Can He Tell Im Not a Virgin? Posted: 10-03-04 15:15pm
Hi, im a younge woman and this summer I
lost my virginity, in my culture this is a
big no no, and I was wondering when I get
married eventully will my husband be able
to tell if im a virgin just by us having
sex?, can the man feel a difference if the
hymen is broken or still there, and tell
without you telling him that u are or
arent a virgin?
please help me I know its probably sounds
silly but I just need to know
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NaRcOtIcS
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Sep 2004 Posts: 7 Location: MD
Posted: 10-03-04 15:23pm
Well it depends, some can't others can't.
Most likely if he's a virgin also he
shouldn't be able to tell. All you have
to do is act like you did when you first
had sex. It hurted right so act like you
are in pain, and its your first time when
you get married and do the nasty.
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juniper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2004 Posts: 65 Location: Southern California
Posted: 10-03-04 16:10pm
First time sex usually causes a small
amount of bleeding (not to mention some
pain).
For the man, he may feel a bit more
resistance during entry into the vagina,
but after a few thrusts, the hymen is
broken and there should be no
difference.
A man or really anyone aware of female
anatomy should be able to visibly tell if
the hymen is still there. However, there
are other ways that a woman can lose her
hymen (some have virtually no hymen at
all), usually due to injury or vigorous
activities such as horseback riding.
You can practice clenching your vagina
(using kegel exercises) which would mimic
that feeling for the man (these are also
the same contractions that he would feel
when you climax).
That said, a relationship based on a lie
about intimacy does not speak well for a
union at all. When it comes time to be
serious enough to marry someone, I would
hope that your relationship was open
enough to discuss your sexual history.
Some cultures actually require the shhets
that were used on the wedding night to be
shown to the family to prove virginity
as many women bleed quite heavily the
first time.
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oopoopoop
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Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1250 Location: ,
Thanks: 42
Thanked:2
Posted: 10-04-04 08:12am
If you had sex this time, it sounds like
maybe you don't really accept the values
of your culture anyway -- and there is no
reason that you should, necessarily, so
don't feel bad if you don't. But maybe
you regret losing (i.E. Discarding) your
virginity now? And you plan on following
your cultural mores, and then not being
intimate with your prospective husband
before marriage?
If so, and it is important to you not to
be honest about your past with your
eventual husband, then my advice would be
to take up some kind of strenuous physical
activity as a hobby -- horse-riding is
your best bet. These sorts of activities
are known to tear the hymen, so it can be
your excuse. If, as someone else
suggested, you can then act as if you are
totally new to the event, scared, nervous,
etc., then if you don't bleed it would
take a very suspicious groom to think you
were after all tainted goods...If you
decide to go this route, then make sure
you will be able to keep your secret.
Otherwise, maybe you need to ask yourself
if you agree that virginity on marriage is
that big a deal. And further -- how can
you be sure your husband is a virgin on
your wedding night? If it isn't important
that he is, why is it important that you
are?
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PattyV
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Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Posted: 10-06-04 14:12pm
It is unfortunate that a culture that sees
a woman who is not a virgin when she
marries is probably fine with their young
men "sowing their wild oats".I know that
there are procedures the rebuild the
hymen.I think that they are done by
plastic surgeons.I do not know how much
that procedure costs,but I have seen it on
the discovery channel.I wish you the
best.Patty
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 10-07-04 07:35am
I lost my virginity at 13, I have been
sexually active for nearly 13 years - I
have never bled from having sex, not my
first time, and I have never found it
"painful" as described. My first time
was rather boring, no pain, no blood,
nothing.
I started horseriding as a child and the
chances are my hymen was stretched or
broken long before I thought about sex.
Many sports and activities can cause
this.
If need be tell a future husband you have
led a sporty active life and are aware
this may have stretched your hymen.
Last edited by Kia on 10-10-04 18:58pm; edited 1 time in total
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Demore
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Sep 2004 Posts: 68 Location: Australia
Posted: 10-10-04 18:09pm
Same happened to me. I did gymnastics for
7 years and I had no problems what so
ever. Me hymen didn't completely
disapear either. It's kinda the shape
made if you stuck a bowling ball through a
base drum. If a clench my pelvic floor it
closed together to form a complete hymen.
As for hymen reconstruction, I believe
(from opera or someone) somthing like 4
years without sex or insertion of any kind
(obviously) the hymen tissue can reform.
A bit like a healing scar. Though i'm not
quite sure how accurate this is. It's
definately worth checking out. Coz
cosmetic reconstruction could end up
costing you thousands. I don't know how
strict your family is on activities such
as gymnastics, horse riding or yoga (as I
havn't seen any muslim women wearing a
scarf in the gym). So in the end keigel
excersizes and research on some other
ideas maybe your only options.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 10-10-04 23:13pm
Lol. Okay, first of all not all women
bleed their first time. Nor do all women
have a hymen. Lots of women, by the time
they are sexually active, have already
lost their hymen in a period. Some do
not ever have one at all and others are
lost young simply from being active.
