Every parent is entitled to their own
style whether it's total attachment
parenting (a great choice for many, but
not for me and my daughter) and some
prefer to let their child sort things out
for themselves (more my style). Parents
that choose the former are not incredible
super parents and those who chose the
later are not negligent morons. They're
all just doing what's best for themselves
and their kids. There's no harm in that.
I never heard of total attachment
parenting. What is it and how does it
compare to letting their child sort things
out for themselves?
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prettygirlygirl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 213
Posted: 02-29-08 00:16am
Attachment parenting (as far as I
understand it, if someone who practices
this parenting can correct me, please do
so!) is basically child led parenting.
Those who practice attachment parenting
generally let their children self wean
from everything (breastfeeding,
cosleeping, etc no matter how long it
takes), they wear their babies at all
times (slings), don't let them ever cry
without attempting to soothe and always
reason with them instead of punishment.
That is a really poor explaination, but www.mothering.com
is a great Attachment parenting forum and
a quick browse will give you a much better
overview than I can.
There's also a lot of anti-vax,
anti-medical-intervention and unassisted
childbirth there but I'm not sure if
that's because it's part of AP or because
they're just beleifs commonly held by
attachment parenters.
When I say "letting kids sort things out
for themselves" I mean teaching them
independence early. For example, sleep
training (crying it out), letting them
safely sort out feelings of anger or
frustration and generally teaching them
some autonomy and self soothing. When I
say "let them sort it out themselves" I
basically mean the opposite of AP.
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prettygirlygirl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 213
Posted: 02-29-08 00:33am
Sorry to double post, but I just wanted to
add a little something for clarity.
"Let them sort it out for themselves" was
probably a poor choice of words on my part
and I don't want to come across as a
neglectful inattentive parent. I try to
use more "common sense" based parenting. I
take each situation as it presents and
decide how to best handle it considering
my daughters personality and what I need
her to do/act. Whether it's sleep
training, cry it out, whatever. I don't
like to induldge my daughters every whim
(I think it's damaging) but I certainly
don't ignore her either. I do what I can
to understand her wants, but I absolutely
can't trust her to know what she needs
(she's three! I'm the parent!) so that's
where I need to occasionally step in and
make sure her real needs are met
regardless of what she wants at the time.
So, to be a little more articulate:
Quote:
I never heard of
total attachment parenting. What is it and
how does it compare to letting their child
sort things out for
themselves?
Child led parenting v.s. parent led
parenting.
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
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Posted: 02-29-08 10:08am
Thanks for those explanations. I think I
am a little of both, but lean more to the
side of attachment/child led parenting
than the other.
As far as "crying it out", I think people
who object to it, as I do, are mainly
talking about newborns and infants.
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Altari
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 127 Location: Chicago, IL USA
Posted: 03-04-08 11:57am
You shouldn't let infants "cry it out". We
started using this when our girls were
about 8-9 months old, when they start to
discover that crying == attention. If
older babies and toddlers are not allowed
to "cry it out" they will become overly
attached to their mother and won't develop
the basic self-image that will let them
operate as an independent person.
Infants and newborns DO sometimes cry for
no apparent reason. My oldest daughter
used to just cry and cry and cry - she was
fed, changed, healthy, warm, everything a
baby could want. But she just wanted a
little bit more, all the time. It is
healthy to foster this in infants/newborns
to help them develop their ability to form
emotional bonds (usually "no cause" crying
is a result of loneliness or a need for
affection). But older babies/toddlers?
They are capable of developing a sense of
"self" and letting them "cry it out"
fosters that. It helps show them that
mommy/daddy is there when they are needed,
but that the child needs to also depend on
themselves when they just want to be
"entertained".
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
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Posted: 03-05-08 01:21am
Altari
wrote:
It is healthy to foster
this in infants/newborns to help them
develop their ability to form emotional
bonds (usually "no cause" crying is a
result of loneliness or a need for
affection).
I still consider that crying for a reason.
I think letting a
newborn cry it out is child abuse/neglect.
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Altari
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 127 Location: Chicago, IL USA
Posted: 03-05-08 01:49am
If it's consistent, yes.
As my grandmother told me when I was
losing my mind with my first daughter, the
world isn't over and you haven't failed as
a mother if you just have to walk away for
a few minutes.
For a newborn, letting them "cry it out"
is absurd - with no sense of self, how are
they going to learn to keep themselves
entertained? Since newborns have no frame
of external reference, without a person
around them, the entire world has just
disappeared in their eyes. But older
babies who grasp object permanence need
that detachment.
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motherofhighspiritedones
Supporter
Joined: 16 May 2008 Posts: 405 Location: Silverdale, WA United States
Thanks: 80
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Posted: 06-29-08 11:32am
Altari
wrote:
If it's consistent, yes.
As my grandmother told me when I was
losing my mind with my first daughter, the
world isn't over and you haven't failed as
a mother if you just have to walk away for
a few minutes.
For a newborn, letting them "cry it out"
is absurd - with no sense of self, how are
they going to learn to keep themselves
entertained? Since newborns have no frame
of external reference, without a person
around them, the entire world has just
disappeared in their eyes. But older
babies who grasp object permanence need
that
detachment.
I think letting a
newborn cry it out is child abuse/neglect.
