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TQuartz490
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 444
Location: New York City
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Racial War Barring My Nieces Marriage .. Need Advice!
Posted: 10-16-04 13:55pm
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I need
some advice guys. My sisters daughter is
19 and she has been dating a white guy for
the past 3 years and she wants to get
married now. My sister does not accept
the relationship and doesn't want nothing
to do with the wedding. My niece is
seeking her mothers approval and it is
just not working and we feel that the day
of the wedding, her mother will not show
up and it will just crush my nieces'
heart. My niece loves her white guy,
theres nothing they wouldn't do for
eachother and that's what makes me respect
the both of them but her mother is not
buying it and time is running out.
Do you think I can convince her, or should
I just let it play out?
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IDABABY
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2004
Posts: 2236
Location: ***Wisconsin Baby***
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Posted: 10-16-04 14:03pm
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I guess you could try convincing here, but
thats about it....Sometmes you just have
to play things out.
<3
kristin buick
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GuitarJade
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 330
Location: Pennsylvania
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Posted: 10-16-04 14:37pm
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I definitely know what that's like. My
mum is white and my dad is asian, and now
i'm in a relationship with a latino!
Inter-ratial relationships are hard, but
there's nothing that should keep them from
getting married. Marriage is about love,
not race. I honestly think you should
talk to you sister about it, but if she
still doesn't listen, there's not a whole
lot you can do about it. I hope things
work out for your neice and her man!
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pitterpatter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2004
Posts: 619
Location: United States
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Posted: 10-16-04 14:43pm
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I would also talk to your sister about it,
but let her bring the subject up. You
don't want your sister going back to her
daughter all pissed off for bringing you
in the middle of this. I would tell her
how you see the relationship and how you
feel about it. I would also ask her what
her biggest concern is and go from there I
guess. If she still disaproves your
niece should follow through with the
wedding and just hope she shows up. You
can't always let people run your life
especially when it comes to love. If she
doesn't understand why her daughter is
marrying this person whe will someday, but
it might take a lot of time. So talk to
her, but overall let it play out.
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004
Posts: 3572
Location: Jersey Baby!
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Posted: 10-16-04 14:43pm
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Try talking to her about it. Good luck!
<3
gaby
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Riversmommy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2004
Posts: 711
Location: Springfield,Illinois
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Posted: 10-16-04 14:50pm
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I kno exactly where they are coming from.
I say try convincing but u can only do so
much of that.......Ive given up on trying
to get my parents approval of raven b/c I
kno its pointless.......Good luck hun and
best of luck w/ ur niece ill keep them in
my prayers!
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Heathergirl
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 719
Location: Michigan
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Posted: 10-16-04 14:55pm
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These issues are rough....My dad reminds
me of the mom...I dated a black man for
awhile and he refused to talk to me....And
every time I get aboyfriend he asks me if
he is white within a second of me telling
him about my guy....I'm sorry she has to
go through this...Good luck.
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pitterpatter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2004
Posts: 619
Location: United States
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Posted: 10-16-04 14:58pm
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The only way they will ever get over their
racial problem is to be open to meeting
them and getting to know them. There's a
bad apple on every tree and you can't
judge a race because there's always going
to be people in every race that we don't
like.
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jessamyn
Moderator
Joined: 18 Aug 2004
Posts: 4107
Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
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Posted: 10-16-04 15:14pm
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I'm sorry but I am sooo anal about this
subject type people need to wake up to
reality and see the world were living in
and accept it. They need to let people
have inter racial marriages, gay
marriages, mixed kids, everything....
Seriously whos who to tell you who you can
and cannot love geeze soo I am soo grumpy
about it. Like my mom and I went to the
gay pride parade for like 4 years straight
just for fun! I dont think her mom should
have a say in it really, well it would be
amazing to have her approval and make it
sooo much easier on their life. But her
mom needs to realize that it is her
daughters choice and life and she needs to
accept that and try to compromise
somewhere.... My mom has never liked
anyone ive dated but shes learned to
adapt.... They need to sit down and have
a long talk with the mom and make her see
how good they really are for each other...
Truuust me I am whiter than white hahah
east coasters would call me a valley girl
alllllmost (which I am not) and when paul
and I fell in love trust me it was nothing
but uncomfrtable stares meeting his family
I gripped his hand liek there was no
tomorrow they are hardcore italian and I
was nooootttt accepted... And now I can
actually have a conversation with his
grandma, I mean like it takes time but it
does work!
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TQuartz490
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 444
Location: New York City
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Posted: 10-16-04 15:27pm
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yeah, I
am trying so hard, but she is like it is
her choice, don't bring her down because
of it, but it hurts to see my niece so
depressed.
I myself am in the same situation my
boyfriend is neither indian or from the
west indies and my family sometimes twist
up their noses at him because his parents
are hispanic and mulatto, but I see it as
it is my choice , I realized no matter
what you can't please people, so I don't
even try to
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linuxChique
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 4535
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Posted: 10-16-04 15:30pm
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Yeah talk to her about it! Tell her how
much her daughter loves her and how much
it would mean to her if she'd show up and
be civil. Good luck!
