I have never posted a msg. Anywhere
before so I am not sure how I should do
this but I will just tell my story and see
if anyone has a response. July 25, 2003
my husband passed away. He was 23 years
old. I work midnight shift and came home
from work. I got something to eat and
went into my room. I tucked in my 19
month old daughter, who was still
sleeping. I went over to my bed and
noticed that my husband wasnt snoring.
He had sleep apnea and had started
recently snoring. Then I noticed that
his c-pap mask was off. I climbed into
bed and thought I better wake him up to
put his mask back on. When I touched him
he was very cold. I got scared and
started to shake him but he was on his
stomach and already "stiff". He was a
heavy man and I was able to push him up on
his side and I saw his face. It startled
me and I dropped him. I ran out of the
room and into my brothers room (we had
moved back into my mothers home a few
months earlier) and yelled get up
something is wrong with joe I think he is
dead. My brother started to yell to call
911.. After that I remember what was
happening but it is not important to the
story. The emt's took my blood pressure
which was very high and sent me to the
hospital. My husband was estimated to
have died about 2 hours after I had left
for work. Cause is still unknown.. Now
my problem is I cant get that day out of
my head. It has been almost 9 weeks and I
still see his face when I found him..How
his body looked.. I feel sick whenever I
go to check on my daughter now thinking I
am going to find her dead. This morning
I came home and she has crawled out of bed
and fell back asleep on the floor and I
almost vomited when I seen her there.. It
is almost like before I see her real face
I see it like I would if she had died.. I
cry all the time, in private but keep a
strong face in public.. I have lost my
appetite.. And I feel tired all the time,
but I am afraid to sleep because as soon
as I close my eyes the movie starts..
Can anybody help me? I have nobody to
talk to about this.
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sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003 Posts: 3099
Posted: 09-20-03 12:48pm
U poor dear, it's such a sad story
i don't know exactly what you're going
through but I have some idea. The closest
i've been to death was when my grandmother
died and I saw her body laid out in the
casket. It absolutely terrified me even
though I loved her very much. When
someone dies, they don't look like
themsleves and unfortunately, because u
found ur husband, this is your over-riding
memory of him. Because of the situation
and how over whelming it was, all your
fond memories seem to have taekn a back
seat. My nans dead five months now and
for the first few, all I could see was her
face, I had nightmares and everything.
Gradually, I found that through pictures,
prayers and talking about her, I began to
feel a bit better.
What you've been through is somehting
you'll never forget but in time, the face
u see will start to become the husband u
married. 4 the sake of ur child, u must
cherish all ur memories of ur husband.
Perhaps u could talk to your family or a
close friend about the way you feel or
even ask the doctor to refer you to a
trained grief counsellor.
In time, I hope u r able to 4get the bad
images and remember the good.
God bless and I hope things start to get
better for you and ur daughter x
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lipstickdiva
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2003 Posts: 2 Location: ohio
Sparkle Posted: 09-20-03 18:41pm
Thank you for your response.. I hope you
are right and I will keep faith.. Thank
you
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sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003 Posts: 3099
Posted: 09-21-03 11:59am
If u ever wanna talk, i'm here. I know
i'm across the pond (!) but i'm sure we'll
both be on-line at some time.
You're a very brave woman.
God bless x
|
bamalady
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2004 Posts: 1 Location: Smiths
Death of a Husband! Posted: 01-08-04 07:18am
Lipstickdiva,
i know exactly what you are going through.
15 years ago, i, too, lost my husband in
a snowmobile accident. He was 28, I was
22. We had a 16 month old daughter. It
was devasting to me, not knowing how I was
going to raise a little girl without her
daddy. I thank the lord for family and
friends. You are still greiving, and it
is very normal. Just allow yourself that.
Its okay to cry, even if it is in public.
But I will tell you this, god has a
purpose for you and your daughter, though
you may not understand how this could
happen, he knows what he is doing. I am
happily re-married, with 4 children. My
daughter, is now 16, and junior in high
school and is doing very well. God has
put someone in her life, not to replace
her father, but to be a father role model.
Every day I look at her, is everyday she
looks more and more like her daddy, I am
so glad about that. That may not be what
god has planned for you, but only he
knows. My whole point to this is this,
you will grieve for a time, and that is
expected, but allow yourself that, you
need that, and joy will eventually come to
you again. And to your little girl! I
also saw my husband lying there on the
ground after the accident. That too, will
fade. It will take time, but it will
happen. Please, please, if you need to
talk about anything and how you are
feeling, please email me at bama
lady36877@yahoo.Com. Or just reply.
I hope you will. I also hope I was of
some kind of help.
Sincerely,
bamalady
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mommalopez
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2003 Posts: 5
Posted: 01-10-04 23:01pm
I lost my husband last year just before
thanksgiving. He was giving my friend a
ride on his motorcycle and was supposed to
be right back. Another friend and I went
looking for them and couldn't find
anything. We called the police and they
wouldn't do anything. Some one found them
on the side of the road the next morning.
