Verifies Truth I Have Been Seeking Posted: 05-16-04 22:37pm
I found this site while searching for some
med. Info...And discovering I have been
totally used, lied to, humiliated, and so
much more....I thought..Heck, this might
be a good site to get support. What is
the first message? Obviously standard
protocol and actions for heartless,
incapable of emotions, self centered
selfish man talk!!!
I swear if I weren't totally heterosexual
I would be a lesbian, I swear to god I
would!! I have yet to experience (20 yrs
of marriage with abuse) this most recent
relationship filled with lies, and hearing
from anyother woman any proof that the
erroneous belief we are fed from little
girls on, that we can have a meaningful,
devoted, trusting and secure relationship.
So...My goal is to prepare my precious
girls for the cold hard facts. Men are
pure and simply incapable of it....It's my
obligation to them as their mom to
properly inform them, as I have with
everything taught thus far. Perhaps I can
help to have them avoid the 'broken heart'
syndrome, let them know our hearts are
given...And then stomped on, drained, and
left shredded. Unbelievable how
manipulative individuals can be...My dad
warned me when I was 12 or 13. I am now
42. He said he was giving me the info on
how no good for nothing men can be,
because he knew...He knew because he was a
man. I thought, or maybe wanted to
think, he was telling me that because he
was my daddy...And that it wasn't actual
truth...Just a bit elaborated.
But...Bless his heart, he was right. If
he were alive, I would have already phoned
him.
Grrrrrr, i'm so aggravated it is
sickening.
Cor
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chrysta1818
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2004 Posts: 57
Posted: 05-17-04 01:52am
I know how you feel men can be so cruel
my boyfriend of 2
years left me when I was 10 weeks pregnant
because he could no longer take it and
didnt want to be tied to me forever.I lost
our baby 2 days ago which I think was
because of all the stress I was under from
him.
I wasnt going to come back on here at all
because I just cannot talk aout how I feel
now but I wanted to
agree with you about how you can have your
heart broken so easily
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corkeljen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2004 Posts: 6
Sorry... Posted: 05-17-04 04:16am
Really sorry about losing your baby. I
know all tooo well what that feels like.
How far along were you? It takes awhile
to work thru that. And peoples words can
make the loss sting. It's sometimes
better for people not to say anything at
all, except acknowledging the loss. I had
so called friends say "well....At least
you didn't have yrs with them and lose
them" like that is supposed to somehow
make it better?
Feel free to share your painful thoughts
regarding your miscarriage with
me....Because I do know it's a difficult
thing to go through.
Cor
oh, and thanks for replying...I'm in
tremendous need of support in the being
used area. It feels awful, just awful!
And I want it to 'go away'
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chrysta1818
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2004 Posts: 57
Posted: 05-17-04 07:24am
I was 10 weeks and I feel so guilty now
because I had said that I didnt really
want the baby so now ifeel like its my
fault-like god made it happen I wasnt going to
have an abortion but the baby hadnt come
at the right time-i feel so raw inside and
im in so much pain.Thanks for your message
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corkeljen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2004 Posts: 6
Posted: 05-17-04 14:13pm
Do you have family close by?? I do
understand the guilt part....But surely
there is a part of you that knows or is
willing to believe that just because you
may have had a thought of not wanting the
baby, it isn't why you lost it. When I
lost mine, I felt it was a punishment for
my sexual activity prior to marriage. I
was extremely conservative, and had
bounderies set that I crossed out of
desiring to keep my (now ex husband) in my
life. He wasn't wanting marriage, and I
made compromises in order to stay
involved. But eventually, after talking
with other women, and researching alot of
info. I began to heal. And then I was
pregnant with my first born
daughter....Scared to death I would lose
this baby too...So I didn't want to jinx
myself by getting excited. I forced
myself to stay as unattached as possible
until I passed the 16 week mark...That is
when I lost my little boy. Then and only
then did I allow myself to make plans,
fantacize, hope...Dream....Imagine. And
had I not lost my little boy, he was due
in sept. I wouldn't have been pregnant
with first born daughter.
Girl....Alllow yourself time to grieve.
It is a loss, just be cautious and in
control of who you talk with...In order to
spare yourself the ignorant statements
like I was exposed to. It will take some
time, and most definately feel free to
send your crying notes my way. Ok???
It has been a rough couple days for me.
At times I feel so 'in control' and on top
of my emotions regarding having this
person I gave my heart to, destroy a part
of me. Then I flip to totally losing it,
once while in a store...Just going about
my business, when a song came on that
stabbed me!! I had to leave, had to run
out....Couldn't find the doors quick
enough!! I'm a strong woman, really
tiny, but have an internal strength that
even amazed me some time ago....But I tell
ya what, this has really affected me more
than I care to admit. And I don't want
him to know it!! I don't want him to
have the satisfaction of thinking he was
'all that'.
I wake in the middle of the night, whether
from a nightmre, or just to get some
water, and feel like I need to shake my
head to figure out if all this is
real....I'm sure many of you understand
that. It is a bit comparable to grief
when someone dies...The sting of reality,
know what I mean???
I sure am glad to be able to talk about
it, I have no family here, besides my ex
husband, and beautiful girls. I grew up
back east, and have been out here for 22
yrs!! Gosh, i'm old!!!
Is there much activity with this site???
Or pretty quiet??
Please continue to write, I enjoy hearing
from you, and validate your feelings!!!
Only someone who has experienced something
we are dealing with can understand....Does
the babys dad know what happened?? He is
the one who stomped your heart
correct???
R u on the east coast, or west?? I am on
the west coast.
Til next time,
cor
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 05-17-04 14:30pm
A lot of men are useless. A lot of men
are incapable of commitment and love.
But not all of them.
The fact is that the general population,
men and women, are useless.
There is one out there. At least that is
what keeps me going. Just don't settle.
Don't date anyone until you really,
really trust them. But even then, don't
blind yourself. The problem is that
there are too many people out there who
setttle, put up with lies and cheating,
and just generally act stupid that a lot
of people feel that they do not have to be
faithful or honest.
If everyone would wisen up and get some
self esteem, then the world would be a
much better place.
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corkeljen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2004 Posts: 6
Posted: 05-17-04 15:05pm
Hello,
i appreciate your post...I can honestly
say I had nooo idea of being lied to and
used. It wasn't ever part of my
exposure....
Reading your sentence about self esteem at
first made me a bit uncomfortable...But I
thought about it, and at this point in
time anyway, don't believe it is a problem
of self esteem on my part, rather the
gentle, kind, giving nature I
have....Trusting peoples word, because my
word is something I hold as being
extremely important. Unfortunately I am
seeing a side of society/people I didn't
see.
Thanks for your post,
cor
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 05-17-04 15:09pm
I was not referring to your self esteem
dear.
I was simply saying how there are a lot of
women and men out there that let people
walk all over them either because they
lack self esteem, or just don't want to
take the energy to find a good
relationship. It is these people that
make people not bother to change and
become good, honest people.
It is sometimes so easy to give up on men.
And sometimes it is very necessary. I
just hang on because my father and my
brother are great men. They would never,
ever lie or cheat. I just hope there is
a man out there like them (but of no
relation obviously) for me.
my boyfriend of 2
years left me when I was 10 weeks pregnant
because he could no longer take it and
didnt want to be tied to me forever.I lost
our baby 2 days ago 