(not sexually, physically)
if he is a virgin also, he cannot tell.
He may wonder, but will not know for
sure.
Also, the hymen is not what causes vaginal
tightness, so even if he breaks your
hymen, your vagina will still be quite
tight as it has not ever been penetrated
before. You will eventually relax and
will "loosen" up, but your hymen has
nothing to do with that.
I never bleed and obviously didn't have a
hyman as I was very active as a child.
But, I assure you I had never had sex and
if anyone had questioned my virginity I
would have surely not married them! You
have to have trust in a relationship. Is
he a virgin? If so, then okay, I can see
why it is so important for you to be, but
if he isn't then why should you be?
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Demore
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Sep 2004 Posts: 68 Location: Australia
Posted: 10-10-04 23:18pm
Aren't (in some cases) young eastern men
told what to look for though? I know with
indians young men used to be encourage to
read a book that taught them things that
would help them in their marriage and so
forth. I wouldn't be suprised if in other
countries males were told to recognise
one.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 10-10-04 23:26pm
Yeah, but being told how to recognize
something and being able to do it are two
different things.
I mean, first of all, as I said, not all
women bleed. So that is not a definate
marker.
The only way to really tell would be by
tightness and pain she was in, but if you
have never had sex, then how can you
really determine tightness? Simple, you
cannot. And if he has a small penis she
isn't going to be in pain.
So, the bottom line is if he is a virgin,
he cannot tell for sure. If he is
experienced then he should be able to
tell, but it just depends. A lot of
people aren't too bright to begin with and
would never know.
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Demore
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Sep 2004 Posts: 68 Location: Australia
Posted: 10-11-04 00:13am
Still faking it unless your life is in
danger is not very smart. So I suggest
you don't try it. M hotsafrik right
though there aren't many guys that go
searching your oraphises before sex, so I
really wouldn't worry. Besides this whole
problem of sex before mariage in muslim
cultures isn't as minor as you'd first
think. I'm sure there would be support on
the net that could help you out.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 10-11-04 00:28am
I didn't suggest lying, I simply stated
the facts.
I also didn't say or suggest that this
whole virgin thing in certain culutures is
minor. I know it isn't, but at the same
time even if she was a virgin and didn't
bleed she would probably still be beaten
or outcast, whatever it is that they do to
women for this "grave sin"
maybe you should marry a man who respects
you for you?
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Demore
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Sep 2004 Posts: 68 Location: Australia
Posted: 10-11-04 00:35am
Hotasfrick I was making statements based
on the whole conversation so don't worry I
wasn't making out you said things when you
didn't. I think yeah she should go find
somone who will treat you reall good. But
while saying that not all muslims are
stone throwing fire starting woman bashing
honour freaks. Most western people are
misleaded by the way the culture works.
And that most of the time it's about
protecting members of their family and the
family in general. I just wanted to point
out to anyone that read this topic that we
don't veiw all muslims in this manor. So
as not to make us look like selfrighteous
western pigs. Which most of us are
anyway....*roles eyes*
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 10-11-04 00:41am
I understand that cultures are different.
I am not against muslims or anyone else
for that matter regardless of what they
believe. I would not, however, ever
marry a man who didn't respect me for me
and who expected me to be a virgin even if
he is not. I will not stay home and
breed, cook, clean and do everything for
my man. That is me. I don't think it
is fair to hold women back like that.
A lot of women in those kinds of cultures
prefer that kind of life so it really
isn't holding them back, because that is
what they want. Even here, some women
still want that life. I am just a firm
believer that you should choose your life
and not have it chosen for you. It isn't
right.
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Demore
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Sep 2004 Posts: 68 Location: Australia
Posted: 10-11-04 00:45am
Yeah this topic...Is how can you sit it?
Off topic!
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JanetBee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Posts: 332
Posted: 10-11-04 09:07am
Actually if you read the first post, she
didnt say she was muslim, just that her
"culture" made it a big deal! That could
still be some conservative catholic
places, or anabaptists or whatever!
But the idea of marrying a man and saying
you will spend the rest of your life with
him, before you'd slept with him would be
tooo horrible. Okay, sex isn't the most
important thing in a relationship, but if
it's really terrible, like if he is brutal
or thinks that woman should just lie there
or whatever, what then?
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 10-11-04 14:18pm
The respondents also did not say that the
original poster was muslim.
It just happens that the muslim culture is
one of the best known for requiring it's
wives to be virgins, and was therefore
used as an example.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 10-11-04 19:35pm
Yeah this topic...Is how can you sit it?
Off topic!
please help me I know its probably sounds
silly but I just need to know
as many women bleed quite heavily the
first time.
