Pregnancy Forum - Just Lookin For Some Thoughts....

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Q: Just Lookin For Some Thoughts....

asked by: papas got a brand new bag on October 5th, 2003

New User

Hey guys. Believe it or not, i'm a guy,lol. I'm not sure if there's any other guys on here, but i've been reading the posts the past few days and I haven't noticed any. Man I kind feel like I know everyone on here from reading over the past few days,heh heh. Well anyways, i'm 20, closing in on 21 in a few months, and my girlfriend is 20 and we just found out that she is pregnant. She hadn't had her period since the end of july so we took a pregnancy test at the beggining of september, but 3 of them came up negative. She still didn't get her period so we took 3 more this past week and they all came up positive. She's going to go to the doctor sometime this week to make sure, but she's showing a lot of the signs so we're pretty sure. I have mixed emotions on the issue. On one hand i'm pretty scared and worried about finances and everything, but on the other hand I am so excited when I think about being a daddy. Our financial situation isn't the worse it could be, but it's just not amazing which of course makes me nervous. This is, afterall, my family i'm talking about here. I want my son or daughter and wife to live well. I don't care about being rich or anything, I just want to provide well for my family. My parents were both in the coast guard and my oldest brother in the army, so i've been thinking a lot about joining the coast guard. It's not exactly what i've always dreamed of doing, but it would just be so nice to know that my family has all those benefits. My girlfriend doesn't like the idea of moving around and me being away sometimes. I can't say I blame her cause I don't necessarily like the idea of being away from her and our child. I might just search for higher paying jobs right now and work two jobs next semester instead of classes. We're both currently taking classes at community college. Ok, so on top of the job issue, i'm really really scared about telling everyone. We actually told her mom and little sister today. I was pretty nervous about her mom, but I couldn't believe how she reacted. She laughed hysterically for 10 minutes. She seemed really happy for us. I'm soooo scared about telling my parents and brothers and sister. I'm the baby in the family so i'm scared that everyone still sees me as a baby. My parents will never expect this from me. Ok not to bog you guys down with different topics, but one more if you don't mind!! My girlfriend has this thing where she has to be married when the child is actually born. The first thought that popped in my head was to get married next fall cause we've always talked of a fall wedding. But she feels soooo passionate about being married when the child is born, so this doesn't give us much time to put together the wedding. She feels the child isn't born in to a family if we're not married yet. I on the other hand would like time to plan the wedding and gather finances. I want her to be happy though so i'll get married sooner if that is what she wants. What do you guys think about this and the other stuff too!!?? I hope you don't mind my novel,lol, but I couldn't wait to get on here and see what you thought.

Replies(40)

Farah

replied on October 5th, 2003

Experienced User

Ok.. Have you ever heard the saying that if you wait until you're ready, you'll never do it? It is soooo true. You can never really be ready for a baby because you just have no idea what it's like. It's so wonderful to hear that you want to be able to care for your family. You don't have to join the coast guard to be able to do this. I would say don't do anything rash, especially with the situation our country's in. You're probably safer not joining any services.

You should feel good that your girlfriend isn't concerned about a wedding but rather marriage itself. Having a huge wedding at any time during the year doesn't guarantee that you'll have a great marriage. Marriage is what you should be thinking about. I understand that wants to be married when the baby's born. Every girl grows up with an idea of how their life will be when their child's born and it doesn't usually include being unwed. If you're already sure that you want to marry this girl, then don't worry about having a perfect wedding. Just get married and have fun planning your future with your child. I promise that your financial situation doesn't change that much with your first baby. It's basically money that you're not spending on movies, eating out, etc.... Just be happy, you've got a family now. Don't abuse that... Embrace it, you're going to love it. We do not at all mind you coming here and discussing this, make sure and keep us posted!

Suzy

replied on October 5th, 2003

Active User, very eHealthy

Dear papas got a new bag,

well, I just think you are lovely. To be so concerned and worried as you are, that makes you a very special person, and don't worry too much about your finances, all your babies need are nappies, food and love. You will more than likely have all the other special things in life you want to, all because you are so concerned about it. You wouldn't have come in here and written that great big "novel" if you weren't so concerned and caring. It is completely normal to be happy and scared about it all at the same time. All first time parents go through that. Nice to see such a dedicated dad, your wife and new bubby are very lucky to have you. Your going to be just fine.

