Pregnancy Forum - I Am Pregnant Really Important Please Help


I Am Pregnant Really Important Please Help

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Joined: 31 Dec 1969
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I Am Pregnant Really Important Please Help Posted: 06-18-04 13:52pm


Ok i'm 22 years old and in college. I have a year and a half left and just found out I am pregnant. My boyfriend and I have only been together for two months. And to add a twist to the situation he already has a four year old daughter. This past situation of his plays a big role in ours today. He has been through this before and doesn't think he can handle it again. He really wants me to get an abortion but I don't think I can. But I don't want to hurt him. I think he will be there for me even ifi keep the baby but i'm not for sure. And then of course there is always the fact that we may not stay together. I think I can handle having achild it will be very difficult but I really don't know what to do. I don't want to go against his wishes and hurt him I really don't know does anyone have advice. Thanx luv countrygirl

linuxChique

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Posted: 06-18-04 14:22pm


Is he there for his other daughter? Don't ever let another person persuade you into doing something you don't want to do. If you can handle it and want to, tell him. If you have only been with him for two months, he is in no position to even suggest that you should do that if you don't want to. Who cares if you go against his wishes? It isn't his body. There are health risks associated with abortion too. Have a botched one, and you may never be able to conceive again. You could potentially walk away with serious injuries. Not to mention the emotional and physical stress that you will have to go through. Much better to have a child now against his wishes than to risk your health.

Sinsaint

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Posted: 06-18-04 15:01pm


Sorry, I can only agree with one thing linuxchique said. It is your body. You decide what is best for you. Obviously, abortion has it's pitfalls. Once it's done, it's done. You may have regrets which is why you should weigh all your options with accurate information. Abortion poses no more health risks than carrying a pregnancy to term. In actuality abortion is safer than pregnancy. Any surgical procedure has risks. Abortion carries the risk of a perforated uterus and infection (most common complications). Pregnancy runs the gambit of problems. Hyperemesis gravidarum, high blood pressure, preeclampsia, gestational diabetis, perforated or ruptured uterus from forecept use or aggressive induction techniques, blood loss, hemorrhage, c-section, placental abruption.... You should definately consider all your options but don't blindly listen to someone who claims abortions are far riskier than carrying to term because this is utterly false. You need to do what makes you comfortable and what you feel will be best for you, long term. Don't be forced to abort because someone else wants you to. But don't be fooled into believing abortion is not an option because uneducated people say it's unsafe.

Joined: 31 Dec 1969
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Posted: 06-19-04 16:17pm


Thanx for all the advice on both sides. And don't worry I am doing all the research I can on both my options parenthood and abortion and learning as much as I can. Asking people questions who have been through both. I guess I just have a big decision on my hands and i'll have to see where it goes. I just kind of feel like the choice really isn't mine anymore. Cause my boyfriend keeps asking me to make a decision but I don't think he will accept the decision if I decide to keep it cause he is very admant on the abortion choice. And of course other people are pushing for that too. I think personally I am leaning more towards keeping it cause I really don't think I can have an abortion myself. Not that I think it is wrong I am completely for a womans choice but for me I think it would make me more unstable in the long run. Yes if u are fully for the abortion I understand that it will pass but I have thought about keeping the baby and I don't know if I could ever live with the decision. Another factor is that if I do decide to keep it my boyfriend says their is no way he will let me live off the government. Now I am totally for working my butt off the baby I hate to take free stuff too. But the situation i'm in if I keep it I may need the help. He is taking alot of the bad experiences from his first child out on me I think and I dont know what to do. I really don't feel as if I have a choice anymore I think he is just going to tell me before long to get the abortion done and I don't know what to do. I am considering it and he makes good points I just don't know if I can handle it. And honestly I don';t know if I can handle keeping the baby either but if I did I would have to make do for the baby . Plus I would have a little bundle of joy to remind me of the good parts as well. While with abortion I would just have to live with myself and my desicion and I don' tknow if I could. Someone if anyone has advice please help

Jenni

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Hmmm.. Posted: 06-19-04 18:14pm


Well the only advice I can offer is what everyone else has said...Its true that there are risks in both situations and that no matter what decision you make, your going to have to live with it...Dont let your boyfriend tell you whats best for you because, like the others said, he isnt you and it is your body...Think long and hard about whats right for you and your baby..Goodluck hun..Even though I havent been through this before and im only in highschool, if you ever need someone to talk to my email is ultim atewonder@msn.Com ~jenn