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sdwood2
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2004
Posts: 645
Location: KY
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Posted: 10-16-04 20:32pm
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Talk to her about it I hope things work
out for her
shelley
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TQuartz490
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 444
Location: New York City
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Posted: 10-17-04 14:09pm
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well to
make the story short, my sister is
thinking about going to the wedding but
she wants nothing to do with my sister and
her boyfriend. ( I rather her not go
because she will just give off negative
vibes through-out the whole event) i've
tried and I am done. Sometimes u just
can't help those who don't want to be
helped.
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nippz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2004
Posts: 2173
Location: ,
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Posted: 10-17-04 14:23pm
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Race shouldn't change any kind of bond or
relation between people. It's just skin
color! >d are we not all human?
Gheeeze, my parents are like that too
sometimes. Except they only want me
dating asians or americans. Any other
spanish/african american race is just blah
to them, 'cuz they think their "wild".
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TQuartz490
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 444
Location: New York City
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Posted: 10-17-04 15:32pm
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| nippz
wrote: | | race shouldn't change any
kind of bond or relation between people.
It's just skin color! >d are we not
all human? Gheeeze, my parents are like
that too sometimes. Except they only
want me dating asians or americans. Any
other spanish/african american race is
just blah to them, 'cuz they think their
"wild". |
nippz I
couldn't agree with u more, I have alot of
people in my family that are racists in
some way and don't even know it. I barely
have any friends over here because (for
example ) if u were to come over they
would make comments like. So how do you
cook dog and cat, how did lassie taste?,
caca like that because of ur race. No
matter if the person is white,
african-american, hispanic or asain, there
is always something about them they tend
not to like.
My nieces fiance is the most sweetest man
in the world. I admire and I adore him,
but for some reason my sister feels that
because he is white he is nasty and will
cheat on her with a man. I mean come on.
I barely talk to her now because of her
rude comments and ignorant attitude.
I mean, it's going to be hard. My
boyfriend is not indian nor west indian,
and with their outlook on african-american
men, im in for one hell of a ride. They
feel in the long run he is only out there
to do me dirty
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nippz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2004
Posts: 2173
Location: ,
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Posted: 10-17-04 16:12pm
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Argh I know about that dog-cat thing.
Like hello, my asian (filipino) race
doesnt even cook dogs or cats so how about
we get that straight. Just kidding, well
I mean its not as major as others though.
And it shouldn't even be a big deal to
other people because hey I bet other's
cook other type's of animals unimaginable
too.
Wow I thought asians always loved
american's because their "pure".
My parents wont even let me date outside
of filipino's, thats worse than them not
letting me date outside of asians.
Hellooo.. Discrimination. Like I said,
its just skin color ;\
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TQuartz490
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 444
Location: New York City
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Posted: 10-17-04 16:21pm
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that is
their problem those on my sisters side
feel that n e one who looks like this or
that is that. They act like if it looks
like a duck, sounds like a duck or walks
like a duck it's a duck. You can sit down
and tell them no that person is chinese,
then they would argue with you , no she is
japanese, look how big this and this is of
theirs. Come on man it is not only
ignorant it is embarrassing, I try to stay
away from her and them. They rather teach
and hate instead of learn.
One of my god friends are chinese and they
are right next door and own a chinese
store, my sister orders food from them and
then makes rude comments about the food.
I made them ban her , they don't deserve
that.
I understand it is their and everyone
elses opinion but don't come out ur face
and say a african-american man is most
likely going to end up in jail and caca.
Knowing my boyfriend is 1/2 black. And
telling him he is going to end up like the
rest of his family.
They are very loud and out spoken about
their opinions and that's what hurts the
most. Not only is it affecting people
around them, but it is also affecting me,
and my outlook on life
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GuitarJade
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 330
Location: Pennsylvania
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Posted: 10-17-04 16:34pm
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Unfortunately, that's how life is. People
are so freaking prejudious that it makes
me sick. People look at the outside of
people more than they look at the inside.
I'm in an interracial relationship and I
couldn't be happier. I will never
understand why people feel the need to
judge people based on skin color instead
of personality and what's on the inside.
Unfortunately, discrimination is
learned... And if there are people out
there who are still prejudious, there will
always be discrimination! I hope that
everything works out for your niece and
her man. It's what's on the inside that
counts... And as long as we know that,
there's still some good in the world!
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newlife
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jun 2004
Posts: 874
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Posted: 10-17-04 21:48pm
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I think that the only reason that
inter-racial relationships are hard is
because people make them hard. Now if
everyone decides to take a step back and
use some intelligence all of us are most
likely in an inter-racial relationship.
And that is because we are all comprised
of many things. I know that I am in an
inter-racial relationship, but because
both jon and I are part african american
many people wouldn't think of it that way.
If I were here I would just get married
with or without my mom. I mean, if she
was not supportive because the man that
her daughter is with was of bad character,
than I could understand. But just because
they are of two different races, doesn't
mean anything. But I guess that is just
the way it is, and I know many people feel
the same way as her mother, but just don't
say anything. And that is just plain
ignorance.
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rissalee21
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2004
Posts: 526
Location: michigan
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Posted: 10-17-04 22:30pm
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Honey I know exactly where you are coming
from..Just elt it play out..Yeh you can
try and talk some sense into them but with
some people it really is no use..For some
reason I date all black guys..Not beacsue
color just beacsue thats what I
prefer..Ironcially my babies dad is
white..Lol but my mom took a while to get
used to it but after a whiel she said she
loves me no matter what choice I make:)
<3
marisa
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