I woke up that morning all excited about
the days events. My husband and I both
scheduled off work that day. We would
sleep in a little, go get the ultrasound
that afternoon and then go out to dinner
to celebrate a boy or girl. I wanted a
boy. The ultrasound went well. A little
boy!! I was right!! Only 20 more weeks
now. We went out to eat thinking we were
so lucky. So what it took us over a year
to get pregnant. We had done it and we
were so happy. I ate well that night.
Gotta feed the little tyke after all.
The following week I was ecstatic. I
couldn't wait to tell my doctor that I was
right. I guess it didn't matter much.
His sex was the least of her worries. She
explained to me what all was wrong. "what
do you mean his liver isn't in the right
spot? Why can't you find his kidney? How
did his intestines get in his chest? How
in god's name does he have a third lung?
What do you mean you can't find his
stomache?" what else could go wrong? "his
heart? Fetal hydrops? Hernia? Cystic
what? Please stop, please stop......
Please just stop. Not my son. Not my
little boy. You are dead wrong.... Fetal
demise.... Just stop!!!Stop it!!!" five
days later I wondered what was going on.
I laid down and felt my son kick. Maybe
it would be the last time he ever
kicked.
I went for more test hoping for the best.
My heart was broken. It was far worse.
No more room in his chest, his heart can
barely beat. "why can't you just fix
it?... Sorry, it doesn't work that way.
His little body can't take anything more.
Fetal surgery is out because your body
can't handle it. He is still practice
breathing which is always a good sign but
that could stop. He is already showing
signs of stress. His heart is still
beating but the chambers are collapsing.
We'll see how things are going next week.
In the mean time if you notice he hasn't
moved in a while, get to the hospital."
next week? Next week!!!! So I had all
week to run things over in my head.
Babies don't die in this day and age.
Medical technology is at it's height.
So in I go the very next week. "what do
you mean I can't have him here? You are
the largest hospital around. I thought
you specialized in fetal defects?... We
just don't have the equipment to care for
him. You need to start considering other
options. Your son is very sick. You are
starting to show symptoms of his stress as
well..... I've only gained a few
pounds...Let's be realistic. You've
gained close to 15 pounds. Your son is
not doing what he needs to be doing with
the amniotic fluid. He will continue to
get worse and your health will be in
serious jeopardy."
i sat for days crying. I want him so
badly. Why won't he just fight this. My
other options!!! I had to think really
hard about what this was doing to me and
everyone around me. I hadn't told our
other children about the baby, at least
not in the sense that he was inside me.
Should I continue the pregnancy just to
explain that their brother died? What
about my husband? I could tell he wanted
him but he was worried about me and he was
worried about his son suffering. Should I
make him watch our son die because it's
what I want? Should I make our son suffer
because it's what I want? What about my
family? My mother loves her future
grandson but she doesn't want me to die,
especially if he isn't even going to make
it. Can I even handle the stress anymore.
I wake in the middle of the night just to
poke at my stomache. I can't go but maybe
ten minutes without feeling him kick and
i'm suddenly scared that he's already
dead.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. His
little body can't take anymore and I can't
take anymore either. Would I be so wrong
to let my son die peacefully now or should
I just continue the suffering?
|
sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003 Posts: 3099
Posted: 06-12-04 18:09pm
|
purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 06-13-04 02:54am
Sinsaint,
i had had 2 miscarriages before having my
daughter then another miscarriage then a
pregnancy, like you I was having a son,
but like you he had serious health issues
& would not have, could not have
survived, so my husband & I chose to
not put his little body through more pain,
we terminated his life - even now over 13
years later - writing this i'm crying for
my baby - actually all of them, I also
lost another child 9 years ago a twin to
the son I now have.
As a parent we must - always, no matter
how hard it is for us or what we want -
sometimes selfishly - we must do what is
right for our child(ren) - if you saw your
son alive outside of your body & he
was suffering, dying & in pain &
nothing could be done for him, what would
you want for him, what would he want you
as his mum to do for him - help him,
release him from his pain & know that
you made the hardest decision any parent
can make but know it was made with love
for your son, a love that you will never
stop feeling.
My prayers are with you, yur husband &
most of all with your son.. Pm me if you
want.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 06-14-04 02:24am
Sinsaint....I am so very sorry. I cannot
imagine what you went through, are going
through and how tough of a decision that
was for you.
Situations exactly like yours are why
abortion needs to remain legal. You
could have died. Your little boy was
suffering inside you. You did what you
had to do, and don't let anyone ever tell
you any different.
Once again, though, I am so sorry. Did
the doctors have any reason for this?
Heredity, genes, or just one of those
unexplainable things.
Bless you
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samie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 665
Posted: 06-14-04 06:36am
Forgive me if I am wrong but I believe
this to be a what if in disguise simply
because if its true you could never be pro
choice about abortion which we all know
you are! To understand that the child in
your womb is just that a child and then to
say its ok to them is evil.
