I have always had some undiagnosed mental
problems, although i'm not sure what.
When I was younger I am sure I was
schizophrenic or obsessive compulsive.
People have always misunderstood me or
regarded me as odd, and social situations
are very hard and nerve-wracking for me.
Last year, a short break in my mental
problems ended with some mild depression.
This year, it is worsening by the day. I
am a sophomore. Everyoen aroudn me is
dating someone. I have never dated
anyone. I am not by any stretch ugly, I
know this, and yet I am rarely asked
out...When I am, it is by someone who a
mother couldn't love. I feel incredibly
alone and empty. Normally, movies hold
some form of magic for me...This year, I
can't even get through my favorite movies
in one sitting. My attention span is
tiny. I want to cry, and usually can't.
I feel alone and lost and ignored. My
friends whien about their petty little
problems and I sit here and stew and my
brain won't shut up. I feel as if I no
longer have control of my future. I know
that I am much less fun to be with
recently, quiet even amongst my best
friends.
Never before have I ever even thought
about suicide, but tonight I thought about
how I would compose my note. It scared
me...I wouldn't have the guts to do
anything like that, though.
Also, tonight, I took a small step towards
abusing painkillers. It wasn't much, but
it's different from my normal behavior.
I think about how really lucky I am
compared to lots of people and it just
makes me fel guilty and more depressed.
What am I supposed t odo?
|
siz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 1 Location: Canungra
Depression Posted: 09-15-03 05:28am
I too suffer from depression. I hit rock
bottom this year, and it very nearly cost
me my life. I have some pretty big ups
and downs, but I do feel like I am getting
there. I have had fantastic support from
some very wonderful councellors, but I too
feel isolated when I am with friends. I
stopped socialising with our really good
friends for quite a long time, and now
when I get out with them, I feel like an
outsider, even though my husband has been
still going out with them.
My family have been trying, but I think
they really find it very difficult to
understand what is going on with me. You
are not alone....Even though I really feel
very, very alone at times, even when I am
surrounded by my family.
