22 And No Sex Drive At All.....ruining My Marriage

I would see your doctor and have a full exam just to rule out any physical problems.You have twin toddlers?That sounds exhausting to me!Be honest with your doc and tell her/him that you have no sex drive.Are you on the pill?That can zap your libido,ironic isn't it??!!Good luck!Patty

Haven't you also posted that you're 9 weeks pregnant? If so that can affect your drive.

There are other meds that can affect as well, especially anti-depressants. A medical exam is always worth while, and you may want to consider some counselling. Having sex isn't just about "doing" it, it's an expression of love and intimacy, maybe something else is going on in your head, even subconsciously that is shutting down your desire to be intimate with your husband, and mentally/psychologically/emotinally this shutting down could have been triggered by any event, including the birth of your daughters.

Sex doen't just start when you hit the sheets.Foreplay can be a look at the dinner table or a hand on the leg watching t.V.Too often,we are so busy,that sex just becomes another thing on our to-do-list.Romance does not have to be about roses and satin sheets.A little help goes a long way to help bring back those feelings.Take time for just the two of you.Get a sitter,even for 2 hours,so you can reconnect.Nap time isn't just for the kids.When you put the twins down for a nap and hubby's home,have a lttle time for each other.Talk to each other,tell him how you feel.Good luck to you!Patty

I am so glad to hear that antidepressants can zap your sex drive. I am bipolar and take carbatrol, lexapro and webutrin. I enjoy sex when I have it but I just don't have any desire to have it. My boyfriend is very frustrated with me. He is patients to an extent. Are relationship is fairly new and I am happy with once a week. He isn't. What has anyone heard about the pills for women that help the sex drive? Hlfolkne r@yahoo.Com

I just have to say that if your sex drive ruins your marriage then you two weren't meant to be together anyway. Sex is only a small part of a good healthy relationship. It isn't like you are out having sex with other men and just won't have it with him!
Yes, I would talk to your doctor. Pregnancy, birth control, antidepressents, exhaustion, stress, generally being unhappy, etc can all effect sex drive.

Well, I had the same thing happen to me. I am also in my early 20's. After giving birth to our daughter in april of 01, I also lost the drive. I have talked to my husband about it and he understands, but sometimes I just have to take one for the team...If you know what I mean. I love my husband dearly, and I never want to make him miserable at home, nor do I want him to have to get action elsewhere, so I try to keep him as happy as possible, even if it means that I really don't feel like it. Sometimes I surprise myself and enjoy it though!

I dont know sorry .. But mabey sue johason can help .. I think thats her name .. Her show comes on week nights like at 11 .. On I think it e!

Kayla

Yes she does. She is so funny, but informative. I cannot imagine my grandmother on tv explaining sexual moves and showing how to use vibrators and anal beads!! She is such a riot.
Jenn

If your husband is not understanding enough to realize that this is beyond your control, and "gets action elsewhere" then you should not be married!
Sex is not everything! Yes, it is nice to have and is wonderful when both parties are into it, but you should never, ever have sex if you do not want to. Whether you are married or not!

I would like to tell you that my husband is the most temperate, understanding, sweet, and loving man I know. He is also a very talented police officer that puts his life on the line every day for people like you and me. I have been made aware too many times how quick life could end for him at the hands of some thug, and for that reason alone I don't mind being intimate with my husband when I don't really feel like it. (except for when my back is hurting really bad...And he understands that)

