Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Iowa City, Iowa USA
18 Year Student Dad to Be Posted: 02-20-08 03:07am
Hey all,
I'm new to the forum and would like to
share my story. I am eighteen years old,
as well as my girlfriend. We have been
dating for almost a year now, and she is
expecting a baby in roughly four months.
(About 21 weeks along as of today). This
pregnancy was unplanned, of course I
cannot think of too many teenagers today
that would want to fully take on the
responsibilities of raising a baby, let
alone being mature enough to do it
properly.
I currently attend the University of Iowa
as a freshman while she is a senior in
high school. I am pursuing a degree in
Pharmacy which requires approximately
seven years of school. My girlfriend was
planning on attending the same university
and living with me in the fall, but given
the situation it would be close to
impossible for both of us to go to school
and care for our child at the same time,
so she has decided to take a year off and
see how things go. Our plan is to buy a
condo (I will be attending school for a
long time, and this investment will
actually save us a lot of money in the
long run) and live together in the city.
We have every intention of raising this
baby together and providing it with the
essentials to a good life.
In the past few months I have be growing
more fond of the fact that this is
reality. Firstly, I have to say that I
have yet to tell my parents she is
pregnant. I understand that there is no
one right way to tell them besides just
letting them know. I plan on having my
girlfriend with me this weekend when I go
back to my hometown. I have decided to
invite them out to lunch with us and then
break the ice a little by soothing into
the conversation. It'd be great if they
actually end up taking it better than the
version I have playing inside my head. I
understand that it will take some time for
it to sink in.
My parents and her parents have never
formally met. My parents know what their
parents do and a few things about them and
her parents are the same way. I would
like to get them together and discuss
everything in person so they know that we
are going about this is a serious way. I
want to get the message across that this
is not some screw up and now we are
running back to them in hopes they can
bail us out and support us completely
financially; I am leaning more towards
seeking their guidance and advice about
what they think we should do. They
obviously have experience in the field and
I will definitely be grateful for all the
help we can get. I will let my parents
and her parents know that I am taking
responsibility for our actions and
accepting everything optimistically.
My girlfriend and I are closer to reaching
a state of contentment accepting the fact
that our lives are going to change
drastically. There are some things that
we will never be able to do in life that
we would have wanted. We have already
started the process of growing up to
quickly and that is just something we have
to get used to. I think a hard part about
it is watching your friends pursuing their
dreams/trying to achieve what they want in
life baby free. On the other hand, I am
growing up and quickly going through the
transition of adolescence to adulthood. I
do have a few friends my age that are
expecting babies, as well, and three of
the four babies' daddies are staying true
to their pregnant girlfriends and want to
take care of their kids. My last friend
(narcissistic a**hole) split on his girl,
but I am sure she will be getting child
support from him because his parents are
loaded.
We have another ultrasound tomorrow to
find out the sex of the baby; I'm very
excited, and hoping for a little boy.
Wish me luck.
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-20-08 08:08am
Well I do wish you luck, all the luck in
the world, in fact.
That was quite a post, and I actually
heard myself sigh at the end of it, while
I contemplated how to respond, lol! OK,
here goes...
First, here is a part that needs
clarification:
Quote:
My girlfriend was
planning on attending the same university
and living with me in the fall, but given
the situation it would be close to
impossible for both of us to go to school
and care for our child at the same time,
so she has decided to take a year off and
see how things go. Our plan is to buy a
condo (I will be attending school for a
long time, and this investment will
actually save us a lot of money in the
long run) and live together in the city.
We have every intention of raising this
baby together and providing it with the
essentials to a good life.
This sounds all well and good, until I get
to this part:
Quote:
I want to get the
message across that this is not some screw
up and now we are running back to them in
hopes they can bail us out and support us
completely financially;
How can you afford to support your gf and
future child, buy a condo, afford college,
without quitting school and getting one or
two full time jobs?
