Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Posts: 2957 Location: Manitoba, Canada
Bp Relationships... Planning Baby??? Posted: 07-19-04 20:43pm
Hello,
ive never posted in here before... But I
need some help with something and I think
I can find it here.
Anyways, one of my good friends is dating
someone whom is bipolar. He's a very good
guy, he gets emotional sometimes and
sometimes angry and does stupid things,
but hes a good guy and I love him as a
friend too. Anyways, my friend and this
guy have been in a relationship for about
6 months. She moved in with him into his
house (he used to be a mechanic but has
been out of work and making no income for
the past 2 months) about a month after
them dating. They have sortof an up and
down relationship. Anywho, to the point,
she tells me all the time that they're
trying to have a baby (she's 17.. He's
21) but she's working 2 jobs right now,
and goes back to highschool in spetmeber
(and will remain with one of the jobs) and
he has no income, they're moving out of
the house into an apartment and they
constantly break up. It seems she turns
to me for advice but I dont know what to
say?? Shes constantly taking pregnancy
tests and not using protection in order to
get pregnant. She says shes not trying
but not not trying.. If u get my drift.
The thing also is, i'm 39 weeks pregnant,
18, and just graduated highschool. She
looks at me and tells me she sees that im
happy and financially, things are good
with the father, baby and I and also
relationship wise, we're great. But I try
telling her that its hard and that my
pregnancy was very unplanned and hard to
come to terms with at first, and that i've
just adjusted to this life becuz its
somethin I had to do, and not something I
had wanted. But of course im happy now
and things are great, but I dont know how
to tell her that its very different...
Like... Its different to plan something
then to have it turn out ya know??
Sorry to make this so long but im trying
to tell her not to plan to have a child,
since they're relationship isnt solid and
shes too young to start "planning" one,
but also... She'll use "but you seem so
happy" against me. How can I tell her
that im happy now, but... Its something u
shouldnt plan ya know? Sorr this turned
into a story lol! I just wanted to
explain things a little to get some
straightforward advice. Thanx everyone!
Shauna
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Coffee0ooYummy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jul 2004 Posts: 16 Location: Maryland
Posted: 07-21-04 10:24am
Hi shauna,
sounds like your friend sees how happy you
are and thinks if she were pregnant too
that it would fix the problems between her
and her boyfriend (on again off again
relationship) and then they would be happy
together too. She needs to know this is
not how it will work!!!! What will she
do if they break up after she is pregnant
and they dont get back together? It will
be very hard to raise a baby by herself.
Tell her to please wait til he gets a job
a secure one, because as things are now
why does he even need to work while she is
working 2 jobs, and after the baby is born
she wont be able to work at all for a
while, and wait til after she has finished
school and see if she and he still feel
the same way about eachother. I know
you love them both as friends but you need
to voice your concerns for them, tell them
you love them but you dont want to see
them in a situation they cant get out of
once it is to late. Hope all works out
hun and please keep us posted on what
happens. By the way, I had my first
child when I was 15 and I was married at
15 and I am still married to the same man
and we now have 3 sons together, but even
with love on our side we had a very hard
road to travel. Things are just now
comming together for us and I am now 31.
You can tell them this if you want. I
know the odds were against my hubby and I
since I was only 15 he was only 18 when we
got married but we survived, but we are
not the norm, and she needs to know this.
Not all teenage relationships work,
weather the teen be 15 or 17 or 18.
Peopole grow up and their feelings change,
we were lucky that ours changed for the
better but that is not what normally
happenes with teenage relationships.
Huuuuuugs bren
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 07-22-04 08:08am
I so agree, you need to try & get her
to realize that a baby doesn't strengthen
a relationship that is in trouble it only
weakens it - for a baby to strengthen a
relationship that relationship needs to be
strong already.
Also point out the financial difficulties
a baby brings & that they don't have
the $$ for themselves much less for a
baby.
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babyrae
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Posts: 2957 Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posted: 07-22-04 16:33pm
Thanks u guys! U really helped out a lot!
I hope she takes ur advice and decides to
wait. Thanx again!!!
