HomerX, I could only make it
half way thru Josh's YOU LIFT ME UP....but
I promise to go back and watch the entire
thing. Mson, your poem touched my heart as
well. Guess I"m emotional basket case
today.............but you both hold a
special place in my heart today! Crying
tears of happiness, sadness, joyfulness
and
thankfulness.................Hugs!
I
am so glad you are here.... we
love when others join in on this
thread...it is very special...and you are
a loving special caring person...really
sweet I love it
and Love you...I know, that song is very
touching....crying is so cathartic isn't
it...feels good to get it out. You are awesome and
I am glad you joined us here..Mson is
amazing, my inspiration and my hero We are all going to
be fine, I really believe that... and that
song is very touching.... I really like it a
lot...
Last edited by homerx on 05-13-08 14:02pm; edited 1 time in total
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homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3260 Location: , USA
Thanks: 377
Thanked:1135
Re: My friends. Posted: 05-13-08 14:00pm
Muthoni
wrote:
If we keep pressing on,
everything is going to be ok. We are to
understand that we are not alone. We are
praying for each other and God has a plan
for us. A plan for good and not for evil.
Yesterday I went looking for a job at a
venue called "Our Place" it is for the
homeless. They advised me that I start
off as a volunteer. I am going for the
interview tomorrow. I have volunteered as
an HIV/AIDS outreach worker for five years
with them in the past. I am just looking
for something to do with my Mondays and
Wednesdays.
They want me to start as a volunteer so
that they see how I interact with the
clients. Fair enough.
I am proud to say that I am accustomed to
waking up at 8:45am each morning on
weekdays. It has taken real effort to
achieve this. I used to wake up closer to
noon and then I would feel bad for
sleeping in and the whole day would be
ruined.
This morning I have done laundry, folded
and put away. I have read my book.
Before then I had cereal with hemp hearts
and Goji berries. I skipped rope and
dressed. I will light a candle for all
the people and animals that I can recall
and then I am going for my labyrinth
prayer walk and will go mbae the market to
get stuff for lunch. I'll pray for you as
usual.
Wi chat later.
For some reason, I am not getting a
notification every time there is a reply
on here.
Love you
Mson :
OK, Mson, you are doing
much better than me today. I haven't done
a darn thing except eat and play on this
computer all day
I guess now would be a good time to hop on
that treadmill and get to walking... but I feel SO
lazy....it doesn't matter...I am going to
exercise...thanks, Mson...you have me
feeling guilty... time to get to
it...thank you for the inspiration...
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1426 Location: , Georgia USA
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Thanked:76
YES! Posted: 05-13-08 14:01pm
We are all gonna be just fine. God don't
make junk! He's blessing us with our
presence joined here today! Love you all
right back!
Amen,Fairy*Godmother...you know one of my
favorite ladies in the whole wide world,
Tammy Faye, used to say God didn't make no
junk......God bless
her...and you 2...
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Muthoni
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Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
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Fairy*Godmother Posted: 05-13-08 16:16pm
Thanks for grazing us with your presence.
The whole room is lit up. I have friends
who are like family in Georgia. Good
people.
Thanks for coming mbae and saying
something so powerful and profound.
Please stay a while. *Muthoni offers you
a cup of tea*
Mson, she is a wonderful person, I am so
glad she joined us here!!!!!
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Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
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Homerx. Posted: 05-13-08 16:21pm
I did the labyrinth walk and prayers.
Went to the market. Came home and read a
bit. Had lunch. Did collage and coloring
for an hour and now I am heading to work.
How is your day going. I usually have a
lazy day in the week. Sunday. I think a
lazy day is in order for us. You are
doing alright. You are a victor not a
victim and I love you.
Hi Mson. I worked out, walked the
treadmill and watched Oprah. did you watch
Oprah today? It was interesting. i started
a thread about it. Check it out here
http://ehealthforum.com/health/past-life
-regreession-t141030.html
Other than that, it rained some and I feel
like taking a nap now...have a great
night,my friend and take care. Oh yeah, i
took my car in to get the air condition
fixed..it is going to cost $1453.63 !!!!!!
YIKES!!!!! That hurts...but I cant have no
AC in Texas, it gets way too hot!!!!
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Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
Thanked:212
Homerx. Posted: 05-13-08 19:25pm
I had missed the post mbae Fairy*Godmother
on the last page. The pages are adding up
fast. I don't know why the notification
of posts is not working on my computer. I
snooze I loose. I'll ask my husband to
check it out.
It was raining here too. I had to go out
in my rain gear. I bought a nice rain
coat so that rain does not keep me away
from the outsides.
