Do you think men or women get the raw end
of the deal during a divorce? Or in most
cases that you might know of, was the
divorce equal for both the man and the
woman?
|
lizet
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 35
Posted: 02-09-08 16:12pm
The only divorce I have experience with is
my parents. It was a horrible situation
that they both walked away equally from.
I believe that in most cases women get a
better deal because they are seen as
weaker and in need of more *help*. On
another note, if children are involved
they tend to get the worse end. Their
family is falling apart and in most cases
their parents are pressuring them to chose
sides, whether they realize it or not.
|
Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 02-09-08 16:22pm
I think the men get the worse end..
Men are made to pay child support,
alimony, get partial custody (if any) and
usually don't get the house if there are
kids involved.
Women seem to come out ahead.
|
lizet
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 35
Posted: 02-09-08 16:23pm
I would also like to point out that it
depends on the situation and if their is
fault in the divorce. If one of the
spouses cheated it should reflect in the
divorce proceedings.
You break it, you buy it
|
Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 02-09-08 16:26pm
lol
|
LainieNY
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 31
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-09-08 17:11pm
Sad when you read, men are made to pay
child support. It is their child, they
should want to be part of lives, paying
for their well being etc. If not he gets
what he deserves.
So if a woman has to take a man to court
for child support, the woman and child
gets the dirty end.
|
Lilly Ivy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 1529 Location: Moorefield, WV
Thanks: 46
Thanked:80
Posted: 02-09-08 19:04pm
I personally thing alimony is the most
stupid thing in the world. Out off all the
divorces in my family (there's quite a
few) the men always got the shorter end of
the stick. The only situation where the
man came out on top was the custody battle
for my husbands child. And the only reason
he won was because she had a stack of
violations against her (parking tickets,
stealing, etc.) while he's completely
clean. He has full custody and is SUPPOSED
to be getting child support, but because
she doesn't work, he doesn't get crap.
ALL other situations, the man has to pay
alimony, pay child support, and as
mentioned, usually doesn't get the house.
So the woman still lives there while he
struggles to pay for an apartment AND give
her half his paycheck. I just angers me.
And the celebrities that split and she
takes half the money because 'she deserves
it' doesn't make sence. You marry someone
with $5 in your pocket, that's what you
leave with. Unless you did something
TOGETHER to make that money, you don't
'deserve' anything from him...
Can you tell the court system gets me
fired up?!?
|
lizet
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 35
Posted: 02-09-08 19:26pm
Alimony is not as common as it used to be.
In most cases the man pays child support
because they are HIS children and he is
responsible for helping to take care of
them. When going into a marriage you are
agreeing to support each other through
thick and thin. You are joining
everything you have together and if you
don't want to split it down the middle
later then get a darn pre-nup. It is NOT
that hard.
|
Jincks013
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 1171 Location: ,
Thanks: 21
Thanked:8
Re: Divorce Posted: 02-09-08 22:09pm
meblonde01
wrote:
Do you think men or women
get the raw end of the deal during a
divorce? Or in most cases that you might
know of, was the divorce equal for both
the man and the
woman?
Sexism isn't really attractive. You really
need to do some research before lighting
this fire because the rules are different
for each state right down to figuring out
child support or the need for alimony.
Also you are neglecting entirely that the
majority of divorces in the U.S. are no
fault divorces, in fact 49 states have no
fault divorce laws. Both sides must agree
to the divorce and all the provisions in
it for it to be legal.
|
Roberta777
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 746 Location: ,
Thanks: 108
Thanked:240
Right On Jincks Posted: 02-09-08 22:57pm
Divorce has to be one of the most painful
things anybody can go through. As Jincks
mentioned, most states say that they abide
by no fault divorce.
Aside from that, what really happens? The
wife, the mother of the children is the
one sitting in the cat bird's seat. She
has the kids, she has the house, she gets
the money to provide for herself and the
children.
What does the husband get? Pretty much
nothing. He can be denied his children,
moved into an apartment (and I don't care
how much money he makes) and, yet. by
getting a divorce, he will pay for the
rest of his life.
It must really boil down to being pretty
unhappy, let's face it, horribly, unhappy
for years and years to break up a marriage
and just walk away.
Sometimes, counseling is not the only
answer. Many anger management is a first
step. And, then too, if there isn't love,
how can you honestly make it happen for
you.
We go around one time. Some people want
more than a 25% marriage. Some want love
and maybe they will find it.
|
meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2123 Location: ,
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
Posted: 02-10-08 07:22am
We all know about the process of divorce
and how it some states/countries laws
might be different.
It is just a personal opinion question..
What you have seen or felt throughout your
life.
|
homerx
Supporter
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3146 Location: , USA
Thanks: 356
Thanked:1092
Posted: 02-10-08 13:33pm
When my parents got divorced my mom got
everything and my dad left with a trash
bag full of clothes.
|
homerx
Supporter
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3146 Location: , USA
Thanks: 356
Thanked:1092
Posted: 02-10-08 13:36pm
lizet
wrote:
I would also like to point
out that it depends on the situation and
if their is fault in the divorce. If one
of the spouses cheated it should reflect
in the divorce proceedings.
You break it, you buy it
Good point....you break it, you buy it!!!
classic!!
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-10-08 13:41pm
I' have to agree that from what I've seen,
the woman normally seems to come out on
top and dragging the children with her
whether that's the best decision or not.
