Is True Love Real Or Should I Settle For What I Do Feel?

I am only 18 years old but I will tell you a few things I have seen with my parents that are now divorced,first off what happened was my mom was 15 when she got pregnant with me and my (can'[t really call father but I don't know what else to call him) ok you know what I mean,lol,ok she put up with drug use for about 18 years,they are in process of divorcing,ok sorry getting back to story,haha,everybody hated my father even me he use to beat me untill 4 months ago when I moved out,he use to hit my borthers and everything it came to a hault when he beat my mom to death she didn't die but could have he was doing cocaine,and everything else imaginable,i mean that was my moms only way out of this reltionship theres more to the story but to long to write on here and plus he had a job secretly and used his monoey for his habit,ok i'm only 18 but I do watch oprea,haha,but listen try to go out and have a vacation if you havn't did that yet,i'm not trying to be nasty and perverted but try new sex stuff like go to a store and get a book and just try new things with your husband,listen ok just imagine him being with another woman or you being with another man it would not be the same hun,things do change over the years,i know that,but just imagine being my mother in her situation you have it so good you don't even know it, and if you feel like your not in love with him, just look into his eyes and think,should I or shouldn't I leave this wonderfull man to really be alone I know you feel as if you are alone but you are not,hes there right?He is taking care of you right?And your probably saying like this 18 year old girl knows what she is talking about well heres my love story I hope all this fits on this page lol,i was 16 fell deeply in love with a 18 year old guy named bryan,oh I was head over heels for this guy,i got pregnant when I was 17 and had the abby when I was 18 instead of working things out with this guy I was in love with when I got pregnant and we had disagreements I left him right off the bat and thought to myself I could live without this problem,but really I kicked my self right in the butt,i loved him more then I thought I did,i cryed all the time and now I live with his mom and dad and I live with him too and you know what we are not together and I hate it so much and you know what,the only reason I live here is because my dad kept beating me up and I had to get away from this awfull man, that treated my mom like caca and my brothers and did drugs and had no job and was no man like your husband is to you(crying) just look at your hgusband and look into his eyes and tell him how lucky you really are to have such a greta man and tell hin you love him and give him a big kiss and see if you get that tingily feeling when you do this make sure you look this man in the eyes too hunny!!!!!Because you don't know untill youve made the wrong choice, when you do make the wrong choice,it really hurts I know,you don't have to listen to what I say but look at what my mom went throw for 18 years and look at what you've went throw for 14 years.

I have a wife and 3 kids too. When I got married, I felt on top of the world.
I had never dated anyone and just married her right away.
After ten years of marriage, I have never said "i love you to her"
because I cant lie. We have sex and I enjoy it because it feels good and she does everything a wife should do. She takes care of me and the kids and does all the other things.
But sometimes I feel life might have been different if I had married someone else.
I think you and I are both stuck with our spouses. There is nothing we can do. If we break up the marriage, we break up the household and mess up our kids lives. We are stuck real good and have to live with the situation.

Sorry to sound so gloomy but your post made me realize there are others like me out there.

Oh wow, all of your stories make me feel so sad! Im sorry you guys are stuck like that! But what you really need to do is bring that love back. You have never told your wife "i love you"?? My goodness, if jose never said that, id beat him up!Lol, no I wouldnt but I wouldnt be with him. But he tells me like 12 times a day. Why be there if there is no love. Does the other feel that way? You should be able to stand there and watch your husband (or wife) and just smile and think "wow, I am so lucky to have that one in my life!" I look at jose all the time and just smile because im so in love. Its that feeling when you hug him or kiss you get butterflies. Or get nervous before your with them.

Is there anyway to get that love? Go on a date to the movies, beach, go out dancing do something with only eachother. And kiss often. You have to make the best of it. Not just realize we are stuck. Learn to tell your wife you love her. She is your wife! Do things for her, be romantic and fall in love. You cant force it but you can try. Look into their eyes, and remember what brought you to them in the first place. Its got to come back. Maybe you need to feel better about yourself to feel better with another. Excersice get a habit together. Do something to connect you two. Its got to bring love. Good luck!