Regards,

.::suzy::.

papas got a brand new bag

replied on October 5th, 2003

New User

Thank You!!

Wow....You guys or should I say ladies are just as cool and kind as I thought you were by reading previous posts. You don't know how much it means to me for the advice you have shared with me. I was defenitely planning on marrying this amazing girl already so you are so right....I should not hesitate to marry her now. We can still have a beautiful wedding day together.....It does not have to be big and fancy. I sincerely thank you for that advice. And also thank you for your kind and warm hearted words. There's nothing more important to me than taking care of my family. I am getting so excited now, heh heh. Thank you ladies. It means a lot.

By the way.....I'm jeff....Nice to meet you

Darling

replied on October 5th, 2003

Active User, very eHealthy

I wholeheartedly agree with suzy. You sound like an amazing person and your baby and wife are very lucky to have you. Your wedding doesnt have to be extravagent to be wonderful! You can make it beautiful without it being expensive. About your parents im sure they will be pleased for you. They may not have expected it but most can't hide their excitement at the prospect of a new grandchild!
Wishing you the best of luck and much love
~darling

Farah

replied on October 6th, 2003

Experienced User

Jeff, you are sooo welcome. It is wonderful to meet someone who is this excited about starting a family. I am so happy for both of you. The ladies are right, your family is lucky to have you. You're going to be a wonderful dad and husband. I'm glad you're going to marry her!!!

You guys are going to do great! Suzy's right, you've already got everything that baby needs. Please keep us posted and let her know that she can come here to ask any questions she has...

papas got a brand new bag

replied on October 6th, 2003

New User

Back Again

Hi again ladies!! Once again, I wanted to thank you for all the awesome advice and the kind words. You all made me feel soooo much better. Anyways, i'm back, but I feel kinda petty or trivial with this one so let me know if i'm out of line. I see all these people on here with really serious problems and mine is not as bad so I feel bad for posting about something less serious. Ok well here it is either way....I've been coming on here the past few days seeing all these things about miscarriages or wishy washy pregnancy test results or no period for months without being pregnant. All this stuff has stirred me up and now i'm soooo scared that something is going to happen to my baby!! My girlfriend is actually going tommorow to the doctor to get the pregnancy test done there. Like I said before....3 ept home pregnancy tests came up positive a week ago so do you guys think there is any chance at all that all 3 could be wrong?? We're basing everything right now off of those results and the fact that my girlfriend has now missed 2 months of her periods. Man I feel so bad for being this worried about this on here!! I'm sorry, I think i'm just nervous cause now i've been all excited and had my hopes up the past few days. Also, about us getting married before the baby is born....It might not be able to happen cause of insurance!! If we get married....She loses her insurance and she needs that to cover all the pregnancy stuff. We've been searching for policies today, but we talked to one place that said no one will take someone who is already pregnant because the companies are afraid we'll drop them after the baby is born. Any one know anything about that?? Just wondering!! Like I said, i'm sorry if it seems like i'm whining....I'm just sooo nervous about all of this. I want everything to be perfect. Well talk to you soon!! Thank again

jeff

Farah

replied on October 6th, 2003

Experienced User

Jeff, calm down. Smile

first of all none of your concerns are trivial. Ok, now as far as the test results, more than likely the first set of tests you took came up negative because she took them too early. If three tests said positive, you guys are having a baby.

Also, don't worry about miscarriage. The chances of it happening at her age are very slim.

Insurance: the only health insurance that will let you join after becoming pregnant is medicaid. It is a state-funded insurance. If this sounds like something you're interested in, contact your local department of human services. Sometimes referred to as child and family services. However, if she already has insurance, it would be best to stick with them. Why would she lose her benefits if she gets married? That doesn't make sense to me at all. Explain that a little further, and maybe I can get you some more answers.

It's easy to stress about a first pregnancy, so remember to stay calm because you'll need to be calm when she starts her first round of freaking out. Smile

papas got a brand new bag

replied on October 7th, 2003

New User

Its Definite!!!!

