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Pregnancy Community Chat Forum - Got no one else to talk to
Joined: 17 Aug 2005 Posts: 1015 Location: NSW Australia
Got no one else to talk to Posted: 02-25-08 06:42am
I think i've stuffed up big time!!!
i've had (still having) a bad day with
grace. I needed time out, time away from
the house, time away from grace. I asked
stephen if he could take care of her for a
couple of hours so i could destress and he
said no. Thankfully my friend that i went
to visit took her for a while.
Of course i've stewed on it while i was
gone and a month of bottling up my
feelings exploded when i got home.
It was about a month ago that he started
feeling depressed and admitted that he was
afraid to hold her. since then he has
hardly spent any time with her. He gets
very dis heartened because most of the
time now she cries when he does actualy
hold her which isnt very often. i've tried
to do it all on my own since and only
asked for his help when i am at my wits
end even then i'm stressing because i know
that he cant handle her crying at the
moment.
He doesnt give her her bath like he used
to, he hasnt changed a nappy for over a
month and most certainly doesnt get up to
her when she cries and the last time i
asked him to feed her he rolled his eyes
and said "i surpose"
When i let my feelings out he just said
"f*#k you" and walked off. Now i feel
guilty for expressing my feelings because
he has been depressed and not himself.
Its just got to the point where i cant
pussyfoot around him all the time so i
dont upset him. He needs to spend more
with grace because at the moment, she
doesnt really know him. I am doing the
best that i can but at the end of the day
its grace who is suffering not me!!
I'm sorry for having a boo hoo but i just
needed to tell someone.
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Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1611 Location: virginia beach, va usa
Thanks: 11
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-25-08 07:21am
trevor was the same way after he got back
for a while, she would cry every time he
held her and leap to me, he was afriad to
feed her, and the worst thing is he was
afraid he would repeat the past (he was
abused as a child), and he would get
really upset if i tried to talk to him
about it or if i asked him to take her so
i could relax for a couple minutes
but hes gotten better, i kept pushing the
subject and he finally told me what was
wrong, and then we worked it out, where he
wakes up with her one morning on the
weekend (she is more accepting of new
people in teh morning) and he would feed
her dinner every night and eventually play
with her for about an hour every night
when he got home
now she LOVES her daddy, she gets super
excited when he walks in the house after
work, she loves her mornings with him and
her nights (daddy lets her do things mommy
doesnt) sometimes she will still cry (when
she is really sleepy or when she isnt
feeling well mainly) but she still loves
him, last night she actualy fell asleep
with him for the first time....he was so
in shock and in awe it was beautiful, he
FINALLY understood why i dont like putting
her in her crib right away, it feels so
good to just sit there with your beautiful
baby sleeping in your arm, it makes the
nastiness of the world just disappear
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pixma
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005 Posts: 1015 Location: NSW Australia
Posted: 02-25-08 08:44am
i really hope your right and he does come
around.
He is pretty much being what i expected
him to be like. At first he didnt want me
to have her and during my pregnancy would
never feel her kick. But when she was born
he totally took me by suprise, he was so
wonderful with her, you couldnt fault him.
She would also settle better with him than
with me at the start. I just wish he didnt
prove me right, i wish i didnt feel like
that in the first place, i was so proud of
him!
Well he's either gonna take it in and do
something about it or never forgive me for
bringing it up!!*sigh*
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Re: Got no one else to talk to Posted: 02-25-08 10:05am
pixma
wrote:
Its just got to the point where i cant
pussyfoot around him all the time so i
dont upset him. He needs to spend more
with grace because at the moment, she
doesnt really know him. I am doing the
best that i can but at the end of the day
its grace who is suffering not me!!
I'm sorry for having a boo hoo but i just
needed to tell
someone.
You have every right to be stressed out.
He needs to get help to get over his
depression so he can be a parent to his
child. You shouldn't have to do it alone.
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mc4ever02
Supporter
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3636 Location: Orlando, FL Usa
Thanks: 5
Thanked:2
Posted: 02-25-08 13:03pm
Has he spoken to a doctor about his
depression? Maybe some anti-depressants
would help.
Babies are a big adjustment to dads as
well as moms. Sometimes they don't realize
the changes that really do take place.
Sometimes they need to know that haven't
lost you. So, maybe if you could get a
friend to watch her for an hour or two and
you guys could go get icecream, or take a
bath together. Something to reconnect and
let him know that you still love him too.
He might be more open to helping more.
Just an idea.
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ebarnhard33
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2006 Posts: 542 Location: Denver, CO
Thanks: 2
Thanked:7
Posted: 02-25-08 13:08pm
I'm sorry you're going through this. In a
sense, I know how you feel. My husband was
the same way when Kaylee was a newborn. He
wouldn't change her diaper, feed her,
bathe her, etc. When I went back to work,
he would take her to his mom's house
instead of watching her by himself. He
finally told me he was afraid to be alone
with her. I basically told him to suck it
up - this was his child too, and sooner or
later he'd have to get used to it. Since
then, he's really come around. He is very
hands-on with Kaylee and doesn't mind
being alone with her. Maybe you just need
to flat-out tell him to deal with it. I
know that sounds harsh, but that's what
worked for me. Or, like others have said,
maybe he needs to get on some
anti-depressants. Either way, I hope it
works out for you!
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pixma
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005 Posts: 1015 Location: NSW Australia
Posted: 02-25-08 13:58pm
he refuses to use anti-depressants
unfortunatley!! but has gone to g a
councelar which was useless!!!
thanks for your replies everyone!!!
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-25-08 14:01pm
How long has be been depressed? Sometimes
depression is a physical ailment, so no
counseling session will help, just like
you wouldn't try to treat cancer with
counseling, either.
Does depression run in his family? Has he
ever been successfully treated for it, or
has he had it under control in the past?
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 02-25-08 14:18pm
Oh I'm really sorry you are going through
this. I would hand him the baby and say
"I'm going out....kthanks".
A lot of times depression is a chemical
imbalance and people need meds to help.
It's not anything to mess around with.
I hope things get better for you
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pixma
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005 Posts: 1015 Location: NSW Australia
Posted: 02-25-08 19:05pm
The first time he had it was about this
time last year. He started playing golf
and that seemed to get out all his
frustrations. But he doesnt even want to
do that. I just wish he would open up and
talk to me or someone else and not bottle
it up inside.
His new job is also long hours but i still
feel he needs to play with grace even if
its just for hour a day instead of
spending the rest of the night on the
couch. I know hes tired but geeze so am
i!!!!
i think his dad got depressed a couple of
years back because of the draught and its
effect on the farm.
i myself get it from time to time but nip
it in the bud as soon as i feel different,
i'm just afraid that now if it happens i
wont be able to because of my
responsibilies with grace. Hopefully it
wont happen though.
