Hi I am glad that I found this forum I was
wondering if any one can help me a bit.
I"m 20 and I have been bulimic for 1.5
years. I hate it and love it at the same
time. I wish I never started because now
its hard to get away from it. I am
working on it though.And I think its
working. I never did it multiple times in
a day the most I have done it is 4 times a
week. I was reading over some posted
topics here and I came accros one that
talked about that bulimia slows your
metabolizm down and makes you gain weight.
How exacly does it make you gain weight
is it because some of the food that you
binge on always stays and is not thrown up
or it literally messes with your system.
I probably sound really dumb but I really
dont understand. Can some one please
help?
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Julie25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Teesside, UK
Posted: 07-16-04 13:09pm
Hi,
what I read is that over the years, your
body retains more and more of the food
that you binge on. Some of it is absorbed
quite quickly in the stomach and large
intestine. The longer you binge and
vomit, the more your body will retain. I
have found this to be true in my case.
After one year of being bulimic, I had
lost quite a lot of weight. But then, a
year later, it was beginning to creep back
on. I gained a lot of the weight back,
plus I did bad damage to my stomach, teeth
and intestine.
Another thing is, your metabolism slows
down because you are not reliably feeding
your body. Your body does not trust you
anymore, and thus switches into a mode
where it tries to conserve as much energy
as possible. Thus, your pulse will drop,
you may feel colder than usual, and more
sluggish, etc. Even your cognitive
abilities become worse. Your body is
trying to conserve energy, because it
cannot be sure when the next meal will
come, and how much of it you keep in.
Basically, it messes up your resting
metabolic rate - that is the rate at which
you burn energy (calories) when you are
resting. When your resting metabolic rate
is lower, you will find it harder and
harder to maintain your weight, never mind
losing weight. You need to vomit more and
more to keep your weight down, and
basically you are mostly losing water and
muscle.
I was like you, I used to do it about
three to four times a week. But then I
increased it to four times daily because
it was not having the desired effect
anymore. Plus, I was losing mostly water
and muscle mass, instead of fat. Because
basically, you are bingeing and starving,
and that is very, very, very bad for
you.
I am recovering since two months, and I
feel much better. You can stop, and eat
regularly without bingeing, you just need
to break the cycle. I needed the help of
a therapist, and it took me a year.
Basically, you have to convince yourself
that you are killing yourself slowly.
It's like suicide in slow motion. Once
you have understood that, and you want to
live, you will stop, or at least become
better. Also, your body image and self
esteem need to become better. It's a lot
of hard work. I advise you to get help,
as quickly as possible. The sooner, the
better.
Good luck!
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monika11
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 9
Posted: 07-16-04 17:18pm
Thank you so much for responding. I was
hoping I can talk to someone that was in
my shoes. The thing is I understand were
you are comming from but now I only do it
like 2 times a week and I do eat very
healthy and balanced meals its just that
sometimes I get cravings binge and throw
up. This might sound sick but I make sure
it all comes out. I dont know if that
makes sense. I eat a big salad before and
then I eat bad stuff. After im done I
throw up until the salad. Im sorry if im
grossing you out im just trying to
explain. So my body is never straving or
malnutritioned it just those 2 days that I
plan to binge. I also work out and stuff.
I just cant seeem to get the weight off.
Honestly I dont throw up to loose weight
b/c I dont throw up my dinner or breakfast
I just throw up my planned binges. I do
it b/c I love food and it makes me feel
better. What do you think will that still
effect me. Im not sayingi want to do it
all my life b/c I know its bad and I wanto
quit. I just ....I dont know.
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Julie25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Teesside, UK
Posted: 07-17-04 11:00am
Hi monika,
i understand exactly what you are doing.
That's how it starts. Many of us start
that way, just ask some on this forum,
they might tell you the same.
To answer your question: yes, you are
still affecting your body. Vomiting (even
as infrequently as twice a week) affects
the electrolyte balance in your body, you
lose important minerals and salts, and
yes, it slows down your metabolism as
well. The acid is scarring your gullet,
and basically you are suffering all the
same consequences as those of us who vomit
more often, you just may not be able to
tell, because it's probably happening more
slowly. You are saying you can't lose
weight. One, do you need to lose weight?
