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Posted: 05-13-08 16:36pm
Ingi
wrote:
krystineM
wrote:
Ingi
wrote:
krystineM
wrote:
Are grandparents not
thrilled about a new baby in the family?
Sure they could very much be active
people, but i would guess that they would
want to spend a bit more time with the new
baby than go jumping out of a plane where
they could do that really if you think
about it, anytime.
I guess my family is a little different
than yours, because even though my
parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents are
older now, have done the mom and dad
thing, they all still want to play an
active role in the childrens lives. And
they dont consider watching their
grandkids/nieces or nephews babysitting,
to them its quality time with the kids.
They still get to do all the things they
enjoy doing, but they also enjoy very much
spending time with the kids in our
family.
Didn't your mom kick you out
though?
My mom kicked me out long before i became
pregnant.
I may not be living under the same roof as
her, but we have put our differences
aside, and we are getting along now.
What does her kicking me out have to do
with her wanting to spend time with her
grandchild?
I guess i should have put my family AND my
fiancee's family do things differently.
Birch, why not support or suggest adoption
rather than
abortion?
Getting kicked out doesn't sound very
supportive of you, that is what I meant.
Sounds like she wasn't supportive of you
to the point of making you leave her home.
And you didn't move in with your dad, so
one could venture a guess that there was a
lack of support there too.
I'm just saying, a persons choice to have
a child is their own personal choice. They
shouldn't expect someone else to pick up
any of the burden. If grandparents choose
to spend a few hours a week with their
grandchildren, that is great for everyone!
But it shouldn't be seen as an obligation
for anyone.
Not living with my mom has been the best
thing for the both of us.
I am 18 and that is when i got kicked out,
i decided not to live with either of my
parents, not because they dont support
me.
They supported my decision in not living
with either of them, and we all get along
very well.
My dad is very supportive, just because i
didnt go love with him doesnt mean hes not
supportive.
That was my choice.
|
Ingi
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Posted: 05-13-08 16:39pm
krystineM
wrote:
Not living with my mom has been the best
thing for the both of us.
I am 18 and that is when i got kicked out,
i decided not to live with either of my
parents, not because they dont support
me.
They supported my decision in not living
with either of them, and we all get along
very well.
My dad is very supportive, just because i
didnt go love with him doesnt mean hes not
supportive.
That was my
choice.
So you've got tons of help then and will
have lots of babysitters between your BF's
family and your mom and dad. That is
great! I hope it allows you to finish
school and take some college courses.
|
cmyked
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Posted: 05-13-08 19:48pm
krystineM
wrote:
Are grandparents not
thrilled about a new baby in the
family?
My mother would have been HORRIFIED if I'd
fallen pregnant during college or
highschool. She has told me she wants to
reach age 50 before hearing of any
grandchildren.
|
Darkmoon
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Posted: 05-13-08 20:39pm
It annoys me that parents these days so
often end up raising their children's
children. They've done their duty already
and if you (general you...not directed at
anyone in particular) want to have a baby
you can't support or don't have time to
take care of it is not their
responsibility to pick up your slack.
My sister helped put my father into his
grave with her selfish behavior and
pushing her offspring off on him and my
mother to raise for her. If you can't
take care of them put them up for
adoption. Your parents deserve to enjoy
their retirement and enjoy their
grandchildren without having to actually
raise them.
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aochriss
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Posted: 05-13-08 22:10pm
By "you" in this post, I do not mean any
one person, I mean to address this to
"you" in general.
It's not, well, um, natural or right, to
burden your own parents because you took
short cuts and didn't put the work into
building up your own life before you had a
child.
shortcuts, not putting the work into
building up your own life=
not studying hard and graduating from high
school and or college, not taking the time
to find a suitable partner/spouse, not
taking the time to solidify the
relationship with that person so it will
be permanent or long lasting at least, to
provide stability for the child, not
finding and keeping a job (you and your
partner) so you'll be able to provide for
your family, etc., etc., etc.
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krystineM
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Posted: 05-14-08 12:54pm
cmyked im sure she would be horrified,
thats a natural instinct when a parent
hears their child is having a baby. But in
most cases, they work past it. The earlier
they know, the more time they have to
accept a new baby coming into the family.