No matter how ill the child is health
question is wrong.
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 06-14-04 09:52am
Samie, just who are you saying that this
is a what if in disguise to??
|
samie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 665
Posted: 06-14-04 10:07am
Sinsaint. I might be wrong and I am sorry
if I am.
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 06-14-04 10:18am
Just for the record I am pro-choice &
yet what I posted was totally true - not a
what if - I wish to god it were. So
samie, since my post is true & since I
am pro-choice how can you say:
"if its true you could never be pro choice
about abortion'??????????
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Sinsaint
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2004 Posts: 90
Posted: 06-14-04 14:02pm
Sorry samie. It's not a "what if" story.
It's been almost three years to the day
since I was first told of my son's
condition. Having feelings that this was
my son inside me did not negate the fact
that I and my family went through hell and
my then son would have to endure pain
beyond your comprehension. But I never
once considered "killing" my child. I did
consider abortion but never to "homicide
my child". I wanted to give him peace. I
wanted to show him mercy. I wanted to
spare his future pain. And I had too many
concerns to count about what this was
doing to the living people around me.
Until you have been there you certainly
cannot know. I was pro-life before my
son. Now I am pro-choice, first and
foremost for the women who have been in my
situation. These were my feelings when I
was going through this. How many more
women today are going through this exact
same thing? Would you deny anyone the
right to show mercy toward another
person?
It's people like you who think there is
never anything wrong in the world that
impose your "moral value" on others when,
thruth be told, you have no concept of
what a woman or her family may go through.
When you have faced this situation
yourself, maybe then we can talk. Until
then, keep your opinions (emphasis on
opinions since you have no first hand
experience) to yourself.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 06-14-04 15:25pm
Sinsaints situation is a perfect example
of why abortion needs to be legal.
How can you say that there is no way she
can be prochoice if her story is true?
Her story is enough to make someone be
prochoice.
Samie, you really need to get a clue.
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samie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 665
Posted: 06-15-04 04:46am
Sinsaint, all my appologies!
I am a big believer that everything
happens for a reason, I can not comprehend
how much pain you and your family went
through and I know it wasn’t fair that it
happened but we all know only too well
life is never fair. We don’t always
get what we want. Sometimes we get
things we wouldn’t wish on our worst
enemies.
I don’t know if you choose abortion or not
but I will take it you didn’t. Your
son has probably done more for mankind
than you or I will ever do even though you
let him live so he could. In his short
existence he suffered so one day his
brothers and sisters (in condition) might
live.
He is a pioneer a great human being and he
should be remembered as such and you were
his mother you should be very proud.
Life is never not worth living if you live
life for others. Unfortunately not
everyone does live that way but those who
do are regarded as great people, if
someone has to live that way through
circumstances it doesn’t make them any
less great than those who choose to live
that way.
This is the reason why people who are
pregnant with children who are disabled
and ill shouldn’t health question them so
that their son or daughters life wasn’t
for nothing so they can know that their
child has helped others. Yes it would
be a tough thing to do but who said life
was easy!
Some say abortion is a difficult choice
and women who choose it are brave, this is
a typical example of how its the easy
option.
|
Sinsaint
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2004 Posts: 90
Posted: 06-15-04 10:54am
You are a cruel and evil person. You
believe a child should be born as a lab
experiment. That is fine for someone who
wants to do that but I am not about
bringing children into the world to
experience pain in the hopes it will
benefit others. I did have my son because
I selfishly wanted him. And he lived but
the doctors didn't learn anything more
about that defect that they didn't already
know. This wasn't a teaching hospital.
Only skilled professionals were allowed to
work there. They didn't try anything new
with him. They didn't make any
astronomical discoveries with him. There
was no radical new treatment that was
tried. He was considered a "test case"
because he had muliple defects but they
learned nothing from him. He was just a
baby that defied odds.
But there is nothing like touring the nicu
and having the nurse tell you that they
did
have a baby with the same birth defect but
he had passed away a few days before. But
not to worry. If I come back in in early
november they were expecting another one
that I could see. (they wanted us to see
all the equipment our son would be using
so we wouldn't be alarmed). I saw that
little boy after my son was born. He
died.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 06-16-04 03:33am
Some say abortion is a difficult choice
and women who choose it are brave, this is
a typical example of how its the easy
option.
Easy option! How can you even say that?
Sinsaints situation was in no way a
typical example of an easy option. You
are so diluted.
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samie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 665
Posted: 06-16-04 03:58am
So how is your son?
You see all that equipment the hospitals
were using, they were developed for the
likes of your son partly by children like
your son who had gone before him, they may
not have discovered much from your son but
he survived due to others and others will
survive because of him and in the future
they may have all kinds of developments to
help babies like your son. If you had
aborted him it would be like saying they
are not worth the effort, which you must
know now children like your son are worth
every effort.
I didn’t mean to sound as if he should
suffer lab tests, that is not what I
meant!