Are you even overweight? Two, you are
probably eating too little to lose weight.
That sounds absurd, but it is true. You
need to eat a certain amount of calories
to lose weight. Otherwise your metabolism
is too slow and you don't lose body fat.
If you do need to lose weight (note the
capital if), aim for at least 1,200
calories! And keep up the exercise,
exercise is good. If you are not even
overweight, it will be harder for you to
lose weight as well, because basically,
you won't need to, and your body will be
reluctant to let go of its reserves.
Ignore people who say that you need to
starve to lose weight. Not true at all.
It's a common myth.
I can tell you how it will continue:
first, you only throw up the food that is
"bad". Then, you think, what the heck, I
might as well throw up everyhting, after
all, it's not helping, i'm not losing any
weight by just throwing up twice a week.
You increase your vomiting, and that's
when the sh*t really hits the fan.
Because then you are hooked, you can't
stop, because you get really hungry and
overeat more often. Bulimia is very much
physiologically driven as well. That's
what people tend to forget.
There's nothing wrong with treating
yourself once in a while to the foods you
love, without throwing up. Having
chocolate twice a week will not make you
fat! You can even lose weight! As long
as you don't eat wagonloads. Fact:
chocolate and other "forbidden" foods do
not make you fat, as long as you eat them
in moderation. Another fact: any food can
make you put on weight if you have way too
much of it too often! (but you won't, if
you learn to eat them in moderation.)
make a plan to eat one or two of your
favourite foods once or twice a week. You
will learn to enjoy them more, because
once you accept them, they won't be
forbidden anymore, and you won't feel so
guilty! Treat yourself every now and
then. There's no point in denying
yourself, because that only leads to
eating too much of them, and then
vomiting! Take it from someone who has
been there and done that. I am a healthy
weight now, and yes, I do eat chocolate
now and then, and no, I don't vomit! I
never knew life could be this good! :d
good luck.
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monika11
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 9
Posted: 07-19-04 09:58am
Hi, thanks for writing back im not sure
how many calories I eat. For b/f I eat
usually a few veggies and wholegrain bread
2 pieces, after I work out I eat a piece
of protein and veggies, lunch big salad,
no dressing no croutons, dinner salad also
with some meat. I did notice changes in
my body b/c I started working out so maybe
that will work but you know what makes me
mad is that I dont see the scale move,
maybe its b/c I do weight 2 times a week?
And its muscle?I also got screwed over b/c
in january iwent on atkins and the first
few days I got a little smaller but then I
gained weight so now im trying to loose
it.I used to weigh 150 im 5.7 now I weigh
164 so I gues I am overweight. I dont
know how that happened b/c it usually
makes people loose weight so now im doing
more of a south beach diet. Im just
trying to eat healthy. I know what you
mean about throwing up and that it will
get worse I hope not thats what iv been
doing for th past 1.5 years just binge 2
times a week , I know I have to stop, but
when I just want a little piece of cake
its like I cant stop, and it angers me of
that some girls can eat the whole cake and
not gain a pound.
I dont want bulimia as a tool for loosing
weight for me its just a tool to get rid
of those sweets I eat once a week. I know
I cant do this and I will have too try to
quit. Its so easy frooo other people to
loose weigth I just dont get it.
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Julie25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Teesside, UK
Posted: 07-19-04 10:41am
I know what you mean, before I became
bulimic I was forever trying to lose
weight, and it wasn't coming off. Now I
know why, because of my harsh diets and
because I had an underactive thyroid.
Have you had your thyroid checked? It
might be underactive. See your doctor and
tell him about your concern. He will do a
blood test. If you have an underactive
thyroid, this results in a slower
metabolism. Medication can take care of
that. It did help me feel a lot better,
and my body is now more tolerant regarding
food!
I still believe though that you are not
eating enough to lose weight. You eat
mainly vegetables (salad consists mainly
of water anyway). Also, this food must
leave you very hungry and undernourished,
and you will be much more likely to binge
on sweets and unhealthy foods! That,
coupled with your vomiting, is very likely
to wreak havoc with your metabolism!
