I am 17, and I am tired.
I don't know if I'm depressed..I mean, I'm
no doctor. I just know that I am so tired,
all the time, and I don't..I don't even
know.
I have apretty huge history, so lets
revisit it for a moment.
I was sexually abused as a child.
By my brother.
For a couple of years.
I reported him a few years ago
and he comes over everyday
and I'm fine with that, I guess.
I mean, I'm not, but I can't tell my
parents to stop letting him come over.
I can't.
What else?
I want to have a sense of humour right
now
but I really can't.
I keep telling myself the reason that I'm
unhappy all the time is because of what
happened to me, but it was so long ago
that it seems stupid.
I just feel...alone. All the time, I feel
alone. I find it hard to laugh, and smile,
and stay awake.
And I don't even like talking to my family
anymore.
And I feel guilty eating
because I'm not exactly skinny.
I'm not fat or anything.
Just not skinny enough to be pretty.
I bet I could be, you know. I could, but
I don't know.
Anyways, I'm posting here because I have a
problem.
It's like, this feeling isn't constant.
Sometimes, for an hour, I feel okay.
Blissfully fine. Right now, I don't feel
so hot.
And so I post.
The thing is, I like this guy.
And he makes me happy. Happier. Usually.
Times like now, though, I feel awkward,
and tired, and alone.
And I have a date with him on Saturday.
And not only am I feeling unwilling to
even go to school tomorrow (I just want a
day to myself, where I don't have to be
around people.), I'm feeling...not
worried. Not worried....I just feel
pointless. Or something. I can't think of
the word....but I also feel distant,
because I'm afraid to kiss him.
I just don't like physical contact all
that much.
And I don't know what to do.
Because I really do like him.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 02-19-08 15:02pm
Did you ever get any kind of therapy for
the sexual abuse? I think that's really
important... I mean, every time you have
to see your brother you are reminded of
the abuse and it all comes back, it must
be really hard to get over that. And to
know that your parents are ok with him
being around...
You need to talk to someone about this.
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georgina23
Supporter
Joined: 19 Feb 2008 Posts: 24
Hey girlfriend Posted: 02-20-08 15:08pm
Listen - yes you need to talk to someone.
But i have a little extra nugget for you,
becaues i come from the same place.
Eating. You need to nip this in the bud
NOW.
While it's (sadly) kinda normal to have
body issues at your age (I'm 34) you need
to keep it in check.
Food, can quickly turn into the only thing
you feel you can control - espeically if
you have been abused. The abuser is the
controler. The victim, will find something
else to control. Food is an easy candidate
- then drugs and alcohol.
Getting a handle on your eating BEFORE it
becomes a problem is vital.
So, my lovely, eat. you can still
'control' it if you want to - just control
yourself to only eat healthy things - but
lots of them! :0)
Food can make you feel good inside. I
forget that sometimes - feel awful, have
something homey and comforting to eat
(soup or chilli for instance) and i feel
instantly better! Warm inside and
nurtured.
Good luck with your date. I don't like
much physical contact either. but i crave
it.
Life is so ironic at times eh... ;0)
Let us know how it goes!
xx
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georgina23
Supporter
Joined: 19 Feb 2008 Posts: 24
one other thing.... Posted: 02-20-08 15:11pm
You might also have ME from what you have
said. But you might also just be having a
growing spurt. your body works hard when
this happens - makes you very very tired.
But get checked for ME. It's not serious -
you can't get mega ill from it or die or
anything. you don't need to take drugs to
get over it. Make an appointment with your
doc OK?
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4047 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 142
Thanked:13
Posted: 02-20-08 15:21pm
Low enegy and depression go hand in hand.
I read your post and just felt "down".
The abuse you went through can completely
cause all these issues you are dealing
with. I cannot believe your parents would
let your brother still come around.
Have you someone to talkto ? Like a
counselor at school? I think it would
really help you if you started talking to
someone.
Best of luck, I really feel for you...
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
