relationship advice, breakup advice

Though I don't know any better, i'll still give you my opinion. I'll say stick to your marriage. I grew up with my parents being divorced. Since you have kids and your married, it's really going to be hard on your wife and specially on your kids. Ask yourself if it's worth it to cut your time being with your kids and have your wife hold a grudge on you because of this woman that you met on the internet. Are you trully in love with this girl or your only trying to find an excuse to make things better because not everything at home is going great??? Think about it, your married, being married means having to love and hold your wife, to cherish her, and be faithful to her. Having kids with her means that you two were meant to be. I agree that marriage can fail. Before you make a decision, try to spend time with your wife and kids. See what you'll miss without them. Take your wife out on a romantic dinner or take her to a romantic vacation and see how great she is. See why you married her and all that fun stuff. If that doesn't work, talk to her about your situation. Not to be rude or anything, but why do you like this "electronic girl"?

You need to be fully honest with your wife. You cannot keep hiding this from her. And its time for you to decide the options. What do you have to lose? You wife, kids, happiness...10 years wasted right?
And what will you gain? A women whos an "internet mistress" who is jealous of your wife? Now thats not very fair considering you are married and so is she. What is really going wrong with your marriage? Not enough love? Communication? Surely no honesty. Have you done things together with your wife that you would do different with this new lady? But let me tell you nothing is the same from phone calls a picture to living with a person and being in love over it. I met 2 people over the net and I thought I was sprung on him, bet we met and it was only a friendship. Im with jose now so its different. But are you willing to leave your wife for a women who lives far away and is married herself? Turn the tables for a second, how would you feel if your wife was the one doing this. Have you both tried counseling together to get over your problems. I strongly suggest you try going and work on your marriage before you just give up on it. This way you can at least say you tried but it wouldnt work out.

Do you feel the same about this lady? If you feel in love, why do you continue to have sex with your wife? That is not fair because you are using her. Well...My suggestion is work things out with your wife first before you decide to pursue anything secretly. And let your wife know your feelings, dont leave her hanging. She deserves to know your feelings.

Thanks pnaimami and nikki for your suggestions on this delicate matter.
I dont know if I love my wife right now. This internet girl is someone I have been talking to for a year now. She wont say it outright, but I know that she doesnt love her husband that much either.
When I asked her if she would stay with her husband forever or be with me, she just says that "whatever is in our future will happen"
she is not a bad person. But she is a fun loving type who is seeking people that commnicate with her better than her husband and thats where I am good . My wife already knows whats going on and is very jealous and is trying very hard to make sure I dont go away as she loves me a lot.
Lately I have been thinking if all of this is worth it at my age. Its not like I am 25 anymore. But I just cant seem to get this new lady out of my mind.
Its driving me crazy where I dont know what I want anymore now. I dont want to hurt either one of these ladies by my decision.
Life and love are very confusing things. Why am I not content with my life? Why am I looking elsewhere for my affection when my wife already loves me so much? Am I just a horrible guy who is not happy with what he has?
I have a nice house, cars, a great job and nice kids. Whats lacking in my life? I dont know if I will ever find out the answer to these questions.

Niceguy,
ok first thing's first. There is a huge huge difference between lust and love..Even though the "symptoms" are basically the same....Why all of a sudden do you feel as though you dont love your wife anymore? Is it just because of this "internet girl" or have you felt like this before..Trust me, infatuation can make you feel as though your floating on cloud 9 and everythings perfect, when in reality its not...Dont take this the wrong way, but how can you fall more in love with a woman whom youve only met on the internet, more than the woman whos mothered your children and has been committed to you for 10 years...Has your wife ever been unfaithful to you? Do you feel as though this is your chance to retaliate at her for some reason? Not only are you dealing with yours and your wifes emotions, but your 3 kids as well. My parents are still together, yet they have their trying times just as everyone does, and I dont know what id do if they ever divorced...This isnt a time to think about yourself, your kids are more important and how every decision you and your wife make will affect them...When it comes down to it...Communicate....If your not sure on something, talk to your wife...Be open with her...Thats the only way you'll get to the bottom of this...Marriage counseling possibly? If you truly love your wife and kids, you'll be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work....And also, is this internet woman a lot younger then you? She obviously makes you feel like a kid again inside....Talk to your wife about this....Maybe between both of your careers there isnt enough alone time anymore for the two of you....Take her out to dinner one night...Spice things up in the bedroom...Something different and spontaneous....Well I hope this helps you out...Good luck

