Joined: 31 May 2004 Posts: 852 Location: grand blanc michigan
Please Help Me.its Long But Please Help. Posted: 08-15-04 18:20pm
Hi everyone.. As many of u know...
Ive had an eating disorder for years now
(only a serious problem with it for about
2 1/2 yrs) delt with both anorexia and
bulimia. Anyhow, while I was pregnant,
I did very well for the most part until I
got to about 8 months, then I started
slipping again.. Well now garret is 4
weeks. I did good still the first 2
weeks he was here. But ive been
slipping sence. Its so hard for me.
I try 'dieting' because I want to finish
loosing the preg weight, most of it is
gone, but not all yet. A few more lbs
to go. But dieting for me is too hard.
I go overboard. It seems so easy just
to eat normal healthy amounts, but for me
its not, and it wont ever be. I once
again have been counting calories like
crazy. .I wont/cant eat food unless I
make it myself (i fear/think other people
will add butter or other fats) , I wont
allow myself many 'normal' foods either..
And not sweets. And I have
binged/purged now again a few times (on
junk food) my doctor told me he feared and
thought I would go back to how I was....I
think I knew deep down, but I still want
to fight it. I am eating enough
calories still (safe diet calories)
sometimes maybe a little under..
Between 1200-1,500 cals a day so I know im
still okay. Its just that I know many of
my eating habits are not normal, even if
my calories arent low like they used to
be...But my parents yelled at me today and
are threatening me telling me if I go back
to how I was before, they will take me to
court to take garret away from me by
saying im an unfit mother!! I know im
not how I was before. I wont let myself
get that way, and I wont let anyone take
my son... I promised myself, and garret
that. I need to try harder, and I am,
but its so much harder then I thought it
would be......I dont know what to do and
my parents keep threatening me and its
making things worse. I hope people dont
lecture me. Believe me, I know I need to
end this sh*t for myself and mostly my
son.. And im trying.. But an eating
disorder is so much more powerful then any
of you can imagine (unless youve been in/
are in the same position)
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 08-15-04 18:31pm
Well, kari im not really sure what to say.
Im not going to lecture you because you
know what youre doing and the consequences
that could come of it. More then anything
I think you just need our support and to
rant a lil. I think you can help yourself
more then any of us can help you over the
computer. One thing I can maybe suggest
if you keeping a journal/book, and in it
put pictures of garret/and you and
captions and stuff about how much and why
you love him and reasons why you know what
youre doing is bad for teh both of you and
every time you want to do anything (purge,
count calories, not eat regular food) look
at it.. Also, dont expect to change
overnight because its just oging to
dissapoint you, little acheivements are
great!! Keep us updated girl! I wish you
the best!
<3
gaby
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KissyBai912
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2003 Posts: 1762 Location: Venice, Florida
Posted: 08-15-04 18:36pm
Kari hun, I know its hard, but u have got
to understand that u will lose the weight!
It isnt going to just disappear! It
takes a little time! At 6 weeks I still
had 1 more pound to lose. Dont sweat it,
you look great, and if u say you dont, you
are calling me a liar, and that would piss
me off because if there is one thing in
the world that I am not, its a liar. I am
a very honest person (sometimes brutal as
meagan says) but I am that way for the
good of myself and everyone else. And you
arent eating enough calories at all! You
should be eating at least 2000. I know I
cant exactly understand where you are
coming from, seeing as how I have always
been naturally thin, but you need help.
Counseling maybe. Because your parents
can take garret away for that. You are
being a danger to yourself, and when you
jeopardize your safety, you also
jeopardize garrets. And you say you wont
let yourself get as bad as before, how do
you know? You cant seem to control it now
so what makes you think you can keep it
from becoming worse? Huni I love u to
death but you need to do something about
this before you really regret it. I wish
I could help you more but all I can say is
that if you want to be the mother you
should be then you need to get help and
start taking care of yourself. I love you
and I am here to talk!
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sweetsuzi
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2004 Posts: 831 Location: Bonny Scotland
Posted: 08-15-04 19:03pm
Kari I kinda know how you are feeling.