Unfortunately, long lasting weight loss
does not happen overnight. It can take a
while, depending on how much you want to
lose. But judging from the height and the
weight you stated in your post, you are
only slightly overweight (your bmi is
around 25-26). Remember, the guidelines
are only guidelines. Some people have a
genetic predisposition to be a bit
heavier. So it might be harder for you to
lose weight. But I would still advise you
to 1) up your caloric intake (i don't
believe in these low carb diets, I think
they are unhealthy and very dangerous for
people with bulimia or bulimic tendencies,
because they can lead us to binge) and 2)
see your doctor about your thyroid.
|
monika11
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 9
Posted: 07-19-04 17:54pm
Thank you so much you've helped me a lot.
I will start eatin more and I am definatly
going to the doctor b/c I dont have my
period since march and I know that im not
pregnant. So something might be going on.
I just hate my body so much everybody
tells me that im not fat and that I dont
even look like a weigh as much as I do
much but I tried already 3 scales and they
say the same thing. Every day I think
about how fat I am and I need to loose
weight. Everything is aout my body which
I hate b/c no matter were I go I think
people are talking about my weigh. And
even though a lot of guys like me that
still doesnt help my confidence. I wanto
loose the weight for my self. And I will
try my best to do it the right way. :p
when you got on the medication did it help
you loose weight and stabilize your
conditions did you have any signs and
symptoms you can tell mebefore you were
diagnosed.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 07-19-04 19:56pm
I totally agree with julie25! I also
feel that this can not be done
alone(getting away from bulimia)you do
need help and their is nothing wrong with
asking! I know of people who have past
away thinking that they can do it on their
own. This could be why you are not having
your period is because bulimia can throw
off your whole system.
Sincerely,
sandy
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Julie25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Teesside, UK
Posted: 07-20-04 12:40pm
monika11
wrote:
thank you so much you've
helped me a lot. I will start eatin more
and I am definatly going to the doctor b/c
I dont have my period since march and I
know that im not pregnant. So something
might be going on. I just hate my body
so much everybody tells me that im not fat
and that I dont even look like a weigh as
much as I do much but I tried already 3
scales and they say the same thing.
Every day I think about how fat I am and I
need to loose weight. Everything is aout
my body which I hate b/c no matter were I
go I think people are talking about my
weigh. And even though a lot of guys
like me that still doesnt help my
confidence. I wanto loose the weight for
my self. And I will try my best to do it
the right way. :p when you got on the
medication did it help you loose weight
and stabilize your conditions did you have
any signs and symptoms you can tell
mebefore you were
diagnosed.
reading your post, I felt like I had
written it myself. I always felt like
that! And I often still do, although I
know deep down that I am not fat. The
problem is self-esteem (or lack of it). I
am in therapy, and learning to accept
myself, but it's not easy. I have always
longed to be thin and to blend in, but I
have also always loved food, especially
sweets. Bulimia seemed like the answer to
my prayers, at the very beginning. But it
is one of the worst things that happened
to me.
I strongly suggest you talk to someone,
because you appear to have very low
self-esteem. You say that guys like the
way you look. Well, for me it was the
same, many people liked the way I looked,
but it doesn't help because I didn't like
myself. Nobody can make you like
yourself, it comes from within. I'm sure
many beautiful celebrities have low
self-esteem because they don't like
themselves. So it doesn't really have
anything to do with reality, it's how we
grow up and what we are made to believe by
other people (e.G. You are fat, you are
ugly, etc.). Media also plays a role, of
course, but it is primarily something that
we learn growing up and as teenagers, and
it's hard to unlearn!
The fact that your period has stopped is
not good- I don't mean to panic you ok,
but you should really get it checked out.
That can be a symptom of bulimia, as
sandyallen rightly pointed out. It only
shows that you don't have to be vomiting
very often to cause harm to your body, and
it's likely that your metabolism is very
slowed down and that you are experiencing
other problems. You should have your
blood checked, not only because of the
thyroid, but also because your liver and
kidney function, and other things, should
be looked at.
