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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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Dear Daddy
Posted: 09-01-04 09:25am
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I used to write alot of poetry..This is
just a lil something I just wrote real
quick. Its not exactly done..Im def.
Gonna be changing some stuff and
all..Editing it and everything.. Let me
know what you guys think. Give me some
ideas on what to add or say. Thanx...!
Dear daddy
by: ash
i think of you alot daddy,
i want to hear your voice.
I want to feel your hand daddy,
i think your making a bad choice.
I hear mommy cry alot daddy,
i hear her say she loves you,
why does mommy cry daddy?
I think she really loves you.
I reach out for you everyday daddy,
i never feel your touch,
i wish I could find you daddy,
we miss you so much.
I dont like it when mommy crys daddy,
it makes me really scared.
Mommys not doing well daddy,
i really wish you cared.
I need you alot daddy,
i need to know you care.
I dont want mommy to cry anymore daddy,
i know shes really scared.
I hear mommy talk about you alot daddy
she says good things about you.
I know mommy misses you daddy,
why dont you love her too?
I want to be a family daddy,
i want to know you care.
I want to be happy daddy,
i dont want mommy to be scared.
I'll always be here daddy,
right in mommys tummy.
I'll be waiting for you daddy,
all I want is for you to love me.
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Shayna
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 180
Location: NY
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Posted: 09-01-04 09:49am
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Thats really depressing..But depressing
poetry is always the best. It sounds fine
to me I dont think u need to change it at
all? I don't know I can't write.
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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bd1012
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2004
Posts: 1998
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Posted: 09-01-04 10:58am
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It's perfect to me! The rhyme is perfect
and the rythm... All your rhymes line up
to the place where you would expect one..
Hmm hard to explain.. Anyway it's really
good. I used to write poetry but I no
longer have the attention span for it or
the drive... It was all really stupid
anyway 
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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Posted: 09-01-04 10:59am
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Lol..Yeah, I used to be really big
into..Then I just kinda gave it up..I was
bored sitting here and just started
typing..And thats what I came up
with..Thanks
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hm_03
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Apr 2004
Posts: 483
Location: Massachusett
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Posted: 09-01-04 11:15am
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That sounds good ash keep it like that and
don't change anything from it because it
comes from your thoughts.
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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linuxChique
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 4535
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Posted: 09-01-04 11:19am
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I keep meaning to post some of the stuff
i've written, but i've lost everything!
My stuff wasn't cutesy rhyming stuff, my
biggest influences are walt whitman and e
e cummings, so rhyming isn't one of my
most-used skills!
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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Posted: 09-01-04 11:24am
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Ryhming is the easiest way..Its the things
that dont ryme that are the talented..!!
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004
Posts: 3572
Location: Jersey Baby!
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Posted: 09-01-04 15:17pm
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Thats very good! I loooove writing poetry
that doesnt rhyme!!
<3
gaby
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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Posted: 09-01-04 15:23pm
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Awesome..Youll have to show me some
sometime..I love reading poetry..More then
I do writting it..
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smith8500
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003
Posts: 6623
Location: Louisiana
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Hey
Posted: 09-01-04 15:38pm
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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Michelle1337
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 1739
Location: Houston, Texas
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Posted: 09-01-04 15:44pm
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That made me cry.....Seriously...I'm
sitting here crying.
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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Posted: 09-01-04 15:46pm
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 .. Im sorry... Its
kinda like..What my baby woudl be saying
to tony
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Michelle1337
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 1739
Location: Houston, Texas
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Posted: 09-01-04 15:48pm
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I guess thats how I thought of it when I
read it. Like what nathaniel would say
to chris if he could.
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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Posted: 09-01-04 15:50pm
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Yup..I wish it were better..But ya know.
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Michelle1337
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 1739
Location: Houston, Texas
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Posted: 09-01-04 15:55pm
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No its great, I love it. I really do.
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lusciouskiss16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 516
Location: Missouri
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lee25
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Dec 2003
Posts: 1018
Location: new york
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Posted: 09-01-04 17:47pm
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It's really nice, but it made me sad.
Brenda
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