The only divorce I know a lot about is
that of my ex-fiancee's parents. His
mother lives in a modest house (which some
people may call small) with good
furnishings. It's just her and two cats
these days. His father has a very large
stone house which I think he's renting, on
a large plot of land with a big pond in
the backyard. The father remarried and has
two daughters.
Overall, it LOOKS like right now, his
father ended up on top but I have no idea
what it was like right after the divorce.
I don't know who got the kids. I do know
that apparently my ex-fiancee was an
extremely happy and talkative child before
the divorce, and afterwards became the
almost sullen, quiet person he is now.
|
kaiteo
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 1574 Location: Cold, Maine
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-10-08 14:00pm
When I was in sixth grade, my parents got
a divorce. My mom cheated on my father and
she left him a few days before Christmas
for the man she cheated with. She ended up
getting child support, and half custody of
us.
|
lonestarguy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 591 Location: , Hoosierland, USA
Thanks: 10
Thanked:1
Posted: 02-10-08 16:46pm
I haven't had much personal experience
with divorce, but it does seem like the
wife generally gets the kids, even though
the father may be just as good a parent. I
have no quarrel with child support from
whichever spouse doesn't have custody
because, in marrying, they promised to
pool their resources for life.
Most of my grownup friends whose parents
divorced have horror stories about life
after the split. So, the kids generally
seem to get the worst of a divorce
because, in many cases, their entire lives
are disrupted.
|
Roberta777
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 746 Location: ,
Thanks: 108
Thanked:240
Possession is 99% Of The Law Posted: 02-10-08 22:03pm
And, the parent with the children has the
control. They really need to be treated
with civility, kindness and the person who
decided they just had to have that divorce
should realize they are not just getting
rid of a wife they no longer want, but
they are making a huge error in judgement
when it comes down to their children.
Now, the wife who has been literally
thrown away can decide it is big pay back
time.
The thing that is the most tragic to me is
why parents can't honestly say that their
children deserve both a mother and a
father. Why does the individual needs and
desires of a parent outweigh the needs of
a child once it is born to these parents?
Once you have a child, that child deserves
protection and love. Not to be torn in
two by the parents. It may not be
literally torn in two physically, but for
sure it is going to be destroyed and torn
in two by the parent's hate for each
other.
For anyone to actually believe that they
can just divorce a wife of 13 years who is
pregnant and believe they will have a
relationship with their children makes me
realize they really need to stay in
counseling. Just someone that I know.
There must be countless other stories out
there.
Trust me. You can be married to somebody
that you totally love. Life can have it's
good times and it's hard times. Nobody
promised us a sailing ship with the wind
in our faces and nothing but honey, music
and good wine.
I was blessed with a man I loved. Sure we
had good times and some times we didn't
like each other as much. But, it all came
down in the end, that we loved each other.
We gave each other space, I could travel
to England when I wanted, to anywhere. So
could he but in the end we were just happy
with what we had together and with our
children and grandchildren too.
|
Jincks013
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 1171 Location: ,
Thanks: 21
Thanked:8
Posted: 02-11-08 07:36am
lonestarguy
wrote:
I haven't had much personal
experience with divorce, but it does seem
like the wife generally gets the kids,
even though the father may be just as good
a parent. I have no quarrel with child
support from whichever spouse doesn't have
custody because, in marrying, they
promised to pool their resources for
life.
Most of my grownup friends whose parents
divorced have horror stories about life
after the split. So, the kids generally
seem to get the worst of a divorce
because, in many cases, their entire lives
are
disrupted.
In the past I would agree with you but
today it is becoming an equal playground
for both. Today a man has a much ability
to get custody as a woman does. Going on
old outdated status quos don't work.
|
sistersister
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Sep 2007 Posts: 145 Location: ,
Posted: 02-11-08 09:19am
I have been divorced.
Financialy it was devastating for me and
my kids. We had to start out from the
ground up. I did eventually get some of
my household goods about two years latter.
At first I had to move back in with my
parents with two small kids in tow then to
a tiny apartment with no yard. We had to
use the bus system to get around which
really limited our activities.
The court awarded me two hundred and fifty
dollars a month for two children in child
support of which I recieved two payment
and then nothing. (I've known more women
who never were able to collect on their
child support than those who did). For
several years (2) my kids were on families
with dependent children so that they could
recieve medical care. I worked at two
jobs to get us off of that and went back
to court to get the ex to provide ID cards
(military) so his kids could get medical
care.
That was the down side. The up side was
no more beatings. No more forced sex. I
could have friends. I could have my
family. My kids could be kids and make
noise nad play in the living room and make
messes and talk at the table. My kids did
not have to see me abused anymore. My son
grew up without having abusive male role
model. My daughter did not grow up
learning that women are there for male
convienience and that it is OK for a male
to punch a woman or for the husband to
copulate with anyfemale he chooses when he
chooses.
Finances can improve and the damage that
can be done i a bad marriage to both the
adults and the kids is irreversable.
I think that the party that has been
injured by the marriage is the one that
gets the raw deal. It is not just about
tings and custody of the kids it is about
trust and expectations. Those things are
always damaged and never quite the same
for all in the divorce.
|
sistersister
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Sep 2007 Posts: 145 Location: ,
Posted: 02-11-08 09:25am
I forgot one thing that came out of my
divorce. I did not get killed. We were
headed in that direction and the last
beating was really close. I guess my
divorce gave my kids a live mother. I
think my ex probably would see that as a
raw deal for him.