Anyway, as for the symptoms of an
underactive thyroid, for me it was mainly
tiredness, my hair was brittle and broke
off constantly, I was finding it very hard
to lose weight (but that was also because
of starvation dieting and bingeing!), I
always felt cold, especially my hands and
feet, I couldn't concentrate at school,
and I was very low and depressed. All
this improved with the medication,
especially the tiredness and concentration
problems. Regarding my weight, it is
difficult to say, because I started the
medication while I was still bulimic, so
my metabolism was still messed up. I
haven't vomited in more than two months
(which is still not a very long time
period, considering I spent nearly four
years vomiting), and I have put on weight,
because my metabolism is adjusting again.
Although I am unhappy with that (check the
post I wrote about three weeks ago!!), I
am dealing with it. But what I can say is
that my body is more tolerant with food
than it was before I became bulimic. By
this I mean that I am not constantly
putting on more and more weight, like I
did before! I am quite stable, and I am
not overweight, even though I eat
normally. When I used to eat normally, I
used to put on weight quickly, but that's
not happening any more. So yes, I can
feel a difference, but I will have to wait
about six months more to be sure. I am
expecting that I will lose some weight as
my metabolism normalises itself. With
exercise and reducing my intake slighlty
after six months, I think I actually could
be the same size as I was when I was
bulimic (i was slim, not skinny though).
The good thing is it will be without
vomiting. And it could be the same for
you, if you stop bingeing and vomiting and
start eating regular, satisfying, proper
meals. Imagine having the best of both
worlds - being a nice shape and healthy as
well. It is possible, don't let anyone
tell you otherwise. And try to stay away
from people who diet compulsively, or at
least don't talk about weight and food
with them. They will only influence you.
But most of all, talk to someone and
confide in them. While I am here to
provide support if you need it :d , you
should confide in someone you trust and
are close to. From there, the next step
is a self help group, or better yet,
counselling (i swear by it). Good luck!!
|
monika11
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 9
Posted: 07-20-04 17:12pm
Thank you so much I never thought that
someone has felt the way I did . I am
scheduling an appointment for a doctor
tomorow. I know I have to go and I need
to know what exactly is wrong. I wannna
be healthy and live my life like a normal
person. I would never think that food
would take over me as it did but it
happened so I have to deal with it. Do
you have any idea how long would it take
for my metabolism to adjust? Did you put
on a huge amount of weight , I m terrified
of gaining, but I guess im ready.Thank you
so much again for your help :p
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Julie25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Teesside, UK
Posted: 07-21-04 16:00pm
You don't know how glad I am to read
that!! I am so happy that you are
considering what I said and want to change
your life for the better! I can tell you
are an intelligent girl and I really
believe you will manage. :d
unfortunately I don't know how lomg it
takes for the metabolism to adjust,
because I have been told different things.
My friend who recovered from bulimia took
about ten months. She put on a stone
(about 14 pounds?), but she lost it again.
I have also put on a stone. I now weigh
about 165 pounds, and I am 5'10''. I used
to be a lot slimmer (about 150 pounds),
but at the moment I am willing to be
heavier, if that means that I won't die
from bulimia and live normally. So, while
i'm not thrilled with the weight gain, I
know some of it will come off naturally
again, and as for the rest, I will need to
reduce my caloric intake slightly to lose
that. But I won't be able to do that
until I have been okay for at least six
months, my therapist said.
I can't say how it will be for you, but
you might not gain much at all. Some
people hardly gain anything, some do gain
quite a bit. But the important thing to
remember is that the weight you will gain
initially won't be body fat, it will be
because your body is rehydrating. Due to
vomiting, your body is dehydrated, and
establishing a normal eating pattern again
will result in water weight gain. Also,
you may retain more water in your body(i
do), and that's why you need to drink 2
litres of water daily! This is important,
because then you will eventually start to
lose the water again after a week or so.