Even though I am not bulimic I have been
through it with chris for 3 years. I
cried, shouted , pleaded, threatened to
leave him and nothing worked. I
finally stood back and realised he would
just go behind my back and keep it a
secret if I kept going the way I was
going. You have to be open about it
with your parents, they have got to
realise when to listen to you instead of
hiding yourself away and dealing with all
them feelings on your own. Firstly if
you are truely willing to stop once and
for all, then you have to start beliving
you are worthy of yourself and the people
around about you. Especially your
little boy. Everytime you feel like
binging or feel your slipping, then grab a
hold of someone to support you and talk
too. Sit your mom and dad down and
take control tell them how you are feeling
and what u need from them.
first things first you have to go to your
doctor, it will be hard but there is
nothing to be ashamed about, your not
abnormal. She will advise you on
getting some counselling. You know
it's kinda nice to have someone who is
impartial in your life to sit down with
you and try work out the differant things
in your head and make sense of them.
Rome wasent built in a day so dont be too
hard on yourself if things dont come
together quick enough.
Hope I managed to help a lil bit, you can
email me anytime you want
love sooz
Last edited by sweetsuzi on 05-24-06 10:59am; edited 3 times in total
Chrissy said it for me. I feel the same
way. Huni, you have to do something,
because yes, it is possible for them to
take garret and there won't be much you
can do about it. Think about some help
huni. You cannot fight this battle
alone!
I love you.
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sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003 Posts: 3099
Posted: 08-15-04 19:11pm
This is gonna be a fight huni but your
little man's worth it-do it for him if not
yourself.Get all the help & support
you can for doctors,counsellors etc and
know that we will all always be here for
you. It will be a very hard thing to do
but I have every faith that you will come
out ok the other end.Please do see a
doctor though-i think this is the
essential first step
liz x
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KariM1804
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2004 Posts: 852 Location: grand blanc michigan
Posted: 08-15-04 20:24pm
Thanks alot girls. I know, I need to quit
while im ahead. I just kept slipping..
And I look in the mirror and I loose the
control, I hate how I look right now.
Honestly tho ive never been fat or
anything. Or even chubby, so inside, I
know im not actually big like I feel and
look to myself most the time. Actually
krissy (for the new ones, krissy is
kissybai) I have the exact same stats as
you I believe. Its just for some reason I
cant ever be satisfied. But I know I need
to put garret first, and that means
getting myself and keeping myself well for
him. I ate a normal dinner today...Well I
still counted but it was healthy and all.
And I tried and ate a peice of junk food
(ice cream sandwich) without bingeing
(normally eating sweets leads me to
bingeing and purging) but I did neither so
thats a good step for me. I know 1,500
cals isnt normal, but its healthy 'diet'
cals I mean. Thats considered a diet. I
just hate my parents threatening. I know
im not how I was before, they know it too,
(i was bad before and hospitalized)i do
still have my level head though, and I
know and I wont restrict or go under those
calories. I would see a councler.. But
ive seen 3 for this and sad to say, none
helped. One lady was decent, but
unfortunatly my insurance wont cover for
me to see her (only certain
counclers)anyhow and without insurance its
like 100$ a visit! I think its something
I kinda have to do myself...I feel like
talking to friends helps way more then
counclers. I did good for a while. I
just need to kee working I guess. I am
going to write out some things and im
promising myself, and you guys I wont go
under those calories. Even tho its diet
calories, my doctor told me as long as im
eating 1,500 cals a day then I was alright
and healthy. I need to work on my habits
tho, their not normal. I cant wait till
hopefully one day I will be normal about
food.. And be able to enjoy desert
without bingeing and without the feelings
of guilt...And be able to eat all my meals
throughout the day without counting the
calories first.. It sounds too good!
Thanks again tho girls I feel more
confident already~
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 08-15-04 20:34pm
Those are great goals to have kari, and if
you work at them im sure it will happen!!
=) but be strict about it, because you
dont want garret to be taken from you, and
dont think "that wont happen, my parents
wont do that to me" because they may, and
then youll regret everything! Good luck
girlie. Were always here for you!
<3
gaby
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babyrae
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Posts: 2957 Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posted: 08-15-04 21:01pm
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Last edited by babyrae on 08-18-05 13:26pm; edited 1 time in total
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sweetsuzi
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2004 Posts: 831 Location: Bonny Scotland
Posted: 08-15-04 22:29pm
Hey shauna I think you and kari would make
great support buddies.
