage cause marriage is just a piece of paper. But she wanted to kno that he would be there like a husband and 20 yrs Later not just bale on her. They got married last November after 20yrs. So that's why marriage isn't a big deal to me, just knowing his point of view would be nice. Any guys point of view? Please reply

ladyT02

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Posted: 03-01-08 17:59pm


well its been a while since i kept you guys updated on this topic lol but last night i finally had the guts to ask my guy. i asked him "baby, how do you see yourself in the future, or even 3-5 years from now? any goals asspirations?" he was munching away on some chex mix and he stopped chewing and said " i dont know, i dont think that far ahead." to tell you guys the truth it bumbed me out. cause he doesnt think about a possible future for himself alone or for us. in the next year or 2 im hopeing to start a new good job were i can move up within the company and become a manager of sorts. thats a year from now!lol and he doesnt have anygoals. 3 years from now i see myself with a good career, investing in a house(with or without him of course) and with a family of my own. it would suck being with someone who doesnt have the drive to make something for themselves and their future. now everything makes sense. he supports me in finding a good job cause he says that way he can pay off all his bills from school, his car etc. thats not fair cause then i wont be able to pay off my debts. i only have like $3,000 in debt that i have to pay off. he has like $12,000 in debt cause of his school etc. is he trying to clear a path for the future? i dont know! only guys know any input from guys that would be great. if you lived with your girlfriend and you tell her "babe you pay all the bills so i can clear off all my debts" what is it your trully saying? lol