General Debate Forum - Why do Girls Get Pregnant Before They Are Proposed To?


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Verizon-y

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Why do Girls Get Pregnant Before They Are Proposed To? Posted: 02-21-08 19:20pm


That's a horrible title, but my question is too long and wouldn't fit. What I'm trying to ask is, why do girls want to get pregnant by a guy before that guy has even proposed to them? It seems like it is forcing the guys into something prematurely. If men want children with women, they usually get down on one knee and propose marriage. Too often it seems when women want children, they just get pregnant and have them, regardless of what their boyfriends want. Is it really such a surprise that the vast majority of men leave the relationship?

Birch

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Posted: 02-21-08 20:11pm


I think of you as a strong feminist, futureshock. Why use "girls" in the title? This all sounds pretty familar, too.

nightangel73

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Posted: 02-21-08 20:54pm


Yep my coworker was just like that. She wanted to get pregnant and went for it and she didn't care the guy didn't proposed. The dad of the baby of course dumped her. According to her she decided to get pregnant because she wanted to have a baby "before she was 30". So futureshock maybe you can put that in the list: fear of biological clock ticking as one reason.

Roberta777

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What You Decide Posted: 02-21-08 21:31pm


is for the rest of your life. Why do girls decide it is a good idea to become pregnant? Too many movie stars showing these young, impressionable girls, that it is a cool thing to do. Acceptable now? No, it is not. Well what can I say? I was born a long time ago and to get a husband you had to at least save yourself in some respect to get respect back. I don't regret that. For a young girl to get pregnant right out of the starting gate - what guy is going to think that girl is actually true and yes, he could be the father? Please. Do these girls just fall off the cabbage truck the minute before they become pregnant? Not to be disrespectful, because Deb has a very serious question here. Guess things are just so different from when I was young. When I was young, you would never do anything to dishonor your family's name, dishonor yourself. Family was everything to me. I grew up in a farming community. Believe me, if you behaved like a person who would shame your family, you shamed them. Bottom line, no girl should get pregnant just to have a baby pet. Get a dog or cat from the pound instead. A child is going to be for the entire rest of your life. Just heard of a young woman, 24 years old, who grabbed her 3 year old at pre-school today and they got her 30 miles down the road. Have a child, face the consequences.

marvel

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Posted: 02-21-08 22:28pm


I think that there has to be some sort of onus on the guy in this type of situation. There is a great responsibility associated with unprotected sex, and the man opens himself up to that when he doesn't use a condom/spermicide etc. etc. On the other hand, if the man trusts his partner enough to believe she's taken her BC pill and she doesn't just for the sole purpose of getting pregnant, there's an issue. In general, though, sex is a two way street with consequences for each person. In a perfect world, they'd be equal consequences, but unfortunately, they aren't.

nightangel73

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Re: What You Decide
Posted: 02-21-08 22:56pm

Roberta777 wrote:

Not to be disrespectful, because Deb has a very serious question here. Guess things are just so different from when I was young. When I was young, you would never do anything to dishonor your family's name, dishonor yourself. Family was everything to me. I grew up in a farming community. Believe me, if you behaved like a person who would shame your family, you shamed them.

I was raised like that too in PR.

killbill

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Posted: 02-21-08 23:04pm


Which "girls" are you talking to because this happened to me but I sure didn't do it all alone. I lived with my partner and we talked about marriage and children but he hadn't proposed. We were living together so we were having sex and using protection but we got pregnant anyway. So, am I to understand that it is my fault that he got trapped by me and now he has to marry me? I really am bothered by this because I feel like some people might think that about me when it is so not true. I wanted to wait. It was my dream to have a nice wedding where I could wear a white dress and have kids afterward when I had finished my degree and had started my career. It just didn't work out that way for me. I can't help it if he didn't propose to me. I can't help it if I love him and we aren't married. We both came from broken homes and divorced parents and it's not my fault that he is a little gunshy when it comes to marriage. We still have a beautiful, happy family, but I will always have to wonder if people are thinking that I laid a trap for him because that's how some people's minds work.

RebelCats

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Posted: 02-21-08 23:45pm


Well yeah when I had my first son the guy left me but I was not trying to get pregnant on purpose. I was what happened but I was on the shot. Yes my second 2 sons was born out of wedlock but my husband was far from trapped. We together talked about having kids, we together decided to start a family, we together used no protection while trying to get pregnant. We decided after our second son was born to get married. That son was 1 1/2 mths old when we got married.

Verizon-y

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Posted: 02-22-08 04:36am

Birch wrote:

I think of you as a strong feminist, futureshock. Why use "girls" in the title?

This all sounds pretty familar, too.

Because I am talking about GIRLS, also known as females under the age of 18.

killbill

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Posted: 02-22-08 09:51am


then you're just talking about teen pregnancy again. i don't know a lot of married teenagers.

