Suicidal Because of School Posted: 09-10-04 15:10pm
Sounds silly, right? Well, the main
reason why I get depressed and/or suicidal
about school is because of my mom. She
says I need to be an honor roll student
all the time, and if i'm not then i'm more
or less worthless. According to her, if
you're not a college graduate, then you
don't have a life that's worth anything.
..........
My story is basically this: my math
teacher threw a pop quiz at us yesterday,
and while I knew the terms and all very
well, I thought I understood a particular
part of the quiz because there was a
similar question on the homework the night
before. And seeing as I was so confident
in the meaning of the question, I didn't
bother to ask. As a result, I failed the
quiz with a 50. And because it was the
first grade of the year, my overall grade
stands at a 50.
I came right home and bawled my eyes out,
screaming and crying that I wanted to die
and trying to think of ways to quietly,
quickly, and painlesly dispose of myself.
I mean, if I can't make my mom happy, then
why should I bother even living? If I was
gone, then she would no longer need to buy
me clothes, school supplies, or pay for my
internet. One less mouth to feed - i'd
probably be doing her a favor by killing
myself. And I wouldn't want any fancy
burial either - just tossing me in a hole
in the backyard would be fine. Or she
could give my body to science - at least
that way she'd get some money for me.
............
As I type, tears roll down my face as I
think of going through life as a total
failure. I can't hide it any longer - I
just want to die. I don't want to suffer
anymore like this - if my mom just didn't
care about my grades, then i'd be okay.
But she screams at me for weeks on end if
my grades get below an 80. I try my
hardest, but that's never good enough for
her.
When it comes to living, I just want out.
I don't want to hurt anymore; if I knew I
was worth anything at all then i'd try and
overcome my sadness but i'm not worth
anything.
..........
Scaredbaka - eyeing a knife wondering if
it would be quick
|
brutallyhonest
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Feb 2004 Posts: 24
Hey Posted: 09-10-04 15:47pm
I know what your going through except in
my case my father thought I was wasting my
time....I got really upset....Cried
alot...But I never left high school...I
worked my butt off...He use to get mad and
say I was just wasting my time when I
didn't know what I want to do....I was
really mad and very depressed.....I
thought about death alot....And then I
realized it was my life not his....Its
your life not your mothers.....So I
ignored my father took everything he said
about my choices and blocked them out
because it was my choice to do what ever I
wanted and if I failed a test....Or got a
92% it was on my own accord no one
elses....I've always been one to make lots
of mistakes its who I am but there my
mistakes....No one elses....Failing a
class isn't the end of the world but it
takes time to realize that.....You just
have to learn from it and move
on....Failing at something doesn't stop
yourr life.....Even if that is how your
mother sees it....When you get upset and
think about suicide take a breath and
relax don't react.....The next day the
thing that upset you the day before won't
be as bad....And if it does continue to
stay bad maybe you'll have to seperate
from your mother until she can support you
no matter what happens....
it'll be
okay.....
~later
if you ever want to talk pm me
it'll be
okay.....