Lol manda panda, you are such a funny
chic. I laughed so much at your last post
because I could actually visualise your
eye twitching while you were getting
worked up. Lol, i'm still laughing.
Niceguy i'm not sure why you actually come
here asking for advise on what to do,
since you are going to continue cheating
on your wife, I don't think any amount of
advise from anyone else is going to make
much difference. To make matters worse
you still make love to your wife, knowing
that you are in love with someone else.
Goodness do you have a concience at all ?
I'm sorry but i'm with manda on this,
marriage should be taken a little more
seriously, and it doesn't take much effort
to exert a bit of self control. Lord
knows my hubby and I have had plenty of
chances to stray, but what is the point in
jumping everything that walks ? I just
don't understand why you would want to
betray your wife in the worst possible
way, just to indulge in a little sellfish
pleasure.
|
manda panda
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2003 Posts: 33 Location: New York State
a Novella For Niceguy Posted: 11-09-03 15:16pm
Niceguy,
okay, I calmed down a little by going over
to the nutrition forum and talking about
vegetarianism. Now I want to thank you
for your kind words and commendation on my
lifestyle choice. I appreciate it when
people respect my decision to maintain my
virginal status until my marriage. I feel
that it takes character, self-control, and
self-respect to resist the temptation to
give into lust. I'm not an absolute prude
here, but I feel that I honor god, myself,
and my future spouse by doing so. Please
understand that this is why I feel so
passionately about your situation. I
don't know all the details of your
marriage, and that's not really my
business. But you said in an earlier
posting that your wife has never been
unfaithful and has been a good wife to
you. You are so very fortunate. Over
half of all marriages in the u.S. End in
divorce. You've lasted 10 years. And
maybe they weren't always the best years
of your life, but you stuck with it.
That's great! You and your wife really
have something together. Security,
comfort, and, up until this point, trust.
That is indescribably valuable, and I
think you know that. My parents have not
always had a smooth marriage. Trust me,
they probably hated each other for
stretches of time, but they honored their
vow for 33 years, were faithful to each
other, and they're actually pretty good
now. I've always respected them for that.
They told me that marriage, like most
relationships, goes through cycles.
Sometimes it's great, and sometimes, to
put it bluntly, it sucks. But you stick
with it and eventually it comes back
around to good times again. Nobody said
it would be like a movie and nobody said
it would always be easy...Anybody that
does is a liar. I think I remember you
saying in an earlier posting that you were
very happy when you first got married. I
imagine through life and jobs and a
mortgage and kids and car payments, you
can easily take things for granted and
even forget why you first fell in love
with your spouse. You should try to
remember. I would think that requires a
lot of communication. I beg your
forgiveness for this seemingly judgemental
comment, but you seem to spend a lot of
time online talking to others. (you've
mentioned other internet friends besides
the other woman.) how about spending some
time talking to your wife? You seem to be
content with feeling like you're "stuck"
in your marriage. How does sitting in
front of the computer telling others about
it and then going so far as to develop
romantic feelings for another woman
(married no less!) you met while on the
computer fix your marriage?! That is the
important thing. I am so apologetic if
that sounds hurtful, but is it quite
possibly true? And just because you feel
that you aren't really in love with your
wife anymore doesn't mean that what you're
feeling for this other woman is love...Not
true love at least. To be quite frank,
you don't know her. You are both in
similar situations in life and can
identify with each other. You only see
the parts of her that she wants you to
see, and vice versa. Exchanged pictures,
e-mails, and phone sex a real relationship
does not make. Mutual committment to see
each other through good times and bad,
respecting each other, supporting her
through childbirth, nursing each other
through the flu, and really making love,
not just sex, does make a real
relationship. People always say that the
first year of marriage is the hardest.
One of my older friends told me, "try ten
years, then we'll talk!" you've got 10
years under your belt and you're so
willing to give up on it? Hogwash!
