I Think I Need Serious Help! Posted: 10-15-04 17:26pm
Hi im new to this!!Im 18, and ever since I
was about 15, I so I have learned have
suffered from an e.D, mostly bulimia, and
sometimes ana. Ive lost loads of weight
over the years and am losing more. I
thought I had beaten it in my first year
of college, but no, im my second year my
bulim/ana came back to haunt me, and now I
am starving myself then throwing up a
normal meal, or if I know im gonna be
alone, I have like a binge of a sandwhich
or some biscuits. I even eat infront of
people to show them theres nothing wrong
and then throw up in bags and boxes and
hide them till the morin so I can flush
them away, or in the shower so no one can
here. I know its disgusting and I hate
myself for it. I want help, but at the
same time I cant face it as I feel I will
have let everyone down. This msg may seem
rambled if thats even a word..Buts thats
how I feel!!, but can someone talk to me
or help me? And just explain what the
hell I am doing to myself. I dont feel
like me when im forcing my fingers down my
throat! I try and tell myself in the end
im gonna die,but I dont believe it!!!
Grr!! Someone help!? Please reply? Jen
|
ladymarmalade99
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 42
Posted: 10-16-04 10:26am
Hi, let me tell u a story about myself. I
am 17 and i've been having really wierd
eating habits for about 6 months, then 3
months ago I discovered vomiting. I've
been doing that for 2 months straight (1-6
times a day). I don't vomit anymore
because I recovered from that by myself.
However I continue to think that I need to
lose weight and everything so I am doing
the atkins diet. I used to feel the exact
same way I used to hate myself for eating,
for vomiting and after each purge my
throat would hurt and my esophagus would
sting and I would say that is it, I am
eating healthy from now on, but it kept
going and going. If you say you lost a
lot of weight I am sure that you don't
need to lose weight, but as a person with
an eating disorder, our mind will always
tell us we're ugly and fat. Let me tell u
i've been on atkins for 3 days and I lost
1 pound. That makes me happy considering
it took me 1 month to lose 1 pound with
self induced vomiting. I know everyone
always says diet is the healthiest thing
yadayada but as much as I hate to admit
it, its true!! I feel so much better, I
am less depressed and I feel healthy.
That is the best feeling. I would really
advise you to go to a doctor and talk
about your condition, doctors arent there
to judge you, theyre there to help you.
My bulimia still occurs, but very rarely
(2 times per month or so). I know you can
do it, you will feel much better and you
will think why havent I done this earlier?
Good luck with everything...Peace
|
Sarah Jane
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 4 Location: Canada
Re: I Think I Need Serious Help! Posted: 10-16-04 11:55am
jellybabyjen
wrote:
hi im new to this!!Im 18,
and ever since I was about 15, I so I have
learned have suffered from an e.D, mostly
bulimia, and sometimes ana. Ive lost
loads of weight over the years and am
losing more. I thought I had beaten it
in my first year of college, but no, im my
second year my bulim/ana came back to
haunt me, and now I am starving myself
then throwing up a normal meal, or if I
know im gonna be alone, I have like a
binge of a sandwhich or some biscuits. I
even eat infront of people to show them
theres nothing wrong and then throw up in
bags and boxes and hide them till the
morin so I can flush them away, or in the
shower so no one can here. I know its
disgusting and I hate myself for it. I
want help, but at the same time I cant
face it as I feel I will have let everyone
down. This msg may seem rambled if thats
even a word..Buts thats how I feel!!, but
can someone talk to me or help me? And
just explain what the hell I am doing to
myself. I dont feel like me when im
forcing my fingers down my throat! I try
and tell myself in the end im gonna
die,but I dont believe it!!! Grr!!
Someone help!? Please reply? Jen
well jen seems you got yourself stuck in a
rut!!! You are sooooo young and beautiful
you shouldn't have to feel that your
beauty needs to come from that!!!! My
friend had the same problem in highschool.
I got soooooo bad that we all could not
do anything to help her. Lesson # 1---
you can"t help anyone who cannot help
themselves! It got to the point that she
was in the hospital for almost a year
battling the disease. I didn't talk to
her for almost 4 months until I walked
into the hospital to see her. And what do
you think was the first thing I did??? I
hugged her. No matter what she is my
friend. I cried and cried. She says that
that is one thing that made her better.