You rock farah!! Thank you for more advice!! I feel a lot better now. I guess all these nervous feelings and emotion are all part of it. Either that or i'm just wierd,heh heh. Ayways....Guess what!!!!!!! She went to the doctor today and she called me at work to tell me that she's defenitely pregant!! We were already pretty sure, but now its defenite!! I was nervous all morning while waiting for her call,haha. It sucks though....We can't get an ultrasound and find out how far along she is until we get the insurance thing fixed. It's funny you brought up the medicaid thing cause the doctor told my girlfriend about it today. As far as the losing insurance if she gets married thing....We were under the impression that if she gets married she is no longer under her parents insurance plan. That's what we've been told atleast. Let me know if i'm wrong!! Thanks again!!

Jeff

Farah

replied on October 7th, 2003

Experienced User

Well congrats daddy!!!! Isn't it an awesome feeling to know that you're going to be meeting your baby in less than a year? Yes, you're right, she will lose her parents insurance if she gets married. Medicaid is fairly easy to sign up with. You'll need to check and see if your Dr. Accepts it first. If he doesn't, you'll have to find a new one. Can you guys go this week to sign up? You probably need to get the ball rolling on it.

You should have seen my husband when we were pregnant with my son, he was just like you. I think you guys are going to be fabulous parents. No need to thank me for the advice, i'm so glad to help.

Please keep us updated. Btw, if you know the first day of her last period, add 9 months and 7 days to that and that's her estimated due date.

papas got a brand new bag

replied on October 8th, 2003

New User

Ohhhhhhhh man. Well I just finished telling my mom. It was so insanely hard. I'm actually crying pretty hard right now. My mom wasn't mad or anything. It just made it so much harder when she started crying and talking about me always being her baby. She said she just didn't want to give her baby to another woman. I've always been sort of a momma's boy so you can imagine how i'm feeling. We just sat on her bed and cried for a few minutes. You guys might think i'm retarted, but I really just needed to tell someone about it. I didn't have the heart to tell my dad when he walked in the room. I'm guessing my mom will tell him sometime tonight. Now I somehow have to figure out how to tell my 29 year old brother. See this one is gonna be harder than usual cause my brother and I have a very unique relationship. He still lives with us and I know for a fact that a reason he does is because our oldest brother moved out so early and my bro never really had an older brother guiding him through his teen years. Because he has been here my whole life, we are now complete best friends. We're pretty much inseperable. We're even in a rock band together cause it was always our dream to play music together. See my bro kinda has a thing against change as well. That is the reason he is not married and has no kids at this point. Our oldest brother and sister both got married by 20. So now he's gonna have to hear that i'm also moving on in my life by starting a family. It's always been me and him.....Through everything. We've always known we had each other. I'm busting in to tears just thinking about breaking his heart with this. I have to keep reminding myself....Its a fact of life....It has to happen sooner or later. I mean it's not like we won't still be in the same town. Man.....I just feel like i'm breaking so many hearts. Isn't this supposed to be happy time!!??? Ahhhhh maybe things will change....I hope.

Jeff

Farah

replied on October 9th, 2003

Experienced User

Jeff,

you poor thing. You are such a kind, compassionate person. How much it must be for you to take away from your own happiness to reach out to those you love. Maybe you're also having trouble dealing with change. I promise that the people who love you are still going to love you. I have a son and so I can imagine what your mom is feeling. But all mom's go through this with their little boys. It might take some time, but I promise she'll get through it. It's hard for mom's to accept that their little boys are men and that another woman will be doing their laundry and cooking for them. And ofcourse that woman can't do it as well as we can, right? Smile

as for your brother, he'll be ok too. He'll understand that things eventually have to change. And you'll still make time for him. Just do everything you can to include him in this if you feel like that will help. Like maybe he can be there at the ultrasound when you find out what you're having. That's just an example. Maybe you can let him bounce baby names off of you? This is just an extremely emotional time. You just learned that you're going to be a daddy and a husband. Wow, what a change, ya know?