You always hear how babies are the miracle
of life, a special "gift from God"...why
should a teen pregnancy be any different
than that?
Their still capable of finishing school, i
think some choose to just stop all
together, or they can pick it back up when
the child is in school full-time, they can
go to work..sure this is going to be hard.
But all im saying, is that every parent
knows how hard it is and now important
building a bond with the baby is in the
early years...would it be so bad to just
help them a little at the beginning so the
parent can build a bond with the baby?
Just thinking out loud..please dont bite
my head off...
Ingi, i have more than one family member
in my family who is supportive even IF my
mother and father weren't supportive
-which they are.
Just because i dont live with either one
of them does not mean they are not
supportive. Adults live on their own, are
their parents not supportive? Is it only
different for them because they are
"older"? or "married"?
Your right, i have tons of people to
support me and my Fiancee both from his
side of the family, and mine, they wont
'babysit' all the time, but they have told
us they want to do it and give us help.
And i will get a job again in a year or so
and then possibly go to college when our
child is in school full-time. That's still
a possibility though.
|
Ingi
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Posted: 05-14-08 13:03pm
None of us said it was bad. Most of us
said it should never be the burden of the
grandparents to take care of the
teenager's baby. The grandparents
shouldn't have to financially provide for
the new baby, nor should they have to
babysit.
That said, if it is their choice to have
the baby a few hours on a Saturday
afternoon - then they have that choice. In
no way should there be an obligation that
they have to watch this child so the teens
can 'have a life' or whatever. That is
part of having a baby.
When you are 25 and have a baby, you don't
expect your parents to babysit all the
time or take your child during your
working hours. You put on your big girl
panties and you be the adult.
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krystineM
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Posted: 05-14-08 13:24pm
Oh i agree, i dont think that a teen
parent should say 'here im going out.' and
leave! that's terrible. I think i took it
as thats how you were sounding to me
because in the past others have made it
seem like such a bad thing that my family
wants to help us out with the baby [living
with my fiancees family, grandparents
watching the baby, helping me if i need
it] i dont think its a bad thing at all.
but everyone things differently.
|
Ingi
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Posted: 05-14-08 13:30pm
No. But when you implied that the parents
should watch the baby so the teen can go
to school - or work - that was where
everyone was saying no way. None of us has
said there would be a problem with a
grandchild - but most of us have said we
don't want to feel responsible for that
child.
|
cmyked
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Posted: 05-14-08 16:12pm
krystineM
wrote:
cmyked im sure she would be
horrified, thats a natural instinct when a
parent hears their child is having a baby.
But in most cases, they work past it. The
earlier they know, the more time they have
to accept a new baby coming into the
family.
You always hear how babies are the miracle
of life, a special "gift from God"...why
should a teen pregnancy be any different
than that?
Because children should not be having
children. Aside from the various
biological dangers, a teen is also not
mentally mature yet. Teen pregnancy is
wrong on so many levels that I can't even
fathom someone purposely doing it and then
expecting others to be happy about it.
Quote:
Their still
capable of finishing school, i think some
choose to just stop all together, or they
can pick it back up when the child is in
school full-time, they can go to
work..sure this is going to be
hard.
All of that stress is avoidable! And a
child shouldn't HAVE to go through that.
That's the point, don't you see? Just
because I CAN survive without my eyes or
my legs or my arms doesn't make it GOOD.
Teen mothers should NOT be idolized or
congratulated.
What I say applies to American teens. I
know that in different cultures they do
things in different ways, and a different
upbringing can make a girl more mature
mentally in her teens. However, American
girls are terribly immature; I see it
every day.
Quote:
But all im
saying, is that every parent knows how
hard it is and now important building a
bond with the baby is in the early
years...would it be so bad to just help
them a little at the beginning so the
parent can build a bond with the baby?
Just thinking out loud..please dont bite
my head
off...
I don't understand how letting someone
else raise your baby is going to make you
bond with it more. YOU raising your baby
will make it bond with you.
Quote:
Is it only
different for them because they are
"older"? or
"married"?