i know for a fact that my husband would never cheat on me because we were both cheated on during our first marriages. My husband and I love each other very much and we both are very glad that we are married and would not have it any other way. Actually the odds are pretty stacked against us seeing that we have been in a heated custody battle for his son from his previous marriage...Which we have full custody of at this point. (if that tells you what a witch of an ex-wife plus her stupid family that we have to deal with) even with all of our problems with life in general, we have weathered storms that would certainly break up the average marriage. I am proud to say that my husband has always been my biggest fan, even when I am sick and can't even think of sex. He has been there for me when I was puking from morning sickness, held my hand while I was giving birth to our daughter-not to mention he pretty much delivered her, wiped my face when I was throwing up with a stomach virus and emptied my puke bowls, was basically my nurse during and after my breast implants, basically helped me pee and wipe myself after my hysterectomy, carried me when I broke my ankle, and has cried on my shoulder because his heart is broken because of the way his ex is treating his 8 year old son. I am saying that men are men and the majority of them, when they are neglected sexually for so long, will "get action elsewhere". I saw it happen with my husband's ex-wife and her now 2nd ex husband. I am very happy to inform you that my husband is not that way and in no way do I feel bad for having sex with him when I don't really feel like it. Marriage is a give and take relationship, not to mention that the bible explains how a proper marriage is to work. Ephesians 5:22 believe me, if we had sex when I felt like it, we would never have sex and we would be divorced...That is just a fact of life. The funny thing is, sometimes I actually do enjoy myself when I get into it. Because I love my husband more than anything, as I should, I please him as much as I can to a reasonable extent.

I personally think that most womens problems after child birth are caused from inbalanced hormones. I personally have not been the same mentally and physically since I had our daughter over 3 years ago. (not to mention anti-depressants do affect your sex drive) I am on amitriptyline and prozac.

I happen to think that I am very lucky to have such a wonderful husband !

Happy for you, but you are the one who said this:

quote: I love my husband dearly, and I never want to make him miserable at home, nor do I want him to have to get action elsewhere, so I try to keep him as happy as possible, even if it means that I really don't feel like it.

Thus, my response. The bible was also written by men and was written in a time of polygamy and women serving men.

Yes, marriage is give and give, but that also means that if you are not sexually excited then he needs to "give" by respecting that.

Quote: I am saying that men are men and the majority of them, when they are neglected sexually for so long, will "get action elsewhere".
Exactly! This is what I am saying!!!!!!!!!!!!If your husband who voweled to love and cherish you forever would do this, then you shouldn't be married to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! My hubby would never go elsewhere-nor would i.

I admit, your reply to my post made me a little unhappy, but from your last reply, I kind of see what you are trying to say. For some reason when you said that "you should not be married" it hit a raw nerve for some reason. I think it is because I am very protective of my husband because of the torture that his ex-wife put him through. I love him soooooo much, and I know that he loves me that much more. Think if you had adopted an abused child. You would try to protect it the best you could and treat it very gently and love it to death. I see my husband and my stepson as just that. Also, as I said before, we are in the middle of a nasty custody battle with my husband's ex witch, and she is spreading rumors that I have cheated on my husband with her newly ex husband. Yuk!!!! The whole thing just hit me wrong.

I think that we are in agreement that if you just are not attracted at all and are repulsed at the thought of having sex with your parter/husband, then yes, you may need to re-think your marriage. No, sex is not everything, but it is a lot. (especially to a man) I also agree that sex should not ever be forced on anyone. I was just saying that even though sometimes I may not feel like doing it, I give in because I love my husband, and most of the time I end up really enjoying myself.
I appologize if I came off combative or ugly, I was just a little miffed b/c I was just trying to identigy with freemanashley that yes, my sex drive also went down when I had my child, but no, it does not have to ruin your marriage.

jenn

Okay?

My baby girl is 9 months and my sex drive is at its all times lowest. I can count on one hand the number of times we have had sex since she was born. As a mtter of fact I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to see what the problem is. Okay back to the subject, is their anything I can try to get things rolling again. We both are extremly unhappy and our marriage is falling apart. Please help.

You dont have to apologize! Sorry, this took so long to reply.
We were just reading things differently.
I meant that you should not be married if you have to worry about your partner going elsewhere!
You aren't worried about that and that is cool, so it really wasn't even directed at you.Lol.
Ah well. Good luck girls!

I had the same problem with my girlfriend. The doctor proposed to her to try pills for increasing sexual desire. She was taking sentia and her libido had turned to normal. We both are much happier now. Thanks to sentia!