I didn't take this seriously enough, and
that wasn't good, because I am still
retaining water. But please follow this
advice, drink lots of water. (sounds
funny I know drinkng water to lose water,
but that's apparently how it works.)
meanwhile, you need to talk about your
problem to someone you trust, because if
you are not keeping it a secret anymore,
it won't be so easy for you to fall back
into your old ways. Also, it will help
you emotionally. You will need emotional
support to get you through the period of
adjusting to normal living again, and it
is always great to have someone's shoulder
to cry on and to reassure you that you are
not becoming fat! Otherwise you may start
falling back into old habits.
I am very proud of you that you have made
the wise decision to take control of your
life again, and that you want to live
normally! Please don't lose that feeling!
It is so important.
A big hug from me!
take care
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monika11
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 9
Posted: 07-21-04 17:18pm
Im really happy that came here. Thank you
you did help me a lot. About the water ,
I do drink lots of it and that is the only
thing that I drink, no pop oh and also
green tea. I actually like water plus
when I work out I need to drink it. I
always wondered about water weight, I know
that it shows up on a scale but lets say
if tou gain 10 pounds of water are you
still the same size I mean can you
actually see it on youself, or do you put
on inches to? Thats kind of confusing me.
When you said you gained was it only
water and if it was were you still the
same size? This thing happends to me
sometimes one day I fit in my jeans
perfectly the next day they are tighter.
I dont get it and a few days after that
the same jeans are perfect again I dont
get it b/c I dont put them in the dryer.
Im confused.
Also lets say a person eats healthy but
then like I have a craving and eat cake or
something I like, can I gain weight from
it, just one day? B/c if I want to quit
throwing up I mean I will get a craving
once in a while and I dont wanto throw it
up I will have to keep it inside. Im so
paranoind I swear sometime I will eat
something sweet and not throw it up and I
just beat my self up for I feel so bad and
I hate myself for going of track.
I think the smallest thing will make me
fat. Thats why im so jelous of other
people they eat normal and me like me and
my friends go out they arder pizza or
fries, wings all these sweet drinks and I
either just sit there with a salad or
drink my water. I feel so weird and my
friends are not even fat?
I was never fat as a kid my body totally
changed when I came to america and started
eating all this diffrent food. I was not
used to it. Then I became obsesed about
my body. And it was even worse because I
was getting to the "developing" stage you
know. As you said before deep down I know
that im not fat or huge or watever, but
them something in the back of my head
tells me I am , its so weird, I dont know
if that makes sence. And you know the
models and stars on tv dont exactlu help,
I sware I look in the mirror like 70 times
a day just to see if I gained anything.
I cant wait till im normal. Unfortunatly
I have no one to talk to b/c they all
think I recovers from being bulimic so if
I tell them I didn't and I kept lying they
will flip out. Bu ti think im strong
enough to go on my own thats the good
thing I was always on my own and learned
to fix my stuff by myself. Thank you
again for your support.
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Julie25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Teesside, UK
Posted: 07-22-04 05:08am
Hi,
first of all you need to understand one
thing. You will not get fat from eating cake
or giving in to a craving once in a
while. The golden rule is that no
food will make you fat just from eating it
once in a while (not often, that is!), but
most foods will make you gain weight if
they are eaten excessively. I cannot stress
this enough, eating "forbidden foods"
occasionally may even be important,
because you cannot avoid them all your
life. You must learn to enjoy them in
moderation, because being a bulimic, you
are vulnerable. If you deny yourself all
these foods, you will crave them more and
then binge. And then the whole cycle will
start again. The key is breaking out of
the binge-purge cycle, while not
restricting your food. There are
guidelines on healthy eating, you can find
them on the internet, for example. No
realistic guidelines forbid you to eat
fatty foods, they just say to enjoy them
in moderation. It can be confusing to
know what "in moderation" means, but a
burger once every three weeks or so, or a
chocolate bar once a week, or whatever,
will not make you blow up to 20 stone!
