Getting Frustrated About Love Making Posted: 07-24-04 05:40am
My name is laura and I am 22 and recently
married . Were both christians and waited
til marriage to become sexually active
with each other . It's been about 2
months and I don't think I have had a
orgasm and this is causing high anxeity
and I so confused. My husband has a
orgasm each time we make love but I don't.
How would I know if I have a orgasm
what are signs I am about to have a
orgasm
what causes a orgasm when I have been
thinking intercourse does the trick.
Please help as this is causing a lot of
stress on our new marriage
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PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Frustrated Posted: 07-24-04 08:16am
Dear laura,it is a total misconception
that intercourse alone will satisfy a
woman.Many women never reach orgasm
through intercourse!Some do,but ,i think
that is the minority,now,,the real issue
is why you are not achieving orgasm.Do you
know what an orgasm feels like?Have you
ever brought yourself to one?If you know
where and how you like to be touched,you
can show your husband.Don't say you can't
do that,if he loves you and wants to
please you,this is probably frustrating
him as well.Did you know that your
clitoris is the only part of your body
created soley for pleasure??God created us
that way,so it was his intention for us to
feel pleasure with out mates!Oh,and the
part about your husband having an orgasm
every time you make love,god created man
that way also.Pretty much a sure thing for
him every time.God spent a little more
time on our design,more complex .Try to have your
husband manually or orally bring you to
orgasm,this is called foreplay and some
women only achieve orgasm this way.I don't
know how you feel about vibrators,but
they can sure help!Hope I was helpful!Good
luck to both of you!Pattty
Thanks For Replying So Quickly Posted: 07-24-04 10:49am
You asked me a few questions which I
posted
i don't know if I had a orgasm
what generates a woman to have a orgasm
what are signs a woman is having a orgasm
no I am not sure what you mean by
clitoris
i have not masturbated to teach myself , I
am very embarrised to try this
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the one
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jun 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Miami Beach
Posted: 07-24-04 17:00pm
Usually intercourse is ended by the man
having an orgasm. You're going to have
to find your clitiris and show him where
it is, or he can feel around and you tell
him what feels good.
Once you do that, you can work on
intercourse and him holding his errection
longer and maybeone day you will orgasm
durring sex alone. But if that does't
work, some people have their husband or
partner touch the woman's clit while
intercourse. If he doesn't do it then
you can do it yourself.
I suppose you never watched porno? You
know, in all honesty, maybe you and your
husband can watch porn, if you two are not
against it.
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kase
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Feb 2004 Posts: 21
Its Supposed to Be Perfect Posted: 07-27-04 03:14am
Hay! Im also a christian, but having sex
before marraige.
My whole family is like, "we are going to
wait till were marraide and its going to
be perfect!"
but thats totally not true, god could make
it perfect but you do have to do
somethings yourself.
Pornos are so good sometimes but are very
"ungodly" so it depends on how comitted
you are.
To be perfectly honest... It takes a lot
for us women to get excitted, I was with
my boyfriend for 6months before having an
orgasm.
Is your husband lazy? Make sure you have
lots and lots of foreplay.
Dont worry about your husband for once and
take control, do everything you want to do
in bed because men are happy in bed no
matter what.
Or you can just buy a vibrator
good luck!
.... Prayer would help as well, god can
do anythign if you ask him.
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rwia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2004 Posts: 2 Location: VA
Stressful Situation Posted: 07-27-04 12:40pm
Hope u dont mind some advice from an older
male who has experienced many different
situations. It sounds as though u need
to break through the sexual barrier of it
being "bad". It is great that u and yr
husband waited until marriage. Now the
fun and difficult part begins. First u
need to be able to relate to one another
exactly what each wants. It sounds as
though this particularly pertains to u.
I suggest u learn to explore urself at
your own pace without interruptions. Is
it possible for you to be alone at some
point in the day or evening for an hour or
so? If so, learn to pleasure yrself
manually to learn about yr clitoris and
how to stimulate yrself to orgasm. I
have recommended in the past that a woman
should take a bath, relax and then lock
her bedroom door with a hand held mirror
and explore her vaginal area to locate the
clitoris and then learn to please herself.
Do you like pressure on this area? Do
you like it stroked hard? Fast? And so
on. Once you have managed to please
yourself then you can teach your husband
the same. Some women have a hangup
because for years they may have
masturbated in their rooms but never
achieved an orgasm because they were
afraid someone in the house (ie parents,
siblings) would hear them. They then
learned to muffle their cries of pleasure.
In your case in sounds as though the
belief of sex is bad until marriage and
then its good sounds confusing. The
important matter in this situation is for
your and your husband to be able to
communicate your needs. I would not
recommend porn. You want to be able to
feel sexual towards the individual you are
with. Porno shows well developed women
and well hung guys who manage to shoot
their stuff across the room and women who
can be acrobats with multiple guys. You
want to learn to enjoy your husband as he
should want to enjoy you. You are twenty
two and have many years ahead of you.
For you and your husbands sake learn to
enjoy sex; but it begins with you learning
to experiment with what you like.
Unfortunately sex is a subject we as a
society do not want to talk about and it
is one of the most important aspects of
our lives. So teach your husband how to
please you. I hope I haven't bored you.