You can't expect that this was all going to be a smoothe transition. Growing up takes a lot of courage. That's what you need, courage. Remember also that you're going to be resonsible for a new family. Your priorites are going to shift now. Just take it all in stride jeff. You're going to need your strength for the first time your baby coughs and you run to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Smile

the fact that you're this caring just proves how right this whole situation is for you. You're already a great dad. You have so much love in you and that will get you through all of this. And finally, talk to your brother and your mom about your feelings. I know it would make me feel good.

Ok, you know i'm here to talk, so anytime....

Suzy

replied on October 9th, 2003

Active User, very eHealthy

Dear jeff,

i must tell you that you are a real credit to the male population, there are not too many guys left out there who are as caring and as kind as you are. I promise that your wonderful attitude is going to pay off real big for you one of these days, remember I said that. I have been treated like dirt by boyfriends all my life, until about 2 years ago I met the most wonderful man, he changed my entire life around. I am now 30 by the way, so it has taken me most of my life to find a great guy. See jeff, that is how rare men like you really are. We are now married and are expecting a baby in may next year. Just before I met him though, I was convinced it was time for me to give up looking, because if I was to be hurt or decieved one more time I swear my heart would die. But I just knew he was special, he was kind like you are, and really cares for me more than he cares for himself, he wouldn't even need to tell me he loves me like he does everyday, because I already know that just through his actions. We don't have lots of money, but we have each other, and that is what keeps us satisfied. I think your brother is going to be just fine, I am very close to my sister to, and we live about 10 minutes away from each other. We will always stay close together as we are very much best friends. My life is beyond belief, I have a beautiful husband and a lovely 13 year old daughter who I had when I was 16 and raised by myself, I am pregnant with our own baby now, my sister lives 10 minutes away, my mum and dad are also only 10 minutes away, even my grandparents are 10 minutes away. I have 3 great dogs, 1 rottweiler and 2 shitzu's, and I breed finches as a hobby. None of these things cost me a great deal of money but all of it together has made me the happiest person you could ever imagine. You will have everything that makes you happy jeff, all because you care, and that's how simple it is. So many people go through their lives searching for happiness, yet it is right under their noses. If only they would take a minute to have a quick look. The building blocks are already there for you now, use them wisely, build them up strong, and enjoy the rest of your life.

Good luck to you and your family,

.::suzy::.

Suzy

replied on October 9th, 2003

Active User, very eHealthy

Wow jeff,

look what you have done, you have me and farah writing novels. Lol.

papas got a brand new bag

replied on October 9th, 2003

New User

Did It Again

Well what can I say.....You ladies did it once again. I needed some encouragement and you were right on target in what you said. Wow....Coming to this site helped me more than I ever thought it would. I ended up telling my bro right after I posted last night. It took me 15 minutes of sobbing before I could say the words to him. I'm guessing he figured it out 7 minute in to the sobbing,heh heh. That was the moment I had most been dreading over the past couple weeks. I could tell he was upset....But he did however tell me that I was his best friend and that I didn't let him down. He told me that he'd always be here when I needed him. He is truly the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. I'll never understand how I was blessed enough to have him as my brother. He's more like my gardian angel. I haven't seen my parents all day cause they were out at thier bowling league when I got home from work. I did talk to my bro though....He just asked if I was scared and just told me that he felt bad about it when he woke up today, but started thinking more and realized that its really not that bad. I also told a couple people that I work with today. They're older people, but they're actually really like my best friends. I was so scared to tell them, but they were really happy. As for me.....In my heart I know that this was always me. All of a sudden, a lot of things make sense. I don't know how to explain it.....All I know is that a moment doesn't pass where I imagine holding my son or daughter for the first time. As soon as they put him or her in my arms....I'll never want to let go. I know this will always be the best thing that ever happened to me. Man its funny how I can go from crying my eyes out one night to being this excited the next. I'm ready though. I'm ready for whatever it is that comes next. Man I can't wait to be a daddy!!!! Oh by the way suzy....I saw that you're expecting in may. We are almost positive that our baby will be born in may too!! That's awesome!! Anyways, thank you soooooo much one again ladies. You always come through for me.