It happens to all of us...Of course the "dating" part is great. You get to go home and be with others then when you "feel" like being together, you do. When a family comes into play, you have to be together 24/7 or at least it feels like it. No one wants to stay home with the kids while the other goes out, so either you don't go anywhere or you are resented for doing so. I got married at 17 and wanted to start a new relationship (to feel the tingly feeling and see the sparks) at 19. But just from recently being in this forum and telling my story, I realize how much of an amazing and wonderful man my husband is. I hope you stick by yours, there are lots of women that wish they could have one like yours, but then again "the grass isn't always greener on the other side"

*i would like to thank everyone who helped me through this, me and mike will be spending 1 day every other week together (just the 2 of us). And we are going to have a family day once a week. I love you all so much, and I don't even know you*

:d I think all that romantic poetry is wonderful to sing about, but real life is different -- thank goodness! It's not about wine & roses (well, maybe it is at the beginning) but about whether the other person is there for you "in sickness & in health". Physical attraction is important, but marriages, in my experience anyway, go through phases here sometimes you feel lust, sometimes just friendship, sometimes nothing at all but you stay together because there's no real reason to split up. No matter who you marry --- if you get a divorce now,let's say, and fall for some other man and think that it will be different --- the first excitement will wear off and you're left with the man, warts & all. Your husband sounds like a good, solid guy. Give him a chance & yourself a break. Falling "in love" means you could fall out again easily. Loving for the long haul is a choice. It's the same with children---you love them even when they're being bratty or whiny or feverish or messy. The same goes with their dad.

Tha's my opinion, anyway. I am married also and I have a husband who shows he loves me in lots of little ways, not like in the songs but like doing the laundry when i'm too tired or helping me find my lost keys for the 3rd time in 3 days without complaining. I know he'll be lying beside me every night for the rest of our lives. So what if he snores?!

Relationships are enhanced when people get honest with one another...When we stop lying to one another...When we become more considerate, more patient, and more loving...When we resolve our inner conflicts , which are usually the culprits (in disputs, i.E.)...And conflicts between ourselves and other people...Including nature and the rest of the universe. Do you agree or disagree?

Reading your opinions made me realise that relationships can't all be like in the movies. I have been with the same man for four years and he has told me on several occasions that he no longer finds me attractive. This is really hard for me I am only 27 and have always enjoyed sex and felt that it enriched my life and brought me closer to my partner. My man says he loves me all the time and we get on well and still kiss and hug. He used to use his age as an excuse saying that his drive had diminised with age but he has told me that he does not feel that way about me anymore. Sure I am torn up about this and cry a lot but as everything else is good we will stay togetherand I will deal with it especially after reading the other forum page which says you cannot masturbate too much!!!!!

I feeel so much sadness for you....I do understand where you are coming from...I was in a relationship for 21 years and 5 kids....And it was a very ugly break up....But now we are truly friends.....Something we missed out on when we met....But if nothing else we both agree...There was nothing there...We stayed cause I was with child and he would not allow that child to go without both parents...So needless to say we continued our unhappy life style for a very long time...I am with someone else now and he is well on his way to another shall I say wife...We missed out on our lives that we really wanted because either one of us felt it was fair to the children....And in the end they are the ones that suffered...Until we broke up....Our children did not grow up seeing true love between us...And now they see what true love is...Me with my partner and him with his.....They are much happier now then ever before...Cause kids know...And it is harder on them to see the no love...Then we think.....And how is that fair to them that we teach them to compromise love.......Why should they learn to live something they really don't want...Because thats what we teach them when we stay and there is no love......For your sake ...His sake...And most of all the childrens sake....Be kind to everyone and make the choice that benefits all involved......And also the one that is right.....

I agree with nikki_caro. I heard a story once. That sounds a lot like yours. Two people, married, and living in a "marriage" but not happy. The man went into a counceler (a bishop actually, but quite the same) and told the bishop,
"i am going to divorce my wife, I am not in love with her anymore"

the bishop gave him this advice...

"if you feel as if you have "fallen out of love" with your wife... Then "fall back in love".
The man looked puzzled, so the bishop asked... "when you dated, what did you do for your wife?"
the man gave a list of things...
"brought her flowers, wrote her poems, spent time together..."

the bishop asked the man to go home, and do those things, sincerely for a month. Treat his wife just as he had when they were dating. Bring her flowers, drop the kids at grandma's, talk to her, listen to her..... And so forth. He told the man to come back in a month, and let him know how things were.

