Joined: 21 Sep 2004 Posts: 1 Location: St. Petersburg
Lost the Love of My Life... Posted: 09-21-04 17:27pm
I am trying to deal with a broken heart.
I am sure you have heard this before, but
here goes: I was living with a woman who I
am sure is my soul mate (or was sure). I
realize now I didn’t take the time to
really listen to her when she needed me
most. My ego was bruised and I only
heard parts of her message. She recently
went on birth control and she said her
feelings were changing, that she didn’t
feel anything. I, like a friend, assumed
that she was referring to her feeling for
me and our relationship. But, as I have
since learned, she wasn’t—bc will
negatively alter your hormones. I left
for a few days thinking that if we had
some space that things would just blow
over. To her it signaled that I wanted
out of the relationship (and I didn’t at
all). I was scared and really didn’t
stop to talk with her about my feelings
for fear of being judged (i know that
sounds stupid). I shut down and she felt
abandoned. I understand all that now as
well.
Needless to say, we were perfect together.
I had finally found the woman and the
relationship I had dreamed about. She
was my best friend and lover. And why I
shut down and stopped talking, i’ll never
know, unless I go to counseling. When I
shut down, so did she, and she doesn’t
want to give it a second try because she
has a daughter involved as well. We were
living together and were talking marriage.
She ended any chance of reconciliation
today and I am devastated. She is
dealing with my shut down in the same
manner as most women would deal with a
cheater: if you do it once, you'll do it
again.
I haven’t loved like this in over 15
years, and can’t imagine finding such
unconditional love ever again at my age
(41 years old). This was the
relationship of my dreams. Now I have to
deal with the fact that I she doesn’t want
to risk having me shut down and walk out
again. It was my fault and I am
punishing myself, I know, because I let a
great woman get away. It also seems as
though life is playing a cruel trick on
me: giving me the love I have been
searching for and then take it away. What
advise do you have for dealing with this
type of break-up? How do I recover from
this? Thank you in advance,
dealing with the hurt,
loveless in florida
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princess529_98
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2004 Posts: 101 Location: Ohio
Posted: 09-22-04 21:03pm
Loveless, what a sad story I am so sorry
thats happening to you. I really dont
know what to tell you other than..Why dont
you give her some time maybe when she
settles a bit from all of this which I am
sure is hurting her as much as you, you
guys can get together and talk. Tell her
you know that you messed up and should
have really listened to her. It kinda
sounds like a misunderstanding to me maybe
once your given the chance to explain
yourself she will come around. I mean if
you guys were living together and talking
marriage then she should at least give you
the chance to explain it sounds like you
guys love eachother very much. I can
understand her fear though especially with
a child involved she doesnt need someone
comming in and out of her life everytime
something goes wrong. But it doesnt sound
like thats something you would do it
sounds like you know you messed up and
wouldnt make that mistake again. Give it
a try and see what happens you have
nothing to lose by trying. If she means
that much fight for her at least you will
know you gave it your best..And if it
doesnt work then you must move on, you are
young you will find happiness..Good luck
to you..
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