Ok, every time we get to this point in the
pregnancy, my husband’s mother begins to
criticize the name we have decided on
saying that she doesn’t want her
grandchild to have a “white” name. She
and my husband are african-american and I
am white. It used to bother me, but not
as bad as it is right now. I spoke with
her earlier this evening and she kept
nit-picking and telling me that if I am
not going to pick a good name to let her
name him. My husband and I are both fine
with the name and I want to tell her
politely that the name is fine, but I
don’t want her to be mad or think that I
don’t appreciate her help, because I do.
I am just at my wits end with try to make
everyone happy. With my last child, she
practically named her. I just decided
that the fighting wasn’t worth it, but
here we go again with this and its
starting to bug me, any advice?
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sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003 Posts: 3099
Posted: 05-11-04 18:57pm
Gosh that sounds quite racist saying she
doesnt want a 'white' name! Whats wrong
with white names?!
This child is yours and your husbands not
hers & she needs to realise that this
isnt her decision.You need to make
yourself happy :d if she picks the name
then you will end up resenting her for it
so tell her that the name you choose will
be the one you & your husband have
decided on,
best wishes
liz x
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theoryofthought
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 168
Posted: 05-11-04 23:34pm
Liz, thank you for your response. I don’t
really take it as racism, I know she meant
her remark as having her grandchild having
a “traditional” african-american name
instead of one of my wacky creations. All
of my kids have uncommon names. I will
try talking with her again, but she is one
of those women that will tell you to zip
it! Lol I really appreciate the advice
and support though. Thank you again.
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silvertax6966
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Feb 2004 Posts: 161 Location: new york city
Posted: 05-11-04 23:43pm
Xxxxx
Last edited by silvertax6966 on 02-15-06 22:06pm; edited 1 time in total
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insurancegirl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2003 Posts: 5286
Posted: 05-12-04 00:26am
Last edited by insurancegirl on 10-22-04 15:36pm; edited 1 time in total
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sweetsuzi
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2004 Posts: 831 Location: Bonny Scotland
Posted: 05-12-04 00:46am
Hey,
im new on here and was just looking
through everyones dilema's. Hope you dont
think im being nosey! I think u have just
wrote what is needed to be said!
"my husband and I are both fine with the
name and I want to tell her politely that
the name is fine, but I don’t want her to
be mad or think that I don’t appreciate
her help, because I do".
If she cant understand that, then there
isnt much else you can do. Im sure she
would get over it. Dont be bullied into
feeling like you have to comply to meet
everyones wants and needs. This is your
time. If that doesnt work do what I do
and use the tears, you cant lose lol.
Love sooz xx :d
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theoryofthought
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 168
Posted: 05-12-04 00:48am
Thank you both for your reply, it is
appreciated. I think I have learned my
lesson from the last time. I practically
let her name our daughter and here we go
again, so we have decided to stick to the
name we chose and my husband will speak
with his mother. I know there are alot of
tradition differences that come with
different races, but my mother-in-law is
not open to any of mine, which drives me
up the wall, I love her and we have been
getting along great, but she insists that
I should do things this way or that way,
which I am sure alot of you hear from your
in-laws or if you still live at home, I am
sure your mother is like, well I think you
should do it this way. I am trying to
teach my children both ways so they know
both sides of their families, I just feel
like she would rather take control over
everything.
Jennifer I read that you are married, do
you have similar spouts of indifference
with your mother-in-law?
*karlee*
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insurancegirl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2003 Posts: 5286
Posted: 05-12-04 00:59am
Last edited by insurancegirl on 10-22-04 15:36pm; edited 1 time in total
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nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4921 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 05-12-04 01:30am
Hey karlee,
i say you go with your choice. If she
already chose the last kids name then
leave this one to you. Its kinda like
that shakespear saying (i cant remember it
too good) whats in a name? If a rose were
not called by a rose, would it not smell
as sweet?
Something like that lol. So it dont
matter if it has a black name or a white
name or anything. Its your choice. I
even tell jose when his mom offers names,
I say "well whoever goes through the
labor, gets to name the baby!" which
leaves me to do it lol. I dont get along
too well with his mom cuz she kinda doesnt
like me even though jose says she does. I
know she doesnt, but she lives far so I
dont care lol. Do what you want. What
are the names if you dont mind me asking.
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theoryofthought
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 168
Posted: 05-12-04 03:22am
Thank you, that is a wonderful piece of
literature that I think just made my
decision more stable. We want to name him
zachary nathaniel, his mother wants his
name to be tyrell anthony jr. I for the
obvious reason don't dislike it, but I
just don't like the fact of my son having
the same name as his dad, I think it shows
lack of creativity. My other kids names
are zander blaine, kristalyn janae and
kameryn alyse, I kinda want them all to
"flow".
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nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4921 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 05-12-04 03:28am
I think your name is nice, have him tell
his mom you dont want a jr. And stick to
your name. She cant do much but love the
baby anyways. Unless you want to have it
like zachary tyrell. Or nathanial
anthony. Something like that. Anthony is
a great name, if I have a boy thats my
choice! Lol
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theoryofthought
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 168
Posted: 05-12-04 03:32am
Thank you very very much, again all your
advice is much appreciated. I like both
of those names very much. I will probably
discuss it with my husband and see what he
thinks. I am sure it will calm his
mothers boil blood a bit, if I did
something like that.
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theoryofthought
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 168
Posted: 05-12-04 04:58am
Hey I was just talking with a co-worker of
mine and she brought up anthony tyrell, I
think that is very adorable, what do you
think?