Cheaters never prosper and neither do
quitters. C'mon...Give it a go. But I
can promise you that it will never get any
better if you keep dividing your loyalty
between your mistress and your wife. Get
rid of the internet woman! She will cry.
Woman do that. I know that; I am one.
She is jealous when you are with your
wife, yet she has absolutely no right to
be jealous because she is infringing upon
something that is not her own.
(personally I think that you want her to
be jealous which is why you tell her such
things, but that is an entirely different
subject that I just don't have the energy
for right now.) c'mon, give your marriage
a chance. You owe, yes owe, your wife
that.
I hope that I haven't offended you too
terribly. Please forgive any incorrect
assumptions I have perpetrated against
you. I actually do care a lot. I will
climb off my soap box now and extend my
best wishes to you once again.
Manda panda
|
Mommy_2_b
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 811 Location: Brookfield, N.S.
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-10-03 02:24am
Dear nice guy,
i really dont know what to say, well how
to word this but i'll try. Most internet
relationships do not work out to begin
with. It may seem like a great idea now
but once you a) give up your marraige, b)
devistate your children c) ruin the
"family"life. It may not seem like such
a great idea. And those 3 things that I
named off, will obviously happen. You
need to realize how much great stuff you
have rite now and how much it would hurt
everyone if you gave it all up. Im sorry
if I sound mean but I just dont think you
really want this and I honestly dont agree
with it sorry. ~melissa
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nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4921 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 11-10-03 02:39am
Niceguy
what are you doing? You are ruining
things with your wife. This lady is
imaginary and she is married too! You
should really end this!
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Posted: 11-10-03 04:15am
Wowie!!! Now I got all these girls
yelling at me! Heh heh
i think you guys might be all correct
about this. It would ruin a lot of
things.
And I have not "cheated" on anyone yet.
Its just cyber stuff and phone line.
But you dont know the whole situation. I
was a virgin when I got married (yes manda
panda we have this in common !) like all
normal guys I had my share of craziness
and dreaming about so and so, but I never
had sex with anybody (except maybe for
some self-inflicted pleasure )
then I got married in a real hurry in a
matter of weeks. It was nice at first and
I was happy. Then the kids started
pouring out. I dont know if I was ready
to be a dad but I had to face it. Even
now I am a horrible dad. I dont care
about the kids. I do love them but I dont
do anything for them. I (with god's help)
provide the food on the table and I
provide plenty.
I have had arguments with the wife over
thousands of trivial things.
Her attitude is not the type of attitude I
wanted to see in my wife. I wanted
someone extremely pleasant and one who is
always in control and never loses her
temper. Unfortunately her not getting
along with my side of the family did not
help. There is lack of communication and
there is nothing that can be done about
that. The communication gap is because of
the personality differences. I feel she
does not deserve someone of my intellect.
I am sorry to sound like some kind of
aristocrat, but its what I feel. She is
well educated, but I feel I am better and
there is no compatibility there.
This internet girl is smart and fun to
talk to. Last night we had a fight.
After I told her I got some friendly
messages on this board, she misunderstood
and thought I was getting close to someone
on this board.
I should not have mentioned this board but
I tend to have a big mouth sometimes. And
now she feels threatened that I might get
close to someone who lives closer to me!
I called her up and pleaded but she was
really upset. But I know if I dont talk
to her or chat today, she will come
begging me to take her back. Its always
like this. I have tried to leave her 3
times so far but we came back stronger.
She tried to leave me once when my wife
found out about all the stuff going on,
but I made her stay.
I am starting to realise something. Maybe
I am too nice to girls. Maybe I should
even change my name to crapguy or toughguy
or cruelguy.
Thx for everbodys help! Appreciate it!
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Mommy_2_b
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 811 Location: Brookfield, N.S.
