My boyfriend and I started going out in
december of 2002. We went out for 9
months and then he broke up with me out of
the middle of nowhere because his family
and friends didnt like me. He said it was
just to stressful to deal with so he ended
things. Then after 5 months of not seeing
him, hearing from him or anythang...He
shows up at my front door wanting me back.
I took him back like the next day because
I still loved him. After all the hurt he
put me through I still loved him enough to
take him back...No questions asked. Now
we've been going out for 5 months as of
today and lately we've come real close to
breaking up because I just dont feel like
I make him happy anymore. I dont feel
like he wants me around sometimes. Then
we talked about our problems the other day
and ever since then our relationship has
been great until yesterday. I just had
this feeling like things were gonna end
for us. I'm to the point to where I love
him so much that i'm so afraid were not
gonna work out and that he's gonna walk
out on me again, and I cant go through all
that again. Then this morning I mentioned
marriage to him and he doesnt want to get
married for a while. We already live
together, we have a joint checking
account, we pay all the bills
together...Were pretty much living the
marriage life. I've given up everythang
for him and now he says he wants to wait
to get married. Just a couple of weeks
ago he set a date for us to get married
next year and then this morning he said he
only did it because thats what I wanted
and he wanted to make me happy even though
he didnt really wanna get married that
soon. Do you think i'm wrong for wanting
to settle down and get married? He said
everybody he talks to says not to get
married at a young age (were 18 and 19
right now). Im not wanting to get married
this year but he says that he doesnt know
how long he wants to wait, and I dont know
if I want to keep giving everythang up for
him and being so commited to him to get
nothing back. He seems to think that
peoples marriages last longer if they wait
til their older to get married. He doesnt
think that young people are mature enough
to be getting married right now. He says
their mentallity (sp?) level isnt that
great so they dont needed to go getting
married. I just think we look at marriage
in 2 different perspectives. I see it
suckers your love for one another in a
much higher form, and that it shows how
commited you are to each other. Am I
wrong for all of this? Are we really to
young to be thinking about marriage right
now? My parents were married at 17 and 18
and theyre doing just fine.
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TBECK12
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Posts: 62 Location: MICHIGAN
Posted: 08-17-04 14:10pm
I hate to say it but he is right you
should wait until you are a bit older,
trust me marriage doesn't guarantee that
the guy will stay either. Actually I
would admire him if I were you, he sounds
committed enough to wait until you guys
are a little older and wiser. If he
can't wait, or if you can't wait then it
just wasn't meant to be and better you
find out now than after you are married
and someone ends up unhappy. Marriage
takes alot of work communication and
patience. Be patient and what is meant
to be will happen. Best of luck to you!
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Effervescence
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2004 Posts: 34
Posted: 08-19-04 00:34am
There is a lot of thruth to what your
boyfriend is saying about being young and
getting married. I love my husband
dearly, and we had a beautiful wedding,
but if I could do it all over i'd have
waited (i was 19.) just like you, we lived
together, shared bank accounts, paid bills
together- people even mistakingly called
me "mrs. Jones" and asked him how his
"wife" was doing. But actually being
married is very different! You may think
that it is just a piece of official paper,
but it makes things sooo different!
Also, i've been doing some contemplating
of issues I am having in my own marriage,
and this is what i've discovered about
young marriages. When a couple marries
young, each person brings into the
marriage a more severe degree of
unresolved history than that in a marriage
that occurs later in life. So, a younger
couple has a lot more on their plate when
dealing with issues such as past
relationships, or unresolved feelings.
You guys have had less time to figure out
your own lives, how are you going to
figure out your lives together? I had
thought it would be easier that way, but
it should be done apart because then you
can just get your business done without
having to worry about how it is effecting
your marriage. Example: my husband felt
that he left his ex-fiance on a sour note,
so he felt the need to visit her all the
way across the country to straighten out
any hurt feelings. Of course I got all
upset, and we've fought for the last
month, and i've cried the whole week he's
been gone. If he had enough time before
we got married to finish this part of his
life alone, he wouldn't have had to worry
about hurting me so, but now he has to
deal with my feelings as well as her
feelings.
And you might think you know everything
about your boyfriend, but you probably
dont' know about many unclosed chapters in
his life. I didn't even know my husband
was engaged before me until a few months
ago!
I highly don't recommend getting married
at a young age; you should wait until you
are situated in your own life before you
try to get situated into his life.
In the end, it is up to the two of you.
Yes, it is harder, but as I said I am
hapilly married, despite a few bumps, and
I got married at a young age. Just make
sure your relationship is solid before
hand, because it is not easy! I suggest
marriage classes, even if you aren't quite
sure what your decision is. They may help
you make a more informed decision on
marriage!
-eff
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oopoopoop
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1266 Location: ,
Thanks: 46
Thanked:2
Posted: 09-03-04 11:19am
Why is getting married now so important to
you? What do you think it would change?
If you are already living as married, then
you are together, you are committed, you
share a life. I have always thought it is
far more romantic to wake up each morning
and know you are with the person beside
you because you want to be, that day --
and not because some time ago you said you
would be, and so you figure that's just
the way it is.
But you also said in your post that you've
"given up everythang for him" -- that
doesn't make any sense at all. You need
to be a person, and have interests and
bring something to a relationship,
otherwise what are you contributing?
Perhaps he feels that you are simply too
clingy and dependent, and that is really
what he isn't ready for.
Unfortunately alot of young girls are in
love with the idea of the wedding and all
that it entails, they forget the part
about the marriage and that it takes alot
of hard work. It is possible to be
married young and have it work, but if he
is having reservations its best that you
wait.
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lissachele
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Oct 2003 Posts: 13 Location: Kansas City
Posted: 10-08-04 16:21pm
My husband and I got married when we were
both 19. We have been married for almost
6 years now. I do not regret one thing
about my decision and neither does he.
We both wanted to get married though, we
were very much in love and still are. We
have 2 beautiful little girls now. I
don't see why everyone says young couples
can't make it. But if he isn't ready
then I wouldn't want to marry him yet.
You want him to be as committed to the
marriage as you are. So I would just
wait and see what happens. At least your
relationship is going good for now!