The man did as he was told. The next month, he came back and the bishop asked how he felt. The man told his bishop.
"i am so in love with my wife. I couldn't imagine not being with her."

the idea of the story is, you can fall in and out of love by choice... By your actions, and by you attitude.

When I was first married, I wondered if I had made the right choice... I sounded a lot like you sounded when you married your husband... Just thought it was alright...
Through serving my husband, and still dating, I am more in love with him that I ever was, and couldn't imagine marrying someone else.

Any ways, if you have any questions, or a reply, go ahead and email me.

Thepic ardy3@yahoo.Com

hope things work out. Marriage is a precious thing...

!!!Yes!!!!

I have been in that relationship!! More than once and married more than once.I am not proud of that and don't know why my life was that way!!

The last one was abusive!!

Now I am in love we are married it is out there!!!!!
I do not agree with stick it out!! You can be thankful for what you got or had even if you don't stick it out!!!

Life is so short!! If your spouse is someone you can talk too tell them your feelings and then you can work out more one day at a time~~i couldn't talk with my others.And I couldn't live that way.It just got harder and harder.

So if you can talk try it.My heart goes with you I know it isn't easy!! It does take rewiring your thoughts so to speak if you want to work it out and I think both partners need to be on the same page.
I also think in some instances you can fall back in love~mine were not that way.
Did you love em once that's the key!! Becuse spending everyday with the one you love is wonderful!!!!!

If you are not in-love with that person then that means that there is someone out there for you. When your kids are old enough to realize that it is for the best that ya'll aren't together they will come to respect you for making your decision. You can't live a lie. I think maybe the best thing for your relationship is to separate for a while date other people and see how it goes. Go to a gym loose some of the weight get some cute clothes go out to a club with some friends and have fun it is very possible for you to have a good life and to find someone you are in-love with mentally and physically. You are your own person and you need to know you can't let yourself become mentally unstable because of a male no male is worth that I learned the hard way and I just had to restart my life because of a male. Just remember live not only a little but live alot!!!!!

I would suggest maybe some counseling. My mom has stayed with my father for the sake of not breaking up the family. She now tells me and my sister how bad men are and she is relaly unhappy most of the time. What made you fall for your spouse in the first place? I know for me that if there are any feeling left for a person thinking of the good memories can make you realize that you still do have feeling for them.

You know what everyone has something positive, negative or are just confused about their lives or marriages, but no one knows the answer for anyone else, only u have to live your life only you know your spouses and your history!!!, and sometimes u know what u get tired and all of the sudden the confusion floats away and u no longer see dollar signs or irritation u just look at your spouse and u see either freedom from this person u really do not love anymore or never loved or u see that u love them and that they are the ones destined to be with u for alllllllllll eternity!, now if this makes u happy go with it and enjoy all the time u can with your spouse try to "date" have quality time together but if this makes u physically or mentally ill it is time to do something talk to them if that doesn't wake your spouse up leave him or her or kick him or her out if they do not grovel poof u got your wish they are gone now if they grovel for u back and u are still not decided on divorce or try do not give them a key back have them make an appointment for counseling go but only if u are willing to give it your all and go with what the counselor says now if one spouse stops trying the relationship might not be worth it ,but u know what marriage is work and if one is slacking it can throw the whole thing off no marriage or relationship can be one sided (lets say u just won a million dollars u say that u will deposit it into first national but u forgot to tell the bank what are they going to tell u when u go to make a with drawl????? U crazy?)so if u have the energy to get married u better be ready for the ups and downs and if u are in a marriage and it just sucks for any reason cheating abuse just the other being an fool then u better be decisive and ready for the work it is going to take to get back on track or the work for the divorce cause it takes not only your checkbook but alot of energy ans stressful times the good news about divorce is life does go on but if your marriage seems like life is a living hell maybe it is time to just do it life is too short explain to the kids mommy or daddy still loves u but they will be at the motel six u can come visit!!! Daddy's got a pool trust me they will like it a lil, my point is what doesn't kill u makes u stronger and divorce doesn't kill kids unless u are a horrible person in which case u are going to hell no matter what u do! Kids sense hate and learn hate and live hate if that is what u have for your marriage or spouse no matter how repressed u better deal with it one way or another!!!!!!!! I could sense how miserable my dad was he stuck it out 20 years until I was in middle school the other two kids grown and right or wrong the man was unhappy and once he finally just said its over get your stuff and leave my ulcers and hairloss stopped I am not an advocate for divorce I really hate divorces but they really can save families it is rough for a minute but u know staying in a crumby marriage takes a hell of a lot longer then a divorce so u do u !!!!!!!!!!!.....Do your best and I wish all the best of luck

