Bisexual guy vs stright guy friendship Posted: 02-22-08 10:54am
I donno whether this is correct location
to post because my doubt because it
relates to both sex and mental health. I
am(22) Male from India(where homo n
bisexual are seems to be sin) bisexual
person. My friend(20), Male seems to be
straight guy. I like him n sometime love
my friend. By his characters n
behaviors(always talking n teasing girls
and seeing sex movies...) , I guess he
might be a straight guy. I always want to
see him/touch him n sometimes want to have
sex with him. I never exposed that I am
bisexual. I am very much afraid to say
that I'm bi-sexual because he may
completely hate after knowing my sexual
orientation. I want to know whether he is
ready to have sexual relationship with me
or not, but in a very polite manner. How
can I express my thoughts to him, without
affecting our 'normal' friendship? Or I
can just use my 'normal' friendship to
execute my 'sexual feeling' by embracing n
other activities, even though it seems to
be sin for me
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mominashoe
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Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1774 Location: , KS USA
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Posted: 02-24-08 12:55pm
You are right in feeling cautious about
making your feelings known to your friend.
I don't think this is really a mental
health situation, and I don't know a whole
lot about different sexual orientations,
but I do know that sexual attractions for
others already close to you can completely
ruin a friendship.
If you really do consider him your best
friend you should keep it that way, and
even if he was bisexual or gay I don't
think it would be wise to communicate your
sexual feelings. I have seen a lot of
straight girls sleep with their best
friends and ruin their friendships with
them. You should treat him as you
normally would and continue enjoying his
friendly company.
The fact that you are wondering means that
you probably shouldn't tell him.
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Georgia59
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Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
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Posted: 02-25-08 13:23pm
I copied this to the GLBT relationships
forum. Maybe you'll get some good advice
there! (Not that mominashoe's advice
wasn't good:)
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homerx
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Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3526 Location: Earth..usually, USA
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Posted: 02-25-08 16:09pm
Thanks Georgia59...and mominashoe, I agree
with your good advise. Do not tell him.
You sound very young so here is my advise,
speaking as a gay man.Do not approach him
in a sexual way. I think from what you
have written that he is straight. If you
feel the need to tell him then be prepared
for him to not want to be your friend
anymore. ( which would be fine with me. I
personally don't want to be friends with
someone who discriminates against others
for whatever reason) I think you just have
a crush on him which is normal. People get
crushes on friends all the time. But don't
act on it. Tell him you are bi if you feel
the need but don't be shocked when he
fades away or gets defensive and weird.
Straight men in particular can be easily
intimidated by another mans
sexuality...silly but true. Good Luck and
let us know what happens.
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tempp
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 02-26-08 10:03am
Thx for all your guys... I'll never going
to expose my sexual orientation or my
affection over him, I want his true
friendship. I try to visualize him as
ugliest as possible whenever i feel horny
to avoid sexual feeling on him.
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homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3526 Location: Earth..usually, USA
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Posted: 02-26-08 11:49am
good idea...and maybe in time you guys can
lay it all on the line. If so great, if
not thats OK 2. Good Luck to you.
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marvel
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Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
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Posted: 02-27-08 16:35pm
tempp.
Hi! I'm Zak.
I was in India for a few months last
summer, and I can remember the huge taboo
that is associated with homosexuality and
bisexuality there. It must be very hard
for you, because, as I also remember, men
are VERY affectionate. They'll hold hands,
kiss each other... the occasional
hand-on-thigh action.
I think I would advice, given your
environment and your situation, to try to
stay away from him for a little while. I
don't think it would be right for you to
open up to him. It could affect your life
negatively not just as a result of a lost
or damaged friendship, but because of the
attitude of the people in your
surroundings. You don't want them to find
out just yet. Wait until you're more
independent at the very least.
I hope this helps!
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tempp
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 02-28-08 08:01am
wow! the marvel is excellent! Now a days I
avoid him, and avoiding his engagement in
alone to prevent 'accidents'. But my
monkey mind always thinking about him. Is
there any way to control my mind, by
forcing it to think what I think, instead
taking decision on it's(mind) own. How to
control my mind effectively? How to reduce
sexual feelings?
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marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
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Posted: 02-28-08 14:02pm
You're in a tough position, because it's
not like you can go out and find another
man who will probably be better for you.
Do you ever have feelings for women? The
best thing is to separate for awhile and,
even though it will be tough, you will
slowly realise that you can fully function
without this guy and life does go on. It's
true!
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JYoungBear
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2007 Posts: 158 Location: , MA
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Posted: 03-03-08 12:38pm
marvel
wrote:
You're in a tough position,
because it's not like you can go out and
find another man who will probably be
better for you. Do you ever have feelings
for women? The best thing is to separate
for awhile and, even though it will be
tough, you will slowly realise that you
can fully function without this guy and
life does go on. It's
true!
He speaks the truth. A man I dated for a
few weeks before my current boyfriend, I
fell in love with... but unfortunately he
dropped off the face of the planet, which
left me absolutely crushed. I guess you
can say my current boyfrend can be
considered a "rebound", but then, this is
the first real relationship I have had in
months, so it is not as big of a deal as
one could possibly make it.
But I learned to move on. I am at a point
that if I were to bump into this guy
somewhere, I can be civil, say hi, and not
really think too much about it - quite
honestly (and this may sound harsh, but it
is the truth), to be crushing over someone
that you know has no compatiblity (sexual
orientation, chemistry, etc.), it is a
waste of your own energy. Like Zak said,
it does take time, but you will get used
to the fact that the reality is that
things would not work out, contrary to
popular belief. Just keep on, and keep
searching. You will find someone that you
know is right for you when that time
comes.