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Reptar
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 389
Thanks: 44
Thanked:13
Posted: 02-20-08 10:47am
I'm really happy you're beginning to
accept this, but you really do NEED to
tell your parents. They're going to be
quite shocked. Are they paying for your
university right now? (I'm just assuming
her parents already know!)
And the big part is of course what
futureshock already asked. How in the
world are you going to afford all of this?
Pharmacy is not an easy program (at least
not where I'm from) so it doesn't give you
much time to take a job, let alone a full
time job (which is pretty much essential
to owning a condo and raising a family).
Are her parents planning on helping you
with this plan at all? The baby is
probably going to cost a lot more than you
expect.
|
bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 02-20-08 11:05am
i wish you the best of luck in supporting
yourself and your family as well as
finishing your education. but i'm also
curious about how you intend to do this?
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 02-20-08 11:48am
You sound optimistic and that is a good
thing. Try to be realistic though. You
never know what life is going to hand you
and it sounds like your hands are going to
be full for the next several years.
I would tell my parents ASAP. They should
know they have a grandchild coming. If
they don't know about your situation, they
can't help. And you at some point will
probably need some help!
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Go Baby
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Iowa City, Iowa USA
Posted: 02-20-08 12:35pm
I apologize for the first post being a
longer one, but I wanted to give you guys
some good background information.
The photos are in. IT'S A BOY!!!
When my girlfriend told me I got so happy.
I'll be walking around all day with a
huge smile on my face.
Thanks for all of the replys, you guys on
this forum sound really supportive and
knowledgable. I know one of the biggest
concerns for most teen parents is how they
are going to get by finacially. I'm not
sure what the average cost of raising a
baby is, but I have heard in the vicinity
of $10,000 per year. Fortunately, we both
come from families with an annually high
income. My parents are currently paying
for my education, through loans and
personal financing.
There are a lot of things needed to be
factored in; supporting myself, my
girlfriend, my baby, living expenses, and
cost of continuing school, micesolaneous
expenses, car insurance, health care for
the child, etc...
I would suppose we will need a lot of help
from our families. But like I said, I
don't want to give off the impression that
we are expecting them to pay for
everything. Instead, I want to come up
with the best way to encourage them to
give us their guidance and support us
through the parts where it is going to be
difficult for us to do by ourselves.
The cost of a condo I am looking at is
$85,000. Expensive, yes. But this is a
rather smart investment as opposed to
paying rent on an appartment for six more
years which could easily total +$65,000.
I have worked since I was thirteen years
old, making my own money and paying for
the things that I wanted. As a result, I
ended up rewarding myself with a very nice
car. I have a friend that has just made
an offer on it and plan on selling it
asap. This will be enough to put a nice
down payment on our place, and enough to
put some into my bank account. I beleive
that my parents will be willing to pay
monthly rent (appox. $500) which will help
us out a lot.
I plan on working this summer, and
part-time in the fall when school starts
back up. She is also planning on getting
a part-time job after a few months, so I
beleive we will be making enough to
support ourselves and/or with the help of
our parents, enough to take care of the
other things besides rent and the cost of
school.
As far as going to school and doing all
this, I think it can be done. I will
schedule my classes in the morning from
8:30 to around 12:30. My major requires
that I take some difficult courses, so I
will find a time to do the bulk of my
studying at home.
Maybe someone can share how they were able
to support themselves and their baby. Did
you do so with your partner? Parents?
Alone?
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-20-08 14:58pm
I don't see how you can make enough money
to support yourself, gf, a baby, and go to
school. You aren't actually trying to do
that, because you are figuring on your
parents paying for the bulk of it. They
may have been glad to do that while you
were a single college student, but now you
will be an adult, a husband/boyfriend and
father, with a family of your own to
support.
You know your parents and gf's better than
I, so you know how they'll react better
than I. Just keep in mind you are asking
your parents to help support your family
now, not just you.
I hope it goes well. What do your gf's
parents have to say about all of this?
