39 Things to Do to Annoy Your Date

My god! I can't breathe! These are awesome!

Those are too cute!!!!!! I like #17 and 28 they r so funny

100 things to do to annoy your room mate

100 things to do to annoy your roommate


insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate
eats meat. Then leave "slim jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed
holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks
about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is
asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate
every morning.

Every time your roommate walks in yell, "hooray! You're back!" as loud
as you can and dance around the room for 5 minutes. Afterwards keep
looking at your watch and saying, "shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

trash your room when your roommates not around. Then leave and wait
for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act
surprised. Say, "uh-oh, it looks like they were here again."

every time you see your roommate yell, "you jerk!" and kick
him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.

Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've
been watching too much beavis and butthead. Do it again. Tell him/her that
your not sorry because this time they deserved it.

Put your glasses on before going o bed. Take them off as soon as you
wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are magic dream glasses.
Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.

Eat lots of lucky charms. Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile
them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are
coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the
consequences.

Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about
his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your
roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.

"drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are
in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.

Every thursday, pack up everything that you own and tell your
roommate that you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no
one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.

Every time you wake up, start yelling, "oh my god! Where am i?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed.
If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day.
Look at it and say, "it's spreading, it's spreading!"

buy a mcdonald's happy meal for lunch every day. Eat the straw and
the napkin. Throw everything else away.

Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few
weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "i can't live in the
same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of
the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.

Buy a jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown
pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate
eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so,
look at your roommate and mutter, "soon, soon..."

lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back
and tries to unlock it, yell, "don't come in, i'm naked!" keep this up
for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately
take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.

Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them
tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in
front of him/her, and reply, "oh, him/her. He/she won't be here much
longer.

If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head
with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "ungrateful
little..."

pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't
know how they got there.

Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room.
Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come and visit
you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day,
miraculously "recover." insist that your roommate write out a will,
leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "ooh,
are you dying?"

live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards bring all of your stuff
back into the room and tell your roommate, "okay, your turn."

keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of it. If
your roommate asks, say, "oh, he's around here somewhere."

tell your roommate, "i've got an important message for you." then
pretend to faint. When you recover, say that you can't remember what the
message was. Later on, say, "oh yeah, I remember!" pretend to faint
again. Keep this up for several weeks.

Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the
building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too,
explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.

Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt
yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start
walking backwards again.

While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When
your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

Explain to your roommate that you are going to be housing a
prospective student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your
roommate protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its
feelings. Watch t.V. With the pig, eating lots of bacon.

Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the
sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "hey,
where is my sandwich!?" complain loudly that you are hungry.

Punch a hole in the t.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about
the bad reception.

Wear a cape. Stand in front of the window for about an hour every
day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside the window and
lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your
roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window
again.

Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name
one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others.
Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain
to your roommate, "he just didn't belong."

fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to
shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you
feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.

Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your
roommate asks, explain that "it's a jungle out there." get your roommate
to bring you food and water.

Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with
fear for a few days. Then, stay out of the room entirely, opening the
door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "psst! Is it gone?"

break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain
that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally
would.

Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling
your roommate that you hit the bull's eye.

Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "i'm sorry.
It won't happen again." when you see them, start ripping up the flowers.
Repeat the process for a few weeks.

Call your roommate clyde by accident. Start doing so every so
often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are
calling him/her clyde all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "i'm
sorry. I won't do that anymore, murray."

hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.

Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if
he/she knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the
empty side of the room with concern.

Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and
scream, "owwwww!" cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go back to
bed. Sob and sniff all night.

When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone,
screaming angrily and shouting. After you hang up, say, "that
was your mom. She said she'd call back."

every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights
and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "okay guys,
you can come out now!"

start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to
take it off, say, "who do you think you are? A king?"

sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing
nothing. Then look up and say, "i think this game goes a lot faster with
two players."

talk back to your rice krispies. All of a sudden, act offended,
throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up,
explaining, "no, I want to watch them suffer."

change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless
he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your
roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a tithe.

Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them.
Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off
the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "well, it was fun
while it lasted."

hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone
besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that
the tire swing was your roommate's idea. When you and your roommate are
alone again, continue acting like a monkey.

Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the
toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate's possessions out
the window. Say that the toaster made you do it.

Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that
you have won by forfeit and therefore have conquered his side of the room.
Insist that he/she remove all of his/her possessions immediately.

Sign your roommate up for various activities. (campus tour guide,
blood donor, organ donor)

start dressing like an indian. If your roommate inquires, claim
that you are getting in touch with your native-american roots. If your
roommate accuses you of not having any native-american roots, claim that
he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.

Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly
complain that your feet hurt.

Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were
trying to kill a mosquito.

Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about
it, tell him/her that you traded it for magic beans. Give some beans to
your roommate.

Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a
hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of
lightbulbs.

Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for awhile, and then
stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops
on the videotape, look at the screen and say, "don't do that."

buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie
inside it. Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of
the week, report the someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame
your roommate.

Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so.
Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your
roommate protests, say, "the people have a right to know!"

collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find
one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "it had to be
done."

read the phone book out loud and excitedly. ("frank johnson! Oh
wow! 894-8302! Holy cow!")

shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed.
If your roommate asks what's wrong, explain that your shadow can't box
with you anymore due to an injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with
his/her shadow.

When you walk into the room, look at the roommate in disgust and
yell, "oh you're here!" walk away yelling and muttering angrily.

Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is
missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.

Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your
roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate
says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide.
Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.

Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in,
say, "don't worry. It's not what you think." if he/she asks about it
again, immediately change the subject.

Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on
the mug for about ten minutes. Then look at your roommate, immediately
put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.

Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit
your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble,
"stupid road runner....."

leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "i know
what you did," and "don't think that you can fool me."

hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she
protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.

Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you want to
have a conversation.

Talk like a pirate all the time. Threaten to make your roommate
walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrrrgh!

Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your
roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to
the plants. Whisper to them, "we'll continue this later," while eyeing
your roommate suspiciously.

Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your
roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act
like your roommate is too far away for you to see.

Keep some worms in a shoe box. When doing homework, go and consult
with the worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms
that they're stupid and they don't know what they are talking about.

Watch "psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time
your roommate goes to take a shower.

Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "welcome
to mcdonald's, can I take your...Oh, it's just you." take off the hat,
sit, and pout.

Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things
and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her
that you just couldn't take it anymore.

Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your
roommate to let you back in. If he/she complains about it, go on a
tangent about the importance of good manners.

Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had
good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages.
When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used
to be, hold your head, and mutter, "stupid horseshoe...

After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

Aren't all generalizations false?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can I get arrested for running into a fire house yelling movie! Movie!?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?

Did adam and eve have navels?

Do one legged ducks swim in circles?

Is there reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the special olympics?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?

Does the postmaster general need a stamp of approval?

How can there be self-help groups?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

How do you know when yogurt goes bad?

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?

If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?

If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?

If a tree falls in the woods, and lands on a mime, does anyone care?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

If god sneezes...What should you say?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If people from poland are called poles, why aren't people from holland called holes?

If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose
because he can't find himself?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?

If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?

If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?

If you have a friend who works for the psychic friends network, should you plan a surprise
birthday party for them?

If you keep trying to prove murphy's law, will something keep going wrong?

If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?

If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?

If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

If you take a shower, where do you put it?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't hot water already hot?

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

Since cats always land on their feet and jelly bread always lands jelly-side down, what

happens if you tie jelly bread to the back of a cat?

There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

What did we do before the law of gravity was passed?

What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

What happened to the first 6 ups?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

What is another word for thesaurus?

What is the speed of dark?

What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

What's another word for synonym?

When people lose weight, where does it go?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting
there, staring at carpeting?

Where are preparations a through g?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a
chapter 11?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why are the cabs from the yellow cab company painted orange?

Why are there braille signs on drive-up atm's?

Why are there interstate highways in hawaii?

Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why didn't luke skywalker tell darth vader to turn to the light side of the force?

Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?

Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?

Why do we drive on parkways but park on driveways?

Why do we have hot water heaters?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why does bottled water have an expiration date?

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why doesn't superglue stick to its container?

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

Why is it called a tv set when you only get one?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic?

Hy is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you
transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is the word abbreviate so long?

Why is there an eject button on the vcr remote? Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of god?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?

Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Do lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do roman paramedics refer to iv's as 4's?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

How come superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

How many people thought of the post-it note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do
i have a work station on my desk?

If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If fed ex and ups were to merge, would they call it fed up?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "quit while you're ahead"?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

If women ran the pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?

If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Is there a Dr. Salt?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?

Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Just to pead agian or to read for the first time they are still funny

Hahah sounds like me thank god paul has patience and a whooooollllleeee loooottttt of love for me haha

Lol, cute!

Hahahahaahahahahahahahhahahahah!! I read them all! Those are hillarious! My favorite is the dating one about the hiding the potatoe..And then the roomate one about glueing your shoes to the ceiling! Hahahah! Those were great.

Hahahh!!! Lolol soo funny!

<3
gaby