I wish you and your husband all the best.
Let us know how it works out.
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sweetsuzi
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2004 Posts: 831 Location: Bonny Scotland
Newwife22 Posted: 07-27-04 20:08pm
From my experiance it took me a little
while to truely find out what I liked and
what my partner liked. You have only
being active for a few months, you have to
get to know one another in this sense.
It took me a long time for him to know how
to please me properly and me him. Just
relax and have fun. Theres no need to
worry. It's all about having fun and
sharing.
Last edited by sweetsuzi on 05-24-06 10:56am; edited 1 time in total
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aanifant
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2004 Posts: 101 Location: Galway
Posted: 08-17-04 10:39am
Ok, I know everyone has said women should
relax, masturbate, learn to please
ouselves so we can orgasm--but I thikn
it's really abnormal women can't reach a
vaginal orgasm, in fact, that it is
culturally accepted we should just
masturbate and relax and men are the only
ones who can benefit from vaginal sex.
Frankly, I don't think men have a clue how
to really make a woman climax for several
reasons. As boys in this society it isn't
important that they learn or even regard
their female partner's orgasm important to
the entire sex act. As a woman who has
had several sex parterns and only orgasmed
with one I thikn it is high time men learn
how to have sex and care about our
orgasms!!!
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siobahn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2004 Posts: 3 Location: canada
Unable to Orgasm Posted: 08-17-04 14:39pm
the hardest area(no pun intended) of
marrige is the bedroom ,if you have
had little experience with men even
moreso.I was 32 when I married
and understood my female orgasm would be
under my control as would
my husbands erection .Oral is a major turn
on for men and practise
makes perfect.My hubby is always over the
moon when I perform
it for him and he in turn has developed a
nice staying power for me.
Cheers siobahn
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Pixie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2004 Posts: 41
Posted: 08-17-04 14:58pm
Laura, the clitoris is located right above
the vaginal hole area. It looks like a
mini penis (sort of). It's not inside
your vagina. It attaches to your "lips"
that surround the hole area where men
insert their penis. Women have various
sizes...Anywhere from a tiny nub to some
actually extending inches. But when it's
aroused, it has an erection like a
penis.
There are many options a female has to
acheive a clitorial orgasm. Trust me, you
will know if your having an orgasm!!!!
Your sensations dramaticaly change before
you're even close to achieving...Usually.
In order to achieve an orgasm from
masturbation, one must create a fantasy in
order to. Perhaps you could visulise
being with your husband! In fact, some
women just make love to
themselves...Becoming one and appreciating
thyself. Some visulise of others.
If you're too uncomfortable to explore
masturbation, then perhaps ask your
husband to explore your clitoris. I know
it's common with christians believing that
sex should be strickly intercourse and
nothing else, but how on earth could this
be taboo when it came with our body? It
isn't much different than giving someone a
backrub...It feels wonderful and each and
every person is entilted to experience
joy! Same thing with oral sex...Not too
much different than kissing. Without use
of "toys"...One good way is to use your
finger and lightly rub against your
clitoris in an up and down motion and/or
circular strokes.
And even while having intercourse...It
makes a great combonation to rub on your
clitoris at the same time!
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NYGUY
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Posts: 41 Location: NYC
Posted: 08-17-04 18:21pm
aanifant
wrote:
ok, I know everyone has said
women should relax, masturbate, learn to
please ouselves so we can orgasm--but I
thikn it's really abnormal women can't
reach a vaginal orgasm, in fact, that it
is culturally accepted we should just
masturbate and relax and men are the only
ones who can benefit from vaginal sex.
Frankly, I don't think men have a clue how
to really make a woman climax for several
reasons. As boys in this society it
isn't important that they learn or even
regard their female partner's orgasm
important to the entire sex act. As a
woman who has had several sex parterns and
only orgasmed with one I thikn it is high
time men learn how to have sex and care
about our
orgasms!!!
i'm sorry but you are completely wrong. A
man's sense of his own worth in the
bedroom is based on how he is able to
please his woman. That is the most
important thing. If I am able to get my
girl off over and over, it makes me very
proud.
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Pixie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2004 Posts: 41
Posted: 08-17-04 20:33pm
nyguy
wrote:
aanifant
wrote:
ok, I know everyone has said
women should relax, masturbate, learn to
please ouselves so we can orgasm--but I
thikn it's really abnormal women can't
reach a vaginal orgasm, in fact, that it
is culturally accepted we should just
masturbate and relax and men are the only
ones who can benefit from vaginal sex.
Frankly, I don't think men have a clue how
to really make a woman climax for several
reasons. As boys in this society it
isn't important that they learn or even
regard their female partner's orgasm
important to the entire sex act. As a
woman who has had several sex parterns and
only orgasmed with one I thikn it is high
time men learn how to have sex and care
about our
orgasms!!!
i'm sorry but you are completely wrong.
