I have been the 'other man' in a
relationship for six months now. We
felling love immediately and would
otherwise happily spend the rest of our
lives togethers.
They have been together for six years (not
married), and they have not been sexually
intimate for some time (longer than my
relationship with her). Sex aside, her
relationship with him is very good.
I have pushed her to make a decision - him
or me - and she says she cannot make a
decision. She also says she will never
say 'never' to us being together.
So, I have effectively walked away.
However, she is insisting that we keep in
daily contact and continue to be
friends.
I am torn - I find it impossible to be
'just friends', but at the same time am
still holding onto some glimmer of hope
that by sticking around she may eventually
choose me.
Do i... Walk away and never look back?
Play the 'just friends' role?
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penabby
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 13 Location: England
Posted: 06-19-04 12:23pm
Do you think that you can play the
friend?... Whilst your being friends does
things happen that friends dont do?.... I
dont think its possible for you to be
friends in the hope that she will
eventually pick you. People need space
inbetween relationships, being with
someone on the rebound is bad news, it
seems to me that she doesnt know what she
wants. I think you should walk away and
give her space to decide what she wants,
if she really loves you then she will come
to you, if you are meant to be together
then you will no matter what.
Think about yourself, is it fair that you
are kept hanging on a string to be reeled
in whenever she needs you? What she is
doing is unfair to you, her partner and
herself. You are worth more than this.
I know its very easy to give advice on
love, its certainly not easy walking away
from someone you love, I know.
I wish you all the best and hope you find
happiness.
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acapellafella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Aug 2004 Posts: 7 Location: buffalo
Posted: 08-02-04 06:57am
I have been the other man a few times so I
understand where you are coming from.
Two things to keep in mind...1.
Ulitimately what do you want and what
would make you happy and 2. How long are
you willing to wait for it? When I was
"the other man" it seemed great to be able
to provide my 'friend' with the things she
couldnt get at home and she used me as her
escape from the problems that existed in
her relationship. In the end I got
frustrated because as I wanted to move the
friendship to a relationship and she began
to do anything not to face the impeding
problems that we were having because of
it. What would happen if you found
another woman that provided you with what
you needed in a relationship? Would she
still want to be your friend then?
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PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
She's Using You!! Posted: 08-07-04 08:48am
She wants to see how it goes with you and
is using her current partner as backup.She
is having her cake and eating it too!She
is a user and will string you along for as
long as you let her.No one can take
advantage of you without your
permission.Dump her and find someone who
is ready and available for a real
relationship.Patty
p.S. A real friend would never treat
you this way!!!!!!
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pitterpatter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2004 Posts: 619 Location: United States
Posted: 09-11-04 22:14pm
Nah, I think she wants her cake and to eat
it too!
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ellipsis
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2004 Posts: 1
How Is It Going? Posted: 11-01-04 19:41pm
Just wondered how things have worked out
with the woman you are/were seeing. I am
in the same position - for a little while
now - and even friends who once supported
the idea of us being together have now
begun to pull back.
Did you hang around? Has it worked out
with the two of you? Any advice?
D.
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Jamie2006
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2004 Posts: 27
Terrible Posted: 12-24-04 18:57pm
You should have never hooked up with a
girl that is taken anyway, that is a
terrible thing to do and if you think you
guys are going to happily be together for
ever you are stupid. Even if you do end
up with her what makes you think she won't
do this to you, although you would deserve
it so you could see what it feels like.
And her, she is terrible to not end a
stale relationship before starting
another. How immoral can you people be?
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ironmantaylors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Nov 2005 Posts: 38 Location: montana
Walk Away Posted: 11-03-05 16:54pm
Shame on you for doing anything with
her........If justice prevails you will
end up with her.......And spend many many
sleepless nights wondering who she is
seeing and she will wonder about
you.........Ten years of your life will
pass.........5 unhappy ones..........And
boom you will be single, lonely
again.......Your just reward..........And
you may or not ever be happy
again.........Wouldn't it be nice to spend
you golden years with someone you grew old
with? Do it...........Find god, repent,
become a better person........Sex is only
a small part of happiness. Soulmates are
complete happiness.
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funfearlessfemale
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 6 Location: Columbus Ohio
Think About It.... Posted: 11-16-05 16:17pm
I would say that if she is doing this to
him, in the long run if she chooses you
she may do the same thing to you and also,
maybe make sure she and the other guy keep
in contact daily until she finds someone
else to play and use. Sounds to me that
this girl wants her cake and wants to eat
it too. Good men are hard to com by and
it looks as though she is trying to get
all of them for herself. How do you know
that she doesnt have one other person
floating around? If I were you I would
stand my ground. Be confident and tell
her you had a chance to leave him you
didnt. I want to be happy and be with
only one person. You cant give me that
so thats it, and I am sorry but the
friends thing just cannot work. Then
walk away. I know it is hard but you
have to look out for you. Sooner or
later you will find someone who will love
you for you, and want only you, and you
can have both the love and passion you
deserve, plus a sexual relationship. Its
worth walking away :)
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1helpme1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 10 Location: PA
Posted: 01-11-06 20:55pm
Man i'm so sorry. I know what your
feeling but worse. I love the woman im
having an affair with and I just can give
her up. But see my problem gets worse.
Shes my bussines partner also. I just
can't get up a go even if I want to. She
is a true friend to me besides being my
lover. So you have it easy. You can just
get up and walk away and start again. I
would have to give up everything.
