Why Is This Relationship Over ??? Posted: 07-10-04 01:11am
I am 44 yrs of age, and a few months ago I
met a truly wonderful woman 36yrs of age,
and we got to know each other via email
for a month or so, then met for a date. I
can honestly say that I have only ever
been so comfortable and relaxed with one
other woman like I have been with this
one, and the feeling was mutual.
Communication was never a problem. One
day as I was leaving her house I said
goodbye by saying "i love you", which
didnt go down very well. Anyway
afterwards nothing seemed any different.
Then she went on a previosuly arranged
walking holiday and came back in a state
of panic about those 3 words and said it
had affected her and she didnt feel the
same.
I tried to explain that I said it out of a
feeling of complete comfort and ease with
her company, and it did not mean I was in
love with her, but is just a way I express
that feeling of warmth you have with
someone you feel very close to. There was
no other evidence to support her fears of
me being more serious about things than
her, ie no phonecalls, texts, presents,
etc and I let her dictate the pace of the
relationship, so I could not have been
more laid back about it. It was just 2
people really enjoying getting to know
each other with no demands. I tried
talking it through with her a week later,
but she seemed annoyed I had said it. The
alternatives I said were that we either
try to sort it out, or I walk out the door
and we never see each other again which
would have been a total waste of 2 very
compatible people who got on so amazingly
well. She said she wanted to go back a
few steps and just be friends. I dont
know why she would even want to do this as
the sight of me must just increase her
insecurities about my feelings for her ?
I still dont know whether I can do this or
not and have not given her an answer. Any
women who might recognise this scenario,
can you help please because my health is
suffering through lack of sleep and no
appetite. It just seems so unecessary.
|
itsjustmeagain
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 4 Location: usa
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Hi Hammy, Posted: 10-28-04 12:01pm
You did not state what has been going on
in her recent past. How long has it been
since her last relationship? Was she
dumped by someone she was in love with --
is it taking her a while to work through
issues from her last relationship? I am
currently experiencing a relationship with
a guy who is moving way too fast for me.
We met within a month of my last
relationship being over. (my last
relationship lasted 3 years -- I loved the
previous guy, but dumped him because he
was unfaithful.) and it is not easy to
deal with this new guy's, "i want us to be
married" and "i want us to be together,
forever" statements. (by the way, I have
been dating this guy for 3 months! We get
along great, except for the fact that he
keeps going on and on about how he wasted
his earlier years and is now ready to get
on with the rest of his life, living it
the way he wants it to be. Frankly, all
of this "i want..." spells only one thing
to me....Selfishness! When i've asked him
to slow down, he acts all pitiful (as if I
have just spanked him) and he agrees to
slow down. But then, the next day, he is
right back in that same spot, again..."i
want, I want, I want..." frankly, being
rushed and pressured like this is not a
good thing! There have been plenty of
times that I have wanted to end this new
relationship, completely -- because he
does not seem to want to give me the time
that I need! (i hope this is starting to
make sense to you.) trust me on this, it
would be better to give her the time and
space that she asks for, because it will
show her that you really are a caring guy.
Saying "i love you" too soon, makes you
appear to be needy (and as if you have
hidden agendas). Women want a man they
can depend on -- not needy guys, who
appear to be after something. (i did not
say that you are needy and/or that you are
after something. It's just that coming on
too fast and too strong, gives women the
appearance of that.)
good luck,
janie
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