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 02-20-08 15:06pm
If i were you i'd try to come up with a
plan that does NOT involve them. and that
probably means takingoff school to work
full time for a while.
where do you live that a condo is 85,000?
you can not by a 1 one bedroom 1 bath
house here for under 400,000. but that is
great that you found something that cheap
do you plan on marrying your girlfriend?
the first year of having a baby is
probably going to cost way more than
10,000. probably somewhere between 18,000
and 20,000. becausey ou need to buy
everything you dont already have. and the
following years will get cheaper because
you'll have things like the crib,
stroller, etc already.
the cost of raising a child from 0-18
years is approx 250,000 which equals a
little bit less than 14,000 a year.
how are you going to furnish the condo?
i am not trying to be a debbie downer. i
jsut want to make sure you've thought of
everything
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krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 30
Thanked:15
Posted: 02-20-08 15:07pm
i know you dont want to rely on both of
your parents fully, but have you
considered this option?
this is what my fiance and i are doing.
but you may chose differntly,
i am living with him and his family and
they said we can stay and put money aside
so we can get a town house other than
condo which we origionally planned on
doing, his parents are helping us by
watching our child while we'll be off at
work and then we'll take over when we get
home. For this i am extremely greatful
because i am like you 18 and having a
child and i already know its going to be
stressful and they said they'll be here
tolend a hand when i need it. Which i
thanked then over 100 times,
Now maybe you and your girlfriend, instead
of having the expense to buy a condo,
maybe when you talk to your parents about
this, you could see if they'd be willing
to put you guys up for rent, that way,
you'll have a car to help get you and your
girlfriend back and forth to hospital
visits, someone can help out if you guys
need a hand, im sure they'll be willing to
watch their grandchild, and you'll be able
to finish school and put money aside for
babies expenses and for a house or town
house down the road. it might be a little
less stressful.
thats my opinion maybe youll like it?
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Go Baby
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Iowa City, Iowa USA
Posted: 02-20-08 16:07pm
Very cool, thanks for the congradulations
about finding out it's a boy...
My girlfriend's parent's told her they
would be there for her, and that once we
have discussed everything with both of our
families we will figure out what we can
do.
Read the first post. I live in Iowa, and
the cost of living is much cheaper here
than almost every other part of the
country. The place I was looking at is
two bedrooms, one bath, one garage, 1000
square feet, built in 2004.
The financial issue is a problem. I'm not
worrying too much about it right now
because I still haven't told my parents.
I live over a hundred miles away from
them, and I want to tell them in person
this weekend. I'm trying to take this
step by step, while keeping all options in
mind. Change is obviously needed, and I'm
trying to develope an outline to the path
of living life right. School is very
important to me, but I would never
prioritize it over my child. My
responsibilities come first, and then my
wants.
I didn't ask for this, and I'm trying to
make the best of it. My ambitions are
fading...
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 02-21-08 00:34am
i understand you are doing the best you
can with the situation given. i just didnt
want you to have a warped view of reality,
know what i mean? im sorry i really didnt
mean to sound rude, hey i dont even have
kids
but i think its going to be very hard to
keep a full time school schedule and
support yourselves. best of luck and stick
around to keep us updated!!
p.s. Congrats on finding out its a boy!
any names?
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-21-08 02:48am
Sorry about not congratulating you on
finding out it's a boy, but I don't get
what I'd be congratulating you for. It's
as if I'd be congratulating you for NOT
having a girl.
Is having a boy really that important to
you? I just wanted a healthy child, so I
guess I don't get what the hoopla is all
about.
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 02-21-08 13:25pm
i think its natural to prefer one sex over
the other, not that he would be upset if
it was agirl. i'm sure he'd still be
thrilled
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krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 30
Thanked:15
Posted: 02-21-08 13:59pm
btw congrats on finding out its a boy!
the financial issue im sure your looking
over and figuring out what to do next, but
like bella said its going to be pretty
hard with supporting your girlfriend, baby
and where you 3 will be living...just out
of curiosity, is there a way you could
explain your situation with your
university, is there a way you could
temporairly discontinue going to school
and then pick it back up when things ease
down just a bit? would you consider
something like that if you had the option?
Or could you do these courses online so
you could be at home?