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-10-03 07:51am
Keep ur name ur a great guy just in a
tough spot rite now :d
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manda panda
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2003 Posts: 33 Location: New York State
Sigh Posted: 11-10-03 12:44pm
Niceguy,
i feel real sadness. Yes, you are
correct; you are too nice to women. You
seek out relationships with women,
platonic or not, and share so much that
you become close to them. It's
understandable. I mean, look how
interested everybody on this forum is in
each other's lives. We all really care or
we wouldn't be here. But I think the
challenge, especially if you're married,
is to remain distanced enough that you
don't develop romantic feelings. You
obviously like the company of women.
That's why you participate in a lot of
forums featuring issues that draw women.
(i know, you respond to men's health stuff
too. Don't get mad. It's just an
observation and you are more than welcome
in any forum.) plus you mentioned
previously that you love women in general.
Bad combination.
I am tempted to keep trying to help in
this situation, but I think that you will
do what you want to do regardless of
whatever good advice you receive. This
is where human nature comes into play. We
ask for advice even though we pretty much
know what we want to do, that way we feel
as though we really looked at all the
options ahead of time. We can then feel
justified in our decisions.
Also, maybe I should bow out now before
you tell "her" that a woman on this forum
(who also lives in ny) actually does care.
Wouldn't want to risk a jealous
explosion.
Excuse my momentary cattiness, but I
really don't understand insanely jealous
people. If a relationship is built on
trust there is no room for jealousy.
And a final thought for you, whether you
want to accept it or not. I think a lot
of women on here would consider what
you're doing cheating. Maybe not actual
physical adultery, but emotional adultery.
That probably hurts every bit as much.
If my husband told me, "i will share my
thoughts, dreams, and aspirations with
another woman. I won't tell you that I
love you, but I will tell another woman
that I love her and spend time
emotionally bonding with her. But don't
worry, i'll only have intercourse with
you.", i'd feel a huge betrayal.
In spite of all this I still wish the best
for you and will be concerned with your
issues.
Manda panda
|
Suzy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2003 Posts: 530
Posted: 11-10-03 18:38pm
Well said manda !!
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Manda Panda Posted: 11-11-03 00:43am
Hi manda, I agree with you 100%. I think
you truly understand me now.
And I officially give you the title of
nicegirl
and hey, I didnt even realise that you
were in new york but now that you
mentioned it, I am coming after you!!!!
(heh heh just kidding. )
in the end, I am not really a bad guy. In
fact, my character is pretty flawless. Im
just a little love sick I guess and I will
get over it sooner or later.
|
sarahauntie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Oct 2003 Posts: 54 Location: St. Louis, Mo
Hey Niceguy! Posted: 11-11-03 03:20am
Dear niceguy,
i'm glad that my earlier advice was
somewhat useful. Seems like lots of stuff
has happened since last I posted. Whoa!
Talk about some input! Well, I hope that
you've figured some things out, but you
sound like a love-sick school boy! hey, nothings wrong
with crushes, just remember that the
feelings that they produce are usually
short lived! I hope that you work
everything out! Just keep your cool, and
everything will be fine.
sarah
p.S. Way to go on giving mandapanda the
title of nicegirl, she definately deserves
it!
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Sarah Posted: 11-11-03 06:24am
I decided to drop the auntie from your
nick finally, am sure you wont mind your advice has
been invaluable I tell ya. Yes, I am a
love sick puppy.
Been like this since kindergarten when I
looked at a girl in my class all day long
instead of pay attention to the
teacher...But you know something, im all
talk and no action. Its all emotional,
nothing physical (except with the wife of
course). Take care!
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Manda Panda Posted: 11-11-03 07:01am
There were some things in your last post
that were lingering on my mind and I
decided to come back and clarify...
First off, have I really posted that much
stuff on the women's board? Well if I did
I am sorry. But its not like I was
feeling a little itchy and thought to
myself "hey lets go down into that room
yonder full of cute girls and see if I can
squeeze a couple of round ones" . I was
only trying to help. I just saw the
latest posts and saw all these girls going
crazy masturbating. I was just trying to
help them by telling them not to tire
themselves out overdoing the fingering
stuff. And I thought with my experience
in these things that I might be able to
steer them in the right direction. But
people thought I was being nosy and trying
to stop them from having their fun.