Dear niceguy,

i don't think all this means you are a horrible guy, I think it just means you have been struck by the lust bug as many do and are very confused. We are all confronted by another person who shows interest in us at some stage or another, but what you do about that interest is up to you. If you are a strong and faithful person, you will turn away from it and not even give it a second thought. On the other hand some people find the temptation to overwhelming and find themselves falling victim to affairs that destroy long term loving families in the blink of an eye. You said it yourself, you have everything, a nice house, cars, a wife and kids. I guess you could say you are taking it all for granted. Have you tried asking yourself "how would I feel if my wife and kids were all taken in a tragic accident?". How would you feel if you lost them ? If you can answer that honestly, then you will know exactly how you are going to feel later when you have left them to start a new relationship with this new lady. Once you realise this woman is not the perfect person you thought she was, you will wish you had of stayed with your family, which by that time i'm sure would be too late. Have you ever heard the saying, "it's better being with the devil you know, than the devil you don't" ? It is so true. Do you really want to risk 10 years of a wonderful family for a woman you have known for 12 months ? If you decide not to pursue the relationship with this new woman, which I truly hope you don't, you are going to need to cut all communication with her. You owe it to your wife to make her feel secure again. She must be living her worst nightmare, I can only imagine how hurt and terrified she is. In the end, it is your decision, and hopefully you will make the right one, not only for you but for your wife and kids aswell.

Good luck....

.::suzy::.

Crombiechick16 thanks for all your suggestions and help. My wife has never been unfaithful. This girl is 5 years younger than me. She is 35. I have always felt young, so its not like she made me feel young again.

One thing you might be right about is whether this is love or lust.
I have always been highly romantic. When I go out sometimes, I am always looking for a pretty face. I love beautiful girls. I wish I could marry every pretty girl I see...
Maybe I am just cursed...

Suzy, I have nothing but praise for the wonderfully written piece of advice.

So the devil you know is better, rite? Well, maybe I am the devil in all this.

I have always been an incurable romantic. Every girl I look at that is pretty makes me feel so jealous of the guy that is dating her.

One of these days, when I am dead from smoking and cholesterol, the world will be a better place

In the end, you're gonna do what you want anyway, so my advice will probably be meaningless, but here goes...

Most internet relationships don't work out. I've seen it time and time again, and also have fist hand experience with it. I met a guy online, and over a period of 5 years, somewhere along the line we "fell in love". 5 years is a long time, and you think by then you would know someone. We e-mailed, and chatted, and im'd every day, we wrote each other letters (actual written letters) and talked on the phone all the time. Things were wonderful. When we actually met it was a completely different story. I wont go into details, but it just didn't work.

My girlfriend went thru the same thing. Except that she and her internet "boyfriend" talked for 7 years before they met. They were ingaged, and within a few months, realized that they both weren't who the said they were online.

Everything seems so wonderful when you can be whoever you want to be, and no one knows any different. It's easy to say and do the things that you think will impress another person, without actually meaning it, especially when you are not face to face.

I fell really bad for your wife (i'm not saying you are a bad person, this happens to a lot of people... It so easy to get caught up in the moment, and give in to temptations of all kinds... And that "new" "exciting" feeling can be addictive... What i'm saying is that I understand how you got where you are.) think about what your wife is going through right now. She has devoted 10 years of her life to you. And now she finds out that someone else has your heart? It's a womans worst nightmare. This must be devastating for her, and i'm surprised she hasn't left you. (don't take that the wrong way, it wasn't meant to be an insult) i'm just saying that she must really love you to want to work this out, even though you have been emotionally unfaithful.

If you don't love your wife anymore, let her go. Don't string her along. Don't put her through this pain.

Some people were saying on here that you should stay together for your kids. That's wrong. Children are very much in tune to their parents relationship, and they know when something isn't right, and it can be more damaging for them if you stay together. Especially if you are arguing a lot.

Your children will turn out fine in the event of a divorce, but you have to let them know that it's not their fault, and you have to let them know, and feel how much you truly love them. My parents divorced, but all the while, they made sure that me, and my two brothers, knew how much we were loved, and that it wasn't because of us that things between them didn't work out. When my parents saw each other (like trade off time - joint custody) the would say hello, and hug, and be very friendly, so that we would know they didn't hate each other. It's also important not to try to turn your kids against one another...

I hope you make the right decision, whatever that may be. I wish you luck.
Please stop hurting your wife. Make up your mind.

Qriosity

Dear qriosity, thanks for your input into my situation.
I am sorry that your internet love did not work out. You may be right that these relationships dont always work. In my case though, we have exchanged pictures, had fights, even lied to each other about somethings and then talked it over and reconciled. Both of us have decided that no matter how we are in real life, when we meet we will still be true to each other.
I still have my doubts, but from what I know of her, she is true to her word and we do love each other a lot.
I dont want to say any bad things about my wife, but she has done things over the years that have made me want to leave even before this internet relationship.
Again, thank you so much for your thoughts and ideas.