Sinsaint

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Posted: 06-19-04 18:40pm


First and foremost, leave your boyfriend out of it. This is about you and your body and you need to tell him that. Do what is right for you. Think about what you want. Think about how your life will be a year from now, five years from now or even ten years from now. Think about these years with a child and these years without a child. I personally don't think abortion sounds like a good option for you. I might be wrong but you sound as though you already feel an attachment. If you give in to what your boyfriend wants and it isn't what you want, how are you going to feel? Do you think the resentment you will feel towards him will make the relationship stronger? What about how he is treating you right now? Say you do abort, do you know he will remain with you afterwards (not saying keep the baby to keep him)? He could walk out on you the day after and you will be left to deal with guilt and remorse you might have all by yourself. I'm sorry but this man's behavior towards you now should be an indication to you that he is not worthy of you. Make your decision alone because only you will be left to deal with the outcome.

Joined: 31 Dec 1969
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Help Posted: 06-20-04 14:05pm


Alright well last night I was right my boyfriend pretty much told me I just need to decide where I want to get the abortion done. I never actually even said I would have it done but he pretty much told me so. I know it will hurt him if I have the baby. But last night I had nightmares about terminating the pregnancy. I'm almost positive now I want to keep the baby. I know termination would probably be the best choice for the times and the situation but for me I really don't think so. Does anyone have any advice on how to break the news to him. My mom is kind of for abortion to to keep up with my life the way it was but I don't think it will be the same if i'm not mentally ready and I have the abortion. Should I break the news gently or just straight up tell him I really don't know anymore. Another question i'm at about week five and I have cramping still is that normal or what is going on? Also I have alot of chronic medical problems like gastrointestinal, hiatal hernia, ovarian cysts, and migrains should I be worried about this if I keep the baby? Thanx again everybody and take care.

Sinsaint

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Posted: 06-20-04 14:25pm


You need to just sit him down and say "look, this is how it is. My decision doesn't involve an abortion clinic but an obgyn. If you don't like it, there's the door." then I would get on the phone to set up your first prenatal appointment. With all the medical issues you describe, an appointment with a doctor would be your best bet for sound medical advice. I can tell you as a migraine sufferer, my headaches where at their worst after I had my children. You won't be able to take most migraine meds (as most are formulated to help menstral migraines such as imitrex or zomig). If your migraines become intolerable your doctor may put you on a low dose narcotic such as codeine, percodan, percocet or vicodin. These are all considered safe in moderation. You can also look into beta-blockers to help prevent migraines. These are all issues you should discuss with an obgyn. And cramping early on in pregnancy is not uncommon but you should definately be looked at to make sure all is well with the pregnancy thus far. Many women who become pregnant with ectopic pregnancies will take a hpt. Of course it comes up positive because they are in fact pregnant but it is a pregnancy that cannot be carried to term. For your health and the baby, get to a doctor.

mcgue75

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It's Your Life! Posted: 06-22-04 10:14am


Ok...Well to start off I went through somewhat the same thing you are going through now. I knew I wanted to keep the baby although it wasnt going to be easy, but I had my whole family wanting me to abort it. There was a lot of pressure on me and I was really confused , but I ended up listening to my family and I didnt have the baby. It was hard at the time, but even harder later. I am once again pregnant and under better circumstances, but its extremely hard to carry this baby knowing I didnt keep the other one. If I could go back I know I would do things different. You have to go with what you feel, no matter what anyone else wants.

insurancegirl

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Posted: 06-22-04 10:31am


In time, you will realize that this child is a blessing. Whether he is there for you, or he leaves, you will still have your baby. You should give this baby life, and see what blessings it leads you to. I myself was scared of my recent found pregnancy, because I already have 3 kids, but I know this lil one is here for a reason. Good luck, ~jennifer~

JanetBee

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Posted: 06-22-04 12:21pm


After just two months, and with his reaction, you need to be prepared that there is a good chance he won't "be there" for you -- whether or not you have the baby. But remember the decision is up to you -- if you want to have the baby, don't let his or your family's opinions make you do something you don't want to do. If your boyfriend can't handle an unplanned pregnancy, he should go and get a vasectomy -- it is not his option to tell you what to do with your body. In a lot of places, he will still need to pay maintenance, and maybe that's what he is really afraid of. But he should have thought of that before. Yes, it might be difficult to bring up the baby on your own (and even more difficult with a useless partner around maybe!), but a lot of women do it, and are happy they did, and you sound like a strong and intelligent person. One thing that i'd like to add is that it would be a good idea for couples who start to have sex to discuss how they would deal with an unplanned pregnancy, just so everyone is clear on the consequences!

hott*mommie

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Dont Have An Abortion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 06-27-04 21:35pm