Really glad to hear that you worked out
and walked. Good for you. We must press
on my friend. We did not come this far to
quit now. You mentioned at one time that
you would consider a timetable. A
timetable is great because you are not
doing one thing all the time. This has
really helped me cut down my time on the
computer. I used to be on the computer
all the time.
I was looking for answers in the computer.
Day and night. Nothing else got done.
Now I check email, reply and come to the
forums. I have several other forums but I
am not active. I love it here.
No I haven't watched Oprah yet but it is
being taped. Cannot wait to see it now.
It is expensive to repair a car. To keep
it maintained. WOW! I ask for providence
for you and Ricky.
I'll check out the thread after I watch
the show.
I have an hour to go and my shift is over
until Thursday morning.
I always thank God for my job and ask Him
to protect us in this line of work.
I love you.
Mson.
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Roberta777
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 753 Location: ,
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Dear Mson and Homer and All Posted: 05-13-08 20:58pm
With my back and forth of what to do,
today was finally the straw that broke the
camel's back.
My vineyard worker woke me up at 6:50 a.m.
I now have had to have a sign up sheet
because sometimes they cheat me. No more
of that. I have to help them be
responsible. This is my place and I am
the one who has to come up with the money
to pay them. Honestly and fairly I treat
them.
Another day of my current vineyard manager
saying he was going to get a man out here
with a trailer to haul away those 8,000
cartons which they removed from the virgin
vineyard and today Hector hauled them up
and put them in my burn pile.
Unfortunately, the burn season is over
until November, 2008.
I have the opportunity to fill 20 large
plastic bags with this refuse and the
county will pick it up for free. I
explained that but no, let's just get rid
of it. No. It is the little that I have
here to try to make it and I will work
very, very hard to make that happen.
So, today, after Hector helped do that
work, I asked him to help me plant a
replacement Viognier down in the new
vineyard. We were only three rows away
from what I later noticed was a major
squirrel colony. Hundreds of pounds of
dirt piled up between the rows and a major
hole which could cause injury for a worker
if they fell into it.
So, I had to go down there and put in a
big squirrel trap with peanut butter, corn
and tomorrow more of what they really
like. I know it is sad, but this is
farming. I don't go out and outright
poison them. I know it is hard. What can
I do? Walter said those squirrels have
been here for thousands of years and they
will be here thousands of years after we
are gone. All I say is peace to you my
squirrel friends. Leave me alone and go
back and live on the property of my
neighbors who do nothing to control you.
Why do you want to come live over here on
my property? Well, let us look at the
ways, A beautiful condo with water and
air conditioning. Hey. I can't blame
them for that.
Homer, you and Mson know me. I am of
Cherokee blood. I can go on forever.
But, I honestly see that everything is
lining up for me with my original vineyard
manager wanting to come back to work for
me as a consultant. I now have this new
vineyard manager who has all the license,
insurance, labor consultant paper work and
papers to protect me. I am going to go
for it.
I think the best way is to send a letter
saying that I have retained new vineyard
management.
Love you for building me up and showing me
the picture that I always knew was there.
It is a healing process of letting
somebody go. Especially, when they look
at you with those little puppy eyes of
don't throw me away. Sometimes, it is
they who throw themselves away and then
make you feel guilty when you finally cut
them loose.
Love to you, dear friends,
Bobbie
|
Muthoni
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Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
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Re: I'm Crying Posted: 05-13-08 21:21pm
Fairy*Godmother
wrote:
Mson, your poem touched my
heart as well. Guess I"m emotional basket
case today.............but you both hold a
special place in my heart today! Crying
tears of happiness, sadness, joyfulness
and
thankfulness.................Hugs!
I cry a lot to music. I am in touch with
my feelings now because I am crying more.
I am not cold like a stone. I am not
dumbed mbae over medication in the mental
health department. I am breaking free.
Those that pray for me please continue.
Yeah Fairy*Godmother, I woke up that
mother's day morning and wrote that poem
to my mother. Glad you felt it. I never
sent it to her but I am thinking I should
email it to my Ndandi and he will give it
to her. She reads English even though she
cannot speak fluently. She got pregnant
with my first born brother at age 17. I
was born when she was 20. My other
brother she was 22, my sister 23, my
brother 25, my other brother 25 still and
last born brother 30. That's my mother.
I'll be 40 this year.
Thanks for being a sensitive soul.
Is it too early to ask what your horoscope
is? I
am a Cancer married to a Scorpio. Perfect
match.
Sorry I missed this post because my email
notification was going to spam. My
husband says this usually doesn't happen.
Who knows with computers?
How is the imaginary tea? So nice to see
you here. I have never seen you before
but when I saw you today, my whole world
brightened. That is a capturing photo.
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
Thanked:212
Mother's Day Poem. Posted: 05-13-08 21:38pm
My hearting is beating hard because I just
sent that poem to my Ndandi to give it
Mami.
