I met my wife when I was 24 and couldn't
keep my hands off her. I literally moved
into her apartment on the first date I
wanted her so bad. All of my previous
girlfriends lived at home with their
parents and were fairly sheltered so the
idea that we could do it when-ever,
where-ever, was new, exciting, and
appreciated.
Within about 6 months though, my libido
had fallen through the floor. I have had
some theories over the years as to why,
but I'm just not sure. 1 theory dealt
with the fact that when home, she walked
around naked 90% of the time which made it
next to impossible to get excited about
the chance to "see the goods" so to
speak.
The other had to do with our schedules. I
had to be at work at 6AM (which means
awake @ 5) and she didn't get home from
work till almost 12 PM (3 hours after I
should have been asleep). For months I
would wait up for her but running on 4
hours of sleep or less per night got real
old real quick and more than a few times I
literally fell asleep while orally
pleasing her. Also, there a few times
where my adrenaline would keep me awake
through the physical sex but I would go
dead-tired after ejaculating and not be
able to fully satisfy my wife's needs.
For her this was unacceptable and this
would frequently result in a nasty verbal
fight.
It soon got to the point where I looked at
sex as a chore instead of something fun.
She wanted it during the week but the only
time we could make this happen was when
she came home from work at midnight. She
wanted an hours worth of time including
foreplay, physical, and oral (not that she
wasn't going to reciprocate) but I simply
didn't have the energy for it. Now sex
became something that more often than not
would spark an argument, threats of
break-ups, and screaming insults.
It was definitely during this time that my
ED surfaced ... but although it took a
year or so for her to understand that I
had a problem (for a very long while she
thought I was spiting her), she eventually
stopped getting confrontational about it.
It hasn't helped though.
3 years ago we were wrestling playfully
and out of nowhere, I got in the mood. I
took full advantage of it and wouldn't you
know it ... she got pregnant (a wonderful
gift). Now my son is two years old and my
wife wants another but it has been a long
time since I have had any random urges.
Both she and I are afraid that I won't be
able to physically give her another baby.
I do not smoke, I eat organic, but I am
overweight and don't exercise at all.
I've got some self esteem issues (I've
balded since my 20s and the 40 pounds I've
packed on since getting married hasn't
helped). I do not drink excessively (a
Belgian beer or two per week, a glass of
wine even less than that).
We recently turned to porn (together) and
it has helped to a certain degree, but my
general nervousness makes me reluctant to
engage and makes her feel unwanted (which
isn't true, my wife is gorgeous). One day
I turned around and just lost 35 pounds in
8 weeks to see if it was a weight issue
but that did nothing and I've since gained
it all back. I do not want to try drugs
(herbs and natural solutions would be okay
though) and although I will change this
soon, I have yet to see a doctor (very
embarrassed). I am able to masturbate on
a regular basis but I am definitely not as
hard as I was when I was 24. I have tried
going weeks without masturbating as well
as tried masturbating 4 times a day for a
weeks (thinking along the lines of "the
more you have sex the more you want it)
.... neither helped.
What should I do? What are the common
causes? Who can I talk to?
|
sunflowergrl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Feb 2008 Posts: 7 Location: ,
hmmm... Posted: 02-28-08 20:49pm
For a womans stand point have you tried
more intimacy rather than having sex? I
know you mentioned four play and how tired
you are waiting up for her. Maybe you guys
should set a day, for instance, Friday
nights be your "alone" time together. That
way you can get throught the week and save
it all for Friday. Just a thought. I do
think you both need to communicate. She
needs to know that there are issues and
that if she can help you with those
issues. Maybe because you have seen "the
goods", she needs to spice it up. Maybe if
you buy lingerie or lotions and smell
pretty stuff and save them for your friday
night alone times it will help things
along. Its not how often you have sex but
the quality of sex you have. Maybe if she
is very turned on during the week and just
has to have it, you guys should invest on
buying some toys. Maybe if you pleasure
her that way, you will have the desire to
get involved. All these aspects are worth
looking into. But this verbally attacking
because of one not being on the same page
as the other shouldnt be going on. Address
the problem and then resolve it. I know
its frusterating at times but i do think
trying something new could really help. If
not, then i would seek advice from a
doctor. Maybe there is something out there
that you didnt think of. Best of luck to
you and keep us updated.
|
Save My Marriage
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Feb 2008 Posts: 2 Location: ,
Posted: 03-02-08 21:29pm
Hi Sunflowergirl,
I should have clarified a bit more, the
timing issue was resolved years ago, but
not until most of what I think is the
"damage" was done. We now both work a 7-5
M-F schedule. We have our son now, but we
do set "date night" every Friday and
Saturday after we set him to bed.
Communication is not lacking, but
communication alone doesn't seem to be
doing anything. The verbal attacks
stopped years ago, though again, after the
damage was done. I'm definitely going to
talk to a doctor this week and schedule an
appointment. Thanks for the well wishes,
I'll definitely keep this forum updated.