Dont have an abortion!!!!! Thats a life!!!! Seriously! I'm pregnant when I 1st find out I was a lil nervous (but me n my bf got preg by choice) I dont regret it tho I can feel our lil gurl moving and I already love her so much and shes not even here yet. If u dont get an abortion as soon as u feel the baby move u'll change ur mind on not wanting a baby!! Yes the 1st few months are a health forum but I promise it'll pay off!!!! Laterz hott*mommie!!! If u wanna talk i'm here!!!!!!

linuxChique

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Posted: 06-27-04 22:43pm

sinsaint wrote:

abortion poses no more health risks than carrying a pregnancy to term.

can you say that carrying a pregnancy to term carries any of these risks, or any as bad?

# 24.3% experience complications in future pregnancies. Complications include: excessive bleeding, premature delivery, cervical damage, and sterility. (acta/obstetrics and gynecology scandinavia 1979; 58:491-4)
# increased risk of breast cancer. In addition to the aforementioned information. One source indicated a 140% increase risk following an abortion. (british journal of cancer 1981; 43-72-6)
# tubal pregnancy. Abortion appears to contribute to an increase in ectopic pregnancy in younger women when associated with pelvic inflammatory disease. Statistic show a 30% increased risk of ectopic pregnancy after one abortion and a 160% increased risk after two or more abortions. (american journal of obs. And gyn. 1989; 160:642-6) and (american journal of public health 1982; 72:253-6)
# 2 times greater risk of medical complications (canadian journal of public health 1982; 73:396-400)
# 150% greater risk of cervical injury (new england journal of medicine 1983; 309:621-24)
# 200% increased risk of miscarriage after two or more abortions
(journal of the american medical association 1980:243:2495-9)
# 5% of women who have a single abortion are left inadvertently sterile.
# uterine lacerations occurred in 22% of women the first time they abort.
# women who have had an abortion face a 58% greater risk of dying during a later pregnancy.

Pregnancy - the three most common complications of pregnancy are eclampsia (high blood pressure), diabetes, and anemia.
# high blood pressure occurs in 3.41% of all births.
# diabetes occurs in 2.52% of all births.
# anemia occurs in 2.05% of all births.
# the average woman has a .02% chance of dying during pregnancy, thats 20 women out of every 100,000.

And unlike abortion, every pregnancy a woman carries to term lowers her risk of breast and cervical cancer and make the next pregnancy easier. The chances of complictions during pregnancy is lower and lower the higher number of pregnancies a woman has successfully been through. Sounds to me like pregnancy is good for you.

Last edited by linuxChique on 06-27-04 22:47pm; edited 1 time in total

hotasfrick

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Posted: 06-27-04 22:46pm


Umm, you really need to leave your "man." or your poor excuse for one. Do not have an abortion because of him. Leave him and raise the baby on your own. Why would you want to be with someone so cold hearted? He already has one child and doesn't think he can handle this again? Then, he should have been responsible and used a condom. He sounds like a real piece of work. The decision is ultimately up to you, but it sounds like you do not want an abortion. Good for you. Leave him and have that baby by yourself. It is scary, but it will be fine.

Joined: 31 Dec 1969
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Bad Week =0( Posted: 06-30-04 15:11pm


Well he left me he dumped me and broke my heart. He doesn't care how I feel about all of this and he just wants to know whether he has to pay child support or for the abortion. But I still don't know what to do I don't know if I can handle either of the options on my own. I'm really really scared and don't know what to do. I am all alone now and I really don't have a support group here at all I am so scared and I think I am going crazy. I keep thinking aobut how happy I was with him andhow now I have to deal with a broken heart and this unplanned pregnancy. I don't know what to do. I'm begining to think abortion is the option for me but I really don't know if I can do it on my own at least when I thought he was there for that I would have someone to be scared with me afterwords but he doens't care anymore. Apparently he was going to break up with me before I told him but he was holding off and then this came up and he decided to wait till things were a little less stressful but apparently monday when we were discussing our options he decided it was the right time to break up withme and told me that he knows I should have the abortion and if I keep the child it will be a health questions child because it is "unwanted, unneeded , and unnecessary." I think what hurts most is that in this time when he contributed 50% to the situation we are in that he wants nothing more to do with it really. He says he will uphold his promises but if I remember right his promises where that he would be there whatever choice I made and now it doesn't look like he will be there for either other than the money part and I could care less about that. Help please i'm really scared and don't know what to do. Does anybody know of any support groups or havve any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

LISAMARIE

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Consider Adoption Posted: 06-30-04 17:01pm


