Depressed Over a Relationship Posted: 10-06-03 13:08pm
I have this male friend of mine and i'm
female. We've been friends for years and
during our years of friendship we've had
some sexual encounters. Every time we do
something intimate together, it seems that
he avoids all contact with me for about a
week or so, then comes around again as if
everything is ok. We don't talk much
about our feelings for each other. We
both value our friendship very much and
would hate for anything to come in between
it. Over the recent years, i've grown
more attached to him and expressed my
feelings to him both in writing and
verbally. He feels similar, but persists
that he doesn't want to pursue anything
for fear of us not being able to keep our
friendship in tact. We're both adults
(late twenties-thirties) and I feel that
we can handle a relationship and keep the
friendship, but don't know how this can be
done if he's so chicken about it. We are
truly a seinfeld episode!
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Suzy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2003 Posts: 530
Posted: 10-06-03 18:33pm
Dear one of a kind,
i'm sorry to sound so negative, but is
your friend really scared of losing your
friendship or just wants the sex without
the commitment ? It seems strange that he
is prepared to have sex with you when it
suits him, deserts you for a week or so
afterwards and appears again when he wants
more. I think you need to look little
deeper into his reasons for doing this.
Ask yourself if you are truly happy having
occcasional sex with this man and that's
all. He has told you himself there will
be no relationship. You have lot's to
think about.
Good luck,
.::suzy::.
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one of a kind
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2003 Posts: 4
Thanks Suzy Posted: 10-07-03 09:51am
It's not like he'll come back around in a
week or so for more sex. Just back around
again as my normal friend and call, hang
out, do things together, etc. The sex
thing is an occassional thing that just
happens between us every now and again,
but I can't take much more of that without
feeling more attached to him each time it
happens. I just hate to think that i'm a
convenient piece of ____, if you know what
I mean? He's a real sweet guy and it's
not like him to sleep around with anyone
that's convenient. Actually, both of us
haven't had any relationships in a very
long time and I wonder if that's because
what we have might be something more than
just friends eventually. I'm not happy
with the friends and occassional sex
thing. I want more. He said he'd want
more but he wants to know that what we
have as friends won't be ruined.
Obviously, it hasn't been ruined yet, so
what's the problem? If we continue on
with the occassional sex, his avoiding me
after for awhile until he feels better
again, then coming back around as if all
is ok thing, I think i'm going to lose my
mind, let alone the friendship!
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STLSingleMomma
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Sep 2003 Posts: 30 Location: St. Louis, MO
I Have a Friend Like That Posted: 10-07-03 12:14pm
We've been friends for years, and we'll go
several months without hanging out, and
when we do, low and behold, poof, it's all
physical.
I had to finally come to terms with
myself, because I was ready for a
relationship, but when it came to this
guy, my brain said, "uh, what? You want
something with a guy that has stood you up
and two days later had sex with you? Uh,
no." so that feeling turned off real
quick.
He wants to have a casual sex relationship
with you, accompanied by the occasional
friendly chat.
You have to make up your mind on this one,
his mind is made up already. He wants
sex and a friendship, nothing more.
Good luck.
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Suzy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2003 Posts: 530
Posted: 10-07-03 20:48pm
Dear one of a kind,
single mom is right. Your friend only
wants sex and friendship, otherwise he
would have jumped at the chance by now to
be with you permanent. You have a lot to
think about, it sounds as though you have
come to a point in your friendship with
this guy where you are ready to go further
with a commitment but he is not. If he
doesn't want the same thing then you may
not be able to accept just being friends
anymore. Don't torture yourself like
this, be straight with him and let him
know what you want, your feelings are just
as important as his. You are worth more
than this, and you really do deserve to be
with a guy who can truly love you, and
cherish every moment you are with him and
visa versa. There is a very special guy
out there waiting to meet you. It's up to
you to find him. Your friend does not
need you in this way, he is very
comfortable having occasional sex, as are
many men.