-niceguy

Niceguy,
im glad some of my suggestions helped you out a little...Ultimately it is your decision on whether or not you would like to end your 10 year marriage for a 1 year internet relationship...Overall I think you and your wife need to get into counseling to talk about all of this...And if you two think you can do it without the help of a professional, then go for it. But please dont just up and go. Think about your children, what would you tell them? Im sure they would be extremely taken back at the fact that this "mistress" of yours is meerly an internet connection.

Ever heard of the saying that goes "you can always see things clearer on the outside"? Well its very true... When you're wrapped up in all of those emotions you tend to let your mind drift off to cloud 9, remember those teenage years when you felt the same thing? From what im hearing(me being on the outside looking in), it sounds like this is pure infatuation and lust. There is a very fine line between love and lust, and when youre caught up in the moment of course you're not going to ruin it by saying "oh this is just lust, no biggie". I hope I have been of some help to you and I truly wish you and your family the best. If you need any support you can pm me anytime.

Have you really seen her or just a pic,this is going to sound all paranoid as hell but,have you seen the movie misery yeah watch it and watch yourself dont make your kids hate you,i hate my dad for the same reason,he was hospitilized not too long ago and it tore me up knowing how cruel I was too him for him doing that too me and my brother but hey its your life and ultimitly its your desicion

Hi, I dont know if its the influence of all this advice or just the way events turned around, but I am losing touch with my internet friend.
I dont trust her anymore. I think she lies about small things and I dont like it.
Anyway, I think its over with her and me. And no, I never saw anything but the picture.

I guess my advice would be to try to work it out with your wife. On the other hand, if things are truely over between the two of you it won't help your kids anymore for you to be together. I't not like divorce would be easy on them or anything. But if your kids grow up realizing that for half their lives their parents didn't love each other, it will just make things really weird for them.
I don't think this internet girl is the answer either. It sounds like you just wanted something different, like you were tired of "pretending" with your wife. (of course I don't know how you truely feel) if you did start a real realtionship with this woman, you would probably find out that she is a totally different person than the one you see on short visits and talks.

I doubt this helps at all, but that's what I have to say. What can I say, i'm good at being useless.

good luck!

Sarah

Sarah, your advice is not useless but precious and I will keep it in mind.

Thanks!

Niceguy, I read some of your stuff on here and I have to laugh...You have a way with words.
I don't feel that I should necessarily give too much advice on this topic because i'm not yet married. But I do believe in the sanctity of marriage. I sincerely hope that this internet relationship has indeed faded out and that you work things out with your wife. Best wishes!

Manda panda! Nice name!

So you are getting married and still a virgin, huh? Well you are the exact opposite of that girl (prettychick99?) that tried all kinds of men before she decided on the right one!

I truly commend you on staying a virgin before your wedding.
You dont see that often these days. You are indeed a gem.

Good luck in your upcoming wedding...Hope it goes well!

Hey guess what, my internet f'ship is still alive! And stronger than ever.

I just dont know what I am going to do. This crazy girl (or woman I should say) just doesnt want to let go of me.

The other day I sent her an email and told her I wanted to call if off and that it was completely over between us. Next thing you know she is calling me and crying over the phone and begging me to stay with her and that she loves me soooo much.
Also, the other day she told me she couldnt bring herself to make love to her hubby anymore. And when I told her I made love to my wife she gets terribly jealous. If I tell her I talked to some internet friend, she gets jealous too. She is worried some other girl will win over my heart.

When I tell her our relationship is no good as we are far away, she says we will find a way somehow some day. Her hubby is good looking and she says she loves him, but I just cant figure that out. She says she loves me because I give her communication. But still, why does she love me so much? We made love over the phn a couple times. We exchanged many pics too.

The thing is, I am not trying to get her to leave me. I love her too. Im crazy about her. But what can I do about my family? How can I just dump my wife? I am too nice of a guy to do that!

Can somebody just come and shoot me so I dont have to worry about this?

I can kind of understand why your internet girlfriend is feeling so jealous, you are cheating on your wife, what's to say you won't cheat on her to ? On the other hand, who's to say your internet girlfriend won't cheat on you, as she is already cheating on her husband. 'days of our lives' eat your heart out.

And again....Stop it! Niceguy, where does your name come from?! You are not being nice! You are not being nice to the other woman, but more importantly you're not being nice to your wife whom you promised to love, honor, and cherish. Your loyalty must be to your family. (this is crazy! I am so worked up that my eye is actually twitching.) for the love of all that is good and holy will you please recognize that you need to end the internet relationship? I don't even pretend to know how difficult that would be because you obviously have strong emotional attachments to each other, but what is right is always right, not just when it suits our desires.
Aaarrrggghhh!!!!!
Incidentally, I don't have a gun permit, but since you asked............
(i am so kidding. That is not a real threat.)