I will read it out to the children when I
teach in the next six upcoming
presentations and every other presentation
for that matter.
I cannot believe I just did that (send the
poem) but again I am standing on shoulders
of giants. My husband, Homerx, Bobbie,
Fairy*Godmother, Gugu, YOURSELF, Hart74
and Carl's brother and so many other
people. Almost Positive and Miss
Anonymous. You all lift me up.
My heart has been bothered mbae my mother
for many years. As complete three years
since the wedding, the last time I saw
her, I will not allow this fear of her to
continue. That is why I said:
Happy Mother's Day.
I appreciate that when I was born
You did not throw me out
You wiped my bum and gave me a breast.
Then depression crawled in and you
were a monster
One I fear to upset up to this date.
Mama I pray for you daily
That your soul may heal
That you may enjoy your olden days.
I have forgiven you Mama
For the physical and verbal abuse
I understand you were ill.
I am crying mama
Because I wish you were a normal Mama
But you are who God gave me
My path is different from yours
You cannot beat me now
You are NOT the boss of me.
Please understand Mama
I did the best to bring us together
The rest is up to you.
If we don't connect again
That is fine too
Even Homerx survives alone
Anyway, just wanted to say
Happy Mothers Day
To you Rosemary.
Amen, and Amen to that Prayer To Your Mama, Mson Posted: 05-13-08 23:36pm
Who can say what made your mother into the
person that she became? I know in her
heart she loves you. Never doubt that.
But, sometimes it is not a day in the
park. Your being abused as a little child
still gives me pause. It hurts me Mson,
let alone you. You are the one who lived
through it. I am glad that you are
working on seperating yourself now from
that pain. Let your Mom come to realize
the pain inflected upon you, just a little
child. Sorry. I don't want to lay blame,
but abuse of a child to me is almost
unforgiveable. They have to repent for
that kind of suffering and pain. Sorry.
I know it is not my place here to make
judgements, but you are my friend and you
were innocent and just a child. We know
what was going on with them Mson. We
don't have to speak the words. But, we
both know. We know.
I love you Mson. You have made me be
strong. Stronger and stronger every
single day. I finally hired the new
vineyard manager starting in June. And,
my former vineyard manager will be coming
back as a consultant to help me and put in
a system of watering without me having to
do it every day. I have already fallen
three times out there on those hills. I
am getting old. I can't do this forever.
I thank God for you every single day and
always pray for you every time I awake
Mson and you too dearest Homer. You have
a woman's heart. A heart that can listen,
understand and empathasize. And the heart
of a man who can love and love
unconditionally. I love you Homer.
Your friend in Christ,
Bobbie
The one person you have shown us is your
heart and soul, Mson. It is kind and good
and full of love.
I wish I could just reach around you and
show you how much you are truly loved. I
think about the great angels. Gabriel, of
the North, Michael of the East, Raphael of
the South and Uriel of the West. I
believe in angels and in particular the
great angels of the Lord. These angels
are recognized in all faiths.
|
Users who thank Roberta777 for this post:
homerxMuthoni
Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
Thanked:212
Bobbie my dear! Posted: 05-13-08 23:48pm
Congratulations on hiring a new manager.
I love you and thanks for your very
meaningful words.
Thanks about the angels and I really
appreciate that you pray for me. All the
prayers are helping me get better. More
and more each day.
My hearting is beating hard
because I just sent that poem to my Ndandi
to give it Mami.
I will read it out to the children when I
teach in the next six upcoming
presentations and every other presentation
for that matter.
I cannot believe I just did that (send the
poem) but again I am standing on shoulders
of giants. My husband, Homerx, Bobbie,
Fairy*Godmother, Gugu, YOURSELF, Hart74
and Carl's brother and so many other
people. Almost Positive and Miss
Anonymous. You all lift me up.
My heart has been bothered mbae my mother
for many years. As complete three years
since the wedding, the last time I saw
her, I will not allow this fear of her to
continue. That is why I said:
Happy Mother's Day.
I appreciate that when I was born
You did not throw me out
You wiped my bum and gave me a breast.
Then depression crawled in and you
were a monster
One I fear to upset up to this date.
Mama I pray for you daily
That your soul may heal
That you may enjoy your olden days.
I have forgiven you Mama
For the physical and verbal abuse
I understand you were ill.
I am crying mama
Because I wish you were a normal Mama
But you are who God gave me
My path is different from yours
You cannot beat me now
You are NOT the boss of me.
Please understand Mama
I did the best to bring us together
The rest is up to you.
If we don't connect again
That is fine too
Even Homerx survives alone
Anyway, just wanted to say
Happy Mothers Day
To you Rosemary.
It is me
Muthoni.
Whatever will be will
be.