Well, its not like that. What the h*ell
do I care. Let them all bruise their
little clit* and have fun like theres no
tomorrow.
As far as me telling my internet gf
about anyone here, I didnt mention anyone
specific but she got worried cos most
girls are at least in the us and not so
far away as her and she felt threatened.
I am not trying to hit up on any girl
here. Keep that in mind. This forum is
about helping each other and thats all I
am trying to do..
So no need to bow out my love, I am not
coming after you and you can feel safe
with me.
Lastly, you felt that jealousy is not
justified when you trust a person. I
agree with you but what can you do, its
human instinct. To give u an example,
there was this girl in the uk and we were
friends. She was 18 and wanted my company
to chat etc. I had made it very clear
there was no future for us and she knew
that. But when I mentioned my other
friend, she was jealous and started saying
nonsense about the other girl. I asked
her why she felt jealous and she said she
was jealous about all of her internet
friends.
I think the whole crux of the matter is
that people here feel threatened by my
close talk. But I just cant help it. Its
just the way I am. Friendly with everyone
and loving and caring. There's a guy
works in an all nite store nearby and I go
buy cigarettes late at night. I didnt go
up there for 2 days and when I finally
did, he was so happy to see me, saying he
missed me. So you see, its not just
girls, but even guys that like me (of
course I aint u-know-what ) im just a happy
go lucky kind of guy.
If I offended anyone I am deeply sorry.
I am going to work on my attitude. I
have to stop showing affection and stop
talking and getting close to people. I am
going to start by posting as little as I
can on this board and then I am going to
try and shut down my internet friendships.
I need to start spending more time with my
work and stop wasting time on the
internet.
You take care and god bless u all.
|
manda panda
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2003 Posts: 33 Location: New York State
Niceguy Posted: 11-12-03 20:00pm
Niceguy,
i'd like to think that I do understand
you. We may be more alike than you know.
I enjoy bonding with people, much like
you. I have the habit of getting
emotionally involved with other people's
lives, especially their problems. (i
mean, i've had all I can do to not track
you down and talk to you in person!!) I
also am a very happy, friendly,
affectionate person in word and deed.
That's why I am very not threatened by
your close talk. In fact, that's why I
enjoy your posts so much. It's not just
words you spit out, it's really your
personal thoughts. I know you are
offering help and I never meant to imply
that I thought you were here to be nosy or
to hit on girls. I'm really sorry if
that's the way it sounded. I was just
bringing up something I noticed and using
it to show you that I think I understand
why you behave the way you do at times.
And maybe to give you something to think
about. I don't think you've ever offended
anyone on this board. You always seem
quite gracious.
You will be missed if you stop posting
here. Your opinion is valued as much as
anybody else's. While I think it might be
wise to close down some of your internet
friendships (one in particular), I don't
think you should stop showing affection,
talking, or getting close to
people...Maybe just try to do those things
more with members of your own household.
You said you're a horrible father (which I
highly doubt), so now is your opportunity
to turn that around. You obviously have a
good personality which is why people like
the guy at the night store are drawn to
you. Pass that on to your kids and show
them you love them like crazy, don't just
work more.
Thank you so much for the new title!
You're very kind. I was afraid that I
would've offended you by being so
assertive in my advice and opinions.
Remember, though, I wouldn't say it if I
didn't care.
I hope we hear more from you in the
future. You're going through some tough
times. If we don't hear from you again, I
wish you all the best with your wife and I
hope you do the right thing with your
internet relationship.
Please take care.
Manda panda
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Manda Panda Posted: 11-12-03 21:15pm
Manda, I never said I am not ever coming
back to the forum. Just that I am
trying to cut down. And listen, I
never meant u when I said about being nosy
and being interested in the girls on the
women's board. . Just to make it
absolutely clear to you and get this in
your sweet little head that you have
.N.E.V.E.R. Offended me in any way or
hurt me or said anything to p*ss me off.