In my book, yes. Add one more label:
Financially secure. Those three things
make ALL the difference. Maturity,
marriage and money. Love does not make
food or buy cradles.
Quote:
Your right, i
have tons of people to support me and my
Fiancee both from his side of the family,
and mine, they wont 'babysit' all the
time, but they have told us they want to
do it and give us help. And i will get a
job again in a year or so and then
possibly go to college when our child is
in school full-time. That's still a
possibility
though.
So what were your dreams and aspirations
before you fell pregnant? What did you
want to achieve? Astronaut? Lawyer? Shop
owner? Even just college? Now you have to
postpone all of that; the likely-hood of
finding the money to achieve those dreams
as your child gets older is unlikely,
especially since you don't have an
education and thus cannot get a good job.
You now have to worry about THEIR college
money, THEIR school supplies, THEIR
future. Yours is over for the time being.
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
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Posted: 05-14-08 18:23pm
..i said they could never implied they
should.
its not the end of the world that i have
to postpone anything i wanted to do.
i wanted to go to college to be a
photographer. BUT i can still send photos
i have taken to businesses and see if they
like them. Its not the end of the world in
my eyes.
I can still do some things i enjoy doing,
and bring my child along with me.
Im financially stable with my fiancee[just
because we live with his family does not
mean we aren't.] in our eyes, you do not
need to be married to have a child or to
symbolize your "love" and we are both
mature.
I am getting my high school diploma, by
the end of this semester [which is pretty
close] i will have gotten my highschool
diploma there is my education. Not
everyone goes to college/university. My
future is just beginning! i am bringing a
child into the world and offering things
and meeting his needs to grow and be a
well educated person and a good person.
I think that its the teens who get
pregnant younger -like 14-16 are the ones
who have a riskier pregnancy. At the age
of about like...18 our bodies were made to
have children now, its the best time to
have children. Why do you think their are
so many miscarriages or that women cannot
concieve a child later on when their
older?
[Not saying everyone at this age should
get pregnant.]
btw. i had a job a year ago, i had two,
one at a grocery store and one in an
office as a secratary. and that was before
i even recieved a high school diploma. So
you CAN get a job without a HS
diploma/education.
How can the teen do that if she's 1-going
to school and then 2-coming home for a few
minutes or less, and then running off to
work. Where is the bonding there?
Myself and my fiancee are going to raise
our child, but -like ive said before-we've
been offered a helping hand from out
families with the baby. No one is taking
over and raising this child for us.
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lele25
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
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Posted: 05-14-08 18:47pm
Cmyked and Ingi, you are both so right on
and if Future Shock were here I'm sure she
would have great input as well.....what
happen to her anyways?
|
cmyked
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Posted: 05-14-08 21:33pm
Difference in income for people with only
high school diplomas vs associates degrees
vs bachelors degrees:
High school graduates earn an average of
$1.2
million;
Associate's degree holders earn about $1.6
million;
Bachelor's degree holders earn about $2.1
million
I will earn nearly TWO TIMES as much money
in my life than you will, statistically,
if you do not get a degree.
Other benefits:
A 1998 report published by the Institute
for Higher Education Policy reviews the
individual benefits that college graduates
enjoy, including ... improved quality
of life for their offspring, ...
and more hobbies and leisure activities
(Institute for Higher Education Policy,
1998).
[N]on-monetary individual benefits of
higher education include [becoming] more
open-minded, more cultured, more rational,
more consistent and less authoritarian;
these
benefits are also passed along to
succeeding generations (Rowley and
Hurtado, 2002). Additionally, college
attendance has been shown to "... enhance social
status" while increasing economic and job
security for those who earn
bachelor's degrees (Ibid.)
Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 497 Location: Southland, USA
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Posted: 05-14-08 22:38pm
Nice post Cmyked...glad to see hubbby and
I didn't sweat it through college for
nothing...of course we are reaping the
benefits of our hard work...nice jobs,
nice cars, nice newly built
house......these things, Krystine, are
helpful when having a child. Unlike you I
am giving my mother a well deserved break
from kids......I'm 25, and my youngest
sibling is almost 21....(besides 15 y/o
half sister from stepmom) my mom spent all
that time raising us so you know what???