The reason you feel your friends can eat
anything they want is that every person
has a genetic predisposition towards a
certain range of body weight. Some of us
are "unlucky" and our set point weight is
higher than average, because we have a
certain body type and a certain
metabolism. Others are slim and still
appear to eat more than us. First of all,
a lot of that can be genetically
determined. However, also you should ask
yourself this: do you know everything
about your firends' eating habits? And do
they really eat loads of junk food, or
dies it just seem that way to you, because
you have an eating disorder? I know when
I was fully bulimic, everything appeared
to be eating loads to me, because I had
this attitude that even a small bit of
food can make you fat. So I saw everyone
to be eating a lot, when in fact they were
just eating normally, and I was eating too
little!! Once you start eating normally,
you'll be surprised at how much you'll be
allowed to eat! It is more than you
think. When I started making my eating
plan every day, I thought, that is so much
food! But it isn't really, it just seems
that way, because when you are bulimic (or
anorexic) you have this mind set that any
food (even an apple, for god's sake) will
make you put on weight. That is a blatant
lie.
As for water retention, yes, that can make
your clothes feel tighter etc. The thing
you said about your jeans not fitting is
especially common before having your
period, but because you said you don't
have your periods at the moment, this is
even more of a reason to check your blood.
The doctor can determine in your blood
whether you are retaining fluid because of
bulimia. This may be the reason why you
feel so heavy and your clothes become
tighter. Water weight gain is easier to
get rid of though, so that's good news.
I actually saw my doctor this morning, and
had another blood test. My thyroid
appears to still be underactive (in spite
of the medication), so that is still
affecting my metabolism. In a week's time
I have to check back, and they will tell
me whether I have to increase my
medication. That will definitely make it
easier for me to lose weight. So when you
see the doctor, ask about your thyroid and
about water retention. But you need to
tell him about vomiting as well, otherwise
he may not take you seriously!!
Thirdly, I can understand about you not
wanting to tell anyone, but think about it
this way. You have a problem, and it is
very bad for you to bottle it in. If the
people close to you love you, they will
understand, instead of being mad at you.
It is not your fault! This illness is
very powerful, and you can't deal with it
on your own. Just look at some of the
threads on this forum. People think they
are strong and can manage on their own,
but not many do. It can damage you. You
need some support, and this will also help
you break out of the cycle, because once
people know about it, it is harder for you
to keep it a secret, and you will try to
help yourself. And please don't do what
many people do, that is, lie about being
better or lying to your therapist. You
are not helping anyone that way, least of
all yourself. It's dangerous to think you
can deal with it all alone. There is no
shame in asking for help. I know you can
get strong reactions from your family, I
have been through it. Most of them don't
understand. But they can still be there
for you, just to listen and to watch out
for you. And even if you decide not to
tell them, tell a counsellor, or go to a
meeting, get help! Once it's out in the
open, you can fight it better, and it
won't be able to control you that much.
You said you came to america as a child,
and changed your diet. Where did you live
before? I know what that is like, I am
german, and I moved to britain four years
ago, and the food here is really yuck and
greasy and too sweet or too salty. So my
bulimia started here, with an unhealthy
diet. It's hard in an unhealthy society
to live a balanced life. In america,
people either eat too unhealthily or
really starve themselves with diets and
excessive exercise. That's what I
observed when I was in the states. You
need to find a middle ground, which is the
healthiest way to live.
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monika11
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 9
Posted: 07-22-04 09:47am
Well I came from poland. And there I was
never even concerned with weight, I ate
what I wanted. But I was also only 13
and was not into that stuff yet. I think
I will tell my boyfriend first but hes on
vacation now. Im scared but I think
telling him first is best, then my
parents. Do you think you will have to
be on medication all your life since your
thyroid is underactive? I tried to make
an appointment to my doctor but the
earliest I can go is in august. So I will
have to hang on till then but im actually
looking forward to going. I hope you
thyroid problem will get better I really
do youve done so much good and you are
really trying and you deserve it. I hope
I have your tetermination
i never thought that england has bad food
like that, but you know there is a lot of
girls with eating disorders in poland too.
A lot of youg polish girls are pressured
to be skinny and even if you are slightly
overweight they will call you fat. When
me and my parents go to family parties
thats all the women talk about is diets
and their fat, even though their not even
fat at all. Their twigs. But theiy also
dont have any boobs, ha ha . I avoid
those parties anyway , for now.
