Something Wrong With Me??

Ok maybe I just need 2 vent but here it goes

I met paul before prom. I thought hey hes just a prom date sweet! Well I went over to his house and we watched movies all night long and we just cuddled (it was kinda nice) and then when a movie was done I turned over and he kissed me and it was so.... Amazing. We started dating from that point on. Well he met my parents and they hated him. And started making my life a living hell. We broke up after prom about 3 months later. (he thought I would be more happy with the hole parents thing) 2 weeks later we got back together and we so much stronger and happier and everything was just amazing. Over the summer we didnt do much. We both didnt work just hung out watched tv. Played basketball, partied it was really great. I got pregnant in july, we broke up, (because of my parents it was getting way to bad) a couple of hours later I told him I was pregnant. I told him this in person and we were both crying and holding each other knowing that we just cant be together. Well I left for my grandmas the next day (i just needed 2 get away) and told my mom and my grandma and they were pretty excited about me being pregnant. By the way im 17 I have my ged. Anyways we started buying clothes and me and paul were having fights on the phone about whos fault it was. When I got back home, I told my dad and hes 37 but told everyone about how he was gonna be a grandpa he was so excited about it. (i thought it was totally odd) so I went to pauls house to talk and we kissed and we were telling each other we loved each other and we thought we were gonna get back together and then that night he went and got drunk & smoked pot and met some girl asked her for her number. I was so hurt and I wouldnt take him back. My best friend matt. Was helping me out through out this hole thing just being there for me and really just supporting me.Then something happened. God I remember that day like it was yesterday. I started to have a little bleeding and I freaked out. But I called a nurse and she told me that everything is alright and just 2 calm down. I was having just a little bleed for 2 days. Then I thought I was having cramps and my nurse told me that I could have a eptopic pregnancy. So me and my mom rushed to the er, both freaking out and really scared. Well turns out I didnt have a eptopic pregnancy. But they took blood and measured my levels in my blood. They told me to go to my clinic in 2 days and if everything is ok my levels will double. Well 2 days went by and I went to get more blood taken. That day was so horrible. My mom was in the hospital because she has hep.C and shes really in and out of the hospital all the time. My grandma came up to help me. I called my doctor to see what my levels were at and I remember every word she said "im sorry, your levels went down. Your having a miscarriage and theres nothing we can do. If your not bleeding heavy now you will within the next 2 days. Im sorry. Do you have any questions?" I couldnt say a word I said no and hung up the phone. I was in total shock. My grandma was sitting in the car with me and she was like well....? What did they say. I told her that I lost my baby and I wasnt even crying. She got out of the car and went up to my moms room in the hospital. I drove straight 2 pauls house. I started bawling on my way to his house. I walked into his house he was playing a game and he stood up and hes like... "we lost our baby, didnt we?" I said yes and we both cryed for about an hour holding each other. And both saying why god why? Three days later, the hole fetus and sac came out. Never had any tissue just the hole thing. You could see where the head was and where the arms were starting to grow..I had to bring it in to my clinic and they tested it to see it it was "product of conception" and it was. Me and paul a couple times after loosing the baby would get together and have sex. I think because the feelings were still there and I was just stupid. We had sex about a week and 1/2 after we lost our baby. They sent me a poem which still makes me cry to this day called
sweet child

no, I did not touch you, but I felt you
no, I did not see you, but I envisioned you
no, I did not know you, but I loved you

you shall not hear the pitter-patter of my tiny feet
nor hear my cried in the middle of the night
you shall not hear my say "momma" or "daddy"
nor feel my arms hold you tight

you shall not see my beautiful smile
nor hear my funny little laugh
you shall not watch me grow
or lead me down the right path

but with the comfort of christ
i will be with you again
for I am your sweet child...
...Your little angel in heaven

i thought I could have been pregnant again since me and paul had sex but it turn out I wasnt. Me and matt got really close and last saturday he asked me 2 marry him. Of course I said yes. Were moving to chicago this spring (both going to college) I really want to be a ob-gyn. I feel like its my calling or something. Me and matt are getting married on dec. 13th 05. As for me and paul we dont talk anymore. He called me 2 days ago and we just got in another fight (i think we fight so much because theres so much pain there and to many hurt memories). I think theres something wrong with me because I wanna be pregnant again. I want a baby, so much. I wanna be a mother. I wanna raise a child. Im 17 almost 18. And I really want a child. Matt wants one also. Money wise were more than ok. He really doesnt even want me 2 work. But I told him I would get way to bored around the house doing nothing. I feel like there must be something wrong with my if I wanna raise a child right now. What should I do...?