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Tantrums

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Hannasmommy

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 11 Feb 2008
Posts: 2
Location: KCMO, USA

Tantrums Posted: 02-11-08 20:09pm


My 3 yr old daughter is throwing such tantrams lately when she doesn' get her way it is making me pull my hair up!!! Any ideas! Seems when I try to talk to her or take something she loves away they become hundred times worse!!!

Fairy*Godmother

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Joined: 11 Oct 2003
Posts: 1333
Location: , Georgia USA

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*Hi Sweetie! Me FairyGodmother** Posted: 02-11-08 20:46pm


My daughter was 3 (22 years ago) and I remember this all too well. First you have to ask yourself WHO IS THE PARENT? Then you have to always remember kids need a parent not a best friend....that where I made a mistake with my daughter. At 3, they become so defiante......but, with dicipline and rewards, they soon learn to follow the rules and become stable "public friendly kids". I see so many parents trying to "reason" with their kids......WRONG. You set the rules, she breaks one, she breaks one, there will be a punishment......and FOLLOW THROUGH. Stop threatening and make sure you do what you say.....say what you mean and do what you say. Take away things that mean the most to her. Remind her beforehand if she shows her ass in public, waht is going to happen when she gets back home......too many people spoil the child and spare the rod. I for one, who grew up getting "dancing lessons-my ass whipped....do not believe in such. It says hitting is ok......and its NOT. THere are all kinds of take away things and no going ot he park, no tv, the time out chair is wonderful and a child at 3 does not know 5 minutes from 15...................My nanny when I was a little girl use to make me stand in the middle of the room and hold my arms out like a clothes line. I had to do this for 5 minutes. If, my arms went down, an extra minute was added. Try this yourself.............your arms will start to ache and imagine a 3 year old.........they think twice about having to this as punishment. Always here to help if you need me, feel free to PM as well!

Mommy35

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Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,

Posted: 02-12-08 08:56am


Sometimes you just have to ignore the behavior. A 3 year old is very keen at knowing that they have pushed their mommy's buttons and they learn very quickly that if I do this....I get this. If you have to give her a consequence like taking something away, let her have a fit and hopefully she'll learn that tantrums don't get her what she wants. Good behavior does. Consistency is key with anyone. Don't let her do something today and then say "no" tomorrow. If you don't want her to do something don't let her do it ever. If you say..."if you_________, this is what is going to happen, follow through with your threat. If you don't she will learn that you are just full of threats. Raising kids is the hardest job many of us will ever do. Good luck

prettygirlygirl

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 28 Mar 2006
Posts: 213

Posted: 02-29-08 21:11pm


Hear Hear to FairyGodmother! I think we're the same type of parents. Hannasmommy, I'm sorry you're going through this stage. I totally understand how frustrating it is and I'm going through it right along with ya. I wish there was a way to trade in a 3 year old for sparkly new, well behaved 4 year old. I think the most important thing I've learned over the last year is to choose my battles carefully and either win or die out on the hill trying. I'm a total hardass when it comes to dealing with tantrums. I really don't cater to them and I really try to make my daughter feel the natural consequences of her actions. For example, if she doesn't want to eat what I made her for dinner, that's fine. I won't fight with her, but I sure won't make her anything else. She needs to sit quietly while I finish my dinner and she can't eat again until breakfast tomorrow morning. I always make her clean up her own messes and tantrums in public are just not permitted. I've noticed that taking a really hard line with her and making her feel the consequences of her actions has helped with the tantrums that result from pushing the boundaries. Of course she still does it, but if it's not a big deal I sort of let it go (i.e. "Of course you can't have brownies for breakfast. You'll eat what I give you or you'll wait until lunch... where you also won't be having brownies." She can scream all she wants but that's how it is. On the other hand, if she's pushing to go to the grocery store in sparkly rainboots, her pricess outfit and froggy hat "errr, sure honey. I think you look beautiful". ) If your going to go this route be prepared to be seriously inconveninced. A lot. I know as single mom's there's not a lot of time to screw around fighting with your kid. I've left full shopping carts sitting in isles to pack my kid up and take her home because she's throwing a fit. I've sat for 6 hours preventing a seriously pissed off 3 year old from leaving the vaccinity of huge mess she needs to clean up, let her go to bed, and then woke her up the next morning to sit screaming by that mess again for another 4 hours. It's not fun. Knowing why your kid is throwing tantrums is a big part of making them stop. It also gives you a chance to head them off at the pass. I know my daughter is more inclined to throw a fit because she frustrated that she cant communicate what she wants. I've got two ways to deal with that: 1) I give her 3 options and ask her to pick one. For example, "For dinner would you like to have macaroni, egg plant parm or chili", or "Would you like to wear your rain boots, running shoes or snow boots". My daughter doesn't find three choices overwhelming (if yours does make it 2) and when she has ownership in a choice she's usually happier. 2) When she starts getting really wound up I give her space to cool down and collect herself. I use her room. So, when she gets riled, "Adelaide, I see that you're upset right now. Would you like to go to your room for a few minutes and calm down? When you're more calm you can come back and talk to me about how I can help". This is absolutely not a punishment and she's more than happy to go, slam her door, scream it out for a few minutes and come back out happy. No matter what happens I try not to yell or lose my temper with her. I don't indulge tantrums and she knows that. Whenever she starts getting ready to pitch a fit I present her with her options and the consequences of continuing with the less desireable behaviour. I do it in a very matter of fact way and if the behaviour doesn't change I just make sure the consequences are enforced. Your the mommy, make sure she knows mommy is incharge. Trust your instincts and don't reward fits by giving into them (though I know it's soooooooooooo much easier to just by the freaking lolipop/balloon/pens/whatever she's screaming for than to leave your cart in the grocery store and pack her up and take her home), if she can get away with it she will. Also, please remember that every parent that's ever had a three year has been through it. They didn't kill the kid and still seem to like them well enough ;P. You'll be fine and it'll pass.

Tantrums