Yesterday I ate normal and I thought
about throwing up but I dont wanto and I
didnt so thats good, what tempted me is I
ate 2 spoons of puding and I was like what
am I doing I m gonna eat the whole box so
I just gave it to my brother and watched
tv. I hate throwing up, because the more
I do it the harder it is to do it. Some
girls say that the more they do it the
easier it is to throw up for them, that is
not my case. So I never did it everyday
b/c I wouldnt be able to do it b/c its to
hard for me. Do you know why is that? I
know eventually I will stop. The last
time I did it was sunday. So I guess im
clean for 3 days.
Im not goingto hide stuff from my doctor
b/c I did it once and look where am I so I
will tell them the truth, I dont have a
problem with that now b/c I dont know them
and for some reason that makes it easier
for me. I hope everything goes well for
both of us and other people here that are
trying. :p
|
Julie25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Teesside, UK
Posted: 07-22-04 17:43pm
Well done, I am so proud of you. You
have the right way of thinking to change
your life. I'm glad you are looking
forward to seeing the doctor, too. It
will surely help you. Also, i'm glad
you've made the decision to tell people
about your illness. That is a big,
important step, breaking the dangerous
silence.
I didn't know that in poland it's bad with
eating disorders. That is sad,
especially what you wrote about the
parties you go to and what the women say.
You are right in avoiding that, or at
least ignoring them, because it can make
you worse. But eventually you will be
strong enough to hear people talk about
weight and not care so much. In germany,
eating disorders are bad too, i've seen
many anorexic girls, some of them very
young. And two girls in my class were
bulimic. Here in northern england there
are actually quite a lot of fat people, so
you don't feel so bad, at least not as bad
as I felt in germany!
I've had the thyroid problem for a long
time, maybe since birth, and nobody knows
for sure whether it will get better. It
might not. But even if I have to take
the pills for the rest of my life (i hope
not!), I can live with that much better
than I can live with bulimia. It's not
that bad. Thanks for your
encouragement!
And congratulations to you for not
vomiting when you felt like vomiting.
That is an incredible achievement!!! You
should be very proud of yourself. You
are going the right way. Take it one day
at a time. Every day that you get
through without vomiting and without
bingeing is a victory. You really
deserve a pat on the back. You are much
stronger than you think! Every day
without bulimia is a good thing, because
you are winning your life back, saving
your life. A big hug to you! :d I
have the feeling you will be alright,
because you have quite a bit of
determination. All you need now is some
support, and a healthy eating plan to get
you through the day. The best advice I
can give you is to make a plan every day
for what you will eat. That's what I
learned in therapy. You have to plan, on
paper, what you will eat, and at what
time. Don't go longer than three to four
hours without eating, or you will be too
hungry. Eat 4 to 6 times a day, and only
eat at the times that are specified in
your plan. I can tell you, although you
sometimes have to force yourself to write
everything down, it is the best thing to
do, because it helps you to recover.
With a plan, you feel safe, because you
know exactly when you are supposed to eat
and when you are not supposed to eat.
You have to eat three meals and two to
three snacks. It sounds like a huge
amount of food, but it isn't, if you make
healthy choices. Try it, it really feels
good and it helps you a lot. In fact,
you will probably need to do it, because
bulimics' eating is very disorganised, so
we need a plan to guide us.
P.S. Even I found it harder over the
years to vomit! I think that's because
your body tries to hold on to as much food
as possible, but i'm not sure. But it
just kept getting harder and harder, and
more disgusting too. So I know what you
mean!!
|
monika11
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 9
Posted: 07-22-04 18:40pm
I know its gonna be hard b/c it is
already, but I kinda know I will be fine I
guess im not that deep into it as I heard
other people are. I always planned my
meals and my binges too so all I have to
do is eliminate the binges. Thank you for
all your help. I just made an appountment
for august 11 for my doc. I will
definatly update you on it. I wish you
luck :p I definatly know you will make it
b/c you gave me tons of encouragment and
your really smart. Thanks 4 everything
I dont want bulimia as a tool for loosing
weight for me its just a tool to get rid
of those sweets I eat once a week. I know
I cant do this and I will have too try to
quit. Its so easy frooo other people to
loose weigth I just dont get it.