She could not stand the feeling of hurting
other people, even though all the real
harm was to herself. In the long run
today she helps out at clinics, and is
currently in her third year of college for
personal support worker/social worker.
She does not only weigh about 100lbs.She
weighs a beautiful 160lbs.!!!!! She feels
better about herself and her life. She
has one now instead of one that is hiding
behind closed doors. The problems you are
having are not a joke and I know that you
know that. I think you just need a little
direction in your life. You are sooo
young. You have your whole life ahead of
you. My advice in this
situation.......And I know it is going to
sound crazy... But talk to your mom.
Mothers understand more about us the we
know. I used to never get along with my
mom when I was your age... But now she is
my best friend. Her ears are there to
listen to you. Not judge you. You just
need to open up and actually ask for the
help. You can do it. I have faith in
you.
|
jellybabyjen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 4 Location: shropshire
Hi Posted: 10-16-04 14:14pm
I cant tell my closest friends let alone
my mom. That is just a no no. I am stuck
in a rut, and I do wanna stop, and I do
know that healthy eating and excercise
helps you lose weight, as thats how all
this began, but I found if I skipped meals
that helped too, then I thought, if I
threw up the meals that I did eat then
that would help, and it did, and then it
just went downhill from there. I do a lot
of excercise too! And I know it sounds
odd, I hate people tellin me how much
weight ive lost, but then it makes me more
motivated to lose more! My doc is an fool
so I dnt want help from them, and im
scared of help from anyone really, thats y
I came on here. I do wanna stop, but I
hate the way I look, and I dont wanna gain
weight (as I know I prob would) if I stop,
so I am stuck really. Im not depressed, I
used to be when I was 15 and it all
started, but I suppose this all became
second nature as I grew up into a young
adult, but it does make me unhappy doing
this. I know it must be doing some damage
as the other day I went bike riding (i was
out for abotu 40mins dwn the woods) and on
the way back I had this pain in my heart,
and went all dizzy and nearly passed out!!
And that scared me, but I still go out on
my bike, and go running for hours! Ooh
how confused does this sound! Reading
other peoples messages makes me feel like
I dnt have nefin wrong, as they have been
in hospital and everything! Ooh someone
talk to me!! As I feel this place is
theonly place I can frealy talk openly
about myself. And another thing, I did
psychology as an a-level and studied all
this and its never stopped me..How bizare!
|
ladymarmalade99
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 42
Posted: 10-17-04 12:02pm
Jen, I know how hard it is to talk to
people especially your mom. If I ever
told my parents, they would practically
disown me. I remember mentioning an
anorexic girl in my class to my mom and
her best friend and they were saying
thingslike she is just a crazy girl
looking for attention. That is soo not
true! I am still living with bulimia, I
quit atkins and threw up this morning, its
like I jinxed myself saying I was
beginning a healthy lifestyle. I know how
hard it is to be alone. I actually told
one of my closest friends and she didn't
say much except "you should stop doing
it". I try and try to stop every day. I
still do it, but like I said, I made a lot
of progress. I know you can too. Keep
posting to let us know how you are doing.
I wish you all the best.
|
Sarah Jane
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 4 Location: Canada
I Was Just Trying to Help Posted: 10-17-04 14:16pm
Ok... This is the deal. You can't expect
to get ahead of your problem unless you
ask someone for help. It is the hardest
thing in the world and you have a long
road ahead of you for recovery. If you
think your mom will disown you, then you
need seriously think about what you'll do
to her in the long run if you don't tell
her. She'll go crazy not understanding
why you couldn't confide in her. And as
for your doctor, just cause you think he's
crazy doesn't mean he is not right. And
if you don't like him....You do have a
right to go and see another doc! You have
so many options in today's society, and I
don't think that your on the right path.
Sitting here and talking about your
problems is a step. But, you need to get
help because this isn't going to go away.
You feeling guilty isn't going to go away.
You not thinking your beautiful isn't
going to go away. As for you not even
telling your best friends.... They are
the one's that are going to hold your hand
during those first few steps in the right
direction. So can you do me a favour?
