GLBT Relationships Forum - closeted relationship w/ roomate

Hello- I'm a 29 year old male, closeted bisexual and have a pretty hurtful friendship/relationship situation that I'm looking for some understanding on.

This friend of mine had been a younger aquantaince for several years. Just in the past 1 1/2 yrs, he and I became close friends and he spent a lot of time away from home and visiting with me. We would do kind of romantic things together - walks on beach and going to restaurants with a lot of talking. It became clear that in ways he looked up to me and I really enjoyed a lot of things about him. We learned and continue to learn from eachother. One day while talking about his favorite subject (food), he worked into a statement that he loved me. I was struck and finally the next time he said it I was able to tell him I also loved him. I remember a time when the site of him, the simple touch of his arm on my shoulder would plaster smiles on each of our faces.

Something changed and I'm not entirely sure what. He is a bit of a active guy with rough and tumble type of friends. I re-located closer to his hometown for a new job and we went through with a plan to be roomates. Only we decided to bring in a long-time friend of his - probably his best friend. I had always assumed that the strong feelings he has had involving myself and other guy friends was something he kept in strict confidence. That's why it surprised me so much when in front of the third roomate/friend, before we moved in and while we were talking about the lease, he made an off-the-wall comment. He said something about his "Secret Life" and probably out of shock with the other guy there I laughed and said to the third guy"I think were getting some insight here...a secret life". It was then he looked at me and said "okay, my love life, is that better for YOU?" I was so shocked that I can't remember what he was saying about it - but I think it was that it had to end, this life of his. I thought he might have been talking about his life of trying to meet girls on the internet, I'm still not 100%.

Then when we moved in, some really hurtful behavior began. When we had a lot of people over and I'd sit near him on the couch, he would immediately get up and move right as I sat. After we were helping eachother move our things, I remembered a movie he said he wanted to see - I offered to take him and he flat out said no I won't go with you, but if the third friend we're about to see wants to go with us, then I'll go. Again, I was too shocked to ask why.

This isn't the end of the hurtful things. The other thing is that he and the third roomate get along so well that they communicate almost silently and make a lot of plans and do things excluding me. The two of them sound so happy and have a lot of fun together. They can almost do something every night of the week and not invite me - I only end up going along if I'm in their immediate circle when the plans are made. My friend, even before we moved in made it a point to mention how great he thinks this guy is, almost saying the same praises we used to use for eachother. I can TAKE a hint, just not so many hurtful ones at once. Now I find myself feeling betrayed and acting depressed and moody. I even say mean things about him - I guess wanting to harm his ultra charming and friendly persona that he manages with others.

I could take him not wanting my strong feelings anymore much more easily if he weren't under the same roof every day. It may have taken a month to move on before, but it seems impossible now, and we are in a year long lease. I have confided in him that I feel left out and depressed, and that sometimes I even feel jealous of their friendship. I think most would agree that sometime along their long time of knowing eachother, their relationship became romant\ic and maybe even physical.

Since he has been so quiet and even annoyed with me, I've been afraid to bring up our past for clarification and closure. We've been more friendly and helping each other out with important life issues lately, and I don't want to screw up the great feeling I get even just interacting with him again by making him uncomfortable. But I'm tearing up inside. It is HARD - and I know I bring it on myself for not basing the entire friendship/relationship on honesty about myself.

Sorry for the excessive length here...but writing this has been cathardic and I'd like to get input as to whether I should have the courage to follow=through with the talk I told him that I needed to have with him (didnt tell him the subject when he asked) or just let it all ride and move on.