I was beginning to think maybe there was just something wrong with me!! I have had the asme problem ever since I started dating...Granted i'm only 26, but I have had tons of relationships...Engaged 3 times, lived with 3 different guys...I cannot stay happy with them after the infatuatuation and new-ness wear off...I can honestly say that I have never been in love with anyone...I always think at the start that I am in love, bit i've discovered that I am in love with the thought of it all...I think in my case, I expect too much...I want the fairy tale/night in shining armour crap that most relationships feel like in the beginning...But once that wears off, I cant stand to be around them...The longest relationship I ever held was 2 years...Barely, and the last half of it, I was miserable. He was literally begging me for sex, cause I couldnt bring myself to do it...I wasnt physically, emotionally, mentally attracted to him anymore.
Is this some sort of disorder, chemical imbalance??? Or could it be genetic??

It sounds like my x gf is entering the same kind of relationship as this.
Her new boyfriend (so far) seems to be a good guy who will take care of her and her baby, but even 2 months into the relationship she knows it isn't the same kind of love she felt for me, as she herself said its just the 'easy option'. Now she is pregnant she will most likely stick it out with him, and i'm scared she will end up unhappy and will only realise too late she made the wrong decision (ie years down the line). And if I could advise her (i'm extremely biased) I would say that she and her kid will only be truly happy if she goes with someone who she truly loves and who truly loves her back for who she is. But as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes you can't find someone like that, or circumstances get in the way when you do. Im an idealist and a romantic, i'd always say never settle for 2nd best, because it will never be good enough. But so many women do, and to be honest it saddens me to think that maybe 2/3 years down the line when she realises she is unhappy, she will wonder what it would have been like with me.
However, it seems to me that all women who settle for 2nd best, or force themselves to 'love' their partner (which I don't believe u can do), all end up questioning their happiness, and for me if you were actually happy this wouldn't happen.

As was said above though, not every1 can have a movie style loving relationship, you have to make do with what you have on offer, live to your means, make the best of what you have.

Im young and I know that I am truly in love. I have thought that I was in love in the past but it turns out I wasnt and got stabbed in the back. Now my boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. He is always there for me whenever I need him and I never get tired of seeing him and listening to him. He does whatever he can to make me happy. He listens to me and when I need to cry hes my shoulder and he comforts me. I know damn well that iam soo in love and that this is true love. We plan on getting married ina few years and I cant wait

Well yes and no.....On both!!!

True love is real, but its not like in the story books. On the other hand, you should never "settle".

See, true love couldn't possibly be like the one in snow white, sleeping beauty, etc. Etc. For one thing, we change clothes every day! Hahhaha

for another thing, "real" people/couples do things that they rarely ever do in story books and movies, like: get stressed out from our job, sit on the toilet with our pants down, eat, get sick with runny noses and caughs, lay around the house in our pajamas, wake up with messy hair, fart, burp, vedge out in front of the tv with a stupid look on our face when we know nobody is watching, etc. Etc.

So it is unrealistic to expect love to be exactly the way it is in stories. However, it can still be great, human faults and all!!! We just gotta work at it.

No, never settle. It is soooo irresponsible to let yourself get involved with someone that you know isn't the right one for you, because you know you will end up seperating in the future. Also, unnecessarily break innocent hearts when you do that.

It is your responsibility to make an effort to match yourself to someone who is compatable with you. No, we don't always know if someone is the right one, or how our relationships will turn out in the future. But if you believed it was right in the beginning, at least you will know you had the best of intentions and you gave it your all.