Wow, Mson...touching...
You
said "Please understand Mama
I did the best to bring us together
The rest is up to you."
I feel that....one day it will be 2 late
and we will not have the chance to fix
it...but it takes 2 and I alone can not
fix us..que sera sera ....whatever will be
will be...
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Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
Thanked:212
Homerx. Posted: 05-14-08 12:30pm
I will be forty soon and I don't want to
carry any baggage into my forties. I am
cleaning house.
And you are right. One day it will be too
late to have a chance to fix it. I have
been trying since 2002 to bring
reconciliation. I wrote a long letter to
her May 19, 2002. I was telling her how
habits are carried on from one generation
to the next.
I told herI was raped. I told her about
how insecure I had felt in high school
because I was a late developer. I had no
breasts. I explained that since I was
with Bipolar, I understand her more and
where she is coming from. In that letter
I told her not to worry about the abuse
because it was not her wish. I told her
about my prostitution days.
Six years later, she still seems to want
to make me shrink. Well I won't shrink
for I say the Nelson Mandela speech
everyday but Sunday. It is starting to
support me from the inside out.
It says:-
“Our deepest fear is not that we are
inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our
light, not our darkness that most
frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I
to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small
does not serve the world. There is nothing
enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you. We
are all meant to shine, as children do. We
were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us. It's not just in
some of us; it's in everyone. And as we
let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the
same. As we are liberated from our own
fear, our presence automatically liberates
others.”
I am powerful beyond measure. And my
playing small does not serve the world.
I LOVE that,Mson...I have to believe
that...it makes good since to be empowered
and to be strong!!!
"As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates
others.”
YES!
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
Thanked:212
Homerx. Posted: 05-14-08 13:29pm
Thanks my dear.
The speech was first given to me in a
church of all places. I lost that piece
and then another one was given to me mbae
a fellow HIV person and this time kept it
safely and also my counselor gave it to
me. I decided then to memorise it. It is
one of the things I say at the labyrinth.
Yes my dear, as we are liberated from our
own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others. Just the presence.
Strong stuff eh? Automatically...it is
amazing. It is like what Fairy*Godmother
did to me and the page. The same effect
comes from the candle on your avatar.
Light.
I have awoke, had breakfast, tea
and a joint
Next I will skip rope, get dressed, light
the candle and go for my walk. Maybe I
will go for my walk after the volunteer
interview at the place of the homeless.
So I will skip rope and light the candle
and maybe read my book. Have lunch, go to
the interview, walk the labyrinth come
home and watch TV. hopefully I have some
clothes on.
Geez the grill is still soaked in the
sink. Gotta clean that.
Strong stuff indeed....thanks,dear...have
a blessed day....xoxo
|
Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 835 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 336
Thanked:212
Homerx. Posted: 05-14-08 17:13pm
I have had a blessed day so far. thanks
for your best wishes and prayers. I had
lunch and read from my book. Just to have
the discipline to sit down and read is
something new to me. And to understand
what I am reading is even more unreal to
me. The mind has stopped racing. Amen!
My first encounter today was Karl from
Kenya. He was teasing me for wearing
sunglasses . He is also
looking for papers. He told me that it
is was nice to see me standing straight.
He said that I am eating well.
People can see the results of my effort.
Thanks for holding me up.
Then I went to the interview for the
homeless. What a waste of my time. The
only openings were preparing food in the
kitchen. I never prepare food at home why
would I prepare there I
prepared food in a restaurant before.
Been there done that and don't want to do
it again.
At the labyrinth I found three more people
walking. It is always fun to have other
people there. While I was in the middle
singing a hymn, a woman spoke to me from
nowhere and said she had just got a job.
I was happy for her but I wanted to
continue with my prayers and so I told her
I was happy for her which I was. She was
very happy.
I am home now. Should be watching Dr.
Phil. I guess I better watch yesterday's
Oprah, then Dr. Phil and then today's
Oprah.
At 5:30pm I have to be at a course at the
AIDS office. The topic is, Global Issues
Training. I don't want to miss it for the
world.
we
love when others join in on this
thread...it is very special...and you are
a loving special caring person...really
sweet 
I love it
and Love you...I know, that song is very
touching....crying is so cathartic isn't
it...feels good to get it out. 
You are awesome and
I am glad you joined us here..Mson is
amazing, my inspiration and my hero 
We are all going to
be fine, I really believe that... 
I guess now would be a good time to hop on
that treadmill and get to walking... 
...God bless
her...and you 2...
I
am a Cancer married to a Scorpio. Perfect
match. 
. He is also
looking for papers. He told me that it
is was nice to see me standing straight.
He said that I am eating well.
I
prepared food in a restaurant before.
Been there done that and don't want to do
it again. 