When you post another reply, I want to see
that you have made a step. Not still be
sitting there saying that your life is
hard. Because the only person that is
making your life hard is yourself. Godd
luck. :d
|
behind_that_smile
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Dec 2004 Posts: 9
Re: I Was Just Trying to Help Posted: 12-14-04 20:24pm
sarah jane
wrote:
ok... This is the deal.
You can't expect to get ahead of your
problem unless you ask someone for help.
It is the hardest thing in the world and
you have a long road ahead of you for
recovery. If you think your mom will
disown you, then you need seriously think
about what you'll do to her in the long
run if you don't tell her. She'll go
crazy not understanding why you couldn't
confide in her. And as for your doctor,
just cause you think he's crazy doesn't
mean he is not right. And if you don't
like him....You do have a right to go and
see another doc! You have so many
options in today's society, and I don't
think that your on the right path.
Sitting here and talking about your
problems is a step. But, you need to get
help because this isn't going to go away.
You feeling guilty isn't going to go
away. You not thinking your beautiful
isn't going to go away. As for you not
even telling your best friends.... They
are the one's that are going to hold your
hand during those first few steps in the
right direction. So can you do me a
favour? When you post another reply, I
want to see that you have made a step.
Not still be sitting there saying that
your life is hard. Because the only
person that is making your life hard is
yourself. Godd luck.
:d
where can I get help? It's going to be
weird by just walking into a hospital or
like a clinic..I thought about going to to
health center at school..But then I don't
want everyone to find out that i'm a
bulimic.....Any suggestions?
|
Sarah Jane
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 4 Location: Canada
Posted: 12-14-04 20:50pm
Well I would just even start by going to
your local library and looking up some
info on the topic then seeing what your
closest resources are. Also, I know that
going into a hospital and saying that you
need help might be a little weird, but
when you do it, it will be a weight lifted
off your shoulders! And trust me, they
will open you with open arms!!! These
people are there to help you get better,
not look down upon you. They will help
you have higher spirits and a better
outlook on life in general. If anyone
judges you, then you know that the people
that don't really care. You find out who
your true friends are by asking for help.
But don't take it personally if they can't
help you in the beginning. It's as long
as they are there in the end. Good luck
with you adventure. It will be a long
road to recovery, but you can do it. I
believe in you. And as long as you have
one person believeing that is all that
matters. So keep me posted!!! Take care
of yourself, and keep heading in the right
direction! I can tell you will succeed!
:d
where can I get help? It's going to be
weird by just walking into a hospital or
like a clinic..I thought about going to to
health center at school..But then I don't
want everyone to find out that i'm a
bulimic.....Any suggestions?[/quote]
|
hurt28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2004 Posts: 49 Location: lowell
Re: I Think I Need Serious Help! Posted: 12-28-04 18:09pm
Hey my name is kelsey and I am 14 and I am
a bulimic sometimes I go days without
throwing upo but then I have my bad days
well what you are doing is ok I think you
shouldnt feel bad u should feel ok about
this I do im ok with it cause I no some
day I will stop!! And other days I wanna
die. No one understands me and I hate it
my friends they never get it family thinks
im doing this for attemetion they just
dont understand how much I hurt inside :(
well I g2g go throw up my dinner reply to
me to plz I need soem one to understand
me!!
|
ladymarmalade99
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 42
Posted: 12-29-04 11:16am
Hi, I understand you completely. I used
to be in the same mess. I'm 17 by the way
and it's been 2 months since I stop
throwing up. Let me tell you, the hardest
part is getting used to it. Remember
every time you tell yourself you will not
throw up, you're a step closer towards
recovery. I recovered on my own and have
no urges of throwing up food anymore.
Good luck, happy holidays :)
|
hurt28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2004 Posts: 49 Location: lowell
Thanks Posted: 12-30-04 11:27am
Hey thanks for replying to me god its just
like I will never stop cause ive tried its
just sooooo hard I have gained3 pounds and
it sucks I dont no if today has been good
or bad im not sure??? Well gtg bye
|
iixon
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 5 Location: méxico
Posted: 02-01-05 20:57pm
I think its not just stop trowing up to
get a recovery. Its accepting what you
eat. Because not trowing up its just as
hard as keeping yourself from eating when
you are in front of a table full of
cookies, cakes, pasta, pizza...
Accept youserlf
love yousefl
mmm yea... As if that was so easy. I
sound like my psychologyst haha