You only brought forth the facts and I
was responding to them. As far as I
know there was only .O.N.E. Person
that did hurt/offend me and I dont even
care about that anymore.
And u know u have paid me a few
compliments now with saying I have a way
with words and my personal thoughts etc.
Well, let me get even by telling u that
u r not any less urself in words and
thoughts. In fact u write very well
and am sure u r a very fun and bubbly
person to be with.
Listen, you take care of yourself.
Devote more time to yourself. Be a
little more selfish instead of always
helping others. Have a wonderful time
ahead.
Take care now....
|
Mommy_2_b
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 811 Location: Brookfield, N.S.
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-13-03 17:35pm
Wow you guys write novels in here
Haha as long as ur gettin the advice
though...... ~melissa
|
sarahauntie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Oct 2003 Posts: 54 Location: St. Louis, Mo
Agreement All Around Posted: 11-13-03 22:24pm
To all:
to mellisa--i agree with you about the
novels thing! Has anyone ever heard of
personal message?
to manda--can I just say that I love your
post! I also like when people get
personal. I come to this site because it
isn't like going to a doctor's office
where everything is so impersonal. I wish
you lived near-by so that we could become
better friends. I know I sound like an
after school special, but you sound like a
friend I would like to have!
To niceguy--you are really confusing!
There are sometimes when I wish I had a
guy like you, then others, you sound like
my worst nightmare! But most of the time
you do stay true to your name. Like
manda, I like that your posts are so
personal, and I don't think you've your
overstepped the line. You've never
offended me! Feel free to put any words
of wisdome on any of my post.(that's not a
euphamisim! :d )
sarah
|
manda panda
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2003 Posts: 33 Location: New York State
Sorry! Posted: 11-13-03 22:40pm
Yeah, I know. If you get me going on
something i'm passionate about I could go
on forever probably! I'm sorry!
Actually, niceguy and I are having a
contest to decide who can sound the most
profound. (kidding, kidding!) i'll try to
not wax philosophical quite so much
everybody. And yes, I have started
private messaging as I recently realized
nobody else needs to hear my blabbing!
Thanks sarah..I return your sentiments.
(hey, how's your sister?)
best wishes to everyone. Take care
manda panda
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Posted: 11-13-03 23:00pm
Hey guys (or rather girls), I am truly
sorry for posting such long novels myself
in here. The way I talk and talk I
really should have been a girl.
But when I go in the shower or stand in
front of the mirror or get under the
sheets, I realize its not so
anyway, as I said I am really trying to
cut down so nobody will have to go through
pages and pages of my posts. A few words
to each of ya:
manda panda: how about lunch some day
since u wanna help me so much!
Sarah : you are too kind. More than
likely im your worst nightmare.
But I am trying to change
myself.
Mommy_2_b: you should try writing a
novella yourself. Lets c what kind of
literary skills you got! Im
sure you wont disappoint.
Nikki_caro: don't you ever say or do
anything wrong???
Nigeguy: just shut the hell up man!
|
Mommy_2_b
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 811 Location: Brookfield, N.S.
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-14-03 07:00am
Hahaha no time for a novel today sorry!
To psyched for the wedding tomorrow and to
worried about jessika, austin and cheyenne
maybe while we're driving throuhg some
boring old part of the country on our
honeymoon I will though ~much love melissa
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Posted: 11-15-03 01:36am
Hey mommy_2_b congrats! Its prolly too
late and you left already, but good luck
with everything. Its an exciting time in
your life and hope it turns out really
well for ya.... Make sure your guy eats
plenty of olives and drinks lot of milk!
If you drive through pennsylvania, come
stay with us. Ive got a sound proof room
for you two
)
hey, nothings wrong
with crushes, just remember that the
feelings that they produce are usually
short lived! I hope that you work
everything out! Just keep your cool, and
everything will be fine. 
Haha as long as ur gettin the advice
though...... ~melissa