borderline personality disorder and bipolar Posted: 02-08-08 04:30am
Hi everyone, I'm new...
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and
borderline personality disorder 6 years
ago, after I attempted suicide and then
later began self-mutilating (as a way of
not attempting suicide, but try explaining
that to non-bipolar people!). I had
extensive therapy for a while, and was on
some meds, but I lost health insurance and
have been without it for about 3 years.
I WAS doing fine... not mutilating
anymore, keeping my highs and lows under
control, etc., but this year it has come
back (I realize it didn't really go
anywhere, but, well...) I'm in my second
year of law school, and I've been so
careful to not let anyone there know about
my past. I kind of saw it as a fresh
start. But I've been spiralling with more
extreme episodes for the past couple of
months, and last week my husband's friend
committed suicide, which (since I never
met the guy) just, I don't know, almost
made me feel angry, like because it
devastated my husband so much, I
definitely can never do it now. Does that
make sense? I know it's insane, since
it's not like I've been suicidal for
years.
I guess it would just really help me if
someone who shares this condition could
give me some, or any, advice. I can't
talk to my friends, since in the past
they've only withdrawn from me when I've
brought up any negative thoughts, and I
can't talk to my husband, because I'm
always too afraid I'll hurt him.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
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yogahoneybunny
Supporter
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 871 Location: Strumica, Macedonia
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Posted: 02-08-08 04:49am
Your anonymity is definitely respected
here.
What happens with these negative thoughts?
Are you just stuffing them?
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5288 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 62
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Posted: 02-12-08 16:43pm
What you're describing definitely makes
sense. Have you thought about talking to a
third party? Of course, a therapist or
doctor are the first to come to mind, but
even just having maybe a professor you
trust, counselor at your schools, someone
you can just talk to about your feelings
who isn't intimately involved in your life
(so you can be open and not worry about
what they are feeling)
It's just really hard when you feel like
you are in hiding all the time, and it's
hard when you're going through a rough
time and you feel like you can't talk to
people about it.
But my biggest hope for you is that you
can find some kind of insurance and get
someone professional you can talk to-
because in that situation, you would have
someone who is able to talk to you and
help you navigate your feelings, as well
as give you ways to handle your episodes.
And maybe bring your husband in to some
sessions to help educate him in a
non-threatening (for both of you)
environment. Perhaps your state department
of health might have some resources for
you?
Good luck.
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