Sincerely,
jeff

Suzy

replied on October 9th, 2003

Active User, very eHealthy

Dear jeff,

i am so happy everything worked out sweet for you. You deserve it. Your whole family sound like a wonderful bunch and very close to, and I just know they are all going to be right there by your side to support you. Keep in touch, we would love to hear how everything is going.

Congratulations !

.::suzy::.

Farah

replied on October 10th, 2003

Experienced User

Jeff,

i'm so happy for you. See, everyone's not mad at you right? It's funny, you sound just like my husband. He never knew what his calling in life was until we had our little boy. He's such a great dad and I know you will be too. You can't imagine how happy I am for you. You are very blessed to have so many people to share this love for you child and your life with. You are so deserving of all this happiness. Like suzy said, it is very rare to find any guys like you, let alone at your age. It's refreshing for me.

I will continue to pray for you, your wife and your beautiful little one that's waiting to meet you both. I am so thrilled to have met you and shared in this happiness with you. I hope that you will continue to give us updates.

papas got a brand new bag

replied on October 10th, 2003

New User

Hey guys. Thanks again for everything so far....Everytime you guys write you make me feel better!! I told my manager at work today and was really happy for me. I told my oldest brother and sister last night. They were both in the same exact situation at my age. My sister was happy that she's going to be an aunt,lol. My brother just said to make sure I take care of my responsibilities. He's been in the army for 20 years now and he is usually kinda strict on a lot of issues so I was scared he was going to disown me.....But he actually even ended up offering to build me some furniture cause he is also a craftsman. Now it's just my immediate family that I live with that is kinda bothering me. Well my dad is fine....He has always been the person to think about it for 5 minutes and then he's on something else so he's acting completely normal. My mom and brother are bumming me out though!!! They're both acting different towards me....My brother more so than my mom. My mom did tell me that he was crying yesterday and said that I was his best friend and that things would never be the same. It breaks my heart to know that i'm breaking his. I guess we would have had to go through it eventually either way,right??

Well right after I typed the first part....My mom came in here and gave me a bag with something that she bought for me today. In the bag was a baby boyds bear monkey. My mom has always given me stuffed monkeys for occasions cause i've always loved monkeys. This one is washable for a baby to chew on it and stuff. She said it's my baby's first toy. I almost broke down. Then she said she came in my room the other day and she got sad when she looked around at all my monkeys everywhere and she said she doesn't want her baby to grow up. I told her that my baby will be a big part of her life as well as mine. My sister didn't live around here when she had her baby so my mom never really got to watch her babies or anything. I made sure to let my mom know that I defenitely won't mind if she watches my baby sometimes,lol. Now I just have to hope that my brother can somehow not let this keep him down. He's still my best friend and I just hope that he feels the same about me.

As for kayla and i....We are looking at having an evening wedding 2 days after thanksgiving. That way our families can be here for thanksgiving as well. Things keep popping up while i'm typing this....I just talked to kayla and found out that we're getting an ultrasound tuesday!!!!! I'm excited about that. Her mom's paying for it out of pocket and than we get reimburced from medicaid as soon as we get accepted. Well I gotta run and eat dinner.....Talk to you guys soon!!

Jeff

Suzy

replied on October 10th, 2003

Active User, very eHealthy

Hey jeff,

sounds as though the reality side of things is really starting to hit your brother, that happens to everyone with any major life changing event, and he is going to be just fine. He is going to love visiting you and your family, being an uncle and playing with his niece or nephew. Wow that's great your going for your first ultra sound tuesday, shaun and I are going for our first one wednesday, we are exactly 10 weeks pregnant wednesday, so you guys must be just as excited as we are. Isn't it going to be so funny seeing that little person swimming around in there. I'm so happy everyone in your family are being supportive, your mum is going through the normal motherly feelings right now, not wanting to let her babys go, but she is going to be in her elements watching her grandchild growing up. Good to hear everything is going well, take care, good luck on tuesday.

.::suzy::.

Suzy

replied on October 10th, 2003

Active User, very eHealthy

Congratulations!

Hey jeff, i'd also like to say congratulations to you and kayla, on your engagement. I hope all your dreams come true, and you both find happiness with each other. I just know you guys are going to be great.

Well done,

.::suzy::.

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