Georgia59

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Posted: 02-22-08 10:23am


Well, I'm always against any female getting pregnant (intentionally) without the knowledge of the guy. That's just wrong, proposal or not.

Birch

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Posted: 02-22-08 11:24am

futureshock wrote:

Birch wrote:

I think of you as a strong feminist, futureshock. Why use "girls" in the title?

This all sounds pretty familar, too.

Because I am talking about GIRLS, also known as females under the age of 18.

Oh, well, who would've known since you used "women" interchangeably in your first post and this is the first time you specified "females under the age of 18". wave

Do you have any stats on this 'baby trap' phenonmenon?

Georgia59

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Posted: 02-22-08 11:27am


That's a good point birch. Does this actually happen often? Not in my experience. But if it does, ick. That's wrong.

RebelCats

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Posted: 02-22-08 12:48pm


I don't have stats but I have heard of it happening tho. Tho I don't think its often that a young teen does such just to trap the guy more often then not I think they are just unplanned pregnancies and the guy feels like he was trapped. But that does not mean the female intentionally tried to trap him.

Georgia59

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Posted: 02-22-08 13:23pm


I agree with rebelcats. I think the fault of a teen pregnancy is more commonly the couple as a whole not using reliable bc, not the girl intentionally messing up.

Verizon-y

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Posted: 02-22-08 17:04pm


I'm not even focusing on the "baby trap" phenomenon, just the having children before a commitment has even been made. Many more teen pregnancies are planned than you would think. I had no idea how common this was until I started reading about it. It doesn't even have to be girls, the question is just as valid for women, but for many women, since they are adults, they are more likely to be self-supporting and able to afford a child on their own.

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Posted: 02-22-08 19:11pm

killbill wrote:

Which "girls" are you talking to because this happened to me but I sure didn't do it all alone. I lived with my partner and we talked about marriage and children but he hadn't proposed. We were living together so we were having sex and using protection but we got pregnant anyway. So, am I to understand that it is my fault that he got trapped by me and now he has to marry me? I really am bothered by this because I feel like some people might think that about me when it is so not true. I wanted to wait. It was my dream to have a nice wedding where I could wear a white dress and have kids afterward when I had finished my degree and had started my career. It just didn't work out that way for me. I can't help it if he didn't propose to me. I can't help it if I love him and we aren't married.

Sorry to hear you didn't had your dream wedding.

killbill wrote:

We both came from broken homes and divorced parents and it's not my fault that he is a little gunshy when it comes to marriage.

No, that is not excuse. My husband also came from broken home, divorced parents and he actually divorced two times and still wanted to get married and proposed to me. Smile

Verizon-y

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Posted: 02-22-08 21:42pm


How can a guy be gunshy about marriage, yet not be gunshy about having children? Both marriage and having children are lifelong commitments. If a man is not willing to make a commitment of marriage, how can he make a commitment to fatherhood? It doesn't make any sense , in my opinion, unless one feels that it's fine for the guy to have children and then be able to walk away from them whenever he feels like it.

Birch

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Posted: 02-23-08 02:50am

^That's a good point.

I just don't think that people see children as the same kind of committment level as marriage. Maybe for guys it's "oh, marriage...dang, I'd actually have to do something" and kids are well, a donation and they just don't get it. Well, hell, women/girls just don't get it, either.

I don't know.

nightangel73 wrote:

No, that is not excuse. My husband also came from broken home, divorced parents and he actually divorced two times and still wanted to get married and proposed to me

Divorce effects different people differently.

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Posted: 02-23-08 07:28am


Simple - these girls think that they can sink their claws into a man forever by having his kid. That, and since it has become less taboo to have *edited for profanity children and since teen mothers get praised like the Messiah for having children they can't afford or properly care for, they realize it's a good way to get attention, be lazy, and get free welfare benefits. But the baby trap is less effective when marriage is not involved, which is kind of funny. Without that legal document saying you are married, it's easier for a man to flee and abandon his skanky girlfriend and illegitimate child scot-free...whereas a man is more likely to get roped into child support if he gets a divorce. I think it would be wise to revive the practice of making pregnant teen girls get sent away to a relative's home, birth the child and then force them to give it up for adoption. Teen mothers are lousy excuses for parents and are still children themselves, both in mind and in body - I wouldn't trust teens these days with a Chia pet, let alone a baby. And marriage definitely is not as permenant as children. In a marriage, you can get a divorce and never see your spouse again - with the exception of alimony (if you get a lawyer who knows their stuff, you could end up paying little to no alimony). With children, there's debating over custody, the child's guardian demanding child support (which can be in very hefty amounts), and basically those two parents will be bound for life by that child. So, unless the parents kill their child, they will always have some sort of relationship - a kid is a far more permenant bond than any wedding ring or marriage certificate. And yet, far less thought is put into having kids than arranging a marriage.