My friend survivied. They had been out
there for 10 hours not even 5 minutes from
my house. The last year has been a major
rollercoaster for me. I quit my job. Got
involved with the wrong people but I am
doing much better now. You just have to
give yourself the time. I only saw a
photo of him gone and he appeared to be
sleeping. And when we had the funeral
they make them look good, but when I
touched his hands they were freezing. I
kept holding them to warm them up.
Closing the casket was really the worst it
is so final. My 7 year old son was right
there too.
But you start to let go of all that.
Cherish all the good times you had. My
husband and shared in a lot of great
things. The birth of our daughter.
Teaching my son to ride his bike. He
video a lot. I can hear him laughing in
the back ground. And yes it makes me sad
that we can't make anymore memories. I
owe to him and my children to remember.
Kids really pick up on how you are
feeling. As I get better they are too.
My husband and I were having a really
awful year and he had been really stressed
and grumpy. But that night he was so
happy and was telling me we were going to
be ok. Kissing me and just happy. I am
so thankful for that.
I don't know if this helps you at all.
But sometimes you need to know that there
are others out there who can relate to
what you are going through. You'd be
amazed at how many people have been there.
My husband was only 33. I am now a 27
yr old widow with 2 small children. It
sucks and its not fair. But you have to
pick yourself back up and keep living.
One day at a time. A co worker told me
that it could take up to two years to feel
ok. I say don't give yourself a set
amount of time. You'll just know.
Good luck and god bless
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myminky1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2004 Posts: 3 Location: ct
Husbands Death Posted: 10-25-04 18:51pm
Hi diva, I lost my husband 2 years ago
and went thru nearly the same torturous
scenes in my head that you describe. I
kept seeing my husbands lifeless body
being poured into the body bag and lifted
out of our house. These thoughts do
subside. I moved and started "over" so
to speak, the past always comes creeping
back in when you least expect it but it is
different. Your daughter is growing up
and you need to find help for yourself and
you. There is a light at the end of this
path for you hang in there!
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mottsie2
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Oct 2004 Posts: 1 Location: New Jersey
After Husbands Death Posted: 10-26-04 21:00pm
It is very hard for someone to loose their
spouse. My husband died two months ago
on august 25th. He was 48 years young.
He had been sick for a while but always
seemed to come back around. He had
waited for a liver transplant for such a
long time it affected his other organs.
On july 5th in the morning he was laying
on the floor, I dial 911 and he went to
the hospital. My doctor said he would
not make it. But I said he will. I had
him transferred to a larger hospital in
penna. After 3 days he came around but
part of his memory was gone. He did not
remember things over the past year or so.
As time went on he was doing better then
had another heart attack 3 weeks later and
came back stronger with his memory and
everything. The only thing is they never
took him out of the bed much so he would
need a rehab to get his strenth back. He
was getting ready to leave the hospital
and they said one more day here. The
next day on my way up to the hospital he
was put in intensive care . His blood
pressure was so low they did everything
for him, by the next morning the doctor
said he is not going to make it. By
11:30 wed morning he passed away. I
thought he was getting better and they he
was gone. He was so full of fluids that
the undertaker told me he might have to
have a closed casket, his body was dying
before he did. The undertaker did a
wonderful job on him and his casket was
open. I still think of the way he looked
when he died but I also think of the
wonderful times I had with him when he was
alive. I miss him so much but I realize
it does get just a little better each day,
you realize that a day went by without you
crying, you might cry again but you
realize your partner would want you to go
on. I still feel him along side of me in
bed and that does comfort me at times. I
go to his grave and talk to him and tell
him I am mad he left me by myself and I
don't want to start all over again. But
he watches over me I know this and you
will realize this too. He is beside you
trying to help you through the pain.
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anna31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2008 Posts: 1
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Husband died Posted: 06-02-08 11:31am
Hi
I have never ever posted messages on the
mail. I am at the stage where I will do
anything just to feel better. My husband
died 4 weeks ago. He had jaundice-he had
liver failure and was in hospital for two
weeks. I thought he was gonna come out and
recover. He was weak the one day and the
next just lost all mobility and his
speech. He was very depressed at home and
drank a lot. Things were not to good
between us but I stayed because I love
him. He was 44. I am 31 and feel that my
world has fallen apart. I did not expect
this to happen. I have never seen anyone
die and he did in my arms. I keep on
seeing him and the suffering he went
through in hospital. He wanted to get
better. It kills me to think about it. I
get panic attacks at night and cant
believe what I have seen. I am sorry if
this is not relating to all you guys
stories. I just stumbled across this site
and felt I have something in common with
you. I cant get all these things out of my
head.
I keep on replaying everything over and
over in my head. I got to tell him that I
love him and will make him proud.
Everything feels like a bad dream. I wake
up in the mornings feeling sick. I hope
this all will get better. You all sound
like very brave people
