Pregnant Teen Problem... Opinion Needed.

First of all i'd like to congratulate you on wanting whats best for your daughter, and not wanting to push your opinion on her. What I want to know is how come after the first time she wasn't put on birth control? Surely you must have known that she was going to continue having sex.
As for wanting to know what you can do to stop this from happening again, I think that once she has this baby (seeing as how she says she wants this one now) she will see what she will be missing out on in her teenage years, and how much work it is, and will take the precautions to not let it happen again. Its just such a shame that it had to go to these extremes in the first place. Just be there for her in the months to come, that will be the best thing that any mother could do for their daughter in a situation like this.

She has always had access to condoms and we found out at her appointment for the depo provera shot that she was pregnant. I am trying to be understanding, but when I asked her why no condom (which she had) she said, she just wasn't thinking.

I am trying to be understanding, but it's hard when I don't understand. I tell her I love her everyday. Show it in everything I do including discipline. I somehow feel like its my fault... Like maybe I didn't do something when she was younger or something... I don't know...

I'm sure your daughter is a very nice girl but she wanted to get pregnant. I know plenty of girls who want a baby because they want the belly, a cute little baby to lug around, or something to love. If she wasn't using condoms and already had an abortion I seriously think she wanted to get pregnant. She may have had sex multiple times without condoms. I'm sorry she has to learn a tough lesson and I wish you all the best...

It's not your fault. My parents thought the same thing when my older sister got pregnant the first time, I think when she was 14. She ended up losing it, and my parents put her on birth control, and bought condoms for her. They were not promoting her behavior by any means, they were very upset, but the only thing they could do was to help her prevent it from happening again. Somehow she had it in her mind that having a baby would be the best thing for her and she was pregnant again at 16 or 17 I forget, but she had him, and kept him. He didn't make life very easy on her though. The thing is there was nothing my parents could have done aside from locking her in her room, and boarding the windows. There were 3 of us girls growing up, and she was the only one that took that path, to this day we still don't understand why.

It will definitely be hard for you and her to handle a baby. My cousin, who was pregnant when she was nineteen, decided to keep her child, alexandria. Alex was a wonderful addition to the family, but it didn't help that her mother was always depressed because she missed out on so much. My aunt couldn't do anything, but adopted alex and life is good. It doesn't help that recently they found out my cousin was schizophrenic, but that's just a tiny detail. My aunt is now 53 and offen jokes that alex has created additional wrinkles to her face. Lol, my aunt says ther's no regrets, but life is a tad bit more challenging, and I guarantee that you and your daughter will have many frustrating days and nights. And as for being a mother...It's too late in the game to get mad and teach protection, so all I can say is do your best to be there for your daughter, and pray that all goes well

Jaide-dragon,

my daughter has not followed this path but I don't think it's because I got it right & you didn't - I think it's just luck (bad & good) of the draw. We as parents make the decisions we make at the time based on what we believe to be right & approproiate at the time & based on the information we have at the time ---- so there's no point in trying to go back & second guess everything you ever did or said --- you still wouldn't know if a change here or there would have made a difference to her current situation.

Do the best you can at the time, for the right reasons & now she needs your support (emotional as well sa prhaps financial) & your love.

I think that you are doing a great job with how your handling the situation. Its not your fault. She knew what she was getting into and possible chances of getting pg. I also think that she shouldnt be punished. Shes going to have to grow up faster and she wont be able to enjoy her teenage years. I have to say that when I was 17 and got pg my mom was pretty mad. She thought she did something wrong with raising us and stuff and thats not it. It was my decision to have sex without bc or condoms. Yea she could of put me on bc but she didnt know I was having sex. And the moms shouldnt be blamed for it b/c most moms dont even know their daughters/sons are sexually active. I love being a mommy and I love my daughter to death. I would never take back anything. Yea I couldnt go out and do my thing as I planned but that was ok for me. I had big plans to go away to college and I never thought that I would have a baby this young but I did and I think everything happens for a reason. God bless you and goodluck with everything to come.

Did your daughter seem depressed after her abortion? Do you think she may have regretted it? A very common symptom of post abortion stress syndrome (p.A.S.S) is the obsession with becomming pregnant again, to do several things, but above all many women describe the need to "replace" the baby that they lost. This may be why your daughter didn't take the proper measures to ensure that she didn't become pregnant again. She will likely, however, feel uncomfortable discussing this with you, and deny it. Celebrate this pregnancy, (if my theory is correct and she regretted the first abortion, it dosen't seem likely that she will want another).
And as far as preventing her from getting preg again, i'm sure a screaming infant will be incentive to take a depo shot
best of luck "grandma-to-be"
~.Laura