Well it seems to me that you are uncomfortable with having an abortion, which is very understandable, and you are scared of raising a child alone. I would say look into adoption. That way you don't have to deal with an abortion and you wouldn't have to raise a child alone. There are so many couples who can't have children and not enough children up for adoption. I guess it's somthing to think about. Giving your child to a loving family is much better than not giving it a chance to live. Good luck

oklagrl26

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Posted: 06-30-04 17:08pm


I have a son that will turn 2 in november. I was 24 when I got pregant and partway thru college. I was scared, alone, and had no idea what to do. I wasn't quite the same as you - I don't believe in abortion, but strongly considered adoption (a choice I don't think you've really considered, but may be a good one for you). My boyfriend was gone before I found out I was pregnant and his 'new' (he was seeing her before we split) girlfriend moved in with him when I was 2 months along. I had no idea how I would actually take care of a baby. My mother was unhappy because I wasn't married. But I have some very supportive friends who helped me more than they'll ever know. By the time I was a couple months along I had an ultrasound and could see the baby's heartbeat - that was all it took for me. I was having the baby and I was keeping it. It was the best decision I ever made. Please don't think about him or what he wants. You said yourself he would've left you anyway - this guy is a huge jerk. You may be best off telling him you'll let him sign over his rights if he'll just go away. You need to separate your feelings from him (and I know exactly how difficult that is to do - trust me - I cried almost daily for a while into my pregnancy). You need to decide what is best for you and this baby. I really think you should think about adoption. You don't sound like you'll be able to deal well with the psychological aspects of the abortion and i'm afraid you'll end up feeling pushed into it and regret it. Open adoption where you can choose the family and still have contact with the child may work for you (the only problem is that to put the baby up he would need to sign over his rights - he doesn't seem to want the baby, so that might not be a problem). And although raising a baby, working, and trying to finish school is very hard work it can be done. I'm doing it right now. I would never say it's easy, but it is definitely worth it. I thank god daily for sending me my son - even though it's a blessing I wasn't sure I wanted at the time. You might consider talking to a therapist also. Your college should offer some of those services and it would be good for you to speak to an unbiased professional about this. You are the one who will have to live with this, not your mother, not your friends, and yes, he may have to but you can always offer him the out of signing over rights if you want to (if you can do without child support). Bottom line is - it is your decision. Make the decision that is best for you and your baby - not anybody else. I did - and I haven't regretted it a single day since (not even the ones when he was crying until 4 in the morning!), hearing him say mama and come running to hug me is the best feeling I have ever had!

sandyallen

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Posted: 06-30-04 21:46pm


Don't ever let a man have the upper hand, he had something to do with this baby and yes, I feel he should help(just my opinion)! What you went through is what I call verbal abuse, don't take that stuff you sound stronger then that, it will be a hard road for you but life is not easy anyway! But the main thing is is that you get to a Dr. And get everything checked out! I do wish you the best! Sincerely, sandy

Sadler1021

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Posted: 06-30-04 22:54pm


Hi.. I just thought maybe I could give you a different perspective on the situation. I have been trying to conceive for 4 yrs now and am unable to have a baby. You have been blessed with something very special in your life. I know you are feeling very pressured during this time and you feel lost. But, think about what a wonderful thing you have been given. You have a lil human in you that may one day be just like you. Doesn't that make you feel special? It is your choice what you do with this wonderful opportunity, however, I just want you to know that if you do decide to keep the baby, do not feel bad and definitely do not feel that it will be a health questions child. After reading all of your replies it seems to me that you would love this baby very much and this baby would be anything but unwanted. I know many unwed mothers who are doing just fine without the deadbeat fathers who just want to be part of fun and not part of the responsibility. Whatever you decide it is your decision and don't ever let anyone ever make you feel bad for what you want to do. Bless you

hotasfrick

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Posted: 07-02-04 16:35pm


I am not meaning this to hurt: you said, "he doesn't care anymore" honey, he never did care. If he did he never would have pushed you to have an abortion, or said that his child would be a health questions child. That kind of "man" is not worth your time. I know it hurts. But, he obviously wasn't worth it. I think it is better that you find out now that he really is just an ignorant piece of crap! It beats later on. The choice is up to you, but do you really think that having an abortion is going to make you feel better? Or make your problems go away? Judging from your posts I honestly believe that if you have an abortion you will feel a heck of a lot worse than you do now. Having a child isn't easy. Especially on your own, but women do it all of the time. It can be done. And who knows, it could just be the best thing that ever happened to you. Screw him. He is such a waste of flesh. If you do decide to have the baby, I think you and the baby are much better off without him anyway.