Bipolar Disorder Forum - Support Bipolar Girlfriend

Sorry if this is a bit of a long post...

I began dating my current girlfriend at the end of November/beginning of December last year, and had had a crush on her for most of the year leading up to that point. When we first began going out, she had made it clear that she had a history of mental and physical health issues. She's bipolar, obsessive-compulsive, a type one diabetic, and used to be very suicidal. She also mentioned that she's on approximately four or five medications (I never really delved into getting the actual number).

All was great. We'd had a fantastic time and even though I knew she struggled with those problems, I had never ever seen them affect her. That is, until about three weeks into January.

The sex stopped. Suddenly. She even just kissed me on the lips, no tongue, nothing. I could deal with no sex, as it wasn't an integral part of the relationship. I discussed this with my mom, who's a nurse, and learned that being on so many medications can result in a lack of libido from time-to-time. About three weeks ago I brought up the fact that we hadn't had sex in a while, and she said she goes through phases where she just doesn't want it. I figured that was alright. (She has also decided that she'd give up sex for lent).

Cut to about two weeks ago. She tells me she wants to run away somewhere over the course of the week, and I ask her why. She said she'd been really depressed and had sat and cried in her bathtub for a few hours every night. She'd also recently started becoming distant and less flirty.

Last weekend, we really didn't talk much. Sensing something was wrong I called her on Tuesday. She said she'd been to a psychiatrist (for the first time since she'd moved up here a year ago) and she's going to be starting psychotherapy. The psychiatrist brought up quite a few things that she was thinking about the last few days; self-mutilation (which I'd never seen her do) and being a serial monogamist seem to have been what were bothering her the most after seeing the psych. I didn't want to say, "I love you," when we said goodnight to each other because I didn't want to put that sort of "pressure" on her when she's dealing with mulling over her entire relationship history.

Cut to Thursday, the most "romantic" of days. We both didn't believe in the holiday and had discussed long before that we weren't going to do anything except go to a concert that just happened to fall on that night. In all honesty, the concert was the only high point of that night.

She'd made it clear from the beginning of the night that she was in a bad mood. She hadn't slept because she'd stayed up all night thinking about things. She used to flirt with me about how she loved how "weird" I am. This time, she was the complete opposite and referred to my being "weird" as something negative. She mentioned how I say a lot of weird things and she has broken up with people in the past for small, silly reasons and that could easily be one for her to use right now. She didn't break up with me, though, and made small reassurances throughout the night that we were still together.

On the way to the concert after dinner, we were stuck at a train crossing with the train stopped. We'd been talking about her psychiatrist for a few minutes, and she began to cry. I put my arm around her shoulder, searched for something to say but made it clear I didn't know what to say. I told her that if she needed some space to clear her head that I would be more than happy to give it to her. She said I was too nice.

At the concert venue, we were waiting for the show to begin and I told her I loved her. She just said, "Really, now? Okay, cool." I asked her if she was alright and she said, "No, not right now. I will be in a few days, just not right now."

When we arrived at her house I said, "Hey, tomorrow night, would you like to hang out or would you like to have some space to yourself? I'd be more than happy to let you be by yourself and deal with everything if you'd like." Of course, she chose to be by herself. She hugged me, and for the first time in the entire course of our relationship, she kissed me on the cheek goodnight, and I not once kissed her. She kind of hesitated when she closed the door to my car, as though she expected me to tell her I loved her, but I didn't want to because again, I didn't want to put pressure on her while she's mulling over her relationship history.

I sent her a text message Friday night asking if she was alright, and she just said, "I'm alive." I sent her another one last night asking her if she was feeling any better, but received no response.

I guess, if anything, posting this was a nice way to get it off of my chest, regardless of whether or not people actually read the whole post and/or care to respond.

How can I help her out in this situation? Knowing her, I know that she would not tip-toe around the issue of breaking up with me if she was going to do it, but I'm a sort of insecure person when it comes to issues like that so part of me is worried that she will. That's not my main issue here, though. I'm just interested in what I can do to support her, what I can say, and how I can communicate with her even in the smallest way during this tough time?

Is it right or wrong to tell her I love her in a situation such as this?

I don't want to force myself on her, because I know she needs her space. I just want to let her know I'm here for her if she needs anything. Any suggestions, stories of similar experiences, etc.?

Thanks to those who managed to make it all the way through this and feel like responding. Smile