Patty...
Being judgemental really hurts any potential message you have.
I'll point out that repeatedly i've noted my okness with adopting. I know that it's her choice to or not to go off meds and not only do I respect that, but it's just solid and
concrete to me.
There is something special about having children of one's and one's partner's own. Maybe just to me and to probably millions of others who would say that. To others,
such as yourself perhaps, there is not.
For me, it is a significance of the complete acceptance of the other person as to want to
form a new life of both partners. It's a great testiment to the renewing of life, and a great
blessing to be a part of, I would imagine.
That said, of course i'm not going to be a person and want something that will first cause
pain and death in order to seek new life. That would be stupid and very sad.
Indeed there are very many special things about adopting. The idea of choosing a child
(which I personally don't believe in when applied to the n'th degree, i'm not a eugenist)
is indeed one of them. That there are special things about adoption does not take away
from the special things there are ab out conception. Again, just as you are someone
who doesn't feel these things does not make them not so.
I'll paraphrase the last portion of my first message for you. I only want to see if there's
anyone who has experienced this as well. I think it's farily normal when someone
experiences something emotional that they should want to share that, or possibly see
if there is anyone else who has had the same experience.I'll modify my intent a bit: then
i was seeking that, now that i've seen some reply that has encouraged me, that is nice
too.
I am not a bossy person. My future wife has had a family history of heart problems,
and so we decided not to use oral contraceptives. After what i've learned about oral
contraceptives, the dangers, and not unimportantly that it subtracts from the experience
of the woman taking them, I would never in my life think of asking anyone to use them.
I'm for the most part opposed to the general use of them, barring extenuating
circumstances. Of course each individual or couple or both i'll not judge regardless,
as it's very much a personal choice. I think it sucks that condoms somewhat
take away from the experience of sex, but will use them as my physiology makes it
it the most un-interrupting form of contraception (of course we'll combine with a
diaphragm, not a sponge as our research has turned them up rather unreliable). I am
not going to ask that she use a femal condom, even though they exist and indeed are
more effective than their male counterparts. As the femal sexual intercourse
experience less involves the most sensitive areas of her sexual anatomy, for me
covering up even those would be a silly thing to do - making it even more impossible to
achieve mutual orgasm and lessening the experience thusly for her and, in our case at
least, for her male partner.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea and where i'm comming from. I love and respect my fiance over anyone else on this planet. We will be one; it won't be me and
her, battling over whose right it is to do what, or whose perogative it is to resist or give in,
it'll be us deciding what is best for us. I would love to have a child with her, and she
with me. I am not going to jeopardize her health for that or any other end. I would offer
to jeopardize my own, but that is mine to offer, and not to expect in any sort of reciprocation.
I know where you're comming from with the unfortunately needed phrase of 'it's her choice.' some guys are dicks. Some girls are dicks too, but that's for a different
discussion.
If a woman decides not to use birth control while a guy does in a relationship, legally
one would think that'd absolve the guy from any responsibliity should an unsought
pregnancy occur. That's just terrible. In any relationship, it must be understood,
and indeed should be that it's about not one, not the other, not each, but both.
Such is the case here, and such is my and her willingness, and I suppose that is
what I want to convey about our relationship.
I know that you probably don't go in for the biblical stuff and likely have a laundry list
of how terrible levitical law is and so on and so on. I have resolved these things for
myself and find male and female equal, but this is agian beside the point.
For me, along with the original sin was created a distance between the two parts
of humanity: male and female. Marriage of one sort or another signifies an individual
reconciliation of this distance and indeed that is what it is for us. With that, a healthy
relationship which is comittal (for me anyway, I don't disallow any arguement) is
one in which each individual does not assert his or her own rights. Not as each is
docile or submissive to the death, but rather as the assertation isn't necessary on
the general level, after not having been asked to do something contrary to beliefs,
constitution or health. This is a model of a being, be it an individual human, or one
comprised of two joined into one, which I desperately wish to see in us, and will
work with high priority to contribute to, and believe is in excellent health.
Anyway, I am sorry to bore you with all the philosophy, I suppose I just poured out
why saying something like 'it's her choice' to me is somewhat hurtful and frustrating.
I never asked her to go off her meds. I would never do that. Never did I imply that
i did.
I am sorry to seem to oppose you, as again I can understand where you're coming
from.
Please forgive me for sounding bruttish and chauvanistic if I did to you, I never indended
it.
Thank you for the reply and the insight. I hope all is well for you and your health.
