Ok first of all I have just how you feel right now.I got pregnant after the shock was over and everyone was getting so excited about it. I mean we bought tons & tons of clothes and everything. After I lost the baby, it didnt seem so bad I mean im only 17. Me and my boyfriend broke up because we lost the baby. We blamed each other and would always fight about it. Then we would get together and say lets make a baby because we really love each other. So at this point I might be pregnant again but im not sure. Its much easier to become pregnant right after a miscarriage. You have a much higher rate of getting pregnant for about the first 3 months. Talk it over with your boyfriend but, its a first reaction 2 try and get over something by replacing it. Are you ready and could you handle a child right now?

Hey...Thank you for the reply!!! I'm happy that there is someone out there who knows how i'm feeling. I'm sorry about you losing your baby. It must have been really hard after buying all of the baby clothes yes, I am ready to have a baby. I could be more financially ready but with family help my boyfriend and I could take care of our baby with no problems. We've talked (and fought) alot about. He wants a baby too but I know he'd rather wait a couple years. He knows how hurt I am...But it seems like every time we talk about it, we never finish the conversation. I got on birth control pills the month after I lost the baby but I stopped taking them after the first month. My boyfriend knows I stopped taking the pill and ever since I got off of my period we have been having un-protected sex and he has not been pulling out. He talks about having a baby alot, how great it's going to be to talk to my tummy and play his guitar to it. He knows that if we keep this up I will get pregnant. I know that an egg doesn't drop untill 14 days after your period, but is it possible for you to get pregnant before then??? The first of the month is when I should be ovulating. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 19. I'm finished with school and i'm going to start writting classes soon...My boyfriend has a staedy job and is in nursing school. Let me know if you are pregnant!!!! Good luck with you and your boyfriend...You know that you are meant to be if you can make it through something as hard as losing a baby!

I'd like to say a couple of things about this.
First of all, my sympathies on the loss of your baby. It's something I have never and hope never to experience.
Secondly, I think that the natural response to any sort of loss is to replace whatever was lost. I think that considering that your first pregnancy was not planned for, perhaps you are simply reacting to the loss? If you had not become pregnant to begin with, would you still be considering this? You had a baby growing inside, and now you most likely will need some time to come to terms with that.
I have never been an advocate of waiting for the perfect time, because it will never come. But there are certainly some times that are worse than others.
If your boyfriend isn't sure, you should wait. It will be his baby too, and his responsibility, and he could become overwhelmed with it. The fact that he wanted to wait is a good indication.
A baby is added stress, if your relationship already has some problems, you should work those out first.
And I want you to be sure that you realize realistically the implications of a baby.
I have a few questions you may want to ask yourself if you are seriously considering.
Can you handle going on as little as 4, 3, or 2 hours of sleep per night? For how long? Can you manage it for a week? For a month? Longer?
Will you be able to work, and if not, who will support you?
Do you plan to further your education? If so, how will you handle childcare?
When you envision having a baby, what is your reasoning for it? Is it because you want a baby to love and love you, or is it because you think that you can create and maintain an environment that would be beneficial to a child? Essentially, are you thinking of your childs best interest or your own?
I mean none of this to discourage you. I only want you to make an informed decision. I am the mother of a 1 year old little boy, i'm a college student, and wife. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it is difficult. Sometimes i'm kept up until 2 or 3 am with my son, and then have to get up for school at 6 am. Sometimes money is extremely tight. Sometimes, even though I have a great relationship with my husband, we are both so stressed that we just can't get along. You have a lifetime to look forward to work and stress and responsibility, maybe you should appreciate your youth a little longer.
Or, maybe you really are ready. If you think you're up to the challenge, kudos. Whatever you decide, (of course, in the end, only you and your boyfriend can decide), I hope it works well for you.

Me and paul (the father)never got back together in fact my best friend for years (we started dating after me and paul broke up) he asked me 2 marry him. Hes 20. He bought a house in chicago. And were both planning on going 2 college together. Losing a baby destroyed me and paul. And everything we had. But if im pregnant now, matt wants 2 adopt my child so he can be the father. I dont know if paul will agree with this but im not all that sure im pregnant. You tend to ovulate sooner after you have a miscarriage and its much easier 2 get pregnant but its not healthy for the baby or you. Good luck hun! Ill keep u posted if im pregnant

Hey!!! Thank you so much for being concerned and for your opinion. I have a question, if you could have waited to have your baby, would you have?? Was your baby planned? Sorry, just curious I think you are right when it comes to my boyfriend, it will be his child too....Which is the best part....The thought makes me so happy!!! Tonight when he gets home from work, I plan to set down with him and have a serious, looong talk, which this time, will get finished :d i'll let you know how our talk went, and what our decision is!!! Thanks soooo much for being so sweet and honest!!! You've really made me see things in a diffrent light!!!

