My Boyfriend Is Destroying Me Posted: 07-28-04 21:58pm
Hey. My name is jenny and i'm 16 years
old. I have been with my boyfriend for
nine months now and for the last three
months we have been plagued by a certain
'problem'.
My boyfriend, adam, is a very paranoid
person and is never sure of himself. I
used to regard this aspect of his
personality as cute but it has become a
monster which has driven me to taking an
overdose.
He keeps thinking about other people -
whether is being with them, going out with
them, having sex with them etc. We call
them 'thoughts' and they are ripping up
apart. A few months ago he told me that
he thought of jordan to help him be more
'stimulated' and help him cum during sex.
This was devistating for me as I am an
unusually sensitive persona dn it tore me
apart and caused me to try to lose weight
repeatedly. However, he then persisted in
telling me about other thoughts he had and
that he didnt want to think them and that
he was so paranoid about thinking them and
hurting me that he did think them? I
don't quite understand it myself. He says
he doesn't want them and that he loves me
and doesn't want anyone else yet he keeps
picturing, for example, my best friend
naked which really hurts me.
The most recent thing that has upset me
has been is thoughts about a pornstar
names chloe dior. I personally think porn
is sick and the fact that he thinks about
her at random points during the day hurts
me. He says he does want to think about
her because it's 'horny and a turn on'.
He also imagines I am her and tells e to
do things when we're in bed together which
she does in her movies.
I know that his thoughts, to this extreme
extent (imagining my best friend, always
being confused about what he thinks and
knows etc), isn't normal as I have spoken
to many other males about it. I am
hurting so much and I cry everyday over it
aswell as self harm. It is destroying me
yet for some reason I can't let go of
him.
Is he ever going to stop doing this to me,
is he lying and should he get professional
help?
Please god help me as I can't cope much
longer. I want these thoughts to stop and
so does he (so he claims). Please help me
:'(
|
Kacy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2004 Posts: 19 Location: New York Long
Posted: 07-29-04 00:35am
The only thing I can tell you is that you,
you need help and time to heal by
yourself, it seems to be this guy is
enjoys making you feel bad, maybe he has
some problems of his own that he is
dealing with, and like you hurt yoyuself
he hurt you. Girl work on you, thats the
only way you are going to smile. Hope
this help. God bless. if u want to talk.
Know how u feeling
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Spoike
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2004 Posts: 22 Location: u.k
Posted: 07-29-04 07:26am
Thank you so much. I suppose if I sort
out my confidence and make myself be happy
with myself i'd feel stronger but right
now I feel so knocked down that everything
defeats me. I feel like i'm below
everything else in the world and it's so
hard to get back up again.
|
Kacy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2004 Posts: 19 Location: New York Long
Posted: 07-29-04 11:42am
It's hard but if you want it, it can
happen, can the help you need and start
the step, start small, make a choice, this
is your life, you don't like someting
about it then change it. Start off
small something you know you can control
and go from there. I know there is alot
to the story that I don't know, but like I
said if you wan it you can change it. I
don't know if you are religious but if you
are open your heart to him. God bless.
|
Spoike
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2004 Posts: 22 Location: u.k
Posted: 07-29-04 12:17pm
Thank you *hugs*
i will try my hardest to help myself but
right now I don't know if i'll ever get
out of this situation.
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PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Posted: 07-31-04 09:16am
Jenny, any man who asks you to do sexual
things that you are not comfortable with
is abusing you!!If he knows that his
"fantasies"upset you and he continues to
tell you about them,he is not being
sensitive to your needs.You say that he
has caused you to lose weight.Is that
because you are not eating or because he
told you to??You have taken an overdose
because of him?It sounds like he is
trying(succeeding)to control you!He wants
a sexual plaything,not a
relationship.These kinds of relationships
are dangerous-both physically and
mentally.You need someone to help you sort
all this stuff out.Don't be afraid to get
help,this guy does not have your best
intrest at heart!!I know first loves are
special,but this is not love.He is
manipulating you for his own needs.I wish
I had known this at your age,it would have
saved me 20 years of heartache(that's how
long it took me to get over my first
boyfriend).If you want to pm me that's
fine,just get away from that guy.You won't
regret it!!I wish you the best.Patty
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keepsake
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Oct 2004 Posts: 3 Location: Nottingham
Hi Jenny Posted: 10-05-04 11:55am
Hi jenny,lisa(((keepsake)))
just wondered how you are doing now.
I have just read your post and it brought
back memories for me.
I left home at 13yrs moved in with my
first boyfriend we were together for yrs
he was physically abusive, and mentally
abusive he made it out to be my problem
like you he told me.
I was fat put me down at every chance we
split up got back together
i wasnt fat but because he drilled it into
my head constantly calling me I believed
him and it all come down to I loved him.
That was many yrs ago now.
Im now in a very loving relationship
engaged three kids.
He is married he is abusive towards his
wife however,
I think he met his match she is worse
than him if he puts one foot out of line
she kicks the caca out of him.
I dont condole violence to anyone but I am
so grateful im not in that relationship
now.
I hope it has got better for you,
you are so young you have your whole life
infront of you.
One more thing dont ever blame
yourself.
Thats what they thrive on.
Take care jenny,lisa (((keepsake)))
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a1mmee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2005 Posts: 3 Location: uk
Better Off Out Ther And the Sooner the Better Posted: 02-04-05 18:38pm
Hi - its awful to read that someone can do
that to anyone, the issues lie with your
boyfriend. He must have insecurities and
it makes him feel better belittling you.
Control is not love, dont let anyone make
you do things you dont want to. Chin up,
get help, surround yourself with
positivity, leave him to wallow in
negativity
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