A man's sense of his own worth in the
bedroom is based on how he is able to
please his woman. That is the most
important thing. If I am able to get my
girl off over and over, it makes me very
proud.
er ah...Nyguy...Speaking from experience
and from what nearly all, if not all
girls/women say with their experiences...A
lot of men don't care about the
saticfaction a women receives! To a point
yes, but a lot of men just roll over or
zip up and leave once he's climaxed not
even giving a second thought to the chick
he was just with that hasn't achieved yet!
Overall, I think the bottom point is...All
women should tell their man or women to
take a hike if they're too selfish!
Nevrthless, communication is extremely
important with anyone.
Honestly, some of my partners I was too
shy to say what I wanted when things
weren't actualy connecting with me.
However I did with some, but once my
hormones started raging around 30...I am
not inhibited to say what I want anylonger
at all! And in my experience with
this...Everyone has a higher respect level
for that! Can't keep a person guessing
what to do if they already weren't able to
use their sences to figure it out on their
own!
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NYGUY
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Posts: 41 Location: NYC
Posted: 08-17-04 22:17pm
That makes me ashamed of my gender to be
honest. To me, I would rather see my
girlfriend in a state of pure bliss than
even getting there myself. There is such
a sense of satisfaction for me when I know
my girl is completely satisfied.
I agree about the communication part.
Great lovers are made, not born. As you
get older, you begin to realize that the
fumbling around in bed does not cut it
anymore. There is a certain discipline
that comes with it. Lovemaking is an art
and begins from the moment you wake up.
Many people don't realize that foreplay
does not start an hour or 2 before sex...
It starts with breakfast in bed and maybe
a note slipped into a pocket for her to
find during the day.
In any case, best of luck. Maybe you
should let your husband read through
here.
Nyguy
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 08-17-04 23:37pm
Yes, I also have to agree.
No, not all men think that the woman
should just masterbate etc., but there are
sooooo many who do. Even women just
accept the fact that since the man cannot
please them they will just masterbate.
You know what really makes me mad? When
people say that when you are having sex
that you (the woman) should play with your
clit to produce orgasm. Whatever. If I
am going to have to play with myself them
why do I need the man? That really makes
me mad. More men do need to learn what
they are doing, but at the same time it
isn't all their fault. There are way too
many women who let them be two pump
chumps, and don't make them work for it.
Therefore they have no reason to learn and
some even think that they are pleasing the
woman. In general the blame cannot be
placed on men or women, but individual
cases are a different story.
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Pixie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2004 Posts: 41
Posted: 08-18-04 00:41am
Well, unless one has met up with a don
juan demarco…lol… it is a shame that so
many women fake it or just lie aside! I
feel often times it is based on lack of
communication, inexperience, phobias (on
whatever realm it may be), and for
some…the point that many women are about
10 years behind men’s sexual peek?
I seriously would like to see more if not
all women to take a stand to women’s
orgasm rights!!!! I mean come on…too many
just let the person achieve and say the
heck with it…well; you were aroused too to
begin with eh?
It is a peeve of mine…too much male
dominance allowed in today’s world…men
being superior. There is such an
existence of equality. However, eh,
perhaps that is just it…one partner seeks
more than the other does!
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 08-18-04 00:47am
I know what you mean! We cannot blame
just the men because the women let them
get away with it! I gave up on sex.
Ah, it is just too much work. You get a
man, you train him and (if he is
trainable, and doesn't just believe that
he already knows everything) by the time
you get him to be okay, the relationship
falls apart over something stupid anyway.
I would much rather just be single and
sexless. That may sound sad, but it is
so much easier.
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aanifant
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2004 Posts: 101 Location: Galway
Posted: 08-18-04 04:19am
Hmm, I don't really think it's a matter of
blaming anyone--not really that personal.
I do agree women let men think they are
casanovas with fake orgasms,noises and
overenthusiasm instead of disclosing the
truth about the whole pumping woodpecker
thing as well as the woman maserbating
during sex (who is that for really?). If
we want to blame something i'd say it's
the cuture of sex and eroticism portrayed
in pornoraphy, media, films, books
underemphasizing the true dynamics of a
woman's orgasm while pressuring her to be
a hungry, hypersatisfied sex addict while
also making her feel compelled to do
anything to fit very narrow, destructive
terms of sexiness for male culture--not
necessarily every individual man.
And someone said something about training
them for vaginal sex that will include my
orgasm and not knowing ourselves what to
tell them? Please, if you know, tell me!!
Because that info is not widely known--
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 08-18-04 09:52am
I didn't mean that we "blame" anyone, but
when we start making posts about how women
cannot orgasm because men suck (in more or
less words) it is important to look at
both sides and place "blame" /reasons
where it is due.
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aanifant
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2004 Posts: 101 Location: Galway
Posted: 08-18-04 11:07am
Where is that? I didn't intend for you to
take offense.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 08-18-04 14:26pm
Oh, you didn't offend me! All of the
posts about the whole/man/woman thing were
insinuating things which is why I said
that you cannot really "blame" either
one.
No, none of the posts really were
"blaming" I was just clarifying so no one
was offended!
.Try to have your
husband manually or orally bring you to
orgasm,this is called foreplay and some
women only achieve orgasm this way.I don't
know how you feel about vibrators,but
they can sure help!Hope I was helpful!Good
luck to both of you!Pattty