Well.....Wow!!! That sucks about the baby's daddy paul!!!!! Does he want to be a father??? Things seem really messed up for you right now..I'm sorry i'm very thankful that my boyfriend and I made it through all of this!!! I'm kinda scared now that you've siad it's not safe for me or the baby to be pregnant again so soon after the mis-carriage!!! Good luck with your new man!!! Any man who wants to take responsibility of a baby who isn't his, is a good man in my opinion!!!! Keep me posted!!! :d

I dont know what he will do when he finds out im pregnant again (if for sure I am) I know for a fact he will want 2 be involved. And he will probley wont 2 get back together but he needs 2 straighten out his life.... After we broke up and lost the baby everything for him came crashing down and pushed everyone out. (a big part me) matts amazing though, he has everything in order. I still love paul, god I always will. But matt has something different that paul doesnt. I dont know if paul would give up his rights.... But I honestly dont know what will happen I dont know for sure if im pregnant or not so we will see...! I took a test friday night I believe or saturday, but I think its 2 soon 2 tell. My doc told me 2 wait anyways will the end of this week.....

Wow!!! I really don't know what to say!!! Do you want to be pregnant??? Are you still in touch with paul?? If you still love him...You should try to work things out, espically if you are pregnant with his baby. Just because the other guy has his life together doesn't mean you should be with him. Do what your heart tells you to do.....Good luck sweetheart!!! How late is your period??? When did you have your mis-carraige???

Teresa

i'm going to assume you're talking to me here.
for your question, it depends on specifics. If I knew everything I know now, and went back, I wouldn't change a thing. I love my son too much to imagine life without him. But if it were simply a matter of not having "any" baby, I think I would have waited. Now I am trying to build a better life for us, sort of wading through it all, where I have no time to myself. I go to school, then i'm a mom, then i'm a wife, then i'm the cook/cleaner...I never have enough time in my day. And i'm lucky because I don't have to work right now lol. If I had done all this when it was only myself to worry about, things would be much simpler.
He was not planned either. I was at a stage probably very much like the two of you, i'd only been married 6 months or so, the maternal instinct was really kicking in. I wanted a baby so bad it hurt sometimes...I wanted the baby with my heart. With my head, I knew it wasn't the best time, so I wasn't allowing myself to seriously consider it. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified and thrilled at the same time, if that makes sense.
I think the best thing you can do is talk to your boyfriend, come up with a plan. Talk it through, all the way through. If you start to argue, take a minute to cool off, regroup, come back. This may be the hardest part, but when you talk, listen well, take what he has to say to heart. If he isn't ready, he will let you know. You will have to accept that, you can never "make" someone ready. But even if that is the case, you can still plan things out. You can work toward being more ready. In my case, my husband and I have decided that we'd like to try for another one next year, once i'm finished school. We both agree on this, and it's a nice thing to look forward to, because right now would not be a good time for either of us.
I say this all because i've known women who have had kids with men who are not ready for it. They (the fathers) love their kids dearly, try hard, try to make it work. In the end, they are often floundering, they suddenly can't take it, they are overwhelmed, and they run. These mothers are left alone with the kids, and that's not where you want to be.
My other concern, that I forgot to mention earlier, is that if you have a history/family history of miscarriage, and you get pregant and miscarry again, it will only compound the kind of emptiness that you feel. It is of course not an absolute, you could carry the next one to term easily. But it is a possibility...Something to consider perhaps, how would it affect you if you go through another miscarriage? I know of one woman who had 7 miscarriages before she finally had one healthy baby, but also a good friend of mine had a miscarriage at 17 and just gave birth to a healthy boy in the spring. You never know.
Dancingchick, not many men are happy to hear about pregnancy when it's their own. You're very fortunate to have such a guy. If you've got a little one on the way already, congratulations. Kids are a trial, but they enrich your life like nothing else can. Don't stress too much about the legalities of it all just yet.
Both you girls take care, and keep posting.

[hey again!!! My boyfriend and I both just sat and read everything you have written to me. I think it is really going to help one way or another in the decision we make. I know what you mean about wanting a baby so bad that it hurts. That's exactly how I feel...And I don't want to feel like that anymore. How old are you...If you don't mind me asking??? I have a question that you could maybe answer for me. My boyfriend and I have been having un-protected sex everyday sence I got off my period (about 7 days now) is it possible that I am pregnant now??? Because I know that you don't ovulate untill 14 days after your period. Do you know anything about it??? Oh, I think that you are awesome for everything that you do...You sound like a wonderful mom and wife!!! Good luck with school!!! Get back to me a.S.A.P!!! Thanks