She is spending her free time taking
ceramics and painting lessons, she is also
going on a European cruise with her
girlfriends! Would she love grandkids?
Yes! But is she enjoying the fact that she
has an "empty nest"...oh hell yes!!! I
think that you are self centered to
believe that everyone is there to care for
and serve you. You are so unrealistic its
sad.
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
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Posted: 05-15-08 06:58am
leelee, i guess you dont read what i say
clearly. Im not pawning or burdening my
mother with my child. she WANTS to help
and babysit sometimes. As do my mother and
father inlaw.
But thank you for that..."I am giving my
mother a well deserved break from kids"
real nice.
I guess you guys think that my family has
no life then, my mother and father inlaw
have a house in Greece, they are going
there sometime soon and spend a few weeks
or a month down there.
My mom is going on vacation with my
brothers and step dad, and she is going to
be on vacation again around my due date.
My dad, step mom and two sisters are going
to the cottage this year, like they always
do, and also to wonderland or amusement
parks around the area.
They do what they want to do!
They have lives, and im not stopping them
from having one now that im pregnant!
My family does things different than most
people on here do things. They aren't
obligated to help, they dont feel the
burden, they WANT to help us and do this
or that. We are not telling them 'you have
to do this because i have a baby!'
I think that some here are getting what im
saying mixed up, and making it seem like
im telling my family to do these things.
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Birch
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Posted: 05-15-08 10:24am
krystine, I really really really hope that
you are able to go to college one day. I
know it doesn't seem like "the end of the
world" that you can't right now, and
you're right; it's not. But you do not
want to be a waitress or a grocery store
bagger for the rest of your life. Most
people are two paychecks away from being
on the street.
krystine, I really really
really hope that you are able to go to
college one day. I know it doesn't seem
like "the end of the world" that you can't
right now, and you're right; it's not.
But you do not want to be a waitress or a
grocery store bagger for the rest of your
life. Most people are two paychecks away
from being on the street.
I'm rootin' for
you.
She probably thinks she's immune to that
kind of a life because she has a
boyfriend.
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krystineM
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Posted: 05-15-08 12:46pm
aochriss, there is no need for that
comment at all. Do not assume anything of
me since you do not know me.
Thanks Birch, i do plan to go to college,
just right now its not on my list of
things i would like to do. Right now, i
want to finish up my highschool year
almost done! I want to meet all my child's
needs, work hard, and put my child in
school first before i think of myself. I
might go to college after my child is in
school full-time, maybe night classes or
something like that, but at the moment, im
not really thinking of it. Thanks for the
support
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Birch
Moderator
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Posted: 05-15-08 12:54pm
'welcome.
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sweet_mom
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Posted: 05-18-08 18:39pm
It sounds to me as though Krystine has
thought about things and knows what she's
doing.She may be young but it sounds like
she has the interest of her child in the
front of her mind.And like she keeps
saying,she never said that her parents or
in laws HAD to babysit,she said they
offered. That is a huge difference in my
eyes.
I am a teen mother,I am fortunate enough
that I get to stay at home with my
son(only because I can't afford to go back
to work)therefore I get to bond with him
and I get to do my highschool classes
through correspondance I also do a bit of
stuff from home so that I can help out
with a bit of money.
I am a teen mother,I drive a nice new
car,I have nice clothes,my son has nice
clothes,he has plenty of toys,and never
goes without anything.We live in a nice
home,my bf has plenty of toys to keep him
occupied on his days off and he is working
on building his own company as well as
building up his bosses company.
It bothers me when people just assume that
because I am a teen mother that my child
is hungry,or lacking.The chances of a teen
mother highschool dropout getting a job
are higher than 1%,my old bosses keep
asking me to come back to work.But where I
live $20 an hour is just not enough to pay
for day care and make money off of the
job! Therefore I stay at home and bring in
kids for mothers that DO want to work
outside the home. Frankly,I love spending
time with my son and if I have to pay
$1100 a month for someone else to spend
the time with him and only bring home $600
a month,it's just not worth it to me.