In a way I really want a baby with paul. We were so much in love. It was the kinda love people could just look at us and tell that we were so happy. I wish I was still in touch with paul. We had a huge huge huge fight about 2 weeks ago. And when we broke up we tryed being friends but, couldnt, there was way 2 much pain there. My parents hate well my hole family hates him. So that broke us apart. They kicked me out for even being with him, and I had 2 live at his house. And they did a damn good job making my life a living hell. So he thought I would be happier if my parents wouldnt be so mean 2 me if I wasnt with him. He cares about me and really wants me 2 be happy. ( I wanna cry just thinking about what we had and how happy we were) but anyways....... we had a huge fight because I was starting 2 date matt about a month after me and paul broke up and he was so crushed and we got in a huge fight we both said stuff we didnt mean and now we dont talk 2 each other. Its really sad he either goes and gets drunk 2 forget everything or sits at home. When we talked he told me he wont go near his bedroom or even think about sleeping in his bed. He said he lays in his bed and remembers how amazing it felt 2 hold me and have me hold him as we feel alsleep. I tryed telling him I was better off when we were together and he could tell that I had some very bad days but his mind was made up. He wants 2 see me with someone better off.
What my heart tells me.... Is 2 be with paul but I cant. I had my miscarriage on sept 21st. And I havent had a period since. It always used 2 be 28 day's but I dont know. I didnt bleed a lot when I had my miscarriage. The fetus came out hole and that was on the 26th. So I dont know....... I dont know what im going 2 do. I think getting away will be best.

Hey sweet pea as long as your emotionally ready for it I saw go ahead...

Hey sweet pea as long as your emotionally ready for it I saw go ahead...

Magic_tinkerbell - i'm glad for the opportunity to help in some way. If you're 18, i'm not terribly older, i'm 23.
I think that as long as you are having sex at all there is always the chance of pregnancy. A lot depends on your individual make-up, and the mix between you and your partner. I have known women who have gotten pregnant using every possible precaution, while others try and try to no avail.
Every womans cycle is different as well. The typical 28-day cycle doesn't apply to a lot of women, it's more of a default or the "norm". Many women have shorter or longer cycles. It's not my strong point, as i've never been one to chart these things, and have never tried to get pregnant. So I don't want to give you faulty advice by taking a guess
if you are going to try for a baby, i'd suggest that you talk to a doctor or nurse. In my city there is a nurse's hotline, you can call and receive advice over the phone, perhaps it's worth looking into in your area. I'd also recommend that you start prenatal vitamins, they contain folic acid and are essential to proper brain developement for babies.
Thank you for your compliment. I try very hard to be a good wife and mom, sometimes I fall short I know but no one is perfect.
Dancinchick0587 - when you are young, things fall through, it feels like the end of the world. You say that you spoke to paul two weeks ago, this is still a fresh wound. It's hard to think about things objectively when you are still so emotionally involved.
It doesn't have to be over forever. On the other hand, maybe it should be. You say that your family didn't like him, what about friends? Often the people who care about us see things that we are blinded to. It's not always the case, but maybe it's worth looking at their viewpoint.
Keep your eyes open and chin up. Things will work out in the end, maybe in a way you didn't even imagine.
Dealing with a miscarriage and a breakup all at once is a lot to handle for anyone. My suggestion (take it or leave it, your choice), is that you should take some time for you. Stay uninvolved for a while, find out what you want and need. A lot of people will make leaps from one relationship into the next without dealing with the baggage they carry from the last, and it begins to add up. Maybe think of it as time to pamper you...Instead of time to be without a boyfriend. Chances are, you'll come out of it feeling better, refreshed, and more sure of where you're going.
I really hope that things work out for you, and i'm sure they will in the end. Take care.

Hey tinkerbell-

how long should you wait after a pregnancy loss before trying again?
Non-evidence based advice abounds on this topic. Couples are frequently advised to wait three or more months, or wait for three normal cycles. The rationale for this advice is dubious.
The reasons for deferring another pregnancy are (in no particular order!!!):

pregnancy wasn't planned anyway and so there is no hurry to get on with another.
The couple feel so traumatised they want to wait and get their lives in order.
There is a single paper originating from one of the hawaiian islands which showed a slightly higher risk of neural tube defects in pregnancies which followed soon after stillbirth than pregnancies in which there was a longer gap. There is great doubt about whether these data are terrible relevant and whether they can be extrapolated to other populations 40 years later !
There are some papers from 1970's and early 1980's. Conducted retrospectively on couples who did not receive the supportive care and advice which we would currently feel is mandatory after stillbirth. These studies show quite clearly that couples who had another pregnancy soon after the loss were more likely to have experienced morbid grief and significant psychological disturbance. The problems here are two fold:
did the couples get pregnant sooner because of their morbid grief and thereby seek a "replacement pregnancy", such that the early next pregnancy was a result of their psychological problems rather than the cause of it;
with differences in how such couples are now treated would a similar study have the same findings ?


-kristin

Hey!!! This is tink!!! Hope you didn't forget about me bbak!!! My computer was broken for a while....I almost went crazy without it!!! I just wanted to let you know that my boyfriend and I are trying for a baby. We talked then ended up fighting!!! He wrote me this looong letter letting me know how he felt, then I wrote him back letting him know how I feel. After he read it, we made love and he didn't pull out the only thing he said the whole time was "i love you so much" it was amazing. My body is already feeling wierd....Diffrent. It's probably all in my head, but we'll see!!! Wish me luck :d get back to me soon!!!!

Hey idababy!!! Thanks for all the info. My boyfriend and I have everything worked out...And we are going to try for a baby!!! How are things going with you??? Get back to me soon!!!

Hey dancinchick!!! I'm sure you can read the other forums and see what is going on with me....Now, what's going on with you??? Anything new???